One Step Closer
by Katie4863
Summary: A successful doctor caught in a downward personal and professional spiral meets the woman that might be able to turn him around.
1. Chapter 1

_**For the record, nobody hurt my feelings or discouraged me with their negative comments. That's probably the most reviews for one chapter I've ever received so I must've done something right, even if was wrong in the eyes of some. Any feedback, positive or negative, is better than no feedback at all. Since things have been a bit slow and to show you the negativity didn't bother me, here's the latest Jate fic for you guys to start picking apart. Yes it is JATE, all JATE, but I will never, ever promise happily ever after every time, but you never know, I might be in the mood for happily ever after this time, but then again Jack might really be a pod person, the real Jack being held in an alien spaceship undergoing anal probes among other undignified experimental testing. Just teasing, you guys are great. Hope you enjoy!**_

Jack Shephard sat at the bar in his dress slacks and dress shirt, the collar hanging open where a tie had most likely hung most of the day. His expensive European dress shoes rested comfortably on the legs of the barstool, keeping him balanced as he brought the glass to his mouth, tilted his head back and drank it down in two quick gulps, grimacing for a moment as the contents burned its way down his throat. He glanced at his watch briefly and slid the empty glass toward the bartender.

"Give me another one Charlie and a little less ice this time." Jack said.

"Rough day Dr. Shephard?" The bartender asked.

"Typical day." Jack mumbled.

"Seems like you've had quite a few typical days lately, anything you want to talk about?" Charlie quipped.

"Are you my shrink now Charlie?" Jack asked.

"It's in the job description." Charlie said and smiled making Jack laugh lightly.

"Just give me a refill and some of those pretzels. God, this place is dead tonight." Jack said.

"It's nine o'clock on a Monday night and it's not football season, what do you expect?" Charlie remarked.

Jack nodded in agreement, grabbing a handful of pretzels from the bowl slid toward him. He felt the presence beside him, but chose to ignore it. He knew what she looked like without bothering to look. Blonde hair, most likely bleached, not natural, short skirt that revealed long, beautiful tanned legs, skin tight shirt that revealed the fantastic work of one of the local plastic surgeons and a pretty face highlighted with just the right the amount of make-up. At first glance she'd stir arousal in any healthy red-blooded American male, but the package typically came with little or no personality. Just another blonde bimbo scouring the bar known for it's wealthy patrons hoping to become a doctor's wife. He could smell her perfume which meant she was moving in on him, getting closer, ready to pounce and he sighed lightly.

"Mind if I join you?" The sexy, seductive voice asked.

He turned to look at her, trying to be polite, even though the circumstances didn't really warrant politeness.

"No, but I have to warn you, I'm really not very good company." He told her as his eyes moved up and down her body his mental checklist complete, resisting the urge to chuckle at how precisely he'd imagined her without even looking.

"I find that hard to believe." She said and moved closer, lightly brushing her body against his arm.

Charlie brought Jack the drink he'd ordered, biting back the grin that was forcing its way onto his face as Jack took the drink from him, rolled his eyes and then signaled for him to ask the lady what she wanted.

"What can I get you miss?" Charlie asked.

"I'll have whatever he's having." She said.

"He's having scotch on the rocks, light on the rocks, you sure that's what you want?" Charlie asked.

"How about a gin and seven." She said.

"Put it on my tab Charlie." Jack said.

"So I guess if I'm going to let you buy me a drink I should at least know your name." She said.

"It's Jack and you are?" He said as he turned to face her again.

"I'm Barbie." She said.

"Of course you are." He chuckled lightly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked.

"Nothing, I mean you just kind of look like a Barbie, you know the little doll, beloved toy of little girls for the past 50 years. You also look you're out past your bedtime." He told her.

"I'm 23 and you're kind of rude." She told him.

"I'm sorry, I've had a long day. You're a very attractive woman Barbie, but I kind of want to be alone." He apologized.

"Come on Jack, nobody really wants to be alone." She said softly, placing her hand on his thigh and moving it up, stopping before she reached his crotch.

"I guess nobody could accuse you of being shy." He laughed and pushed her hand down toward his knee.

"How about a game of pool Jack? You look like you need to loosen up and have some fun." Barbie offered.

"Is this just a friendly game or are we wagering?" Jack asked.

"Depends on what I get if I let you win." She whispered in his ear and moved her hand back up his thigh, not stopping this time.

He clamped his hand over hers and looked at her with empty eyes.

"Don't start what you aren't willing to finish." He told her.

"You're the one playing hard to get here Jack, not me." She said and pulled her hand away.

He smiled at her, ordered another round of drinks and followed her to the pool tables. They played several games, Jack shooting pool and Barbie working hard to seduce him. He watched her lean over the green felt, her knowing that the short skirt she was wearing wouldn't hide the fact that she was wearing thong. She'd make sure she made contact with his body every time she needed to move past him to make her next shot and they continued to play the game of her seducing and him pretending to be bored with it, both of them well over the legal limit and starting to find it more and more difficult to make their shots. He was bent over the table working hard to focus in on the white ball, the stick wobbly in his hands. She was draped over his back, her hand moving over the front of his shirt and down. He straightened up and looked at her, his empty eyes now dark and ready to give in to her sexual advances. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him opening her mouth for him when she felt him kissing her back. His hands held her back and turned her so her back was to the wall, his body covering hers. He moved his hand down her back, over her hip to the hem of her skirt, lifting it and rubbing his hand over the bare ass cheeks that the thong gave him access to. He slid his hand between her legs from behind, cupping her hot, moist panties, groaning and then pulling his hand away and backing up.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Nothing. I need to go to the bathroom." He said and walked toward the restrooms in the back of the bar.

She followed him into the men's room and locked the door behind them.

"Barbie, I really have to go." He laughed lightly.

"So go." She told him in a breathy tone.

"I don't know you well enough to pee in front of you." He argued.

"Come on Jack, you know you want me." She said moving in on him again and rubbing her body against his.

"Maybe I do, but not in the men's room, now would you please excuse me before I float away here." He told her and gently pushed her away again.

Barbie unlocked the door and left Jack to do his business. He stumbled out a couple of minutes later, his dress shirt half tucked in and half out. She pinned him against the wall and kissed him again, pressing her body against his, teasing and tantalizing him, working to get him back to where he was before he'd gone to the bathroom. She unzipped his pants and slipped her hand inside, gripping him though his boxers.

"Silk?" She asked with a grin.

"The laundry is piling up and I was in a hurry. They were a gift. No, I don't normally wear silk boxers." He laughed his cheeks turning a lovely shade of red.

He looked around, feeling a little desperate and too turned on to turn back. He opened the door to the women's bathroom and pulled her inside, locking the door behind them.

"I thought you weren't into bathroom sex." She teased.

"Everyone knows the ladies room is nicer and cleaner than the men's room." Jack said as he began stripping her of her clothes, pulling the skin tight shirt up over her head and off, her perky, perfect saline solution C-cups perched in front of him.

She unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it off of him, amazed at the tanned, well toned chest she found underneath it. He was a gorgeous man in clothes, but what was underneath the clothes was even more appealing.

"My god you are hot." She told him and began biting at his chest.

"Easy, I'm not sure if my shots are up to date." He joked and began pushing her skirt down her legs, stumbling forward and knocking both of them into the wall.

They giggled at the slip up and he pulled her away from the wall and kissed her in a gentle, soothing manner in an attempt to calm them both down. He slowly backed her toward the sinks and lifted her up and onto the counter, wrapping her legs around his waist. He stopped kissing her and reached for his wallet, pulling a condom out and holding the package gently in his teeth while he put his wallet back and reached down to unfasten his pants.

"It's okay Jack, I'm on the pill." Barbie told him.

"Your pills aren't going protect you from STDs or HIV." Jack told her.

"You're a doctor, I'm guessing I'm safe." She said and kissed him.

"Okay, then your pills aren't going to protect me from STDs or HIV." Jack said and continued working on his pants.

She took hold of his erection and moved her hand up and down, kissing him and pushing herself forward trying to make contact with him. Jack backed up and looked at her.

"We aren't doing this without a condom." Jack said and tore the package open.

Barbie helped him roll the condom on to an erection that looked like he wasn't going to last long enough to get the condom on. He reached down, pushed the thong to the side, pulled her hips to the edge of the counter and pushed into her, grunting and groaning and so drunk he had to lean on the counter to keep from falling forward and crushing her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs tightly around his waist and moaned as he thrust in and out of her, a little awkward at first until his drunken legs steadied, but to her surprise he seemed in control and doing his best to make sure the pleasure wasn't all his. He held her close to him, his breath in her ear, keeping his rhythm steady until he felt her walls clenching around him, her arms and legs following suit.

"Oh god Jack I'm coming, don't stop." She cried out and began quivering in his arms as the orgasm rocked her body.

He let go and by the time she was finished he was too, pulling out slowly and depositing the condom in the trash after inspecting it for any sign of a tear. She watched how methodically he did this as if he followed a clean, sterile routine when having sex, like it was something he did as routinely as one of his medical procedures and cuddling wasn't part of his routine. He hadn't treated her badly, hadn't been rough with her and the intercourse had actually felt good, but his lack of emotion left her feeling a bit cold.

She slid off the counter and stood. He handed her the clothes he'd peeled off of her while he worked at buttoning his shirt. He zipped and fastened his pants, leaving his shirt hanging out and not buttoned correctly. She laughed lightly at him and redid the buttons for him. They walked back out to the bar together.

"Hey Charlie, can I get one for the road?" Jack yelled.

"No way doc, why don't you let me call you a cab." Charlie offered.

"I'm fine Charlie, thanks." Jack said and turned to the woman he'd just had sex with in the bathroom.

"Do you need a ride?" Jack asked her.

"Um, no thanks, my car is just outside." Barbie said.

"I need to get going. My day starts early. Want me to walk you to your car?" Jack asked.

"Sure." Barbie said.

Jack walked her to her car and let her kiss him one last time before she made a move to unlock it.

"So Jack, do you want my phone number?" Barbie asked.

"Um listen Barbie, you're nice and I had a good time, but I really don't date." Jack answered as kindly as he could.

"You don't date? Ever?" Barbie asked.

"You're not going to get weird on me are you? I mean, you came on to me." Jack said his tone still soft and kind.

"No, of course not, it was just sex and I practically had to beg you, but never dating, a life of work and one night stands? That's kind of sad Jack." Barbie said.

"No, not really and it works for me. Goodnight Barbie." Jack said, pecking her on the cheek and walking across the parking lot to his car.

Jack hadn't made it a mile down the road when he saw the flashing lights in his rearview mirror. He knew he was completely fucked, that there was no way he'd pass the field sobriety test, much less a breathalyzer so he went peacefully and willingly, finding that the handcuffs hurt less if you stayed calm. He was processed and sent to the drunk tank to sleep it off as if anyone could sleep in a cold, empty cement square with nothing but a drain in the middle of the floor, which came in handy when they'd hose the vomit off the floor.

He sat in the corner of the cold room until they came to tell him his bail had been posted. He walked out to the lobby and saw his mother pacing, aggravated and afraid someone might see her in a police station. She heard him shuffle up behind her and turned on him.

"This is the last time Jack. You're father drank himself to death, I'm not going to sit back and watch the same thing happen to my son." She told him.

"I'm sorry mom. I called Mark. I didn't mean to drag you into this." Jack said.

"Well Jack your friend is smart enough to know that you are in real trouble this time and that you needed an attorney, not to mention someone with enough money to get you out." She told him.

"I'll write you a check as soon as I get back to work." Jack said.

"You aren't getting back to work Jack. Don't you get that? You are going to go meet with Larry and find out if there is any way to keep you out of jail this time and do you really think the hospital is going to turn a blind eye Jack, considering you and your father's pasts?" She said.

"I'm sorry." Jack said, looking down and biting his bottom lip.

"Why are you doing this to yourself Jack?" She asked.

"Mom, I'm not doing anything to myself. I just made a bad decision." Jack argued.

"Jack please. Get some help and until you do, please just stay away from me." She told him and walked away, leaving him standing alone in the police station looking like a street bum instead of the established surgeon and physician with a six figure income that he was.

Jack came through his latest alcohol related run-in with the law with a hefty fine, a loss of driving privileges for six months and 500 hours of community service, to be performed at a free clinic, his medical skills being put to good use saving him from spending at least three months in jail. The hospital insisted he take a one month leave of absence or be fired. His reputation as a surgeon, physician and a man was quickly becoming tainted, most of his co-workers sympathetic as far as what was driving him deeper and deeper into a bottle, but frustrated with him and no longer interested in watching him destroy himself.

Jack stood across the street from the clinic, leaning against a building, hands shoved in his pockets. Since he couldn't work at the hospital, he decided he'd knock out as many of his free clinic hours as possible in one big chunk. He crossed the street and entered the clinic. It was early and the facility was empty.

"We don't open for another 30 minutes. You'll need to wait outside!" A voice called from behind the counter.

Jack walked toward the counter to find the person attached to the voice. He peeked over the counter and saw a woman on her hands and knees, her head buried underneath the countertop.

"Excuse me." Jack said wincing when he heard the woman's head hit the counter. He must've startled her.

She popped up holding the back of her head, mad and ready to attack.

"Damn it! I said we aren't open yet!" She snapped.

Jack tried to bite back the smile that was creeping onto his face, but she was cute. Not big enough to physically harm anyone, but ready to take him on and throw him out. He saw the blood trickling through the fingers that were on her head and the urge to smile faded quickly.

"You're bleeding." Jack said and moved to join her on the other side of the counter.

"Sir, get back on the other side of the counter, better yet, just get out. We aren't open yet or did you not hear me the first two times." She snapped again.

"I'm a doctor. I'm supposed to be helping out here today." He said.

The woman looked at him and actually studied him for the first time. $300 shoes, $100 dress pants, $100 dress shirt, $1,500 watch. Of course he was a doctor, most likely another rich, bored doctor that got himself into trouble and was paying his debt to society.

"A little over dressed for the neighborhood aren't you?" She badgered.

"I didn't realize there was a dress code. Are you going to let me look at that?" He asked.

"It's nothing, just a scrape." She argued.

"That's a lot of blood for a scrape." Jack said and walked behind the counter.

He pulled her hand away, looked at the cut and put her hand back.

"See, I told you, a scrape." She said.

"Hardly, my best guess is it will take at least six or seven stitches to close it. What the hell did you hit your head on?" Jack asked squatting down to see what could've done that much damage with very little impact.

"Are you serious? You can't just put a bandage on it?" She asked.

"No, it's wide open and unless you've had a tetanus shot lately you're going to need one of those too. The metal runner on this drawer is bent, jagged, dirty, rusty, hanging down and most likely what cut your head." Jack said.

"It's your fault. You shouldn't sneak up on people." She said.

"Fine, it's my fault. You want to show me an exam room so I can stitch that up?" He asked.

"Do I have a choice?" She asked.

"Yeah, you can go the ER or wait until someone else comes in." Jack said.

"No, we'll be open soon and I need to be here so you'll do." She said.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence. I'm Jack Shephard." Jack said holding his hand out to her.

"Oh yeah, the high society spinal surgeon working off his DUI. Frankly I thought you'd be a lot uglier and older." She said.

"Sorry to disappoint you. So are you going to tell me your name?" Jack asked.

"I'm Kate." She said and shook his hand lightly.

"Just Kate?" He asked amused by her for some reason.

"Yeah, just Kate. Come on, let's go sew my head up before the real sick people start showing up." Kate said and led him out of the reception area.


	2. Chapter 2

Jack followed Kate down a hallway to a large open area that housed exam tables and curtains on one side of the room and beds with curtains on the other side. It reminded him of some of the ERs he had visited in some of the larger city hospitals when he was a medical student. It was however remarkably clean. He looked around at the cabinets lining the walls at the very back of the room and assumed that's where the majority of the supplies were kept.

"I need gloves, suture thread, a razor, anesthetic….." Jack began rattling off his list of needs.

"I'm not your nurse or personal slave Dr. Shephard, you'll have to do things for yourself when you're here." Kate told him.

"That's fine Kate, but I have no idea where anything is and you're the one in such a big hurry here." Jack said.

"Right. Follow me and pay attention." Kate said.

Jack followed her to the back wall and took a mental inventory of every cabinet she opened. With all the necessary supplies on a tray he checked to make sure he had everything and then looked up at her, offering a kind smile.

"You're going to need to lay down on one of the exam tables." He said and motioned toward them.

"I'll sit on one of them." She said.

"Kate, you've got a lot of hair that is going to be in my way if you don't lie down and let me push the majority of it out of my way and just shave the area around the cut." He sighed.

Kate knew he was right and decided she probably should be lying down when he injected the anesthetic anyway so she laid on her stomach on one of the tables and let him begin the process of stitching her wound.

With everything out of his way and the area around the wound shaved he picked up the syringe of anesthetic.

"This is going to hurt." He said and injected the anesthetic before she had a chance to respond.

She flinched a bit, but didn't make any noise. He tossed the syringe in the waste receptacle and waited a few minutes for the area to become numb, cleaned the wound thoroughly, stitched it, applied a bandage and pulled his gloves off.

"You can sit up. I'm done." He said.

"That was quick. You might survive here after all." Kate said continuing to hound him.

"Which arm do you want this in?" He said holding up the syringe with the tetanus vaccine.

"The left." Kate said.

He jabbed the needle into her arm and then placed a band-aid over the spot when he was done.

"That'll probably get a little stiff and sore, by this evening." He said.

"Kate!" A voiced called from the reception area.

"Back here!" Kate yelled back.

"Hey, what's going on? There are a couple of people sitting in the waiting area and……" The woman babbled stopping when she noticed the man standing beside Kate.

Jack looked at the woman and quickly decided the world was entirely too small sometimes.

"Barbie you're late. This is Dr. Shephard. He's going to be working with us for awhile." Kate said and moved off of the exam table.

"Yeah, I had a wild night, sorry. So we meet again Jack." Barbie said.

"You two know each other?" Kate asked.

"Uh yeah sort of, we had a few drinks together a couple of months ago." Jack mumbled.

"This is him? The bathroom doctor? Perfect." Kate said and walked away.

Jack cringed realizing he was making a horrible first impression. He looked at Barbie, sighed and followed Kate back to the reception area.

"It's not a problem Kate. It was a one time thing. We were both drunk and haven't seen each other since. We aren't together or anything." Jack tried to explain.

"Dr. Shephard, I'm not interested in your personal life as long as it doesn't interfere with what you're doing here and since you've just assured me it won't let's get to work." Kate said.

"What? This is it? The three of us? Are one of you ladies licensed to help me out here?" Jack asked.

"I'm a Physician's Assistant and Barbie is a graduate student. She answers the phones, checks the patient's in and does her best to enter things into the computer without blowing it up. Dr. Wagoner and Dr. Porter alternate coming in three days a week, today not being one of those days, we have a couple of nurses that volunteer when they have time and we have doctors like you who would never step foot in a place like this if some judge hadn't ordered them to do so." Kate explained her tone all business, her dislike for him evident.

"Okay, so how do things work? First come first serve or do we triage like an ER?" Jack asked choosing to ignore the comments she'd made about him mostly because they were true.

"We're doing a well-baby clinic today Dr. Shephard, but we'll be squeezing in other patients too." Kate told him.

"Babies? All day?" He asked.

"You don't like babies?" Kate asked.

"Yeah Kate I hate babies, old people, puppies and sunny days." Jack answered sarcastically.

He turned to the waiting room where women were seated with babies of various ages. He looked back at Barbie and Kate.

"I'm assuming there are no shot records on these kids so I'm just flying blind here, taking the mother's word for it and injecting them with whatever they're due for based on their age?" Jack asked.

"Some of them will have records, but yeah that's pretty much it. You do the exams Dr. Shephard and I'll do the injections. It moves quicker that way." Kate said.

"Fine, but you have to stop with the formalities. We aren't in a hospital so let's just toss the protocol out the window. It's Jack." He told her and grabbed the first paper file off the desk.

Jack examined an assembly line of babies and toddlers for five solid hours, most of them relatively healthy and thriving and not overly freaked out when he'd touch them. Kate watched him dealing with each baby in a kind, caring, gentle manner and wondered how it was possible for him to be the same man Barbie had described to her the morning after her bathroom adventure. She watched him struggling to get a little girl to open her mouth for him. She was probably about two and not happy to be in the clinic. He was becoming frustrated and Kate was just about to jump in and help him out when he turned his attention to the mother who was holding the little girl in her lap.

"Okay mom, let's set a good example." Jack said as he held the tongue depressor out.

The woman played along and let him look into her mouth and ears and listen to her breathing. He finished and instructed the mother to go to the toy chest in the corner and pick out a toy getting all of the little girl's attention. The little girl started to follow her mother to the toy chest and Jack stopped her.

"Sorry cutie, no toy until you open your mouth for me." Jack said holding gently to the child's hand, still squatting down to her level.

"Pease." The little girl begged, her big blues eyes attached to her sweet, chubby little face almost more than he could resist.

"Help me out kid, it's my first day and I'm looking bad here. If you just let me look in your mouth and ears you can have two toys." Jack promised.

The little girl opened her mouth really fast and then closed it, making him laugh. He held the tongue depressor and his light up to her mouth and said please one more time and she opened up for him. He quickly checked each ear and her lungs and sent her to the toy chest. He scribbled on the paper chart quickly, scribbled something on a prescription pad and handed it to the mother.

"She's got an ear infection and is running a pretty high fever. I wouldn't recommend any immunizations today. Bring her back in ten days. If the infection is gone she can get them then." Jack said and sent the woman and child on their way. Kate approached him.

"They won't be back." Kate said.

"Not my problem Kate." Jack said.

"She's already behind on her immunizations." Kate argued.

"She's got a fever of 102, it's not happening today." Jack said and handed her the chart.

"But…." Kate started to argue.

"Kate, protocol is out the window, but I am still the doctor here. Give the kid some antibiotics and send them on their way." Jack ordered, his tone sharp and no nonsense.

"Right, sorry." Kate said.

"I need some air." Jack said.

"That was the last one until two o'clock. How about some lunch, I'll send Barbie." Kate offered.

"No thanks. I usually don't eat lunch. Some coffee would be great though. You guys get what you want. It's on me." Jack said handing her some money and then exiting out the back door of the clinic.

Jack sat against the wall of clinic, his head tilted back, eyes closed, enjoying the light breeze and the warm sunshine on his face. He either dozed off for a moment or was just lost in his thoughts because he never heard her approach.

"I though you hated sunny days." Kate said, offering what almost resembled a smile when he opened his eyes.

"Yeah well, I like breezy days." He said and stood up.

"Here's your coffee. I told Barbie to make sure it was fresh, but she's not that great at following directions so it might taste like mud." Kate said as she handed him the large cup of coffee and his change.

"I guess you two don't eat lunch either?" Jack asked.

"No we do, but we buy our own lunches Jack." Kate said.

"You don't like me much do you Kate?" Jack asked.

"I don't know you Jack." Kate said.

"Exactly." Jack said as he held the door open for her.

Jack followed Kate into the facility and into the small break room. He sat at the table and worked the crossword puzzle in the newspaper while Barbie and Kate ate their lunch, Kate nagging at the girl over her less than stellar office skills.

"Look Barbie, I'm trying to help you out by letting you work here a couple of days a week, but lately all you've done is add to my workload and if you can't do better than that we'll have to find someone else." Kate told her.

"I'm sorry Kate, I broke up with Jeremy last night and he kept calling me and I haven't had any sleep." Barbie explained looking toward Jack to see if he was listening and looking disappointed when he didn't appear to be.

"So Kate, do you run this place?" Jack asked desperate for conversation that didn't make him want to jab his ink pen into his ear.

"No, I just do my best to keep it running." Kate answered, keeping it short, letting him know she wasn't interested in a conversation.

"Looks to me like you're doing a good job, if you'll excuse me ladies, I need to make a few phone calls." Jack said and left the room.

"Isn't he like the most gorgeous man you've ever seen in your life?" Barbie sighed.

"That guy's got issues Barbie." Kate said.

"How do you know that?" Barbie asked.

"I don't, it's just a feeling." Kate said.

"So what, he's hot, who cares if he's got issues?" Barbie said.

"Barbie, I hate to be rude, but if he were interested he wouldn't have screwed you and never bothered to call again." Kate said as she gathered her sandwich wrapper and tossed it into the trash.

Jack was just outside the door and overheard their conversation. Kate was right, he was about as interested in Barbie as Kate was in him. He cleared his throat so they'd hear him and stop talking about him.

"There are people lining up outside. Want to go ahead and open back up?" Jack asked.

Jack spent the rest of the afternoon treating everything from head lice to gonorrhea, probably always realizing there were people who needed medical care and couldn't afford it, but never really considering just how many there were until he spent a day seeing more patients than he ever had on any shift in any hospital in his entire career. He was tired and a bit depressed, the number of needy children that had passed through his hands weighing heavy on his heart and his mind. Barbie had left long before the last patient was seen and Jack being a gentleman stayed behind long after the last patient was seen to help Kate restock the supplies and get things ready for the next day.

"You don't have to do this Jack." Kate objected.

"I don't mind, besides you shouldn't be in here alone after dark." Jack cautioned making her chuckle.

"I've been here after dark before you came and I'll continue to do so after you go back to your high society life." Kate remarked.

"How can you stand it?" He asked.

"Stand what?" She asked.

"This. These sad, down on their luck people and all those babies and children who you know aren't getting enough to eat or have a proper place to sleep. How do you stand it?" Jack asked.

"It's hard, but it's harder to not be here for them, for me anyway." Kate said.

"Well, you're tougher than me." Jack said.

"Maybe I'm just less selfish." Kate suggested.

"You've got me all figured out I guess. I'm a selfish, womanizing, drunk with issues." Jack said in a flat, completely unemotional tone.

"Tell me something Jack. What kind of person gets behind the wheel of a car drunk? It seems to me that only a selfish person would not only risk his own safety, but the safety of every other person that happens to be on the road with him." Kate accused.

"So I made a bad choice. You ever make bad choices Kate?" Jack asked.

"Of course I have, but I'm guessing it wasn't the first time you were driving drunk. Let me ask you this Jack. If seeing those children today really bothered you as much as you claim what the hell would you do with yourself if you plowed into a family and killed them while driving under the influence?" Kate lectured.

"You want me to take this trash out?" He mumbled looking at her with empty eyes.

"No, we have people that come in and clean. You can leave. I'll lock up." Kate told him.

"I'll wait, lock up with you, and make sure you get to your car safely." Jack said.

"Jack, I don't need you to protect me." Kate objected.

"Yeah, well maybe I need to protect you. Come to whatever conclusions about me that you like Kate, but I don't leave women alone in unsafe environments at night. So if we're done here, let's go." Jack said.

Kate felt a little guilty for being so hateful to him, but she'd seen so many just like him come through the clinic. Spoiled, wealthy doctors that were used to intimidating people and ordering people around and he fit the mold perfectly, right down to believing he could get drunk and get behind the wheel of a car. She stopped arguing with him though, turned out the lights and locked the doors. He walked with her to her car. She noticed there were no other cars in the parking lot.

"Do you need a ride?" She asked.

"No thanks, I'm going to walk for awhile and then catch a cab." Jack said.

"You know Jack, it's really not that safe for you to be out walking around here at night either." Kate said.

"I can take care of myself." Jack said.

"Will you just let me at least give you a lift out of this part of town?" Kate asked.

"Kate I'm fine. I need to be alone for awhile so I'll go walk, clear my head and catch a bus or a cab." He said.

"I'll drop you off at whatever bar you're dying to get to Jack. Jesus, just get in the car." Kate said and sighed at him.

"Goodnight Kate." Jack said and walked away.

"Jack, come on, don't. I'm sorry." Kate pleaded, but it fell on deaf ears as she watched him slowly fade into the darkness.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Thanks for all your kind words and I've taken note of all of your suggestions and will keep them in mind. Here's the latest and the next update shouldn't be too far behind.**_

Jack came through the doors of the clinic bright and early the following morning. He didn't see her so he called out to her. Hearing her muffled voice coming from behind the counter again he approached, set down the coffee and bagels he was carrying and peeked over the edge. He could see the lower half of her body sticking out just like the day before.

"Kate what is down there that is so intriguing?" Jack chuckled.

"It's this damn dinosaur of a computer. I have to shut it down and unplug everything and plug it back in every day to get it to work." She said as she crawled out from under the counter and stood up.

She looked at him, freshly shaven, casual pants, casual shirt and inexpensive watch. She peeked over the counter to look at his feet. A comfortable pair of casual shoes completed the ensemble.

"How's your head? Any soreness?" He asked.

"It's fine. It's just the two of us today." Kate said.

"What happened to the other doctors?" Jack asked.

"It's Dr. Porter's week and she had a family emergency and since you're here I told her we'd manage." Kate said.

"No Barbie?" Jack asked.

"No, thank goodness and if I didn't know her so well I would've gotten rid of her by now." Kate grumbled.

"How bad can it be?" Jack asked.

"I spent 20 minutes yesterday looking for an invoice from Phillips Supply and do you know where I finally found it?" Kate asked.

"Filed under the Fs?" Jack offered with a grin.

"Yes, can you believe it? She's a sweet girl, but if there is a God some man will come along, marry her and take care of her because she's just not very good at anything." Kate said making him laugh.

"She's just young Kate." Jack offered.

"Not too young for you though huh?" Kate said killing the pleasantness between them instantly.

"I brought coffee and bagels. The receipt is in the bag if you feel the need to pay for your own breakfast." Jack said as he grabbed one of the coffees and started to walk toward the back.

"You don't eat breakfast either?" Kate asked.

"I had breakfast in my mansion, served by my butler with the 22 year old woman I picked up in the bar I couldn't wait to get to last night." Jack answered and continued walking away.

"Smart ass." Kate mumbled as she watched him walk away, starting to become intrigued by the two very distinct sides of him. He was very polite, very nice and very professional, but also had a reckless almost dangerous air about him, like he was a ticking time bomb.

They spent the morning seeing patients and keeping things professional, no small talk, no joking around, just two very busy people trying to take care of the variety of sickness and minor injury that was coming through the door. When it was time to close the clinic for lunch, Kate disappeared into the small break room while Jack walked out the front door, taking a seat on the window sill, enjoying the fresh air. He wasn't sure why being cooped up in the clinic left him feeling the need to get out into the open because he normally spent as many as 16 hours a day cooped up in a small surgery suite, but he guessed it was because he was being forced to be in the clinic, being forced to think about his mistakes and being forced to share the same space with her. He didn't really even like her, but found himself constantly aware of her and hated how uncomfortable she could make him.

He leaned his head back and let it rest against the glass, closing his eyes and taking a moment to relax. He felt a light tap on his shoulder and opened his eyes. A girl who looked to be maybe 12 stood in front of him and he could tell immediately that she wasn't feeling well. Her face wasn't pale it was a ghostly gray and she was sweating, the kind of sweating a person does right before they vomit. He moved his legs and feet just in time, holding onto the child's waist to steady her as she got sick all over the sidewalk. Once she regained her bearings she jerked away from him and stepped back.

"It's okay, I'm a doctor. You want to come inside and let me check you out?" He asked.

"My stomach hurts really bad, can you fix it?" She asked him, sounding as weak as she looked.

"I can try. Come with me." He said and reached for her hand.

She pulled her hand away and took another step back.

"Do you have a lady doctor in there?" She asked.

"Yes. Do you want me to go get her?" Jack asked noticing how the child was holding her stomach, holding it down low at the bikini line.

"It hurts so much." She cried and doubled over.

Jack steadied her and she didn't pull away. She tried to straighten up and when she did a pool of blood splattered onto the sidewalk, so much blood that Jack stopped trying to handle her with kid gloves, scooped her up and carried her through the front door of the clinic.

"Kate!" He called his tone urgent and she appeared immediately.

"What happened?" Kate asked.

"I don't know. She just walked up to me. Call an ambulance and then get back here and help me." He instructed.

"An ambulance? Are you sure?" Kate questioned.

"Would you just do what I asked!" He snapped.

Kate could see the blood saturating the front of his shirt and his arms and picked up the phone while Jack hurried to the back of the clinic with the girl. Kate could hear the girl crying and fighting him, hung up the phone and ran back to help him. There was blood all over the place and Jack was holding the child by the shoulders trying to get her to calm down.

"Get up here and hold onto her." Jack said.

Kate took Jack's place and tried to calm the girl down while Jack began cutting her clothes away.

"No! I want the lady doctor!" The girl cried.

"I know you do sweetheart, but you're very sick and you need to let me help you. Just keep looking at Kate and everything will be okay." Jack said, his voice calm and sweet, seeming to gain the child's trust.

"What is this Jack?" Kate asked.

"It's exactly what it looks like Kate." Jack said as he continued peeling the blood soaked garments off the child.

With the child's clothes out of way he could see that an under-developed fetus was on its way out. Jack looked at Kate and shook his head.

"Who did this to you? What did they use?" Jack asked and the child became agitated again.

"You're scaring her." Kate reminded him.

"It's okay, it doesn't matter. I'm going to help you feel better and Kate's going to talk to you. I want you to just close your eyes and listen to her voice. Can you do that for me?" Jack coaxed the child.

"Yes." She whimpered.

She closed her eyes and he began delivering what was left of the mutilated fetus, the blood loss becoming a life or death situation. He could hear the sirens approaching and focused on getting the dead baby out, hoping to find the source of the bleeding and clamp it off. With the fetus out of the way he reached in and began feeling around being as gentle as possible. He found a tear in the uterine artery and he clamped his fingers over it.

"Jack she's losing consciousness." Kate said.

"I know. I think I got it. Damn it, where the hell is that ambulance." He said.

They heard the bell on the door of the clinic and Kate called for them to hurry to the back. They ran in and stopped for a moment.

"Botched abortion, I've got the bleed clamped but we've got to get her to a hospital and into surgery fast. One of you grab her shoulders and the other her legs, Kate throw a sheet over her." Jack told them.

Everyone did as Jack instructed. Kate watched them carefully load the girl into the ambulance with Jack's fingers the only thing keeping her from bleeding to death. Whatever her impressions of Jack were, her impressions of him as far as what kind of doctor he was weren't even close. He was obviously a very committed doctor and for the first time since she'd met him she was impressed, in awe of how he had handled that extremely difficult and critical situation.

Kate handled the clinic the rest of the afternoon and luckily there wasn't anything she wasn't licensed to handle come through. She was sitting behind the front desk finishing up the day's paperwork when she heard the bell on the front door. She looked over the top of the counter and saw it was Jack. He was dressed in hospital scrubs, she guessed leant to him since his clothes were covered in blood. He approached the counter and let his forearms rest on the top of it.

"I didn't think I'd see you until tomorrow." Kate said.

"I figured you'd be here by yourself in the dark again and wondering if the kid pulled through." Jack said.

"Did she?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, she'll never be able to have children when she grows up, but she's alive. I had to hang around and talk to the police, that's why I've been gone so long." Jack said clearly disconcerted.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Kate asked and he looked at her as if he were offended by the suggestion.

"What's there to talk about?" He asked.

"I don't know, maybe what happened in here today?" Kate pushed.

"Somebody got a little girl pregnant then tried to get rid of it. The fetus was between five and six months developed. According to the surgeon that saved her life she'd been raped continuously. They think it was the mom's boyfriend. Anything else you want to know?" Jack said his tone clinical.

"No, I guess that covers it." Kate said.

"You about ready to get out of here?" He asked.

"Yeah, but I can walk myself to my car Jack." She said.

"No doubt, but one rape victim a day is enough for me Kate so how about you get your stuff and humor me?" Jack said.

They turned the lights off and he walked with her to her car. He was so quiet and moody. She knew the events of the day were weighing heavy on him, which told her that her judgment about his character, about what kind of man he was, was as wrong as her ideas about what kind of doctor he was. He watched her unlock her car door, waited until she was tucked away safely inside, told her goodnight and began his walk across the parking lot, completely alone and in Kate's opinion in need of a friend. She rolled down her window and called out to him. He walked back over to her car and leaned in toward the open window.

"Did you forget something?" He asked and she took note of his eyes, they weren't empty tonight, they were sad and full of pain.

"Yeah, you. Get in." Kate said.

"No thanks Kate, I'm going to go walk off the day." Jack said.

"Come on Jack, I'm hungry and I hate eating alone. Let's grab some dinner and then I'll take you home." Kate pushed.

"I'm not hungry Kate and I hate pity dates." Jack said.

"It's not a date and it's not pity. God Jack we've had a really bad day and I don't know about you, but I could use friend." Kate said.

"Yeah, when did you start considering me a friend?" Jack asked.

"You're not going to make this easy are you?" Kate sighed and smiled at him, making him smile slightly before he had a chance to control it.

"Ha! You smiled! Get in!" Kate teased.

"I appreciate the offer Kate, I do and I'm sorry I cut you off earlier, I know you were just trying to help. But honestly, I just want to go to my favorite bar and drink until the image of that mutilated fetus coming out of that child's body gets blurry and then have Charlie call me a cab." Jack said.

"Will you at least let me give you ride to the bar?" Kate asked.

"Kate." Jack groaned.

"Jack please. Look, I know I haven't been very nice to you and that we really don't know each other very well, but can't we just start over? You asked me yesterday if I've ever made a bad decision and yes I have, deciding to label you in a certain way being my latest." Kate said noticing that he was beginning to relax some.

"Yeah well, you didn't exactly have impressive information about me to work with." Jack said.

"So does that mean you'll get in the car?" Kate asked.

"Two conditions, we go to my favorite bar that just happens to serve great food and you let me buy." Jack said.

"Fine, but you have to let me drive you home and stop with the 'I'll catch a cab crap'." Kate challenged.

"Are you going to walk me to my door and kiss me goodnight too?" Jack teased.

"What? You mean there isn't a guard in the security shack at the entrance to your mansion to make sure you make it inside safely?" Kate teased back.

Jack chuckled and walked around the car, opened the door and climbed in. He told Kate where the bar was and relaxed back into the seat, closing his eyes and trying to allow the day to release from his body.

That sat in one of the booths finishing their club sandwiches. Jack was on his third beer and Kate drank diet soda, watching him, listening to him give up nothing and trying her best to understand the part of him that was slowly headed toward destruction. This wasn't a bored, spoiled wealthy doctor thinking he could do anything he wanted without facing the consequences. This was a man who appeared to be sad and close to being beaten, trying hard to battle the desire to give up, but slowly losing the battle.

"You know Jack, what you did today was amazing. You saved that little girl's life." Kate reminded him when he suggested the clinic wasn't something he could ever see himself committed to if a judge wasn't forcing him to be.

"Yeah and I probably made her feel even more violated in the process." Jack sighed.

"You didn't have a choice and she didn't feel violated. You were so good with her, telling her to close her eyes and listen to my voice. You can be so clinical and out of touch, but you seem to know when a situation requires sensitivity and that's built in Jack. You care about people very deeply. That's probably why you became a doctor in the first place." Kate offered.

"Kate, I became a doctor because I didn't know any better. It's all I was ever told I was going to be or else. Can we talk about something else? How about you? What's your story Kate?" Jack asked.

"I don't have a story Jack." Kate said.

"Everybody's got a story Kate." Jack pushed.

"Maybe, but I don't know you well enough to tell you mine." Kate said.

"You've been trying to pick my brain for the last hour and I've given you nothing and you're not going to give me anything. I think it's a start don't you?" He commented making her smile.

"It's a start. It's getting late. Are you ready to go?" Kate asked knowing he'd probably rather sit in the bar until he was blind drunk.

"Not really, but I should get some sleep, so if you're ready let's do it." Jack said.

They walked out of the bar together and as promised he let her drive him home. He lived in a nice home in an affluent neighborhood, but it was a long way from being a mansion. She pulled into the driveway and left the car running while she looked out the window at his house.

"So Jack, do you have a family tucked away in there?" Kate asked.

"Nope, nothing tucked away in there but a bunch of furniture. So, I guess you aren't going to walk to me my door huh?" He asked with a grin.

"No, you seem capable of walking to the door on your own." Kate laughed.

"Thanks Kate, you probably saved me from inflicting a hell of a hang-over on myself." Jack said softly.

"I had a good time. I'll see you in the morning. Okay?" Kate said.

"Yeah, I'll see you in the morning. Goodnight." Jack said, kissing her on the cheek and letting himself out of the car.


	4. Chapter 4

The next day at the clinic was much less uncomfortable for Jack. He and Kate had forged some kind of friendly bond and the patient load was less taxing on this day. Jack was in the back explaining the risks of not taking blood pressure medication to a man in his 40s who could come up with the money to buy cigarettes and beer, but when it came to filling the $11 prescription he was always broke. Kate and Barbie were up front going over work that needed to be entered into the computer when the door opened. Kate looked up and saw a man from one of the local electronic stores wheeling in three large boxes.

"I have a delivery for the 12th Street Clinic." The man said.

Kate came around the desk and took the man's clipboard. The three boxes contained a new desktop computer.

"We didn't order this." Kate objected.

"Somebody did. The order's been paid in full." The man said.

Kate signed the receipt attached to the clipboard and looked at Barbie.

"Don't look at me. I wouldn't dare spend a dime of your precious budget." Barbie said.

Kate walked to the back. Jack was finishing up with his patient. She watched the man say something angry and sarcastic and stomp out of the clinic and then approached Jack.

"Another satisfied customer?" Kate grinned.

"Yeah, some get mad when they don't qualify for the free stuff, but we have to force it down the throats of the ones who do qualify because they're too proud. I'm convinced I'll never understand what's make people tick. What's up?" Jack said.

"Nothing really, I was just wondering if you knew anything about the new computer that was just delivered." Kate said.

"A new computer, that's odd, I guess the gods must be looking out for your head." Jack said and smiled.

"Jack, you didn't have to, I mean when I was complaining, I wasn't hinting." Kate stammered.

"I know. You're doing a good thing here and I wanted to help. It's tax deductible if that makes you feel better." He teased.

"You volunteering to teach Barbie how to use something new would make me feel better." Kate said making him laugh.

"I would, but she'd read too much into. The store will be sending out a technician to hook it up and transfer all of your files. Maybe we could pay him or her to deal with Barbie." Jack suggested.

"When did you have time to do this Jack?" Kate asked.

"I did it last night when I got home. The internet is a great way to shop." Jack said.

"Thanks, that was really, well it will really be a big help." Kate said and smiled at him.

He smiled back and watched her walk away wondering if his good will was all about the clinic or if it was all about her and then quickly admitted to himself that it was all about her.

The next few days at the clinic were steady, but routine, and Jack was starting to feel less like of an intruder by the end of the week. He'd catch Kate watching him and she'd catch him watching her, both curious about each other, but never finding the time to just sit and talk or perhaps in reality just making sure they didn't make the time to do something like that because they were clearly attracted to one another and with their misunderstandings out of the way, the sexual tension between them was increasing daily. It was Friday afternoon and Jack was sitting in the break room drinking coffee and working the crossword puzzle. Kate and Barbie were discussing Barbie's plans for the weekend. He was doing his best to tune them out.

"What about you Jack?" Barbie asked.

"What about me?" Jack answered.

"Are you busy tonight? Do you want to go check out this new band at Night Trips with me?" Barbie asked.

"No thanks Barbie." Jack answered and looked at Kate.

"Oh come on Jack, it'll be fun and who knows maybe we can reignite some old sparks." Barbie continued, opening up a can of worms both Jack and Kate preferred to keep closed.

"He can't Barbie, he's making dinner for me tonight." Kate said looking at Jack whose eyebrows were raised, his eyes showing a devilish twinkle.

"Why? Are you two, like dating?" Barbie asked.

"Well, it'll be our first date and we didn't want to hurt your feelings so we didn't say anything." Kate continued to lie.

"Hey, don't mind me; I'm just the one here that's actually had sex in the last six months, once with your date." Barbie snapped.

"Barbie, I thought you understood….." Jack tried to come up with something.

"Understood what? Get over yourself Jack, you weren't that good." Barbie spat at him and left the room.

"I should go talk to her." Kate said.

"She's not hurt Kate, she's mad." Jack said.

"I know. I need to go tell her to take the afternoon off. Pissed off Barbie is even more incompetent than the happy version." Kate said making him laugh.

Jack sat in the break room and listened to the two women exchange a few words and then heard the bell on the door followed by silence. He thought Kate would come back and finish her lunch, but she never did. After hearing the bell on the door a couple of times, he dumped their trash and walked out to the reception area to see what was waiting for him.

They spent the afternoon seeing patients and very little of one another. At 4:30 PM they locked the doors and began the task of restocking shelves and preparing the clinic for the cleaning crew. He joined her in front of the back cupboards, his arms full of supplies. She began plucking them out of his arms one by one and placing them on their appropriate shelf.

"So what time are you coming over?" Jack asked.

"What?" Kate asked.

"If I'm making dinner for you, I need to know what time to have it ready." Jack said.

"Jack, I was just helping you out, trying to get her to leave you alone, you don't have to make me dinner." Kate lied, the fact of the matter was that she felt a twinge of jealousy when Barbie mentioned sparks and found that a little unnerving.

"I know, but I want to. How's 7:30?" He asked.

"I have another commitment that I'm going to be late for if I don't get out of here, but I should be done by seven. How about 8:15?" Kate said.

"That's fine. It gives me time to pick up the place. Do you remember how to get there?" Jack asked.

"Yes, I remember and this isn't a date right? It's just dinner." Kate asked.

"Oh no, it's a date and it's dinner." Jack answered with a grin realizing that he liked the idea of a date and liked even more that she was actually nervous and a little excited about it.

"You're enjoying this too much Jack. So I'm a little out of practice. I haven't had a date since the Clinton administration." Kate said.

"Oh come on." Jack laughed.

"Okay, well it hasn't been that long, it just feels like it." Kate admitted.

Jack looked at her. She was so cute when she was forced to relinquish control. He leaned in and placed a sweet, gentle kiss on her lips.

"There, the initial awkwardness is out of the way and neither one of us self-destructed. If it makes you feel any better I'm out of practice too and before you bring it up, Barbie wasn't a date, she was an itch that wouldn't stop begging to be scratched." Jack said ending the conversation there.

They finished with their work and managed to get out of the clinic by 5 PM with the sun still out and people still motoring up and down the sidewalks. He walked her to her car and she watched him walk across the parking lot and disappear up the sidewalk. She decided she was entirely too focused on how well he filled out his jeans.

"God it should be illegal to look that good." She mumbled and pulled out of the parking lot.

She pulled into the driveway of his home around eight o'clock. The lights were on and she could see him moving around in what must've been the kitchen or dining room. She got out of her car and walked up to the front door. She was just about to ring the doorbell when the door opened, startling her. Jack took a moment to look at her. She was wearing light cotton pants and a short sleeved square neck sweater that hugged and complimented every curve of her upper body. Her hair was freshly washed and flowing over her shoulders. She was wearing just a light amount of make-up to highlight what he could now admit was one of the most beautiful faces he'd ever laid eyes on.

"Hey." She said, snapping him out of his trance.

"Hey, sorry, I was just…um, you look very nice Kate. Come in." Jack said.

"Thanks." She said and entered the home.

He shut the door behind them and escorted her into the dining room. She looked at the table, saw the nice candles and the wine glasses and the Chinese take-out boxes and started laughing.

"I got tied up with some things and had to improvise." Jack said apologetically.

"No, it's great Jack. I love Chinese food." Kate said with a smile.

They ate their dinner, making small talk and listening to the rain outside. Thunderstorms weren't that frequent, but the one brewing outside was a pretty strong one. They moved into the living room with their wine glasses, the storm outside dumping quite a bit of rain on them and the wind eventually wrecking havoc on the power lines, sending them into complete darkness.

"Don't move; I'll go get the candles off the dining room table." Jack said.

She could hear him shuffling around and then she saw the flicker of light heading toward her. He lit every candle in his living room, giving them enough light to see each other and also making the room seem very warm and inviting.

"I never would've taken you for a candle man." Kate said as he sat beside her on the couch, leaving a few inches in-between them.

"I'm not. My mom buys them for me; supposedly the aroma therapy is going to add an extra 20 years onto my life." Jack commented.

"Not if you don't light them and let them do their thing." Kate said.

"I'd just pass out with them burning and burn the house down." Jack said.

"Dinner was great. Thanks." Kate said.

"No thank you for suggesting it. I'm having a good time." He said.

"Me too and Maddie's soccer game getting rained out saved me from having to rush around like a crazy person to get here on time." Kate asked.

"Maddie?" Jack asked.

"It's short for Madison. She's my daughter." Kate told him taking note of the surprised look on his face.

"You have a daughter?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, she's seven and she's great and she's attending her first slumber party tonight." Kate said.

"Do you have a picture?" Jack asked.

"Come on Jack, you aren't interested in pictures of my little girl." Kate said.

"Why wouldn't I be? I bet she's got curly brown hair, pretty green eyes and cute freckles on her cheeks." Jack said as he gently traced a finger over her freckles, smiling at her.

"I have a picture in my purse. I'll show you later. What about you Jack? Are you really as alone as you appear to be?" Kate asked.

She noticed his eyes take on a serious almost pained look and then he looked down, running his fingertip over the edge of his wine glass for a moment and then looked back at her again, his eyes warm and soft again.

"Yes, this is it. Just me and this house, don't even own a dog." Jack answered.

"But you weren't always this alone." Kate pushed, more of a statement than a question.

Jack sighed and reached behind him. He pulled out his wallet, opened it and handed it to Kate. She stared at the picture of the two young children and then looked at Jack.

"That's Andrew and Kayla." Jack said.

"Twins?" Kate asked.

"Yes. They'll be two in a couple of months. I'm divorced. My ex-wife has custody. She moved to Maine with them." Jack said.

"What's in Maine that's more important than them being around their father?" Kate asked.

"The man she was having an affair with had a great job offer. It's a long story, but to answer your question, no I wasn't always this alone." Jack said.

"I'm sorry. That must be hard for you not being able to see them." Kate said.

"Can I ask a favor Kate?" He asked.

"Sure." She said.

"I'm really enjoying your company and I like you, I like you a lot." Jack started.

"I like you too Jack." Kate interrupted.

"Good, that's good considering that four days ago you hated me." Jack said and laughed lightly.

"I never hated you, I just severely misjudged you." Kate said.

"I don't have any nice stories with happy endings to share with you and I don't want to ruin an enjoyable evening by talking about things that have nothing to do with us. Also, if you decide to keep seeing me I don't want you to base that decision on guilt or pity, but just on me. So I'm asking that you not have to know everything about me tonight, but trust that I'm not a serial killer or a louse cheating on his family." He told her, his voice soft almost pleading.

"I'm sorry Jack, I didn't mean to pry. Some things are very personal and you don't have to share anything with me you aren't comfortable sharing, but just so you know, I'm not big on throwing pity parties for people and I'd never keep seeing you out of guilt. I'm here tonight because I like you and I like talking to you, but since you don't want to talk what would you like to do?" Kate asked.

Jack leaned in and placed a quick, but soft kiss on her mouth and then pulled back, smiling at her.

"Kate, I'm in candle lit room with a beautiful woman and you're asking me what I'd like to do? Do you really want me to answer that honestly?" Jack chuckled making her laugh too.

"I told you I was rusty with this dating thing. Do you have some cards, we could play poker." Kate suggested.

"What kind of poker?" Jack asked.

"Strip poker of course." She said laughing at the expression on his face.

"I'm kidding Jack. We'll play for money." Kate said.

"No, I'm not taking your money Kate. Let's just play gin rummy. Loser has to take all the itchy patients next week." Jack offered.

"That's so bad Jack." Kate laughed.

They each sat on a couch cushion and dealt the cards between them. She insisted on keeping score so he let her. After about 12 hands and the game never seeming to near an end he grabbed the score sheet from her and looked at it.

"I can't believe you're cheating Kate." He said.

"I'm not cheating." Kate said.

"You're either cheating or you are horrible at math. Give me that pen." He demanded in a playful tone.

"Isn't it against some rummy rules to mess with the official score keeper's tally?" Kate teased.

"Official score keeper? Official numbers adjuster would be more accurate. The pen Kate." He ordered as he dropped the notebook on the floor, put his knee on the cushion in-between them and moved toward her.

Kate squealed and put the pen behind her back. He moved over her and began tickling her, making her scream and beg for him stop in-between the giggling. He finally stopped, his hand underneath her back holding the hand that was gripping the ink pen, their faces just inches apart. She looked into his eyes and hoped he was thinking what she was thinking. He slowly brought his mouth to hers and kissed her softly and gently and longer than the previous two quick pecks he'd given her. He deepened the kiss, letting go of her hand and let his hand rest on her back while she brought her hand out, dropped the pen and placed her hand behind his neck, returning his kiss and then almost whimpering when he pulled way, the kiss so magical, his mouth so soft and warm, his body hovering over hers, making her feel like there was nothing else in the world that mattered at the moment then the two of them in this candle lit room.

_**What do you think? Too soon? Do you want me to drag this out longer or are they ready? I know what I want to do, but I'm going to let you guys decide. Whether or not the next chapter gets steamy and jexy is up to you and I'll go with what the majority wants. Thanks for sticking with it!**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Thanks for all the feedback and the kind words. I'm glad you're enjoying the story and hope you continue to. I went where I had initially intended on going with this chapter, but I took all of your enthusiastic and appreciated suggestions and made a mental note of them and perhaps even managed to capture a few of them. Thanks again!**_

Jack looked around the room and then back down at her.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"The lights were flickering, looks like the power is trying to come back." He said.

She placed her hands on his face and pulled him back down, opening her mouth for him and welcoming a deeper, more passionate kiss. They continued kissing and slowly straightening their bodies out on the couch until he was on the inside and she was on the outside, more of her weight pressed onto him than him on her. His hand slowly moved over her sweater and up, cupping a hand over her breast and she pulled out of the kiss. His reaction was to immediately move his hands back down to her hips.

"Sorry." He apologized.

"Don't be, I just need to ask you something." She said.

"Okay." He said.

"You aren't still rebounding are you? If you are that's okay, I would understand, I just don't want to be your rebound woman." Kate said.

"I've had my share of rebound women Kate and I promise this isn't about that. I'm not in love with my ex-wife and haven't been for a long time." Jack said.

"I should probably go, it's late and I have to pick Maddie up early." Kate said.

"It's not that late and it's pouring outside. The lights are back, want to watch a movie?" Jack asked.

"Sure." She agreed, not really wanting to leave, laying next to him the most content feeling she'd known in a long time.

They agreed on a movie and he put it in the DVD player, turning off all the lights and leaving the candles burning. They snuggled up together on the couch, him on the inside and her in front of him, he could feel the goose bumps running up and down her arms and pulled the blanket off the back of the couch, draping it over them and then wrapping his arm around her.

They lay quietly watching the movie that both of them had seen before, the togetherness of the moment more important than what was playing on the screen. She turned around to face him and he kissed her softly.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm just really getting sleepy." Kate said.

"So go to sleep." He said.

"No, I'd rather talk to you. Be honest, you hate the clinic don't you?" Kate asked.

"No, I don't hate it. I'd rather be doing what I spent so many years training to do, but I guess I should've thought of that before I got behind the wheel of a car drunk. What about you, wouldn't you rather being working in a doctor's office or a busy hospital?" He answered.

"No, I like working with doctors who appreciate my assistance, not the ones that expect me to do all their shit work." Kate answered making him laugh.

"I appreciate your assistance." He said and kissed the tip of her nose.

"You're pretty easy to work with, you'll get along great with Dr. Porter and Dr. Wagoner." Kate said.

"What about you Kate?" Jack asked.

"What about me?" She asked.

"You've mentioned a daughter, but no ex-boyfriend or ex-husband." Jack said.

"You want to know if I'm just going to use you for meaningless sex so I can get over him?" Kate asked.

"No, you can use me for sex if you want." He teased and she slapped at his chest.

"He's been out of the picture for six years Jack, but he has custody of Maddie so I guess not completely out of the picture." Kate sighed.

"Oh." Jack said taken off guard by the information.

"I'm not a bad mother if that's what you're thinking." Kate said angrily and started to pull away from him.

He pulled her back to him and ran his hand gently down the side of her face, pushing the stray hairs behind her ear.

"I wasn't thinking that Kate, I wasn't thinking anything. I was just surprised. I assumed she lived with you. It's rare that fathers get custody." Jack said.

"Do you think your kids would be better off with you?" Kate asked.

"No. I love them, but they're better off with their mom. I didn't fight for them." Jack answered quickly letting her know he didn't want to elaborate.

"I wanted to fight, but Maddie's dad had all the power and all the money so I try to convince myself I can be happy with the crumbs." Kate said and sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry." He said.

"It's okay, I get her every other weekend and when he and his wife want to take a vacation sans the children. Of course this weekend she had the slumber party. I guess I could've thrown a fit and whined that it was my time with her, but she was so excited there was no way I was going to tell her no." Kate said.

"Sounds like she's got a great mom." He said and closed his mouth over hers again, drawing her into another deep, passionate kiss.

They kissed until they both needed to break for air and she snuggled her face into the space right below his shoulder just inches away from his neck, breathing in his scent, his wonderful, comforting male scent and she closed her eyes, enjoying how safe and at ease she felt. He looked down at her and smiled amazed how good it felt just to hold something or someone that mattered again and then he too closed his eyes.

They slept cuddled up together on the couch until the sun came through the windows the next morning. Kate opened her eyes, took a moment to collect her thoughts and sat up quickly, startling him.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"What time is it?" Kate asked panicked.

Jack looked across the room at the cable box sitting below the television.

"It's 6:30." He mumbled sleepily.

She lay back down, rolling onto her side, gliding her hand over his stubbled cheek until he opened his eyes again.

"I had a good time last night." She said.

"Me too." He said.

"I need to go. I have to pick Maddie up at nine o'clock." She explained.

"That's 2-1/2 hours from now Kate." He mumbled still trying to wake up.

"I know, but I want to go home and take a shower and stuff. I'm just going to use your bathroom real quick and I'll let myself out." She said.

"The bathroom is a left, then a right down the hallway, first door on the left." He said and moved his arm off of her so she could get up.

Once she was up and gone he sat up and tried to work the feeling back into his left arm and shoulder. He'd slept great, so great the fact that he had no blood circulating through his left arm didn't wake him up. He walked out of the living room and stood by the front door, waiting for Kate to dare try to just let herself out. She met him at the door and smiled at him.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay for some coffee at least?" He asked.

"I'm sure." She said.

He opened the door and walked her to her car. She stood by the door and turned to face him. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulled her into him and kissed her.

"Can we get together again?" He asked.

"I'd like that." She said.

"How about dinner and a movie tonight?" He asked.

"I can't, I have Maddie, but you could come over and let me cook for you this time." She said.

"I don't want to intrude on your time with your daughter." He said.

"I am going pick up Maddie and her friend Amy and we are going to spend the day shopping and getting our hair and nails done. Then we're going to make enchiladas and she and Amy will disappear into her bedroom until their tummies scream for ice cream. You might be terribly bored, but you wouldn't be intruding." Kate told him making him smile.

"Sounds great, what time should I be there?" Jack asked.

"Dinner will be served at 6:30 sharp." Kate said as she opened her car door and slipped inside. She rolled down the window, scribbled her address on the back of one of her business cards and handed it to him.

"Do you know where that is?" She asked.

"That's Baldwin Park right?" He asked.

"Yep, you're not only cute you're smart." Kate said as she kissed him quickly and backed the car out of his driveway.

Jack arrived at Kate's around 6:45 pm. He was about to ring the doorbell when he saw a child coming toward him through the storm door. She popped the latch on the door and held it open for him.

"You're late." She grumbled making Jack smile, taking notice of how much of her mother's attitude came through in those two words.

"I'm sorry, I got caught in traffic." Jack told the little girl.

"He's here mom, can we please eat now." Maddie yelled as she grabbed hold of his hand and dragged him into the house with her.

He allowed the child to lead him to the dining room where another little girl was sitting at the table. Kate was busy putting food on their plates. She smiled at him and motioned for Maddie to sit down. Kate set the pan of enchiladas on the table and approached Jack. He handed her a pretty bouquet of flowers and kissed her on the cheek.

"Thank you. Just make yourself comfortable anywhere and I'll go get a vase." Kate said and gave him a quick peck on the lips letting him know that it was okay for him to show her affection in front of her daughter.

Jack sat down across from the two girls. They were busy shoveling food into their mouths and giggling about whatever seven year old girls giggle about. Maddie looked up at him and put her fork down.

"Are you really a doctor?" Maddie asked.

"Yes, I'm really a doctor." Jack answered feeling a bit nervous, like he was about to blow a really big job interview.

"You don't look like a doctor. You like a prince." Amy told him making him smile and even blush slightly.

"My daddy is a doctor, do you know him?" Maddie asked.

"Maddie, there are hundreds of doctors sweetie, I doubt Jack knows all of them." Kate offered as she sat the flowers on the breakfast bar and took a seat beside Jack.

"He might know him mom. His name is Michael Reynolds." Maddie said.

"Sorry honey I don't know him." Jack said.

"Do you take throats out?" Maddie asked and Jack chuckled.

"Do you mean tonsils?" Jack asked.

"Yeah those." Maddie said.

"Um, I don't think I've ever done a tonsillectomy." Jack told her.

"What do you take out?" Amy asked.

"Girls! Eat!" Kate ordered.

"It's okay Kate." Jack laughed.

"Sometimes people get broken on the inside and I fix them. I don't usually take things out of people." He explained deciding a graphic discussion about spinal tumors wouldn't be appropriate.

"Never?" Maddie asked looking somewhat disappointed.

"Once I helped another doctor remove jacks from a little boy's stomach." He told her.

"Eww, you mean like the little metal jacks you bounce the ball and pick up?" Madison asked shocked that anyone would eat such a thing.

"Yeah, he was four and he had an older sister about your age and she wouldn't let him play so he ate the jacks." Jack told them making both girls giggle.

"Boys are so stupid." The girls giggled.

The girls decided they'd learned enough about Jack, finished their dinner and ran off to play. Jack helped Kate clear the table and clean up the mess. They settled into the living room and sat beside each other on the couch, not leaving any space between them. He leaned over her and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and returned the kiss. They shared a lengthy, passionate kiss their tongues finding a slow, comfortable rhythm, both noticing the way the kiss brought on that tight fluttering sensation in their stomachs, a sensation neither had felt with another person in a long time. They finally separated, feeling breathless and almost dizzy, their foreheads pressed together, his hands gliding gently down her arms and her hands moving slowly down his strong back.

"I've been thinking about you all day." Jack admitted.

"Yeah, the girls have caught me daydreaming a few times today." Kate said.

"Your daughter is cute. Lots of attitude. Wonder where she gets it." Jack teased.

"I can't imagine, but I hope she continues to believe that boys are stupid until she's 30." Kate said.

"Yeah, so how old were you when you stopped thinking boys were stupid?" Jack asked.

"I haven't stopped thinking that yet." Kate teased.

"Ouch, well at least we don't cheat at gin rummy. That's really pathetic Kate." Jack said and shot a mischievous grin at her.

"That was only because you were stacking the deck." Kate accused in a joking manner.

"No way, I even tried to let you win a few times." Jack said and laughed when she punched him on the arm.

"Don't be such a guy Jack." Kate said.

"But, I am a guy, a stupid guy, but not so stupid I can't recognize a good thing when I see it. I'm beginning to think that DUI is the best thing that's happened to me in a long time." He said sweetly.

"Apparently you haven't learned your lesson. I noticed you drove over here." Kate said.

"Yeah, but I haven't had anything to drink." He defended himself.

"Doesn't matter, you're not supposed to be driving." Kate lectured.

"I didn't speed and obeyed all the traffic laws. The way I see it, not being allowed to drive and the fear of getting caught has made me the safest driver on the road." Jack reasoned making her laugh.

They relaxed into the couch, watching television and talking and attending to the children when necessary. By 11:30 PM, both girls were asleep and Jack and Kate were wrapped up together on the couch under a blanket in case one of the girls walked in on them. They were dressed but were slowly working on undressing one another. She had his shirt unbuttoned and he had hers completely off, working slowly at getting the bra to follow. He kissed and nibbled at her neck, enjoying her soft warm skin under his lips while slowly exploring the rest of her. She busied her hands over his toned chest and stomach, impressed with how tight he was as she ran her fingers through the hair that seemed and felt like it was strategically placed in all the right spots. He was oozing with sex appeal and the more layers she peeled back the more he oozed, all of her thoughts starting to focus around what it would be like to make love with him.

Jack slowly and methodically freed Kate from her bra and when his large, warm hand covered her exposed breast she closed her eyes and enjoyed how incredibly wonderful it felt. He explored every inch of her breasts with his hand, gently massaging them and slowly gliding the pads of fingers over her nipples, not rushing or hurrying, seeming satisfied with being allowed to savor the naked breasts and the bare flesh of her stomach and back. She felt his fingers slip into the waistband of her pants, knowing he was testing the waters, waiting for her to push him away or tell him no, but she didn't want to push him away so she let him continue, realizing she'd just given him a green light to explore the most sensitive and private areas of her anatomy.

Jack kept his fingers just inside her pants waiting to be told no, to be asked not to keep going, but the request never came. He unbuttoned her pants and slowly pulled the zipper down, eager to continue to get to know her, but ready and willing to pull back if he was moving too fast for her. She was so beautiful and could make him smile and laugh like he hadn't laughed or smiled in so long. She was soft and sweet and the last two evenings with her had been as emotionally satisfying as anything he'd known since before he married his ex-wife. He wanted her physically, but not only in a lustful way. He knew that lust was a healthy part of sex, but when it came without passion and caring it was just sex and that wasn't what he wanted with Kate. He wanted to make love to her, to take care of every one of her needs and make her feel as special as she was quickly becoming to him.

He swallowed her mouth with his and slipped his hand inside the front of her pants, cupping his hand over her panty-covered heat and taking her reaction as his queue to continue on, as an invitation to go ahead and remove her pants and push himself inside her and he wanted nothing more than to do that, his need for her aching and filling the front of jeans, so uncomfortable he had to unfasten and unzip them. He pushed her pants down, leaving her in her panties, wrapping his arm tightly around her and pressing their bodies together, both of them releasing a sigh of contentment.

"Kate are you sure?" He whispered.

"Yes." She whispered back and kissed him with a wet, hungry mouth, pulling their bodies even tighter together, feeling his need for her screaming against the confines of his underwear and pressed against her, moaning into his mouth when she felt his hand slip into the back of her panties.

"Mommy! I gotta throw up!" The cry came from the bedroom causing both adults to freeze.

"Shit! Where's my shirt?" Kate huffed as they both stopped what they were doing and sat up quickly.

"Here, take mine." He offered and handed it to her.

Kate slipped his shirt on, buttoning it as she ran to take care of her daughter. Jack stood and fastened pants. He put his shoes on and found Kate's shirt and pants tangled in the blanket, taking them out and neatly folding them for her. He watched her walk through the living room, disappear into the kitchen and then come back through with a glass of water he guessed. She finally returned about 15 minutes later and sat beside him. He rubbed his hand over her back gently.

"Is she okay?" Jack asked.

"For now, but I get the feeling it's one of those stomach viruses and that it's going to be a long night." Kate said.

"Can I do anything? Want me to go find an all night pharmacy and get something for her?" Jack asked.

"You're sweet, but we'll probably just have to ride it out." Kate said.

"You sure?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm sorry Jack." She said.

"Don't be, it's fine, really. I should get my shirt back and get out of here, let you take care of your daughter." He said.

Kate slipped the shirt off and put her own clothes on. She handed him the shirt and he stood to put it on. She stood in front of him.

"Am I going to see you again?" She asked.

"I hope so, I'm starting to get attached I think." He said and smiled at her trying to let her know he wasn't mad and that he understood that the child needed her much more than he did at the moment.

"I'm serious Jack, please promise me you aren't mad." Kate pleaded with him.

"That'd make me a bit of an asshole don't you think?" Jack asked.

"No, it would make you human." Kate replied.

"I'm not mad Kate, a little disappointed, but it's hardly the end of the world. I understand that sick children take precedence over all else. I'll call you tomorrow and check on you guys and see if you feel like going out to dinner or something. Okay?" He said.

She walked him to the door and kissed him goodnight feeling a little disappointed herself. She considered feeling relieved, but decided she wasn't going to go off in that direction. He was kind and gentle and sweet and gorgeous and sleeping with him would leave her feeling many things she was sure, regret, not being one of them.

As anticipated the child was sick all through the night and into the next day. By the time her father picked her up Kate was too exhausted to want to do anything but take a bath and go to bed.

The following Monday at the clinic was busy. Jack had come in that morning, gave Kate a quick peck and disappeared into the back. When they closed for lunch he joined Kate and Barbie in the break room, his fresh coffee and crossword puzzle waiting for him.

"God, does this mean I belong now?" Jack remarked.

"We can only hope that you'll want to come back once your prison sentence is served." Kate said.

"I can think of one good reason I'd like to come back." He said and smiled at her.

Barbie could see the cutesy looks between them and rolled her eyes.

"So I guess you guys hooked up?" Barbie asked.

"Excuse me?" Jack asked.

"You know, hooked up, shagged, slept together." Barbie told him.

"That's none of your business Barbie." Jack said flatly.

"Come on Kate, you can tell me." Barbie pushed.

"Barbie we had dinner……..twice." Kate said.

"That's it? That's all you're going to tell me?" Barbie kept on not noticing that Jack was becoming annoyed with her.

"That's all you need to know." Jack offered his tone suggesting that should be the end of the discussion.

"Oh I see it's okay if everyone knows you slept with me, but Kate's off limits." Barbie whined.

"I didn't tell anyone and we didn't sleep together." Jack corrected her.

"What would you call it?" Barbie asked.

"I'd call it exactly what it was Barbie, but not in front of two ladies, excuse me." Jack said, taking his coffee and leaving the room.

"Barbie, you should really go out and try to find some class and dignity." Kate suggested and left the room in search of Jack.

She found him sitting outside on the backside of the building. His back was against the wall, knees up and arms resting on top of them staring straight ahead at nothing. She sat bedside him and he straightened his legs out, letting his hands fall to his lap and then finally taking hold of one of her hands.

"She's an airhead Jack, you really shouldn't let her get to you." Kate said.

"I know." He mumbled.

"So what's wrong?" Kate asked.

He encouraged her to sit in his lap. She straddled his legs and was facing him, his hands clamped loosely around her lower back. She leaned in and kissed him and then pulled back to look at him. His eyes were soft, but serious.

"Kate, if we had been allowed to finish what we started the other night it would've been good." Jack said, taking note of the look on her face and chuckling.

"No, I didn't mean it like that. I meant it would've been meaningful and special and hopefully what you'd consider good. I would've taken my time, made sure you knew I care about you, made sure you understood there were feelings involved." He told her.

Kate watched his face and the sincerity with which his statement was being delivered. This wasn't about him being cocky or touting his skills between the sheets. He was ashamed that she knew about his ten minute tryst with Barbie. He wanted to make sure she understood he would never treat her that way, that sex with her was important to him and important that he get it right so that she'd never question whether or not something meaningful had just taken place.

"Jack, I know that and I knew that when it was happening. I never would've let it go on if I didn't know there were feelings involved. You know Jack you're not the only person that ever participated in meaningless sex." Kate said and smiled at him.

"I'm shocked." He said and smiled at her.

"You are not." She laughed.

"I really do respect and care about you Kate." Jack said.

"I know you do and after a week of working with you, talking with you and spending time with you I really care about you too and believe me, nobody is more shocked about that than me because I typically keep all men at arm's length." Kate told him.

"I won't hurt you Kate, I promise." Jack said.

"Don't make promises like that Jack. You're a mess emotionally for some reason and the reckless things you do can and will hurt me whether you and I ever spend another moment together because you've made me care about you." Kate said.

"Maybe I won't be so reckless anymore." Jack offered.

"Maybe, but I'm not naïve enough to believe you've been magically cured overnight. Jack, I'm not asking you to be perfect. I'm telling you I understand you're flawed and dealing with things that obviously cause you quite a bit of pain and that I can deal with that as long as you're honest about it. People don't just wake up one day and magically turn over a new leaf, but people do slowly find ways to cope and move past the things that cause them to lean toward destructive behavior." Kate said.

"What about you? Who hurt you Kate? What makes you keep men at arm's length?" Jack asked.

"You've got your secrets Jack and I've got mine and maybe some day we'll share them with each other, but I like your idea of just learning about who we are today, exploring that and enjoying each other. There's plenty of time to talk about the unpleasant stuff." Kate said.

"Want to do something tonight?" He asked.

"What did you have in mind?" Kate asked.

"Dinner." He said.

"Okay. I can have Barbie stay after we close and do the restocking and we can get out of here earlier." She offered.

"No, we'd just end up not having everything ready to go in the morning. Besides, I wouldn't leave her here to walk to her car in the dark either. She's annoying, but I wouldn't want anything to happen to her." Jack said.

"You really are an adorable man when you're being all chivalrous." Kate said and kissed him.

He pulled her into him and deepened the kiss, neither coming up for air until Barbie opened the door, excused herself and quickly went back inside. He moved her off his lap, stood and held his hand out to help her up. He opened the door for them and followed her in, ready for whatever the afternoon had in store knowing he had a fun and pleasant evening to look forward to.


	6. Chapter 6

It was late when they finally left the clinic and Kate, determined to not allow Jack to drive on a suspended license suggested she drive him home and they order pizza and just relax together for awhile. He reluctantly agreed and while they waited on the pizza he excused himself, needing a shower to make him feel less disgusted for having been thrown up on by his last patient of the day. Kate knew when the child let loose all over him he wanted to get mad and be completely disgusted, but he kept his cool and assured the upset child that everything would be okay. She was impressed by how kind and patient he could be when a situation required patience and how quickly he could take charge and impatiently bark out orders when the situation required fast action and a cool head. He was a very good doctor and all signs seemed to be pointing to a very good man.

She strolled around his house while he was in the shower, finding a formal living area decked out with furniture not meant to be sat on and a piano. There were a couple of pictures of his children on the piano and that was it, no pictures of himself or other family members or his ex-wife. She heard the shuffle of his feet right before she felt his arms slip around her waist from behind.

"Is this for decoration or do you play?" Kate asked.

"I play." He answered.

"Will you play something for me?" She asked.

"I will, but not now, I have to be in the mood." He answered.

Kate didn't push the issue. They settled into his living room, ate their pizza and cuddled together on the couch watching television and then eventually finding themselves wrapped up together, mouths locked up and hands exploring, pulling at each other's clothes, ready to take the next step. He felt her hand reaching for the button at the top of his jeans and clamped his hand over hers.

"Do you want to go to the bedroom?" He asked in a soft, breathy tone.

She nodded and they moved off the couch, him holding her hand and leading her to his bedroom. They fell onto the bed and began kissing again, lying on their sides, their bodies pressed together, the heat between them making them sweat. He stopped kissing her and looked at her with a half grin.

"What?" She asked.

"Your pants are vibrating. Are you that turned on or do you have a cell phone in your pocket?" He teased.

Kate pulled the phone out of her pocket, looked at the caller ID and sat up quickly so she could take the call. Jack laid back and listened to Kate's side of the conversation.

"_Hey Maddie, it late baby, is everything okay?"_

"_Don't cry sweetie we'll do something else."_

"_No honey, mommy isn't mad. It's okay."_

"_I promise and I love you too. Can I talk to your dad while you go get ready for bed?"_

"_What the hell Michael? We've had those tickets for two months."_

"_Why do you always do this to me?"_

"_I know it's not my weekend, but I asked if I could have her before I ever bought the tickets."_

"_There's a place in hell reserved for you Michael."_

Kate closed the phone and then threw it against the wall shattering it and then put her hands over her face and began crying. Jack let her go for a bit and then finally pulled her down onto the bed with him. She buried her face in his chest, letting him wrap his arms around her and just hold her, not expecting her to stop crying or to talk to him, just offering comfort without questions. She finally stopped crying and moved around until her head was lying comfortably on his chest, his hand still gliding slowly over her back.

"I'm sorry." She said softly.

"Don't be. Do you want to talk about it?" He asked.

"It's just typical Michael making sure I don't forget who the puppet master is. Maddie loves to ice skate and there is this 'Stars on Ice' thing at the arena she wanted to go to so I bought tickets for us. It is this Saturday, which isn't one of my weekends, but I had asked Michael if he'd make an exception and let me have her and he said he would, but now I guess his wife and his other daughter decided they would like to go so he thinks it would be better if they just make it a family event and take Maddie with them. I guess being with her mom isn't considered a family event." Kate said and began crying again.

"I'm sorry." He said and tightened his grip on her, the pain she was feeling making him hurt for her and making him want to punch some guy he didn't even know.

He continued to hold her until she cried herself to sleep. He pulled a blanket over them and let himself sleep as well. She woke early the next morning, kissed him goodbye and told him she'd see him at the clinic.

Jack entered the clinic and Kate was sitting behind the reception desk finishing the filing that Barbie didn't get to. He walked up behind her, wrapped his arms around her and nibbled lightly on her neck, making her squirm and put her hands over his arms.

"Thank you for last night." She said.

"I didn't do anything." He said.

"Sure you did. I needed a friend and there you were, never bringing up the fact that once again I left you sexually frustrated." She said.

"Are you feeling better this morning?" He asked.

"I'm okay. I shouldn't have let it get to me. I was over tired and really disappointed and I guess I just needed to cry." She admitted.

"Yeah, well we all probably need to just cry once in awhile." He said as he leaned in and kissed her gently, pulling back and away from her when he heard the bell on the door.

He turned and saw a woman coming through the door and assumed she must be the infamous Dr. Porter he kept hearing about, but hadn't met yet.

"Good morning Kate and you must be Dr. Shephard." The woman said shaking his hand.

"Jack." He said.

"Jack Shephard, son of Christian Shephard? The same Jack Shephard that pulled off the miracle?" She asked and Kate looked at him, surprised that he was someone who was well known in medical circles and also noticing how uncomfortable he was all of the sudden.

"How do you know so much about me?" He asked in an attempt to down play the sudden celebrity-like status she'd just insinuated.

"My youngest son suffered a pretty severe spinal injury about three years ago. I've spent a lot of time looking for my own miracle." She told him.

"I'm sorry. Uh, I'm going to go grab some coffee. Can I get you ladies something?" Jack asked needing to end the conversation before it had a chance to get started.

"No thanks." They both answered and watched him disappear out the front door.

"Wow, Jack Shephard slumming in the 12th Street Clinic." Dr. Porter said.

"He's definitely out of his element, but he works hard and he saved a little girl's life last week." Kate said.

"He's one of the top surgeons in the area Kate, the man knows nothing but hard work. You look kind of surprised. Has he not told you about himself?" Dr. Porter asked.

"I don't think he likes to talk about himself much, but he's ours for the next month." Kate said, not wanting to continue the conversation, remembering the deal she'd made with Jack about digging into his past.

It was a busy day at the clinic. The two doctors stayed busy with the patients that came through the door and Kate and Barbie stayed busy with the computer technician. When the clinic closed for lunch, Jack slipped out the back door and made himself comfortable against the wall. The door opened a few minutes later and Kate appeared with his cup of coffee making him smile.

"I was going to come in, I just needed some air." He said.

"I know and I didn't come to invade your space, just to let you know Barbie didn't forget your coffee." Kate said.

Jack pulled her down into his lap and kissed her.

"You don't invade my space, you keep the space from feeling like it's going to swallow me up." He told her.

"How'd you get to be so charming?" Kate asked.

"I'm not, I'm just being honest." He said.

"Jack, I know that the things Dr. Porter brought up this morning made you uncomfortable, but it's okay, I'm not going to ask you to elaborate. When you're ready to talk about those things you will. You didn't pry last night and I'm not going to pry today. Besides, I'd already decided there was something special about you and apparently I was right." Kate told him, making him shoot her a shy, embarrassed smile.

She scooted forward, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, feeling his arms hold her securely to his chest and deepen the kiss, as if he needed to be lost in this particular space with just her, no past and no future, just the here and now, putting as much passion into this kiss as he had any kiss up to this point, even more so than when they were about to make love. When he finally pulled back she had to take a moment to catch her breath.

"That was quite a kiss Jack." She said still feeling a bit breathless.

"You're quite a woman Kate. Would you like to go out with me tonight?" He said and smiled at her.

"Why yes Dr. Shephard I would and since Dr. Porter will be here to help Barbie close up, we can get out of here at five." Kate said.

Meanwhile, inside the clinic break room, Dr. Porter joins Barbie at the table.

"Where's Kate?" Dr. Porter asked Barbie as she sat down with her sandwich and magazine.

"She took Jack his coffee." Barbie sighed.

"Jack doesn't eat with us?" She asked.

"He doesn't eat lunch, he drinks a large coffee and sits at the end of the table and does the crossword in the newspaper." Barbie said.

"He probably gets all the answers too, he's a very smart man or so I've heard." Dr. Porter said.

"I guess. He can be kind of a grump." Barbie complained.

"Can't we all, so why isn't he doing his crossword today?" Dr. Porter asked.

"Beats me, sometimes he just likes to sit outside and Kate likes to be wherever Jack is." Barbie groaned.

"Oh, I see. Good for Kate. She deserves a nice guy and from what I've heard he's one of the good ones." Dr. Porter said.

"It figures Kate would be the one that gets him." Barbie huffed.

"Barbie, I think Jack's probably a bit too mature for you, but you know what, I've got a 25 year old nephew that would love you." She said trying to cheer the girl up.

"Yeah, is he cute and if so how come I've never heard about him before?" Barbie asked.

"He's very good looking and he just moved here. He's enrolled at UCLA, continuing to work on his degree and he loves the nightlife as much as you do. Would you like to meet him?" She asked.

"Sure, thanks." Barbie said.

"No problem Barbie, but you have to do me a favor." Dr. Porter said.

"What?" Barbie asked.

"Stop acting like you're stupid. You're driving poor Kate crazy and we both know you're not as incompetent as you pretend to be, you're just being lazy." She lectured.

Barbie rolled her eyes, sighed and agreed to do better.

Against Kate's protests, Jack picked her up at her house and drove them to the restaurant they'd agreed on, using feeling emasculated by the idea of her picking him up as his reason for breaking the rules. They shared a pleasant dinner in a somewhat crowded atmosphere, but most atmospheres in Los Angeles were crowded and both had become accustomed to dealing with that aspect of an evening out. He drove her home and walked her to her front door. Kate looked at him and smiled.

"Do you want to come in?" She asked.

"Do you want me to?" He asked.

"Of course I do. We haven't had dessert yet." She said making him laugh.

He watched her unlock the door and followed her in. She dropped her purse and keys just inside the door and then wrapped her arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her for a long time, both breathless and somewhat wobbly-legged when they pulled apart.

"Want some ice cream?" She asked.

"I'd rather have a beer." He said.

"But if you have a beer then I can't allow you to leave and drive home." She said with a grin.

"I can live with that." He said returning the grin.

"Have a seat and I'll get you a beer." Kate said.

Jack sat on the couch and Kate disappeared into the kitchen. She returned moments later with a bottle of beer, a pint of ice cream and a spoon. She handed him the beer and sat beside him with the ice cream. He took a long drink of the beer, grabbed a coaster and set it down, leaning back into the couch. He watched her take a couple of bites of the ice cream, slowly licking the frozen treat off the spoon and then turning the spoon over in her mouth and pulling it out slowly, letting her tongue pull the remnants of the ice cream from the spoon. She noticed how intently he was watching her.

"What?" She asked in an amused tone.

"Nothing, I was just thinking how lucky that spoon is." Jack teased making her laugh.

"Want a bite? It's called 'Phish Food'. I eat around the little chocolate fish or spit them out." Kate said.

"You don't like chocolate or you don't like fish?" Jack asked.

"I don't like fish, it's disgusting." Kate told him.

"I'm glad I didn't suggest seafood then." He chuckled.

"No, I like lobster and shrimp and crab, quality, top of the line seafood. I just have never liked fish." Kate said.

"But Kate it's not really fish, it's just chocolate shaped like a fish." He tried to reason with her.

"I know, but it still creeps me out. Those little fish biscuit cracker things they sell in the grocery store in all different colors make me cringe every time I walk by them. Yuck." Kate said scrunching up her face and making him laugh.

"You're kind of cute you know that?" He said and leaned in to kiss her getting rewarded with a couple of little chocolate fish.

"Mmm, thanks, was that my dessert?" Jack asked and chewed up the chocolate morsels.

"I think we were meant to be together Jack. I finally have someone to eat the part of my favorite ice cream I can't stand and no that wasn't your dessert, I thought I'd be your dessert." Kate told him.

Jack took the ice cream from her and set it on the table in front of the couch. He pushed her back onto the cushion and closed his mouth over hers, her cold tongue eagerly meeting his until they perfected the dance and settled into lengthy, passionate kiss that eventually took them both down onto the couch, wrapped up together side by side, holding tightly to one another, neither wanting to come up for air. She could feel his hands moving over her body, down her back and over her hips, holding firmly to her butt and pulling her closer to him, both bucking their hips forward at the same time and grinding into one another for a moment. Kate pulled out of the kiss and away from him. She sat up and looked down into his dark, smoldering eyes and smiled at him before she stood and held her hand out.

He took hold of her hand and stood as well and she led him out of the living room and into her bedroom. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulled her into him and kissed her.

"You are so beautiful Kate." He said sweetly and began walking her backward toward the bed.

"Wait Jack, we have to talk about something first." Kate said as she stepped back, keeping her hands on his chest.

"What's wrong?" He asked worried he'd overstepped one of those invisible boundaries that women put up, but that men could never see until it was too late.

"Nothing is wrong, but we've never really discussed protection." Kate said.

"I have that taken care of." He said.

"Latex?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, why?" He asked.

"I'm allergic to latex or hadn't you noticed the synthetic gloves at the clinic." Kate explained.

Finding the situation more funny than frustrating, Jack began to laugh. He hugged her and kissed her quickly.

"It's okay Kate, I'm growing rather fond of our no sex sleepovers." Jack said sweetly.

"I'm sorry, I kept meaning to bring it up. I'm on the pill Jack so pregnancy isn't an issue, but…." Kate tried to find the right words.

"But HIV is." Jack finished her thought.

"I'm clean Jack and you being a surgeon I'm guessing you get tested often, but I'd understand if you were leery about trusting both the HIV and pill thing and would rather not risk it." Kate said.

Jack kissed her and began pushing her toward the bed again. They fell onto the bed and she rolled on top of him and pulled out of the kiss, looking at him with questioning eyes.

"I trust you Kate. Do you trust me?" He asked as he sat up with her in his lap.

She nodded and began kissing him again, falling back onto the bed, wrapped around each other, eager and hungry for one another. He rolled her onto her back and pulled back, looking into her eyes and stroking her cheek softly with his finger. She was looking at him with so much trust and desire that he had to take a moment to get his emotions in check. He kissed her softly and began unbuttoning her shirt while watching her, both of them silent, absorbing every detail of the moment.

With her shirt unbuttoned and her pants unfastened they both moved off the bed and stood beside it, just enough light in the room to see one another, but not so bright they felt self-conscious. She unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it back off his shoulders and arms, the toned beautiful chest and stomach she'd had her hands all over a few nights ago now on display for her, looking every bit as good as it had felt. He pushed her shirt off her shoulders and down her arms, reaching behind her to unclasp her bra before slowly gliding the straps down her arms and watching it fall away from her body and to the floor. His hands instinctively went toward her breasts, covering them gently for a moment and then tracing his fingers lightly around the edges and up, his thumbs grazing her nipples, hardening instantly. He brought his mouth down and covered one nipple and then the other, alternating slowly between them as she arched her back and moaned lightly.

He pulled back and pulled her into his chest. Feeling her trembling slightly he began kissing her mouth and then around her jaw-line and neck up to ear, whispering words of comfort and assurance while his strong hands moved over her soft, bare back, holding onto her as if he were the only thing supporting her. She was becoming putty in his hands, all of her senses heightened and her brain slowly giving way to the blissful fog that was attempting to cloud her thoughts. She felt him lay her back onto the cool sheets. When he'd pulled the comforter back and out of the way she wasn't sure. He began sliding her pants down her legs, leaving her in her panties wanting to squirm under his watchful eye but paralyzed with anticipation of what was coming next.

She watched him unbutton and then unzip his khakis, letting them fall to the floor and slowly stepping out of them. He stood before her in his tight boxer briefs, his desire for her thick and bulging, begging to be set free. She sat up and placed her hands on either side of the waist band of his boxers, looking up at him, and feeling the crotch of her panties become soaked when she saw the way he was looking back at her. He wanted her and only her, his body, his mind and his heart hungry for her, ready to devour her one small piece at a time. She slowly pulled the boxers down, careful to pull the front out and away, releasing him. She caught herself staring for a moment and then continued sliding the boxers down his legs, allowing her body to brush lightly against his erection. She reached out to touch him, but he pulled her hand away. He laid her back onto the bed again, following on top of her, both of them moving and scooting around until they found the center of the bed.

He moved in-between her legs and hovered over her, noticing she was holding her breath as if anticipating a violent invasion. He moved closer to her and began kissing her shoulders and her neck, covering her with sweet, warm, wet kisses and he heard her suck in her breath and looked up at her.

"Do you want me to stop?" He asked, not angry, but genuinely concerned.

"I'm sorry, I'm nervous. I told you I was out of practice." She apologized.

"Kate we can stop if you aren't ready." He offered.

"No, I want to, I'm just, what if it's really bad, if I'm really bad." She said.

"Then we'll just have to keep practicing until we get it right." He suggested making her smile.

"Okay." She agreed and pulled him in for another kiss. He moved his mouth to her ear and spoke softly to her.

"Close your eyes Kate and I'll help you relax." He said and began moving his mouth down her neck and shoulders.

She took a deep breath, laid her arms back so that the back of her hands were resting on the pillow and closed her eyes. She could feel his mouth moving slowly over her body, the heat radiating from his body as he hovered just inches above her, gently tantalizing her flesh, turning her nervousness into desire as she began to squirm underneath him. His mouth clamped onto her nipple and she moaned as he held it gently between his teeth and moved his tongue over it. He moved slowly to the other nipple, repeating the procedure while gliding his fingers lightly over her stomach making her squirm more. She finally put both of her hands on his head and held him to her breast, pushing toward him, demanding he suck harder without verbalizing her demands. She felt him smile against her breast and then felt his hands massage both breasts while he sucked the nipple into his mouth with more suction and less biting, alternating from one side to the other his thigh strategically rubbing over the crotch of panties, her breathing turning into panting, her hands clutching his shoulders and then the cries of surprise and relief as he took her over the edge, her thighs clamped tightly around his leg. She finally loosened her grip on his shoulders and relaxed back into the pillows again. He moved up and kissed her slowly and deeply, moving his tongue in and around and then back out, ending the kiss and pulling back to look at her. Her eyes were hazy, little beads of sweat were on her forehead and she simply sighed at him.

"Still nervous?" He asked.

She shook her head no very slowly, her brain still trapped in a state of euphoria. He moved down her body, sitting between her legs and slowly pulling her panties down. They were wet and she was wet and as soon as he caught of whiff of her sex he had to concentrate and focus to resist the urge to plunge into her. With her panties out of the way, he looked up at her. God she was beautiful. Her skin a light pinkish color, her body heated up and wanting him, her eyes begging and her hands finally reaching out and grabbing his shoulders, pulling him forward. He pushed a finger inside to make sure she was ready for him before positioning his throbbing, dripping head at her entrance. He looked at her, looking for any sign that he should stop.

"Please Jack, I want you, I do." Kate assured him.

With that he began pushing into her slowly. She was so wet he wanted to thrust with everything he had, but she was also very tight so he was letting her accept him on her terms not his. He finally pushed himself inside all the way making her moan and pull him down for a kiss.

He kissed her while moving in and out of her slowly, finally moving his mouth to her ear and talking to her, feeling her responding and then thrusting harder and deeper, her walls starting to clench around him as her release built, her face flushed, pulling him to her so she could kiss him and hold him and rock back and forth in rhythm with him, relaxed, enjoying it and confident with what she was doing.

"Jack, I can't believe…." She panted and then came again, holding tightly to him, his thrusts slowing, allowing her to ride it out.

When she was finished he slowly rolled them over, keeping them connected, her lying over his chest, too wobbly from the orgasm to move. He sat up slowly with her, staying inside her, wrapping his arms around her and locking her up in another deep, wet passionate kiss, his cock throbbing deep inside of her making her wonder if she'd ever experienced anything that felt this connected, this personal before and all she wanted to do was please him, make him feel as good as he had been making her feel. She pushed him back onto the bed and kissed him once more before sitting up, feeling him slip deeper within her, the sensation making him groan and thrust up into her out of reflex more than anything.

She put her hands on his chest and began to ride him, finally sitting up straight and rotating over him, grinding into him and then bouncing up and down and repeating her moves all while reaching behind her and gently massaging his swollen balls, watching him close his eyes and concentrate, so close to losing control as she continued to work over him.

"Jesus Kate." He panted through clenched teeth as he tried to hang on.

Her slippery walls gyrating around him while her small, delicate hand handled his balls with expertise was becoming too much for him and he knew his release just moments away. He encouraged her to lay forward on him again wanting and needing to thrust into her and bring her over the edge with him. He held onto her just above the hips and thrust in and out of her, making her slide over him, getting just the right friction to send her tiny little nub of nerves into one more frenzied state of electric bliss. She clenched around him and again and then went still, her mouth shaped like an 'O', but no noise coming out, caught in the middle of something that felt so good she couldn't make a sound. He watched her orgasm, watched her face and watched her mouth make that shape with no sound and when she was done and collapsed onto his chest he let go, filling her with his hot seed again and again and again, his sweat covered body jerking with each release as indiscernible noises slipped from his lips.

She finally lifted her head from his chest, the sweat on their bodies starting to cool under the ceiling fan above the bed. He was still inside her, not completely soft, but no where near the size and strength he'd penetrated her with initially. She looked into his sleepy eyes while his hand gently brushed the hair back away from her face.

"You okay?" He asked.

"I'm great. You?" She asked making him chuckle lightly.

"Making love to you was beyond anything I had imagined, I'm better than great." Jack said.

She moved forward letting him slip out of her, moving off of him and snuggling up beside him. He grabbed the comforter and pulled it over them, lying on his side, their faces just inches apart. They looked at each other in the dim light, neither wanting to get up and turn it off.

"I know I'm a poor substitute for a cute little girl with pigtails, but I'd love to do something fun with you this weekend." He said.

"More fun than what we just did?" She asked her voice lazy and happy.

"No such thing, but it would come in a close second." He said.

"Sure." She said and kissed him.

He rolled onto his back and let her snuggle up next to him, wrapping his arm around her and kissing the top of her head.

"Goodnight Kate."


	7. Chapter 7

_**Thanks for the reviews and I'm glad you're enjoying it. To answer the question about why Kate didn't have the appropriate protection available, well before Jack there were no real prospects and since she met Jack she's thought about it, but really hasn't had the time to take care of it. It's one of those things that you think about in the moment and then get busy and forget about it again. The reason for even including that was to illustrate the difference in how Jack handled that situation with Barbie and then with Kate. There's nothing sinister going on.**_

He was awakened by light kisses on his chest and a small hand softly wrapping itself around his semi-erect penis. He thought about pulling her hand away, but decided he really had no desire to do that, unable to recall the last time a woman had enjoyed touching him or better yet, the last time he enjoyed allowing a woman to touch him.

Every sexual encounter he'd had since he split with his wife had been of the detached variety. There was no emotion and very little contact other than him thrusting himself into the bimbo that was begging to be fucked. Like Barbie, he'd resist in the beginning and as the evening wore on and the liquor consumed him he'd give in, but never sleep with them, never take them home with him or go home with them. It was always a one-time fuck in his car or in a bathroom or against a wall, any place that would be void of feelings, caring or intimacy.

He pushed those thoughts out of his head and focused on the beautiful creature currently making a meal out of him, stopping her when she latched onto his throat intent on leaving a mark. She moved off of his chest back onto the mattress and rolled over.

"Sorry, I should've let you sleep." She said sounding as if she felt she'd done something wrong.

"Hey no, it's okay, I just didn't want a big hickey where people can see it." He explained.

"It's fine. I shouldn't have." She said softly.

He propped himself up on his elbow and put his hand on her shoulder, encouraging her to turn around and look at him. She looked embarrassed and nervous again. He lay down beside her so their faces were just inches apart.

"Kate, I liked it, all of it, I'm sorry if I ruined it for you." He said sweetly maintaining eye contact with her.

"It's okay, it was dumb to…..well, it doesn't matter." She said.

"Kate, what's going on with you?" He asked completely confused by her reaction.

"Nothing, I told you I wasn't very good at this. I'll get better." She assured him.

He moved closer and kissed her, wrapping his large hands around her small hands and holding them between them at their chests, beginning to understand that for whatever reason she was apprehensive about sex, worried she wouldn't be good at what she's doing, worried about touching wrong or initiating when the other person doesn't want it. He couldn't imagine what man in his right mind wouldn't want to have sex with her 24/7, but that wasn't the issue right now.

"You are good at this Kate. What you did to me last night was insanely good and waking up to that this morning, trust me, you can wake me up like that any time, hell you don't even have to wait for me to be asleep. Touch, feel, grope and bite me all you want, just not where I have to explain the really big mosquito in my bed to my patients." He told her making her laugh a little.

"Okay." She said softly, pulling her hands from his and wrapping them around his neck.

He pulled her body into his and kissed her, the kiss growing deeper and wetter as the familiar hunger started to consume them. He moved his hand down and encouraged her to open up for him. She lifted her leg onto his hip and moaned into his mouth when one then two fingers began moving in and out of her.

"If you want to make love Kate, all you ever have to do is say so." He whispered in a caring, calming tone and continued moving his fingers in and out slowly, gliding them up through her crease and then back down, her entire crotch becoming wet, slippery and hot, her clit swelling and growing more and more sensitive.

"Make love to me Jack." She said grinding her hips into his.

He removed his fingers, reached up, took hold of her hand and guided it down between them, letting it rest on his now fully erect cock. She wrapped her hand around him and moved it slowly up and down his velvety shaft, letting her thumb glide over his tip and spread the juices that had collected there, smiling when she heard him groan with satisfaction, growing wetter with anticipation. She put him into position, feeling him push her thigh up a little higher over his hip right before he pushed into her, joining them fully and then wrapping his arms around her, pulling her closer as he began slowly thrusting in and out of her.

She wrapped her hands around his neck and found his mouth again, eager to be connected to him as many places as possible, their tongues matching the rhythm of their centers, wet and slow, but intense and hungry, both of them moaning every time he thrust as deep as he could go, nothing between them, flesh on flesh. The moment was intensely intimate, a slow healing process beginning, yet neither aware that they were helping to exorcise the demons that haunted the other.

They continued their lovemaking, wrapped up tightly, slowly grinding their hips together, their stomachs and chests slick with sweat as they rubbed together, both becoming verbal as their releases neared, grunting, groaning and crying out as they crashed over the edge, their bodies stuck together, quivering and shaking against the powerful orgasms that rocked them simultaneously.

Their bodies finally stilled, but didn't separate. They held onto one another, closing their eyes and allowing their minds another 15 minutes of rest before separating.

"You're amazing." He said sweetly.

"You're not so bad yourself." She replied.

"I should go." He said.

"Yeah, I should get up and get ready for work." She said.

"I won't be in until this afternoon. I have some things to take care of. Dr. Porter will be there though won't she?" Jack asked.

"She'll be there today, but will be out the rest of the week. Is everything okay Jack?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, I've just got some things to take care of this morning." He said and kissed her gently one more time before sitting on the side of the bed to begin dressing.

He dressed, kissed her goodbye and left knowing he was about to have a very bad day, hoping the wonderful night and morning he'd just had would be enough to sustain him. Kate lay in the bed thinking about the night and morning they had just shared unable to remember a time when any man had managed to make her feel as wanted as he had. Was he just a really good lover or did he really care about her at least a little bit? She hoped it was the latter, but wasn't ready to believe it just yet. However, she knew she was starting to care about him, probably more than she should. She worried about the painful things that were trying to consume him, but she hadn't felt the way she was currently feeling in so long that she was fairly certain he was going to be worth the effort it would take to help him heal if he'd be willing to let her in.

Kate sat at the break room table with Anne Porter, long time friend and confidant as well as a professional that helped her keep her dream of helping the less fortunate alive. She could tell Kate was preoccupied, noticing that she kept looking at her watch and looking toward the door every time it opened and the bell rang. She watched her stirring her fork around the salad they had ordered from the deli across the street and finally spoke.

"Barbie tells me that you and Jack are seeing each other." Anne said deciding not to beat around the bush and just put it out there.

"Barbie needs to mind her own business." Kate sighed.

"So are you seeing him?" Anne pushed.

"Yeah, I guess I am." Kate said and looked at her watch.

"So? Is he as nice as I've heard he is?" Anne asked.

"Yeah he's nice, but……" Kate hesitated.

"But what?" Anne asked.

"I'm not sure. I think he's in a lot of pain Anne, so much pain that he's been trying to destroy himself. Should I allow myself to get involved in something like that?" Kate asked.

"I can't answer that Kate, that's up to you. Why do you think he's in pain? Has he said something?" Anne asked.

"Anne, his DUI and the trouble before that seem to be about him finding ways to kill the pain. He doesn't want to talk about his life before he came here to work off his community service. He says there is time to talk about the bad things that have nothing to do with us later." Kate said.

"That sounds reasonable enough. Maybe when he's with you he's not hurting so much and would rather enjoy you than dwell on his past." Anne offered.

"Maybe. Yesterday you said he was the son of Christian Shephard as if that was a big deal. Is his father somebody important?" Kate asked.

"His father was one of the finest surgeons in the area, his cutting edge procedures were featured in medical journals quite often." Anne answered.

"Was?" Kate asked.

"Yes, Christian Shephard died very suddenly about 4 months ago, a heart attack I think." Anne said.

"That's probably been difficult for Jack." Kate said.

"I'm sure it has, losing a parent is hard." Anne offered.

"Do you know if they were close?" Kate asked.

"Kate, I never met either one of them before yesterday, I've just heard about their work. They worked in the same hospital together, that's really all I know about their relationship." Anne said.

"I'm being ridiculous right? I mean he's fun, he makes me laugh, we have a good time together and he treats me like I matter, so I shouldn't be upset that he said he'd be here by now and he isn't." Kate said.

"You forgot to mention that he's gorgeous, but you probably shouldn't be upset, he's probably just gotten tied up some place." Anne offered.

Anne and Kate spent the rest of the afternoon, shuffling patients through, Kate staying too busy to continue to worry that Jack hadn't shown up. They closed the clinic together and walked to their cars together, Kate quiet and chewing on her bottom lip.

"Did you try to call him?" Anne asked.

"Yeah, but his phone is turned off." Kate said.

"Kate if you're worried, go to his house and make sure he's okay." Anne insisted.

"No, what if he's busy or what if he has another woman there. It's not my place to check up on him." Kate argued.

"From what you've described it doesn't sound like he's got anyone else to check up on him. Go and find him Kate or you're just going to spend the rest of the night worrying." Anne told her.

"I might. Goodnight Anne and thanks." Kate said.

Kate sat in her car feeling a little miffed that he hadn't even bothered to call and a little worried that he hadn't even bothered to call. Jack had displayed a responsible side that wouldn't just not show up when people were counting on him to be there. She sighed heavily and made the decision to drive to his house to make sure he was okay. If it pissed him off it did, but at least she'd be able to sleep tonight.

Kate pulled into the driveway of his home. The house looked deserted and she was about to back out and just go home when she noticed that the front door was open. The storm door was closed, but the heavy wooden door was open about half way. She turned the engine off and walked up the sidewalk to the front door. She rang the doorbell and waited, but he never came to the door. She entered the house knocking lightly on the wooden door and calling out to him, but there was nothing. She could hear voices coming from the living room and quickly determined it was the television so she walked toward the room expecting to find him asleep on the couch, but what she found sickened her at first and then scared her.

The television was on, along with the stereo. There was an empty bottle of scotch on the coffee table and another one, 2/3 of the way full clutched in Jack's hand. He was passed out on the floor lying in his own vomit and judging by the stench in the room his own urine as well. Disgust and then anger rushed over her and she decided to just leave him in his own mess of body fluids. She was just about to turn around and leave when she noticed the prescription bottle on the coffee table and her anger turned to fear and she immediately rushed over to where he was lying and rolled him onto his back.

She checked for a pulse and found it easily, it wasn't strong, but it wasn't dangerously weak either. She looked at the bottle of pills. They were tranquilizers and 30 had been prescribed. She dumped the contents of the bottle onto the table and began counting the remaining pills. There were 24 left in the bottle.

"Jesus Christ Jack, what did you do yourself?!" She screamed to the room as she tried to bottle the panic that was rising.

She straddled his stomach and began slapping at his cheeks. He opened his red, glazed-over eyes and looked at her.

"Thank god, come on, let's get you up." Kate said as she moved off of him.

She positioned herself behind him and used every bit of strength she had to push him up to the seated position. She moved to his side and draped his arm over her shoulder.

"You're going to have to help me here Jack. Stand up." Kate coaxed.

He simply stared down at the floor and then back at her.

"God damn it Jack! Get your ass up now!" She screamed breaking through the glaze and seeing some reaction in his eyes.

"Okay, don't yell." He mumbled drunkenly and began the task of getting to his feet.

They stumbled into his bedroom together, entirely too much of his 200 pound frame being supported by her, but she somehow managed to find the strength to drag him into the large octagon shaped shower and help him slide down the wall. She turned the water on and aimed as many of the jets as she could at his head and torso. He barely reacted to the cold sensation, his head wobbling from side to side the most resistance he could muster. She sat in front of him, talking to him, letting the water rush over him, determined to sit in there with him for as long as it took.

"You smell really bad you know that." She said as she continued to talk to him and began stripping his vomit covered shirt off of him.

"Kate." He mumbled.

She held his face in her hands and looked at him. His eyes stared back at hers, as sad and tormented as anything she'd ever seen and she no longer had any anger for him, the look putting a large lump in her throat and forcing her to fight back the tears she suddenly felt like she needed to shed on his behalf.

"God Jack what happened, what is so awful you'd do this to yourself." Kate asked, getting no coherent response from him.

They sat in the water together until he started to come around a little more. He tried to stand up and she grabbed his arm.

"Where do you think you're going?" She asked not really expecting a response.

"I need to go to the bathroom." He mumbled and continued trying to stand.

"Just go, you're already covered in your own vomit and urine anyway." Kate told him.

Jack looked down at himself and then at her, starting to sober up enough for the reality of the situation to sink in, suddenly feeling humiliated and ashamed, but too drunk and drugged to do anything about it.

"I'm not going to piss myself in front of you Kate." He slurred stubbornly and tried to stand up again.

"Jack, you can't even stand up. Just go, it's not a big deal." She said.

"I don't want you to see this Kate. Could you please leave? I'll be okay." He pleaded with her.

This strong man reduced to a soggy, vomit and urine smelling mess begging her not to look at him, as if in his eyes she were too good to be exposed to something so vile, not only broke her heart, but made her even more determined not to leave his side. She put his arm over her shoulder and helped him stand.

"I'm not leaving you like this Jack. Come on, I'll help you get to the toilet, but you have to do the rest yourself." Kate said, using a soft, compassionate tone.

She walked him to the toilet, unfastened his pants for him, helped him support himself on the wall with one hand and turned around while he took care of the rest. When he was finished she walked him back to the shower.

"It's cold. I don't want to go back in there." He protested.

"Jack, you've got a large amount of alcohol and at least six tranquilizers in your body and this is the best way to keep you awake." Kate told him.

"It's not six, I think it's only two, maybe three." Jack slurred still very drunk and drugged but coherent enough to start remembering what he'd done.

"There were six missing from the bottle Jack." Kate told him.

"It's not a new prescription. Three were already missing. I'm okay Kate, no more cold water. Please." Jack begged.

"Fine, then let's get you cleaned up." Kate said as she turned the hot water on to mix with the cold and helped him removed his pants and boxers.

She stepped into the shower with him, keeping him propped up against the wall and starting to wash the vomit off his chest. He grabbed her hand and took the bath sponge from her.

"I can do it." He protested.

"I know you can, but I want to do it. Okay?" She said.

He nodded and let his head rest against the wall. She washed him from head to toe, turned the water off and handed him a towel. He wiped his face, chest and arms and sloppily wrapped it around his waist and she walked him into the bedroom and sat him on the bed.

"Do you think you can sit there for a minute?" She asked.

"Yeah, I'm okay." He told her.

"No you really aren't, but at least you're not going to die. I'll get you some clothes." Kate said as she entered his closet and left him sitting on the bed.

When she returned with the clean clothes he was lying on the pillow asleep, the lower half of his body still hanging off the bed. Confident that the crisis was over, Kate lifted his legs onto the bed, pulled the wet towel off of him and covered him with the blanket that was folded at the foot of the bed. She tucked the blanket around his shoulders lightly and kissed his temple. He opened his eyes and looked at her.

"I'm sorry Kate." He said sadly.

"Go to sleep Jack." Kate said softly.

He closed his eyes, his body succumbing to a heavy alcohol and tranquilizer induced sleep that would last until morning. Kate watched him sleep for a few minutes and then looked at her soaked clothes. She peeled them off, put on one of his t-shirts and put her clothes along with the ones she'd peeled off of him into the washing machine. She busied herself cleaning up the mess he'd made in the living room, took a shower and dressed in her fresh, clean dry panties and one of his shirts. She folded the rest of her clothes and his and set them on his dresser.

She sat beside him on the bed and watched him sleep for awhile. She knew she probably should've called an ambulance, but felt like she needed to protect him from damaging his reputation any further. That the need to protect him came so naturally made her realize she cared a lot more than she had admitted to herself. The sinking fear that make her blood run cold when she saw the bottle of pills made her realize he'd managed to sneak into her heart. She was usually better about keeping her guard up and not letting men in, but Jack was different and as big of a mess as he was at the moment he was probably the least daunting man and relationship she'd ever known. She kissed his cheek softly and scooted off the bed. She found a pillow and a blanket and made herself comfortable on the couch, not really sure how she would handle him in the morning, but positive that if he wanted her to stick around he was going to make some serious and immediate changes.


	8. Chapter 8

He opened his eyes in the darkness and lay perfectly still, the throbbing in his head making him more alert than he wanted to be, the memories of the previous day starting to come to light and then he suddenly sat up and looked around the room. Had she left or had she really even been there? He looked down at his nude body and came to the painful realization that what he was remembering had happened and wasn't a crazy dream. He pushed the blanket off his legs and put his feet on the floor, holding to the side of the bed as he stood, not sure if his legs were going to hold him up. He was weak and dizzy for a moment, but standing still and allowing his body and brain to adjust allowed him to finally stand on his own. He walked to the dresser, pulled out a pair of sweatpants and stumbled a bit while pulling them on. He felt the cold sweat taking over his body and moved to the bathroom as quickly as possible, emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet, finding that he felt a little more human afterward, not that this surprised him, he was used to the routine, with the exception of the tranquilizers that were seriously messing with his ability to clear his mind.

He splashed cold water over his face, rinsed his mouth, brushed his teeth and rinsed again, washing away the odd mixture of tastes, none of which were particularly good. He stumbled out of the bathroom and looked at the digital clock beside his bed. It was 5:20 AM, his last memory of time of day being sometime around 4:30 PM the previous day. He moved slowly out of the bedroom toward the kitchen in search of coffee and aspirin, the idea that in less than three hours he'd need to be together enough to deal with sick, whiney patients not the least bit appealing or even seeming doable at this point.

He walked through the living room and stopped, the sight of her curled up in a ball on his couch making his heart skip a beat. She'd seen him at his absolute worst and hadn't fled. He wouldn't blame her if she had and he wouldn't blame her if she woke up today and ended whatever it was they had going. He'd let her creep in and allow him to feel again, to enjoy a woman again, to feel almost giddy with anticipation when he knew he was going to see her and the idea that she might walk out of his life in just a few minutes bothered him more than he wanted to admit.

He continued on into the kitchen, brewed a pot of coffee and swallowed four aspirin down with a glass of water. When the coffee finished, he poured himself a cup and then one for her, adding cream and two sugars and then shaking his head over the fact that after just a few dates he actually remembered how she took her coffee. He walked into the living room, set the coffee on the table and then lowered himself onto the couch cushion gently. He watched her sleep for a moment, enjoying how sweet and peaceful she looked, wishing he could let her sleep, but knowing she'd want to get up and get ready for work. He reached out and shook her gently until her eyes opened, confused at first and then relief at the sight of him followed by immediate anger at him for what he'd put her through. Watching her switch gears so quickly startled him and he backed away from her a little, not sure if she was going to kiss him or punch him.

"I brought you some coffee." He said.

"Thanks." She said softly and sat up.

"Kate…." He started, but was stopped by her putting her hand up.

"Jack, I'm so angry that I don't even want to hear _'I'm sorry'_ from you because they're just words. Just tell me one thing, were you trying to kill yourself or did the alcohol just make you that stupid?" She asked.

"I wasn't trying to kill myself Kate, I got confused. I wanted to sleep, but I couldn't remember if I took a pill yet so I took another and then repeated that pathetic process a third time before I passed out." He admitted.

"Why would you do that Jack? You're a doctor, you should know better. Do you really not care whether you live or die?" Kate asked.

"Kate if I wanted to die, I'd kill myself and in a much neater fashion than what you walked in on last night. I had a terrible morning and I should've just come to the clinic and worked my way through it, but instead I stopped to have a drink for lunch and well you can guess the rest." Jack said.

"What happened Jack? When you left my house you seemed happy and relaxed. What could've gone so horribly wrong that I'd find you in the mess you were in?" Kate asked.

"I don't want to talk about it Kate." Jack said.

"I don't care what you want Jack. I tried to call you all afternoon. I was so worried about you I came over here after work and I find you laying in a puddle of your own waste and a bottle of pills on the table. Do you have any idea how scared I was? Scared enough to find the strength to drag all 200 pounds of you into that shower and sit in there and freeze to death until I was sure you weren't going to die. You don't want to talk about it? Fuck you Jack!" Kate yelled and started to get up, stopped by him grabbing her arm.

"Kate please, I just need some time to sort it out. I'm grateful and touched that you did what you did for me last night and I'm sorry I scared you. I never wanted to hurt you." He pleaded with her.

"I'm sorry too Jack because I don't have any more time to give you. Time is just a stall tactic, it's just another excuse for you to keep things locked up inside and let it eat away at you until you are so miserable you do what you did to yourself yesterday and I'm not going to stick around and watch it Jack. If you want to continue whatever this is between us, you'll tell me what in the hell is going on with you because at least then I could understand where your pain is coming from and maybe help you find healthier ways to deal with it." Kate stood firm.

"I'm sorry Kate and I'm ashamed and I wish I could take it all back, but I can't. I can't talk about this right now; I wouldn't even know where to start. I need to clear my head and get ready to go play doctor for the next 9 hours." Jack said.

"That's too bad Jack." Kate said sadly and pulled herself up.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"I'm going to get dressed and go home, get ready for work." She said and left him sitting alone with his coffee and his secrets.

The day at the clinic was long and difficult. His head finally stopped throbbing around 2 PM, about the same time his stomach finally settled. Kate barely spoke to him and only when it had to do with something involving a patient, addressing him as Dr. Shephard the entire day. She left promptly at 5 PM informing him that Barbie would be closing up and he could stay and help or not. He stayed and helped her restock the supplies, neither speaking to the other until he walked her to her car and stood by until she was safely inside of it. He began walking away and she rolled her window down and called out to him. He walked back to the car, hands in his pockets, clearly agitated, but trying to stay patient.

"Did you forget something?" He asked.

"No, I just wanted to talk to you about Kate for a minute." Barbie said.

"No Barbie, we aren't going to talk about Kate. Good night." He said and turned to leave.

"I know it's none of my business Jack, but she's probably the best friend I've ever had and the last couple of days she's smiled like I've never seen her smile and she's been happy, a kind of happy I've never seen Kate enjoy and today she was so miserable and I don't know what happened, but if it can be fixed will you please try to fix it." Barbie pleaded with him.

"She deserves better than what I have to offer Barbie." Jack said.

"Maybe, but she really likes you Jack, cares about you and no offense, but you seem like you really need someone, anyone to care about you so why would just walk away from that?" Barbie pushed.

"Why indeed." He mumbled.

"Sorry?" Barbie asked.

"Huh, oh, um it's nothing. I know you're trying to help and it's appreciated and I'll think about it. Good night Barbie." Jack said and continued walking away from her.

Kate sat in her living room flipping through the channels with the remote. She heard the light knock on her front door and grabbed the $20 off the coffee table, wondering why the pizza guy didn't ring the doorbell. She came around the corner and saw him standing behind the storm door, hands behind his back wearing a face that dared her to try to turn him away. She opened the storm door and stepped out onto the porch with him. He handed her a single red rose and a small white bag. She took the rose and peeked inside the bag. It held a container of her favorite ice cream and she smiled at the gesture.

"Thank you Jack, you're very sweet and I know you're sorry and that you mean it, but a pretty flower and a pint of ice cream isn't what I want or need from you." Kate said and looked down, his eyes so sad and desperate that she couldn't stand to look into them any longer.

"Kate, why are you pushing so hard?" Jack asked.

"Because I'm afraid for you Jack." She said sadly.

"Don't be. I told you I didn't want this, that I didn't want you to feel sorry for me." Jack said.

"I don't feel sorry for you Jack, I care about you and I can't, I won't watch you hurt yourself anymore. Now please, just go." Kate said as she turned away from him and opened the door stopping when she felt him grab her arm.

"What do you want from me Kate?" Jack asked.

"I want you to tell me why a man who has so much going for him is trying to destroy himself." Kate told him.

"Kate, I'm not trying to destroy myself, I realize that I probably am slowly accomplishing just that, but I don't get up in the morning and say, _'Gee, how can I fuck up my life today'_." Jack told her, the sarcasm thick.

"Jack, I can see that you are full of anger and hurt, but I didn't piss you off and I certainly haven't hurt you so maybe you should save the hateful sarcasm for someone who has. You want to keep all your hurt and pain inside and let it consume you, fine. Go home and wallow in it Jack. We're done. I'll see what I can do about getting your services transferred to another clinic." Kate said and pulled away from him.

"She's trying take them away from me for good Kate." Jack said stopping her.

She turned around again, his eyes so desperate that she couldn't stand it any longer. She spotted the pizza delivery man over his shoulder and gave Jack the $20 she had in her hand, earning her a very confused look from him.

"Pay for the pizza and come inside. I'm going to put my ice cream away before it melts" Kate said and left him standing on the porch.

Jack paid for the pizza and carried it into the house. He stopped just inside the dining room and she instructed him to take it into the living room where she joined him with two plates, two napkins and two sodas. They ate the pizza and then relaxed into the couch, sitting side by side, strangely relaxed considering what was lingering in the air between them.

"So, would you like to hear about how I'd give anything to be able to talk to my dad right now, but I can't because he drank himself to death over what I did to him or how my ex-wife let me fall in love with my children and raise them for 14 months before leaving me and then coming back with an _'oh by the way, the kids aren't yours'_." Jack said.

Kate didn't respond. She simply moved closer to him, relaxed into him and allowed him to continue on, the flood gates slowly opening and judging by the shakiness in his voice, all of it about to come spilling out.

"You know the worst part about hearing that was that I wasn't even surprised. I knew she'd been having an affair, but we patched things up, gave the marriage another go and then she got pregnant and I knew things weren't great, but I thought we were okay, but apparently we weren't. The thing is; I don't care. As far as I'm concerned they are my children. I cared for them and loved them and walked around for hours with them when they wouldn't stop crying and she was too exhausted to deal with them any longer. I'd put them in their carriers, set them on top of the piano and play for them. It always calmed them down, the vibrations from the piano seeming to soothe them when nothing else could." He continued on, smiling and laughing lightly as he recalled his moments with his children.

"No wonder you weren't overly eager to play for me. I'm sorry." Kate said and he simply acknowledged her with a nod and a deep breath before continuing on, his voice becoming very emotional as he described what it was like to come home after a 48 hour shift and find his wife and children gone.

"It was crazy, there was no warning, no fighting, no tearful goodbyes. I just came home and they were gone. They were walking by then and both of them could say da-da and it was so awesome to come through the door and see those two little faces so excited to see me, both holding their arms out begging to be picked up. Nothing compares to being loved like that, so pure and so unconditional and one day it was just gone. They must think I just deserted them and they must be so confused." Jack explained swallowing hard and clearing his throat, working hard to get control of his emotions.

Kate snuggled closer to him, putting her arm around his shoulder and kissing him gently on the cheek, letting him know she was still listening and not going to judge him for missing his children so much he'd been using liquor to forget about them, but needing to know what awful thing triggered what he'd done to himself the day before.

"I didn't fight her though. I love them so much, but me trying to raise two young children alone would've been a disaster and whatever faults she has she is good mother. We agreed on support payments and that I could visit them and still be a part of their lives and in order to keep it all legal we got our attorneys involved and everything seemed to be going as smoothly as something like that can go. Then one day I get a call from my attorney and she's claiming the children aren't mine, that they belong to the guy she'd been sleeping with, the guy she packed up and moved to Maine with. The children have my last name and they decided that it was best if he claim what is his and remove me and my last name from the picture completely. I handled that news by getting stinking drunk in a bar, screwing Barbie in the bathroom and getting arrested on the way home." Jack explained.

"I'm guessing you decided to fight their paternity claim and got the DNA results back yesterday and found out for sure that they weren't yours?" Kate asked in a soft, compassionate tone.

"No, it's worse than that Kate. You're right. I wasn't going to just give up my children without proof that they weren't mine so we had DNA tests run on both Kayla and Andrew. When my attorney wanted me to come to his office to talk about my options I knew I was fucked, but I never dreamed I was going to walk into that office and find out my children are the result of heteropaternal superfecundation." Jack said and stopped talking; verbalizing what was gnawing at his very core taking its toll on him emotionally.

"I'm a little rusty on some of my medical terminology Jack, but isn't heteropaternal superfecundation the term applied to two different males fathering fraternal twins?" Kate asked.

Jack nodded, too upset to speak. Kate wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him and he finally stopped fighting his emotions and broke down. She held to the back of his neck with one hand and his upper back with her other hand and they rocked slowly back and forth, him holding so tightly to her that she found herself fighting her own tears. She could feel him trembling, this news so painful and horrifying to him that as strong and educated as he was, he was currently feeling helpless and while she didn't condone what he'd done the day before she now understood what drove him to it. This was too awful for him to comprehend, much less deal with so he chose not to deal with it, climbing into his favorite sanctuary instead. He finally pulled away from her, scooting back and lying down, encouraging her to lie with him. She snuggled up beside him, her back aligned with his chest and stomach. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer, breathing in her scent and finding it relaxing and then he finally spoke again.

"I was ready to give them up Kate. If they weren't my children I was going to allow their real father to be their father, but if they were mine there was no way in hell I was ever going to let them go, but what do I do now? Knowing that another man was sleeping with your wife is hard to swallow, but knowing that he was filling her with his sperm while yours were still swimming around, both battling for her eggs, it feels almost perverse and my children, jesus how do you even begin to explain something like that. What am I going to do?" He said.

"What do you want to do Jack?" Kate asked.

"I want to do what's right, what's best for those two innocent babies that didn't ask to be caught in the middle of this, but I don't know what's right. I love them so much and I miss them every single day, and knowing that I was going to see them again kept me going, but I was willing to let them go Kate. I loved them enough to let them go if they weren't mine, but I don't think I could allow my own flesh and blood to be adopted by anyone much less the man that was fucking my wife. It would be wrong to fight for just one of them though, to force them to grow up as twins with two different last names, it would be so sad and confusing for them and the worst part would be that one them would feel unloved by me and I don't ever want a child of mine to feel that way." Jack said sadly.

"Do you know which one is yours?" Kate asked.

"Andrew is mine. How do I not let my son know who his father is? How do I stop being Kayla's father just because DNA says I'm not her father? There's no good solution. If I don't give up my rights to Andrew and bow out gracefully for the sake of the children I'm a selfish prick. If I fight for custody of just Andrew and separate them I'm a selfish prick and what about Kayla. She thinks I'm her daddy Kate and she'd never remember that I took her brother and not her, but I would and I don't think I could live with it especially since I could care less about the fucking gene pool, I am her dad. She lay on my chest and watched football games on the weekends not his, she smiled at me first not him, she called me da-da first not him and she took her first steps into my arms not his. How am I supposed to just let all that go Kate? How am I supposed to choose or not choose? Why did she have to do this? Why couldn't she just divorce me and leave things with the kids as they were? I don't want to hate her and I don't want to take her children away from her, but she's backed me into a corner. Why did she have to do that?" He continued on in the same sad, defeated tone.

"Is you getting custody of both children an option?" Kate asked.

"It is, but I'd probably lose especially after the trouble I've been in. She is the one with parental rights to both children, but since I've played an active role in raising them up to this point I have a shot. His only claim is to Kayla and no matter who gets custody, he's not going to be denied his rights as her biological father. It's a mess Kate and two innocent toddlers are going to get hurt if the adults don't find a way to keep it civil." Jack sighed starting to feel less suffocated by all of it.

She turned around to face him and kissed him softly.

"I'm sorry Jack, I can't imagine what you're going through, but I'm a good listener and I hope when this gets to be too much and I'm sure it will, that you'll talk to me. Can I ask you something and you promise not to get mad?" Kate asked.

"I'll try." Jack answered.

"Your ex-wife sounds like a total bitch Jack, why are you being so kind where she is concerned?" Kate asked and he let out a small huff as if the question was both logical and funny at the same time.

"I guess because it takes too much energy to be mad at her, energy I simply don't have." He sighed.

"What do you think your father would say to you if he were here?" Kate asked.

"Nothing helpful, but despite our differences he'd be on my side, in my corner all while reminding me of what a mess I've made of things." Jack replied.

"But you didn't make this mess she did." Kate argued.

"If I'd been a better husband maybe she wouldn't have had an affair." Jack offered.

"Yeah or maybe she was too stupid to recognize she had a good thing." Kate said.

"I don't know, but I'm not too stupid to recognize a good thing." He said sweetly and kissed her.

He wrapped his arms around her, drawing her in for a deeper kiss, not wanting to think about the bad anymore on this night, but enjoy what was good and right in front of him. She responded to him, no longer angry with him and unable to resist how good it felt to be wrapped up in his arms and the center of his attention. His mouth and his hands moved over her, slowly numbing her mind while igniting sparks she didn't know existed throughout her body, making her moan into his mouth and press her body closer to his. He moved his mouth over her neck and to her ear, nibbling on the lobe and gliding his tongue behind the lobe, making her squirm.

"I want to make love to you Kate, but if you're still mad, if you find me disgusting after last night I'll understand." He whispered in a soft and somewhat apprehensive tone.

"You aren't disgusting Jack and as long as you're making an effort I'll be in your corner and when you stumble I'll pick you back up because I too am smart enough to recognize a good thing." She said, kissing him one more time before sitting up, taking his hand and allowing him to lead them into the bedroom.


	9. Chapter 9

Deleted.


	10. Chapter 10

Due to the fact that the last chapter was offensive to some I have removed it. I doubt I will finish the story at this point. I apologize for offending or upsetting anyone. Life is most often about losing rather than winning, which is what makes the victories we do enjoy significant. Life often throws horrible obstacles in front of us and happy endings are not waiting around every corner. Bad things happen to good people every single day and you have two choices. You can lay down, wallow in it and allow it to destroy you or you can fight and find a way to move past it. People do not ever "get over" the bad things to that happen to them, but those that choose life over being a victim battle through the difficult times, face their demons and learn how to get past the bad stuff. Yes, it does happen, it happens every day. Things don't have to be as tragic as society would like you to believe they are. Good, strong willed and strong minded individuals bounce back and tackle adversity every day which is where this story was going, but if I"m making readers throw up and feel personally attacked or offended, this isn't the place for it. Again, I apologize.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Where to begin, well first of all the outpour of support from all of you has been very touching and I'd be lying if I said it hasn't made me feel both good and of course bad for disappointing all of you. Who'd believed a group of total strangers could tug at your emotions that way? I write because it's fun for me, it's a wonderful release and a way to pass the time constructively instead of destructively. I can handle negative reviews. You can tell me I suck after every chapter if you want and I wouldn't care, but the idea that I put something so horrible out there it actually hurt someone, triggered something or brought back painful memories they felt like I was trivializing was and is something I'd never want to do and because this is a public forum I felt like removing it was the responsible thing to do. However, since I live in a democracy and completely believe in and support that concept, the majority will rule here and I'll put the chapter back up as Chapter 11 and continue on.**_

_**I hope to those that felt sickened or appalled or God forbid personally affected that you will believe me when I say that I typically draw on personal experience when finding the emotional place I need to go to when putting the really heavy stuff out there. I don't just assume that people deal with things the way I'd like to believe they do, but draw from what I know which is the best that I can do. If you pay attention to the subtle hints you will see that while Kate has moved on, has found a way to enjoy life again and yes, even sex, that she is still carrying her burden and that she still does have things to overcome and trust me, being genuinely loved and accepted and allowed to be scarred emotionally without seeming ugly is the best way in my opinion to overcome the things that try to keep you down, better than therapy and better than mass amounts of prescription medication. So……here is the controversial chapter.**_

They lay on the bed, both without a shirt, wrapped up in a slow, heavy kiss. He'd led her into the bedroom where they'd taken their time undressing one another, getting the upper halves of their bodies stripped before falling onto the bed, needing to be close and to hold one another, intimacy a greater need than sex for the moment. He finally pulled away, but just enough to look into her eyes, his legs entangled with her legs, their stomachs and chests pressed together, his arms wrapped around her torso, holding her back and her arms draped over his shoulders, connecting behind his neck.

He peeled her away from him scooting away and positioning himself on his knees beside her. He encouraged her to roll over onto her stomach and let his fingers glide lightly over the warm soft skin of her back. He moved over her, straddling her hips, placing his hand gently over her upper back and feeling her tense up immediately. He gently massaged her back and she let out a deep breath, relaxing under his magic fingers.

His hand moved slowly down her back, to the waistband of the lounge pants she was wearing. He slipped his fingers just inside the elastic and let them slowly glide over the lowest portion of her back in opposite directions until his fingers were now positioned on her sides. He gripped the top of the pants and began pulling them down her hips. He looked up and noticed her eyes were closed tightly and her hands were gripping the pillows as if she were anticipating something painful. He let go of her pants and slid back up her body slowly, unsure of why she seemed almost scared, but sure that he needed to approach whatever was going on with her with sensitivity. He moved her hair away from her neck and placed his mouth on the exposed skin, feeling her flinch and feeling the muscles in her upper arms tighten as she gripped the pillows tighter. He kissed the exposed skin gently and moved his mouth to her ear, still straddling her from behind, reaching out and placing his hands over her hands.

"Relax, I only want to do things that will feel good to you, I promise." He whispered softly and calmly feeling her hands relax underneath his.

"I'm sor……" She started to apologize, but was cut off by him lightly placing his lips over hers and then pulling back.

"Shh….you're great. You're so sweet and soft and beautiful, I want to touch and taste all of you, that's all, just touch and taste." He said in a soft, sexy tone, feeling her start to loosen up.

He began kissing his way back down her neck, slowly moving his mouth over her shoulders and then down her spine in a tantalizing, slow manner, his tongue gently licking its way down the shallow valley in the center of her back, eliciting light moans from her as her entire body relaxed and began to turn to jelly below him. He took hold of her pants again and slowly pulled them down, kissing and lightly flicking his tongue over the flesh he was gradually exposing, taking his time, making sure he touched, kissed and tasted as much of her as could as he pulled the pants and her panties down past her hips, over her thighs, past her smooth, firm calves over her feet and off, tossing them to the floor before touching, massaging, kissing and tasting his way back up her legs.

His travels stopped at the bend where her legs met her butt, that highly sensitive crease that welcomed the tip of his tongue, squirming beneath him, her legs opening up just enough to allow him to glide his finger lightly down the center, feeling her heat and desire and in one quick motion turning her over onto her back. He sat up on his knees and unfastened his jeans to relieve the pressure and then crawled between her legs, placing light kisses on the inside of her thighs as he slowly moved toward her center, her scent intoxicating to him, making his mind swim with desire and his mouth eager to taste her.

As he grew closer she could feel his hot breath where she wanted him, where she craved, where for the first time in very long time she wanted or craved any man to be and she raised her hips slightly, encouraging him to get on with it, to penetrate her with the hardness he'd just set free, the hardness she'd had twice now and found herself fantasizing about when he wasn't around and physically craving when he was.

Without raising his head, he placed his large hand on her lower abdomen and gently pushed her hips back down onto the bed and then moved his tongue through her wet crease, making her moan loudly and open wider for him. He felt her hand moving over his short hair, looking for something to grip as he continued to slowly work his tongue and his lips over her now dripping wet pussy. He reached up, took hold of her hand and pulled his mouth away from what it was hungry for long enough to suck two of her fingers into his mouth and drench them with his saliva before placing the wet fingers over her clit and dropping his mouth back down and pushing his tongue into her.

He moved his tongue slowly in and out, fucking her slowly with it, feeling her writhe and begin to pant, her hands gripping the sheets on either side of her and her toes digging into the mattress. She tasted as sweet as he knew she would and his cock was so hard he had to push his pants and his underwear down and away from it, while focusing all of his attention on her sweet, wet center that was dripping and swelling and trying to clench around his mouth. He slid his tongue up through her slippery crease, her juices smearing onto his chin as he sucked her clit in his mouth and pushed two fingers inside of her, the simultaneous act making her cry out and dig her toes deeper into the mattress.

She tossed her head from side to side, what he was doing to her bringing her release to the edge and numbing her mind, her only focus on coming, the slow methodical movement his fingers fucking her coinciding with the warm, sensuous sucking of her clit into his mouth was building to an explosive orgasm she wasn't sure she'd survive, but was okay with it if it was the last thing she felt before departing this earth. The tidal wave of warmth and excitement was on its way and as it reached the edge and spilled over a very loud "Oh My God" was all she could manage before the sounds coming from her became a mixture of squeals and pants, her thighs clamping onto his head to still the movement, everything so sensitive she could no longer stand for him to touch her.

He waited for her to ride the orgasm out, pleased that he'd managed to make her come so hard and for so long, not because it stroked his ego, but because he sensed she deserved and needed to have a man make her feel good, make her the object of his warmth and affection and make her feel like she was special and she was quickly becoming very special to him. He couldn't remember the last time he wanted any woman as much as he wanted her and not just in an animalistic, hungry sexual way, but in an intimate, caring, need to be sweet and let you know I worship your body and respect your beautiful mind way.

When she settled he slithered slowly up her body, his jeans still covering half of his butt and all of his legs. He hovered over her, looking into her eyes with trust and passion and even need and then wrapped his body around hers, closing his mouth over hers and kissing her with a longing that was all for her. She felt his kiss tingling through her entire body as his hardness lay against her stomach, the wetness from his tip leaving a light trail over her hot skin.

He pulled out of the kiss and lifted himself a little, looking into her eyes as he brushed his fingers gently down the side of her face and then down her jaw-line.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm great. Make love to me Jack and don't stop until you absolutely have to." She whispered in a lusty tone that made him groan.

He pushed his pants and underwear down to his knees while positioning his tip at her entrance. He pushed into her, her hot slippery walls swallowing him instantly and wholly nearly making him come right then, being in so deep, yet so snugly blinding him for a second. He could feel her pushing his pants down his legs with her feet and when she got them to his ankles he kicked them off one foot at a time, being careful not to disturb what he considered a perfect connection.

He stayed buried deep inside her, pushed up slightly and devouring her breasts, his wet mouth alternating from one nipple to the other. Her entire body was on fire and he was adding fuel to the flames, continuing to suck her nipples while moving slowly within her, just enough to apply the necessary pressure to make her come again, clenching around his hard, pulsating cock and pulling him down to her, panting in his ear while he continued to move, making the orgasm last as long as possible.

He kissed her again, this one wet and sloppy, his own excitement starting to be come urgent as his movement within her became more intense, applying deeper, longer and harder thrusts as his own release was nearing and making him hungrier. He pushed up onto his arms, both of them flexed, the biceps bulging and the veins in his arms so prominent she could feel them underneath her palms as she moved her hands slowly up and down his forearms, pulling her knees back more and smiling as he sank deeper into her and groaned with pleasure her actions encouraging him to go for it, to thrust with as much power and speed as he could muster.

His mind was gone, his pleasure peaking and sending him into a frenzied state of relief seeking and he began pounding into her hard and fast, driving her hips deep into the mattress, making her come again, continuing to thrust himself deep within her while she verbalized what she was feeling in a less than lady-like fashion he liked very much. She held tightly to his shoulders, sensing he was close, the box springs were screeching and the headboard was banging against the wall as he moved furiously in and out of her, finally slowing down, watching her, his mouth unable to form words and his eyes begging her to come for him again. She could feel the next orgasm building and nodded at him. He moved in and out with deep, deliberate strokes and when he felt her clenching around him again he pushed in one last time and let go, his body covered with sweat and jerking against her as he filled her womb with his seed.

He dropped his weight onto his folded arms and let his face fall into the pillow beside her head and stayed inside of her, breathing hard and still too sensitive to move. She wrapped her arms around his neck and encouraged him to look at her, drawing him into a kiss when he did and then finally allowing their mouths to separate.

He finally moved off of her and collapsed on the bed beside her, exhausted, but in a very good way. She curled up next to him, laying her head on his chest, him putting his arm around her before pulling the sheet up to their waists. They lay quietly, allowing their bodies to recover, growing sleepy and coming close to dozing off when the mattresses suddenly dropped to the floor scaring them at first and then making them both break out into hysterical laughter.

"You broke the bed Jack, that's got to be one of those things guys brag about for the rest of their life." Kate suggested still giggling over it.

"I'm sorry. If I can't fix the frame I'll buy you a new one." Jack apologized.

"Don't be sorry, god that was incredible. To hell with the bed frame, let's just put the mattresses on the floor if that's what I have to look forward to every time we make love." Kate said.

"Mmm, so are you trying to tell me you're looking forward to hooking up with me again?" He teased.

"Well, you did promise to be my date this weekend." She reminded him.

"I have to wait until this weekend?" He asked, pretending to pout.

"Jack, that's like two days, I think you'll survive." Kate laughed.

"Can I ask you something Kate and you promise to give me an honest answer?" Jack asked.

"I guess after being so demanding about knowing your secrets I can't really deny that request." She answered.

"Exactly how long has it been since your last physical relationship?" Jack asked.

"I was that bad huh?" Kate sighed.

"No Kate. I could come up with so many adjectives to describe you, but bad doesn't even come to mind." Jack answered.

"It's been six years Jack." Kate finally answered.

"Seriously?" He replied in a surprised tone.

"Yes, I guess you could say after that long you probably had yourself a virgin huh?" Kate suggested.

"So Maddie's father was your last relationship?" Jack asked.

"Other than the odd date here and there, Maddie's father has been my only relationship, ever." She admitted.

He wasn't quite sure how to process the information. He could tell that someone had hurt her, possibly even raped her, but should he ask if the father of her child was the person that had done it.

"Kate, I'm not going to push you for information about something that is probably extremely painful and personal, but if you ever want to talk about whoever hurt you and what whoever hurt you did to you I'll always be ready to listen." Jack offered.

"I don't know what you mean Jack." Kate lied.

"Kate, don't do that. You can do just about anything you want and get away with it, but don't ever lie to me. I won't ever be in another deceptive relationship." Jack said.

"What makes you think I'm lying to you?" Kate asked.

"I can tell that you've been hurt or sexually abused or even raped at some point Kate and I'm sorry that someone did that to you. You don't have to talk about it, but please believe that I will never hurt you or treat you or your body with disrespect." Jack told her.

"Is it considered rape when it's your husband?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, I think it is. Do you want to talk about it?" Jack asked.

"It's crazy Jack, but for the first time in six years I actually do want to talk about it. There's something about you that screams "Trust me!" and I do, I just don't want to muck up the first good thing I've ever known." Kate sighed.

"I'm flattered Kate, especially knowing you've seen up close and personal just how big of a fuck up I am, and you can trust me. Whatever you want to share won't muck up anything, I promise. We're at the very least friends and at the very most…..well, I guess we'll find out as time goes on. I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to the journey." Jack said sweetly and tightened his hold on her.

"I met Michael in my first year of college. I was 19 and he was 25. He was an intern and I was one of the lucky ones involved in a pretty bad car accident. I had a cut on my arm and a bloody nose. He bandaged me up, offered some comfort and one thing led to another and we started dating. After dating for nearly a year we finally slept together." Kate explained.

"A year?" Jack asked in a somewhat shocked tone apparently unaware that people still did that sort of thing.

"I know, but it just wasn't there." Kate said.

"What wasn't there?" Jack asked.

"Whatever it was that drew us together so quickly, that feeling, that desire, that thing that makes you light-headed and eager to touch and be touched." Kate explained making him chuckle lightly, not because she was funny, but because she was right. He was attracted to her even in the beginning when she was being mouthy and shooting visual daggers at him.

"So I finally sleep with him and it wasn't toe-curling fabulous like it was the first time I slept with you. It was kind of creepy and the sex was bad, but it was good enough to get me pregnant and feeling trapped into marrying a man I didn't love. He didn't want much to do with me while I was pregnant and wouldn't touch me in a sexual way so I really had no idea just how creepy things were going to be in the bedroom." Kate said and took a deep breath.

She was quiet for a long time and then finally spoke again.

"Are you sure you want to hear this Jack?" Kate asked.

"I'm not afraid to hear it Kate and it's not going to change how I look at you or feel about you and hopefully it can't be worse than the awful things I've been imagining." Jack said.

"After Maddie was born he got mean and demanding, not even allowing me to heal from the childbirth before he violated me for the first time as my husband. She was a difficult delivery that resulted in a lot of vaginal stitching. I can't even begin to describe what it was like to have my hands tied to the bedposts and be forced up onto my hands and knees and fucked like an animal just one week after giving birth. I finally passed out from the pain." She told him, her voice void of any kind emotion.

"Jesus." Jack mumbled unable to come up with anything more.

"It was always that way nearly every day after that. He's a sadist and can only enjoy sex if he's inflicting pain, although he did actually allow me to heal after the first time because he found all the blood and my losing consciousness to be a total turn off." She continued with her story.

Jack didn't comment, anger, resentment and disgust consuming all of his thoughts and none of those feelings for her, but for the bastard that had done it to her.

"He liked to make me jerk him off or perform fellatio and then criticize and call me names for being so bad at it, followed up with being punished for being so bad at it, hands and feet tied to the bed, biting my nipples or clamping things onto them and inserting things into me that didn't fit, pushing things to the limit and being a doctor he always knew what the limit was before he caused any kind of damage that would require medical attention. He loved to force himself into me dry, that was his favorite thing and then to just keep pounding, rubbing me raw and then he'd pull out and ejaculate all over my face. Do you know what the worst part was?" Kate asked.

"What?" He replied.

"A couple of times he actually brought me to orgasm, so what does that say about me?" Kate said.

"Come on Kate, you're educated enough about the human anatomy to know that isn't always derived from pleasure." Jack reasoned.

"Maybe, but that didn't make it any less disturbing to deal with when it happened. Michael liked tying me to the bed on my stomach naked and spanking me with a paddle until he made me cry. He liked it better if he could make me cry. Then he'd force himself into me anally. No preparation, no lube, he'd just dive in and I usually wouldn't be able to sit comfortably for days afterward. The last straw, the thing that finally made me leave even if it meant losing Maddie was when he brought three of his friends home with him and as soon as the baby was asleep they gang raped me on the pool table for hours, vaginally, anally and orally. They inserted pool cues inside me, they shoved their entire fist inside me, they poured beer inside of me, shoved ice cubes in me, shoved their dicks in my mouth and fucked me over and over." She admitted and clung tightly to him.

The memory of that night affecting her deeply, making her tremble, her voice cracking as she finally became emotional, which Jack was glad to see, her lack of emotion over all of it starting to concern him. He held her as tight as he could, pulling her closer until most of her body was on top of his. He kissed her forehead and continued to hold her.

"I thought I was going to die Jack. It hurt so much and they wouldn't stop and the only reason they did was because one of them shoved the cue ball inside me and couldn't get it out. It took Michael nearly 20 minutes to get it out of me. I left him that night. It was two o'clock in the morning and I left with the clothes on my back. I had to." Kate explained finally letting her tears go.

They lay together, him holding her and her feeling like a tremendous weight had been lifted, having never told another person about that night until just now.

"Kate, you've got to be the strongest, bravest, classiest, most together person I've ever met. I'm sorry you went through that, but I'm so impressed with the woman lying in my arms right now." Jack said.

"It's been six years Jack, I've come to grips with it for the the most part. I know I got a little jumpy and maybe even scared when you were just trying to make me feel good earlier and hopefully that will go away in time because I'm not afraid of you Jack, I swear. I guess we've both got some baggage thugh huh?" She said.

"Yeah, but you carry your baggage by finishing your education and being fully independent and devoting your life to those who are less fortunate. I need to take some lessons from you." He said and laughed a sick laugh as he considered how pathetic he must seem to her.

"Yeah well before you beat yourself up for turning to alcohol when your baggage got too heavy please consider that it was alcohol that landed me in that emergency room the night I met Michael and it is the reason Michael and his friends aren't in jail for raping me and the reason he has my daughter." Kate admitted.

"I don't understand Kate." Jack said.

"I've told you one of my darkest secrets Jack, but if we're going to go forward with this relationship you deserve to know my darkest secret and maybe you'll still want to stick around and maybe you won't, but either way, at least I can say I didn't lie to you." Kate told him.

"Okay." Jack said.

"The night of the accident, my friends and I were driving around being stupid, thinking we were cool. I was drunk, but chose to drive anyway. A man, a homeless man stepped out in front of the car and I hit him. We got out of the car to check on him, see if he was okay, but he wasn't, he was dead and I started freaking out. The two guys that were with me and my girlfriend that night said we should just leave, drive away. I didn't want to, but I was scared and let them convince me to jump into the passenger seat while Stevie drove. He flipped the car three miles down the road, killing all three of my friends instantly. I had my seatbelt on. I was young, stupid, scared and sad and when this cute, charming doctor started asking me questions I spilled my guts and he kept my secret, but as you can see the price was steep. He brutalized me sexually for a year and he's got my baby. He lets me see her so I won't get completely frustrated with the situation and decide to tell what he did and take my chances with the courts over the hit and run. I'm pretty sure devoting my life to the clinic is my way of trying to make up for killing that poor homeless man." Kate told him, sobbing now, her grief over having killed someone greater than the trauma of being gang-raped on a pool table.

"Shh, it's okay, it was an accident, it's not like you went out looking to run down a homeless man. Is your daughter safe Kate?" Jack asked.

"Michael adores Maddie and would never hurt her, he just liked hurting me. Maybe because he knew he could. I'm sure that's why he still does, just because he knows he can and gets some sick pleasure from it. He was probably jerking off when he called to tell me I couldn't have Maddie as planned." Kate said.

"Well, this has been an evening of brutal honesty hasn't it? My shit, your shit, piles of shit. Talking about the shit in your life is exhausting as hell so when we have our fun date this weekend there will be no heavy issues discussed. Deal?" Jack said, his way of letting her know he wasn't about to bolt over her disclosure.

"Oh please, you're exhausted because this was also an evening of the greatest sex two people ever shared and I've got a broken bed to prove it." She teased.

He moved her to the side and then rolled her onto her back, kissing her deeply and then offering a mischievous grin.

"Want to see if we can break it some more?" He asked.

"But I thought you were exhausted." She replied with an edge of playfulness.

He pressed his body into hers, allowing her to feel his quickly hardening length and she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down for another kiss, slipping her tongue into his mouth and kissing him with as much passion as she could muster, wanting to express how much she cared for him and all the shit he was going though and how deeply his patience, kindness and lack of desire to judge affected her. She broke the kiss and slid her hand down between them, wrapping it around his cock and smiling at him.

"I guess you're not as exhausted as I thought, but I get be in the driver's seat this time." She said confidently as she rolled him onto his back and straddled him.

"You're really hot when you're bossy." He said, grinning with approval and anticipation.

"Yeah, well you're really irresistible when you're submissive." She said and fell forward, kissing him again.


	12. Chapter 12

They made love twice more before finally settling down and allowing their bodies and minds to sleep. Jack's heart broke for her while listening to the horrible trauma her husband had put her through, but he felt it would be best if he showed her how much he admired her strength and how much he still wanted to be with her emotionally and physically rather than offer her his pity or sorrow. He was educated enough to recognize the symptoms of an abused woman and educated enough to know that suddenly treating her differently wouldn't be helpful. She needed him to treat her like the soft, sexy, passionate woman that he cared for and respected very much that she was to him and not like a victim.

He woke early the next morning the strange positioning of the broken bed making him feel like he was falling. He laughed lightly at the sight of the bed and decided that there was no way he did all that damage, that the bed most likely hadn't been put together properly to begin with. She was wrapped over him snugly and he hated to disturb her, but needed to get up and go home to get ready for another day. He shook her gently until she opened her eyes and looked up at him.

"I need to go home and get ready for work." He said softly.

"Okay." She yawned and rolled off of him, landing flat on her back and closing her eyes again.

"Don't take it so hard." He chuckled and gave her quick kiss.

"I'm sorry. Somebody kept me up half the night." Kate mumbled her eyes still closed.

"I promise to come over later and fix your bed and let you sleep tonight." He said sweetly.

"Bring a change of clothes so we can sleep in tomorrow." She said through a yawn.

"So I'm spending the night again I guess." He laughed.

"You don't want to?" She said opening her eyes and looking at him.

"No, of course I do. It was just amusing to me because I'd probably get smacked for making such an assumption." He teased.

"I like having you here with me Jack." She said with an edge of seriousness.

"I like being here with you Kate. Do you have tools or should I bring some with me?" He asked as he looked at the tilting headboard.

"I have tools, but if you're going to bring a tool-belt and promise to wear it and nothing else I think you should bring your own." She teased making him smile and then kiss her.

"I have an eight o'clock meeting with the hospital administration, but it shouldn't take more than a half hour and then I'll be in." Jack explained.

"Is everything okay?" Kate asked.

"Yes, everything is fine. I promise you won't find me in a puddle of my own body fluids again. They just want to talk to me, make sure I'm getting my shit together." Jack said.

"Are you?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, I think I am, thanks to you." He answered with a smile and kissed her one more time before moving out of the collapsed bed and beginning the search for his discarded clothes.

Jack entered the hospital saying hello to everyone and going along with the story that he was taking a much needed vacation. Nobody seemed to know that he'd been forced to take a vacation and for that he was relieved. He knocked and entered the conference room where the administrator, the new chief of surgery and his mother were waiting for him. Jack shut the door and approached his mother. He gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek before shaking hands with the administrator and the chief of surgery and taking a seat on the side of the table opposite his mother.

"How are you feeling Jack?" Austin Reed, a long time friend of Jack's father and the hospital's administrator asked.

"I'm good. I'm working every day at the 12th street clinic and spending my evenings relaxing." Jack answered.

"You're probably wondering why we asked your mother here this morning." Austin said.

"Not really. Most people assumed my father's success brought the wealth into our family and have no idea he married into old money, old money that's always been a big contributor to this hospital so I guess it's not that strange that she'd be here looking out for the family's interests." Jack said keeping his tone even and professional.

His mother watched him from across the table showing little or no emotion over the fact that her son believed she wasn't there on his behalf, but on behalf of vested interests.

"Jack, your father and I were friends for over 20 years and over those years he shared many things with me." Austin said.

"Yeah, like what?" Jack asked trying not to sound as defensive as he suddenly felt.

"Relax son, I didn't ask you here today to lecture you or put you on the defensive." Austin said.

"Why did you ask me here today?" Jack asked.

"A couple of reasons. Your father is going to be recognized for his achievements at a medical conference in Sacramento and we would like you to accept the award on his behalf and say a few words about him." Austin said.

"I can do that." Jack said drawing surprised looks from everyone seated around the table.

Jack looked at all of them and then sighed heavily.

"Look, it's no secret in these hallways that my father and I had our differences, but he was a brilliant surgeon and I respected him and learned more from him than any other person in my life, of course I want the chance to step up in front of a room of his peers and young up and coming surgeons and brag about how great he was." Jack stated his case.

"Of course Jack, it's just that you've been so distraught over the unfortunate situation between you and your father, the situation with your ex-wife and your father's death, that we're surprised how quickly you agreed to do this." Austin said.

"Well, I've spent the last couple of weeks getting to experience what it really means to be _'down on your luck'_ and even though the situation with my ex-wife just became as difficult as anyone could imagine there's always someone dealing with something a lot worse. I don't know, maybe I'm starting to understand what people mean when they tell you to _'count your blessings'_. I was a huge disappointment to my father while he was alive; hopefully I can make that up to him by giving him his last hurrah." Jack said noticing that his mother was obviously feeling very torn at the moment.

"Jack, that simply isn't true and since I know you're never going to take my word for it I'm going to let your father tell you himself." Austin said.

"What are you talking about?" Jack asked.

"After the incident that led to your father being under investigation I was told by the hospital's attorneys that any conversations I had with your father needed to be recorded, just in case things got ugly. I thought I was going to have trouble convincing you to do this so I brought this with me. This is a conversation I had with your father about a week before he died." Austin said as he pulled a small tape recorder out of his briefcase, set it on the table and pressed Play.

"Listen Austin, I'm finished as a surgeon. Thanks to my son, I won't be performing any more surgeries." Christian's voice boomed through the room and Jack dropped his head.

"Christian, you can pull yourself together and in a year or two try for a reinstatement. You may not be able to perform surgeries again, but you could practice medicine again as a consultant." Austin offered.

"I want you to promise me that Jack will be considered as my replacement." Christian said and Jack raised his head.

"He's too young Christian." Austin argued.

"He's the best surgeon in this city Austin, hell probably just about any city. You know it and I know it. He's better than I ever was and my god his potential hasn't even been fully tapped yet. You've got to promise me you won't let him quit on himself over this." Christian demanded.

"I'll try Christian, but I don't think making him Chief of Surgery right now is what he needs. He blames himself for what's happening to you, what's happening to your family, his marriage and the patient that died. Jack needs to be allowed to breathe for awhile in my opinion." Austin suggested.

"Jack just needs to know someone has his back. He needs to know I have his back, that this is my fault not his, that what he did took more courage than I'd ever have, that he is a better man than I'll ever be and that I love him and have since he took his first breath." Christian said.

"Then tell him Christian." Austin insisted.

"I can't. Besides, he'd never believe me anyway. I need you to promise me you will have his back Austin; that you won't let him destroy himself over this, that you will let him know that he did the right thing." Christian pleaded.

"You sound like you're not planning on being around Christian." Austin accused.

"I'm not. I'm taking a trip, a long trip. I'm leaving the country and I don't plan on coming back." Christian said.

"What about Margo?" Austin asked.

"She's better off without me." Christian said.

Austin turned the tape recorder off and allowed Jack and Margo both time to collect themselves.

"Christian died before he got to take his trip and before I had a chance to convince him to make things right with you Jack, but as you can see, you were anything but a disappointment to him and that's the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. If you're interested in becoming the chief of surgery, Dr. Tilton here is willing to work with you, give you the time to learn the administrative ins and outs, time to finish honing your skills and then he'll turn the position over to you. But Jack, I need to know that I'm not going to be forced to send you on any more vacations." Austin said.

"You won't. Have my troubles have become hospital gossip. How many people really know why I'm on vacation?" Jack asked.

"Just your closest colleagues and they all understand the pressures Jack and how that coupled with personal issues can drive a man to do stupid things." Dr. Tilton finally spoke.

"I appreciate that. I need my reputation intact. I'm going to help a friend right a six year wrong and my status within the medical community is going to be helpful in that battle." Jack admitted.

"That's good to know Jack as long as it's not going to be a distraction. I'm not trying to sound cold, but what about your personal issues, your children; do you really have the time to take on someone else's battles right now?" Austin asked.

"That's turned into quite a mess actually and I haven't really decided what I'm going to do about it, but if I decide to fight for my kids and for them to be back in the state of California things could get pretty ugly. I can't promise these things won't be a distraction at times, but I won't let these issues put myself, innocent people or my job in jeopardy again." Jack explained.

Jack concluded his meeting and walked with his mother to the elevators.

"Would you like me to walk you to your car?" He asked.

"No, I've got some other things to take care of before I leave." She said.

"What do you think? Should I accept the chief of surgery thing?" Jack asked.

"I can't answer that for you Jack. Your father thought you could handle it, but you aren't your father, you never have been, you have different priorities so you need to decide what's best for you." She told him.

"Can we have dinner mom, catch up, or are you still not speaking to me?" He asked.

"I came here today for you Jack, not on behalf of the family's interests. Call me, we'll catch up." Margo said as she kissed him on the cheek, stepped onto the elevator and waved goodbye to him as the doors closed.

Jack waited for the next available elevator, needing to make one more stop a couple of floors up before he left. He stepped off the elevator and walked to the nurses' station.

"Excuse me, is Dr. Alden in today?" Jack asked.

"Yes, he's in his office." The nurse said pointing toward the locked doors that led to the psych ward.

"I need to talk to him about a patient. Can you buzz me in?" Jack asked.

"Of course Dr. Shephard." The nurse said and motioned him toward the doors so she could unlock them for him.

Jack entered the ward and walked the long hallway to Dr. Alden's office. He knocked, waited to be invited in and stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. He sat in front of the man's desk and described a purely hypothetical situation in which a woman was abused sexually by her husband, not really sure what he wanted to hear from the man.

"Jack, you know the psychological effects of rape as well as I do. Is your hypothetical friend exhibiting any of the classic symptoms?" Dr. Alden asked.

"It happened six years ago Sid. Is that enough time for a woman to recover, do women ever really recover from something like that?" Jack asked.

"Is this a friend Jack or a girlfriend?" He asked.

"This stays between us right?" Jack asked.

"Of course." Dr. Alden answered.

"Girlfriend and she seemed so together that I was shocked that what had happened to her was a hundred times more awful than anything I had imagined." Jack said.

"But something made you suspect she'd been victimized sexually?" Dr. Alden asked.

"Yes, the first time that we were intimate she was trembling and I thought it might just be nerves, but then when we got to _that_ moment she seemed genuinely scared and completely tensed up as if she were preparing her body for some violent invasion. It was a pretty unsettling." Jack admitted.

"So what did you do?" He asked.

"I asked her if she was okay, if she wanted to stop. She told me it had been a long time and that she was just nervous and seemed to calm down after that, in fact she probably went to the other extreme as things progressed, not that I'm complaining, but to be so timid and nervous one minute and go to aggressively brave and take on the dominant role the next seemed a bit off to me." Jack explained, not really comfortable discussing his sex life so graphically, but sucking it up for Kate's sake.

"Anything else?" Sid asked.

"Yeah, she seems afraid to initiate and worries about doing things badly or wrong. I assured her there was no such thing and we got past that, but then last night I'm…….this is really embarrassing." Jack shifted in his chair uncomfortably.

"I'm sure it is, but it's important Jack. What happened?" He asked.

"I've got her on her stomach, you know just some touching and massaging, taking my time, trying to enjoy her body, make her feel good and I look up and she's got her eyes closed tight and her hands are gripping the pillows like she's terrified, like she was anticipating something so painful she was bracing herself for it." Jack explained.

"What did you do?" He asked.

"I just assured her that I wasn't going to hurt her and managed to get her to relax and like before she went to the other extreme and the sex was mind blowing. Afterward I asked her to tell me what happened to her and she told me that awful story and then we made love again, twice." Jack answered.

"I obviously can't diagnose without talking with her Jack, but what you've described are classic symptoms of a woman that's been severely traumatized sexually, but I think you already knew that so what exactly are you looking for from me?" He asked.

"I don't know, I guess I'm wondering if it's okay to carry on a sexual relationship with someone who is scared one minute and ready to devour me the next?" Jack asked.

"What do you mean by okay?" He asked.

"I mean is it okay or am I'm some sick, twisted, fucked up individual for finding her attractive, sexy and someone I want to sleep with when it could be harming her emotionally?" Jack asked.

"I doubt you are harming her emotionally, if anything you're probably helping her heal. It's normal for her to be afraid and then overcompensate with aggressive sex, and it's good that she is allowing herself to enjoy sex again and that her feelings for you are challenging all of those bad feelings and memories." He explained.

"So should I try to get her to see someone and talk about this stuff?" Jack asked.

"I can't answer that without talking with her Jack, but it's been six years and I'm not sure dredging all that back up if she's found a way to deal with it would be in her best interest. Just be prepared for her to feel guilty and ashamed at times for enjoying sex with you and don't tell her not to feel that way. Allow her to feel whatever emotions she needs to feel, even encourage her to let them run their course. She's most likely been numb as far as wanting or needing affection from a man goes, but is finding that the emotions that have lay asleep for so long are beginning to awaken. She's going to be confused at times, angry and sad and struggling to make sense of what's happening to her." Sid explained.

"I don't want to cause her any more pain Sid." Jack said.

"Then don't. Don't treat her any differently now then you did before you knew her history. She must sense that she can trust you if she's opening up emotionally again. So, just let her feel her way through this and chances are you will be just what the doctor ordered." Sid said making Jack chuckle lightly.

"Seems odd that me and all my baggage could be just what any doctor ordered for anyone." Jack said.

"Are you kidding, she gets to focus on your needs and issues, distracting her from obsessing too much on her own and you get to focus on her needs and issues, distracting you from obsessing too much on your own, hell if psychologists could bottle that and prescribe it we'd be filthy rich." He laughed.

Jack left Sid's office. They'd been colleagues and friends for about five years, Sid often brought in to talk with patients of Jack's that weren't going to fully recover from their spinal injuries. Sid had been the one person Jack would talk to during the ordeal with his father and his wife because Sid was content to just listen, knowing that there were no words of wisdom he could offer, but that sometimes people just needed to talk.

Jack arrived at the clinic around 10:00 AM and it was fairly quiet. Barbie was sitting behind the reception desk and he assumed Kate must've been in the back. He approached the desk and Barbie looked up at him.

"Good morning." He said.

"If you say so, there are about six people back there waiting to be seen." Barbie told him sounding depressed.

"You okay?" Jack asked.

"Huh? Yeah, Kate just blew up at me over nothing, but other than a large chunk of my ass being gone, I'm great." Barbie sighed.

Since Jack had been working at the clinic Kate had been on Barbie's case so she must've really exploded in order to make Barbie feel so bad.

"Don't take it personally. She's probably mad that I'm so late and took it out on you. I'll go talk to her." Jack said and walked toward the back of the clinic.

He spotted her at the counter along the back wall making annotations to a file and walked up behind her. He put his arms around her waist and kissed her neck. She immediately pushed him off of her and turned to face him.

"There are patients in beds 2, 4 and 7." She snapped and slammed three file folders into his chest.

Jack thought briefly about getting angry with her, but remembered what Sid had told him about allowing her to experience whatever emotions she was feeling and not try to fix it when the emotions were bad. He took the charts from her and tended to the patients. When lunch rolled around he exited out the back door and sat against the building. He heard the door open and looked up. She was standing there, looking a little nervous and apologetic.

"So are you going to come and sit with me and enjoy this beautiful day or what?" He asked.

She smiled, walked over to him and he pulled her into his lap. She sat on his thighs, straddling his hips and happily allowed him to wrap his arms around her and kiss and hug her.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you Jack. We were busy this morning and Michael calling in the middle of it didn't help." Kate said and let her body rest against his chest, her head lying just below his shoulder.

He held loosely to her, letting his fingers glide gently up and down her back.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, I just want him out of my life Jack, but that's not possible unless I never want to see my daughter again." Kate sighed.

"Did he call for a reason? I mean he's already ruined your weekend with Madison, what else is there?" Jack asked.

"I don't know why he called. I was too busy to deal with him and hung up on him and then screamed at poor Barbie for not screening my calls. I should go and apologize to her." Kate mumbled.

Jack pulled her back to look at him and kissed her softly, before pulling her back into his chest again.

"You want me to wait out here while you go talk to her?" Jack asked.

"Do you mind?" Kate asked.

"No, it's great out here. Did she go get coffee or do I need to do that myself?" Jack asked.

"No, she went. I'll bring it out to you." Kate said and moved off of his lap.

Jack sat in the warm sun enjoying his coffee. He decided the women had been alone long enough to kiss and make up and entered the facility. He could hear voices coming from the front and slowly made his way up to the reception area. Kate was standing with her back to the wall and a man was in front of her, his arms extended and his hands planted firmly on the wall on either side of her, trapping her, intimidating her.

"Is there a problem?" Jack asked as he approached them doing his best to remain calm.

The man dropped his hands, moved away from Kate and turned to greet the voice.

"No, we were just talking and you are?" The man asked.

"Jack Shephard." Jack said.

"Dr. Jack Shephard?" The man asked.

"That's what the lab coat says." Jack answered sarcastically.

"This is the Jack that Maddie was telling me about?" He asked Kate.

"You must be Michael." Jack said his hands shoved deep into his pants pockets so his clenched fists couldn't be seen.

"Yes, Dr. Michael Reynolds. I've heard a lot about you Dr. Shephard." He said and held his hand out for Jack to shake.

Jack looked at the man's hand and kept his firmly planted in his pockets.

"Yeah, well don't believe everything you hear." Jack said.

"Wow Katie, you've gone a snagged yourself your very own miracle worker, you've outdone yourself." Michael told her.

"Don't call me that." Kate hissed and moved off the wall.

Michael grabbed her arm and Jack immediately sprang forward and grabbed Michael's arm, squeezing it hard.

"You should probably let go of her." Jack suggested, his tone threatening.

Michael let go of Kate, jerked away from Jack's grip and put his hands up.

"Take it easy Dr. Shephard, I'm just here to discuss our daughter and didn't want her to leave yet." Michael said.

"What do you want Michael?" Kate sighed while giving Jack the back off and let me handle this look.

"You can have Madison this weekend. Carol is sick so we won't be able to go to that ice skating thing after all." Michael said.

"I have plans this weekend Michael and I already gave the tickets to someone." Kate argued looking at Jack.

"You don't want to see your daughter fine, maybe you won't see her next weekend either." Michael threatened.

Kate could see that Jack was ticking, could see the imprint of his fists through his pockets and she shot him a look that seemed to be pleading with him not to make things worse by jumping into the middle of it. Jack relaxed his fists and pulled his hands out of his pockets.

"It's okay Kate, I can cancel our plans, you daughter is more important." Jack said.

"Oh, did you two have plans? Why don't I just tell Madison you're too busy with your new boyfriend to take her to see the ice skaters." Michael said.

"No man it's cool. I've got a friend that can get you some tickets to the Stars on Ice thing Kate so you don't have to disappoint her and I promised my mom I'd take her out to dinner so it works out great." Jack said.

"Great. It was nice to meet you Dr. Shephard." Michael said extending his hand again.

Jack looked at Kate and shook his hand, not wanting to make things difficult for her.

"It was nice to meet you too Dr. Reynolds." Jack said.

Michael left the clinic and Kate stood looking battered and distressed. She looked at Jack and a single tear rolled down her cheek. He pulled her into his chest and wrapped his arms around her.

"It's okay Kate, he can't hurt you anymore." Jack said.

"As long as he's got my daughter he's going to hurt me Jack." Kate said sadly letting her tears flow freely.

"Shh, you're tired and everything seems much worse when you're tired. Why don't you go home and rest and let Barbie and I take care of this place this afternoon." Jack offered.

"You'd do that?" Kate asked.

"Sure, and after we close I'll come over and fix your bed like I promised." Jack told her.

"And you're going to stay right?" Kate asked.

"Yes, I'll stay. I promise." Jack said.

"I'm sorry he ruined our weekend." Kate said.

"He didn't, but I have a confession to make." Jack said.

"What?" Kate asked.

"I can't get those tickets and I don't want to eat dinner with my mom. I just said that so he'd be satisfied he'd ruined our plans and leave." Jack said making her relax and smile.

"She's going to be so disappointed." Kate sighed.

"No she won't. I'll come up with something better by Saturday." Jack said.

"You don't have to do that, we'll be fine, I'm just having a mini-breakdown at the moment. It'll pass." Kate said.

"You don't always have to be tough and in charge Kate and I'm not suggesting you let me take care of you, I'm just asking that you let me be your friend and handle the load today while you go home and have your mini-breakdown. I'll even spring for the chocolate." Jack said making her laugh.

"I am tired so I think I will take you up on your offer." She said.

"Good, go. Want me to bring dinner when I come?" He asked.

"Sure." Kate said.

Kate gathered her things and Jack walked her to her car, giving the excuse that he wanted to kiss her good and long without interruption, his real fear being that Michael would be lurking outside waiting to pounce. He did climb into the car and kiss her good and long though, nearly too long as the kiss grew hungrier than either expected and hands began wandering and she finally pulled away, kissing his chin and promising that they would finish this later. He kissed her on the forehead, climbed out of the car and watched her make it safely out of the parking lot before turning to walk back inside the clinic, his mind quickly becoming consumed with the need to find Michael and beat the living shit out of him, but finally filing those thoughts away and focusing on his patients.


	13. Chapter 13

Jack knocked lightly on the storm door. The front door was open and he could see into the house, but she wasn't answering the door so he pulled on the handle and let himself in. He walked down the narrow entry hall to the opening that went off in three different directions, opening in one direction to the dining room, opening toward the hall that led to the bedrooms and opening in the other direction to the living room. He could see the back of her head, the rest of her curled up on the couch. He approached quietly and could see she was sleeping soundly so he backed out of the room, put the subs he'd brought for dinner into the refrigerator and let himself into the garage to look for the tools he would need to fix the broken bed.

She heard a thud followed by a short string of profanity coming from her bedroom and rolled onto her side, attempting to focus in on the clock on the wall. It was after seven, she'd been asleep for over three hours. She assumed the noise was Jack attempting to fix the bed and moved off the couch in route to the bedroom. She stopped at the door and giggled at the sight, his feet the only thing visible, the rest of his body covered by the fallen mattress, not really trapped, just frustrated and in no hurry to move it off of himself, the dilapidated bed frame holding most of it off of him. Kate went down onto her hands and knees and peeked underneath, smiling at him.

"My hero." She teased.

"Kate, is this bed frame from the bed your mother's grandmother was conceived on?" Jack asked making her laugh.

"Are you suggesting it's old Jack?" She asked.

"I'm not suggesting. It is old. Where'd you get this thing?" Jack asked.

"I bought it at a garage sale meaning to replace it once I got on my feet and never did." Kate said.

"What? Never got on your feet or never replaced it?" He asked afraid he'd insulted her.

"Never replaced it. Are you planning on staying under there all night or would you like me to lift that off of you?" Kate asked, not waiting for an answer.

She stood and pulled the fallen mattress off of him, balancing it back against the wall with the box springs. He stood, wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her.

"My hero." He said.

"So I guess it's broke huh?" She asked.

"Yeah, it's hopeless I'm afraid. We can go out this weekend and buy a new bed if you want." He offered.

"I think we should throw out the frame and put the mattresses on the floor. I kind of like the idea of sleeping the middle of the ruins caused by all that passion. Besides, now we can make love when Madison is sleeping two doors down without waking her up." She told him in a sexy tone and kissed him.

"Yeah, about that, listen Kate, I didn't mean to just invite myself over this weekend. It's your time with your daughter and I don't want to interfere with that." Jack said.

"You're not interfering Jack and Madison did give me the thumbs up after she interrogated you at dinner so that means she likes you." Kate said making him chuckle lightly.

"She's pretty cute Kate, I could become a sucker for that sweet face quickly." Jack admitted.

"Yeah, I have a hard time resisting it too; even when I'm so angry with her I want to toss her into next week. She's going to be so disappointed tomorrow when I tell her we aren't going to see the ice skaters and I'm sure Michael will spin it so it's all on me." Kate sighed her arms still wrapped around his waist.

She leaned in and snuggled into his chest, letting him hold her closer and move his hands in a comforting manner over her back.

"Does she like the lake?" Jack asked.

"I don't think she's ever been. I've never taken her and Michael would never leave the city long enough to enjoy the great outdoors." Kate said.

"Me and a couple of my friends own this really great lake house and I'd have to check, but I bet it's empty this weekend. It has its own dock, a boat, 4-wheelers in the garage and horseback riding within hiking distance. Does that sound like fun? She could bring a friend along." Jack offered.

"God Jack that sounds fabulous, but please don't feel like you need to entertain a seven year old all weekend." Kate said.

"Oh come on it would be fun. We could drive up tomorrow evening and stay all weekend. There's a hot tub on the back deck, a game room with air hockey, pool, a couple of pinball machines and a big screen television complete with cable and a couple of gaming systems. There's a cozy porch swing and a couple of tire swings in the trees out front. You can fish right off the dock, you don't have to get the boat out." Jack said.

"So what's a city guy like you doing with something like that?" Kate asked.

"We bought it about six years ago. It was one of those spur of the moment guy decisions. Sometimes the three of us get together and escape there for a few days, but usually it just sits empty and we pay to keep it maintained. What do you say? Want to escape for a couple of days?" Jack asked.

"It sounds wonderful Jack, but let's just make it the three of us, I don't want to be responsible for keeping more than one kid from drowning this weekend." Kate said.

"Great. So, how about we drag this broken bed frame out of here and eat the sandwiches I brought." Jack suggested.

"Did you bring clean clothes so we can sleep in tomorrow?" Kate asked.

"I took a shower before I came over and I'll just wear what I have on to the clinic in the morning." Jack answered.

"Then we should get you out of these clothes now so won't look disheveled." Kate said and began unbuttoning the casual, but neatly laundered and ironed shirt he was wearing.

He leaned in and kissed her, feeling the excitement building throughout his entire body and deepening the kiss as she continued to undress him. She peeled the shirt off of him and unfastened his pants, everything suddenly intensifying, their skin tingling and suddenly finding their clothes too hot as their breathing became labored, both working feverishly at getting the other's clothes out of the way.

Her clothes were easy, lift the t-shirt over the head and pull the lounge pants down and off of her, making sure the panties went along with them, his large warm hands gliding the material down her thighs and calves and then sliding back up her legs, slipping one hand in-between her thighs and groaning at the moistness and heat he was greeted with. She'd slid his boxer briefs down with his jeans, encouraging him to step out of them, her hand wrapping around his hardened length, moaning into his mouth at the feel of it as she slowly worked her hand over him.

"How can something so hard be so soft at the same time?" She breathed into his mouth, letting out a slight whimper when he picked her up and using the wall for support proceeded to bury himself inside of her.

"How can something so small and tight, be so wet, hot, slippery and accommodating?" He groaned and thrust into her slowly a couple of times.

"That feels so good, make love to me Jack, all of you, don't hold back." Kate insisted.

He pulled her away from the wall, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist, their bodies joined tightly at the center and both of them teetering on the edge of completely losing their minds and falling into a state of hot, sweaty, lustful love making. He gave the mattress that was propped up on its side a shove and it fell to the floor, trapping the broken bed frame below it. It was uneven, but it was a comfortable enough surface to lay her back on and satisfy her demands.

He carefully laid her back onto the mattress, keeping them joined. She pulled her legs back and he sank deeper into her.

"Jesus Kate you have no idea how close I just came to ending this prematurely." He mumbled and locked his mouth over hers.

"I need to come Jack, please." Kate pleaded, her body quivering under his, but in a good, on the verge of orgasm kind of way.

He pulled back slightly and then pushed back into her, repeating the process slowly until she exploded around him, clenching so tightly to his throbbing member he had to close his eyes and concentrate to keep from exploding right along with her. She bucked up against him, squirming, panting and wrapping her legs tightly around him, whimpering and digging her nails into his back. He held his position, kissing her jaw line softly while holding gently, but firmly to her body, noticing a tear escape down her cheek.

"Shh babe, it's okay." He whispered sweetly and kissed the tear away.

"I've never felt this way Jack. I need all you can give me for as long as you can stand it." She whispered and then closed her mouth over his again, allowing their tongues to move slowly together, calming both of them down.

His urge to pound away at her had been calmed by the moment and he began moving in and out of her slowly, deeply and with a great deal of tenderness and caring, making love to her for as long as he could before finally tightening all over and releasing into her, having brought her to orgasm twice more before coming himself. He moved off of her and lay on his side, making room for them to rest comfortably on the skewed mattress. She lay on her side, his body spooned around her from behind, the heat and sweat between them providing all the warmth they needed.

"You're pretty incredible you know that? I think I could lay here with you like this and never need anything else, ever." He said.

"I think your stomach would argue with that. I can feel it grumbling, have you eaten today Jack?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, I had one of those smoothie things in-between the hospital and the clinic, have you eaten today Kate?" Jack asked imitating her nagging motherly tone.

"Stop, my reasons are purely selfish, I need you nourished and full of stamina." She teased.

"Oh sure, take my clothes, keep me naked and feed me occasionally so I can service you…huh, actually that doesn't sound so bad." He teased back.

"That could be fun, but I need you nourished and full of stamina to slave away in my free clinic buddy." She laughed.

"Oh really, well maybe you should be in a better position before you decide to be mischievous." Jack said and began tickling her.

She rolled onto her stomach in an attempt to get away from him begging for him to stop. He went up onto his knees straddling her thighs on either side, moving his hands underneath her and lifting her slightly so he could continue to tickle her. Her body immediately went stiff and her giggles turned into quiet dread as she instinctively prepared her body to be violated from behind.

Jack recognized the change in her immediately and thought about backing away, apologizing, promising he'd never hurt her, etc. Instead he pulled her up until she was on her hands and knees and gently massaged and caressed her breasts from behind while his mouth move slowly over her back. He continued on until she relaxed in his hands and began to enjoy what he was doing to her, eventually entering her vaginally from behind, making love to her slowly as he wrapped his body around hers and moved his hand around to her front, massaging the tiny bundle of nerves and making her come hard, allowing his own release to coincide with hers, a quick, but warm and loving example of being taken from behind for her to store into her emotional memory banks and hopefully one day be able to call on this experience instead of the violence when his body hovered over hers from behind.

He lowered them back onto the mattress, on their sides, him spooning her from behind and still inside her. They stayed that way and didn't speak about what had just happened, both falling asleep, their minds and bodies completely relaxed. When she awoke early the next morning his hands were moving over her breasts and stomach and he was hard again, filling her, stretching her walls tight and waiting for permission to move again. She sighed and clenched around him, wanting him to move, to make her feel like she'd never felt in her life before him and he didn't disappoint, starting out sweet and slow and ending up with her in his lap, her back against his chest, his hands holding tightly to her waist as he thrust hard and she met his thrusts with her downward movement, both sweating now, panting and finally moaning and groaning loudly as they both came, grinding their centers together as they rode it out together, him wrapping his arms around her and kissing her neck from behind when they were finished.

"I really love sleepovers at your house Kate." He said out of breath and laughing lightly.

"Good, maybe you'll want to make it a nightly habit." Kate said.

"I know we were supposed to sleep in, but I'm starving. Can we please grab a shower and get ready for work. Breakfast is on me." He said as he gently moved her off of him.

They showered separately, dressed and left her house, Kate refusing to let him drive and him too hungry too argue the point. They stopped at the nearest pancake house, enjoyed a hearty breakfast and drove to the clinic together. The morning was insanely busy, but the afternoon slowed way down. Jack was finishing up with a patient, applying a bandage over the sutures he'd just put in the man's arm where the guy had suggested he'd lost a battle with a hedge trimmer, but clearly had been swiped cleanly with a knife. He heard footsteps approaching and turned around to find Barbie approaching with a panicked look on her face.

"What's wrong?" Jack asked.

"Kate's ex-husband is out there and he's bullying her. I think she's really scared Jack." Barbie asked.

"Does he do this a lot Barbie?" Jack asked.

"No, he usually just drops Maddie off and leaves. I'm not sure what's gotten into him the last couple of days." Barbie said.

"I can guess. Can you finish taping this?" Jack asked and didn't wait for an answer.

He dropped the tape in Barbie's hand and walked out into the reception area. Michael had Kate pinned to the wall again and Maddie was standing off to the side looking confused and a little scared.

"Hi Jack." The child said her tone suggesting that the scene was upsetting her.

"Hey cutie, come here for a second." Jack said and knelt down to her level as she approached.

"Why is my daddy scaring my mommy?" Maddie asked her bottom lip quivering.

"It's okay honey, they're just arguing. I want you to take this and go across the street with Barbie and get some ice cream." Jack said shoving a twenty dollar bill into the child's hand as Barbie came up behind them.

"Yeah, come on Maddie, I could go for a dip of chocolate chip." Barbie said, taking the child by the hand and leading her out of the clinic.

Jack stood and walked over to where Michael still had Kate trapped against the wall, choosing to ignore the pleading looks she was giving him. Jack grabbed Michael by the shoulder and spun him around, his eyes so angry it made Michael take a few steps back.

"What the hell is your problem man?" Michael asked.

"I don't have any problems Dr. Reynolds, but the next time I catch you bullying her you're going to have a big one." Jack threatened.

"Are you fucking him Katie?" Michael asked incredulously.

"Leave me alone Michael. Just leave Maddie and go." Kate said.

"No, I don't think so. The deal is that YOU get to see Maddie, not you and your new fuck buddy. Maybe I just won't be so generous with her anymore. Maybe she needs to just come home with me." Michael hissed.

"Stop it Michael. Why can't I have a life? What do you care? What the hell did I ever do to you?" Kate yelled, tears streaming down her face.

Michael pinned her against the wall again, both hands gripping her arms.

"You left me bitch, remember." Michael hissed squeezing her arms hard.

"You're hurting me." Kate whimpered.

The words hit Jack like a hammer and his ability to remain calm quickly faded. He grabbed one of Michael's arms and pulled it behind his back, tugging upward hard, the pain making Michael let go of Kate and go along with Jack wherever Jack wanted him to go.

"Jack don't." Kate pleaded.

"I'm just going to show Dr. Reynolds to the door. I think it's time he left don't you?" Jack said through clenched teeth.

"You can't make me leave without my daughter, I'll call the police." Michael told him.

Jack moved in close to Michael, holding him firmly from behind. He brought his mouth to Michael's ear and talked low enough that Michael could hear, but Kate couldn't.

"Your days of pushing her around are over. She will get her daughter more and when she wants, not when you feel like using that child for bait to make Kate cower. Are you hearing me Dr. Reynolds?" Jack hissed.

"What makes you think I care to hear what you're saying Dr. Shephard. What are you going to do, beat me up?" Michael taunted him.

"Hell Michael I'd do that just because it would feel good to do it. No, you're hearing me because you know when it comes to our professional lives, our reputations, our standing in the medical community, I've got about a 14 inch dick and you my friend are basically neutered." Jack huffed, letting go of a sick taunting laugh, daring him to push one more of his buttons.

"This is none of your business man." Michael argued.

"Any time some fucked up bastard gets his rocks off by bullying a 120 pound woman it's my business. You need to leave now and we'll drop your daughter off some time on Sunday and don't even think about fucking with me because I'll win and you know it." Jack threatened as he continued to push him out the front door of the clinic.

Jack watched to make sure Michael got into his car and drove away before he reentered the clinic. Kate was standing in the same spot, her arms wrapped around herself, hugging herself.

"Kate, I'm sorry, but I couldn't just stand there and watch him manhandle you." Jack said.

"What did you say to him Jack? Did you tell him you knew what he did to me?" Kate asked her voice cracking, trapped some place between anger, hurt and humiliation.

"No Kate I didn't tell him I knew. I just told him he was going to let you see your daughter more often and stop dangling her in front of you like some goddamn carrot." Jack answered.

"He won't listen. You're just making things worse by threatening him." Kate accused.

"I care about you Kate and if you think I'm ever going to stand back and let someone physically harm you then………well, it's never going to happen Kate." Jack said completely frustrated with her at the moment.

"You're mad at me." Kate said.

"No, I'm not mad Kate, I just don't understand why you won't let me help you. You're afraid of him and I can understand that, but I'm not afraid of him and to be perfectly honest I'm not all that comfortable with the idea of a little girl being entrusted to him. Does he treat his current wife the same way he treated you?" Jack asked.

"I'm not afraid of him Jack, I'm afraid of losing my daughter for good. I couldn't stand it if I could never see her again and you of all people should understand that." Kate snapped, angry and frustrated, but mostly just tired of fighting what felt like an impossible uphill battle and her tears finally got the best of her.

He wrapped his arms around her and held onto her, his feelings for her too strong, he was too involved and cared too much, but how could he not, she seemed so alone with all the odds stacked against her and she didn't deserve any of this. He hugged her tight, rubbing his hands over her back.

"I won't let that happen Kate, I promise. Your daughter needs to be a bigger part of your life. She's missing out on a great role model and a great mom and doesn't ever need to see her father treating you like he did today. Let me help you with this Kate, please." Jack pleaded with her.

"I'm scared Jack. Him taking her out of my life would hurt more than anything he's ever done to me physically. She's all I've got." Kate said softly.

"No, you've got me. I understand you're scared and that you feel like you're fighting this tremendous battle alone, but you aren't alone anymore." Jack said.

"This isn't your problem Jack." Kate insisted.

"Yeah, and me sleeping in my own piss and vomit all night wasn't your problem either, but that didn't stop you from getting involved did it? Look Kate, I barely know Maddie, but I can't stand the idea that she's living with a monster instead of with this strong, beautiful person that loves her the way she deserves to be loved and please don't give me any bullshit about how Michael adores her and would never harm her. I know you've convinced yourself of that to keep from going crazy, but come on Kate, at the very least he's exposing her to a lifestyle that no child should be exposed to." Jack pleaded his case.

"Okay." Kate said tilting her head up to look at him.

"Okay?" Jack asked.

"Okay, I'll stop being scared." Kate said and kissed him, a long deep passionate kiss that she hoped expressed every bit of gratitude she was feeling at the moment.

They continued to kiss until they heard the bell on the door, pulling apart and turning around, Maddie and Barbie standing together, licking their ice cream cones and giggling at them.

"Mommy and Jack sittin in a tree." Maddie chanted.

"That's enough out of you little one. Did you pack enough clothes for the whole weekend?" Kate asked.

"Yes mommy. Here's your change Jack." Maddie answered walking over to Jack and dropping the crumpled, sticky with melted ice cream bills into his hand.

Kate and Barbie both watched him closely. Would he make a big deal out of the sticky money or would he shove it into his pocket and deal with it later? He looked at the little girl with the strawberry ice cream around her mouth and dripping down her chin, smiled and shoved the money into his pocket.

"What do you say we close this place up and get started on the weekend." Jack said.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Thanks for the reviews! Just wee bit of Jack angst and the rest is pure fluff, oh and jex of course.**_

They left the clinic, stopped at Jack's house so he could grab a few things and then drove back to Kate's house so she could grab a few things and they could pick up Jack's car. He'd put his foot down and demanded to drive them to the lake and Kate decided it was best to let him be the man and not push the issue. It was less than two hours to the lake and about an hour into the drive Jack's cell phone went off. He knew it was her again, resorting to text messaging him since he wouldn't return her calls. He looked down and saw that she was claiming it was an emergency, scanned through the names in his address book and punched the call button when her name came up. He sighed heavily and waited for her to answer while Kate watched him from the passenger seat, realizing he was calling someone he wasn't thrilled to be talking to and guessing it was his ex-wife. She listened to his side of the conversation.

"What's the big emergency? Are the kids okay?"

"I don't want to talk about it right now."

"I don't know when I'll feel like talking about it, but not today and not even this weekend."

"Look, you made this mess, not me and you've had a lot of time to think about it. Is asking for a couple of weeks to make the hardest fucking decision of my life that big of deal?!" He hissed and then looked in the rearview mirror. Luckily the child had her earphones in and hadn't heard him.

"What do you mean what decision? He's my son."

"Yes it matters, it has always mattered, they are my children, but you can't seem to just let things be, you had to keep pushing and look at the mess you've made."

"I don't know, maybe some day you'll be able to make your children understand why they shouldn't think you are a lying, manipulative, deceptive whore, but don't expect me to help you with that."

Jack looked at the phone and tossed it into the console.

"She hung up." Jack said and pulled into a small grocery store and bait shop.

"Why are we stopping?" Kate asked.

"We should get a few things, maybe some sandwich stuff or whatever you guys like to eat." Jack said.

The three walked into the quaint store. Kate grabbed a hand held basket and headed down the short aisles with the weekend's menu apparently planned out in her head. Jack headed toward the bait side of the shop and Maddie was right on his heels, finding his mission much more interesting than her mother's. Jack stopped in front of the tank full of live minnows and grabbed a bucket and a net. He looked down at the child who was engrossed in watching the tiny fish swim and smiled.

"You want to help?" Jack asked.

"What do you want me to do?" Maddie asked.

"Well, you can either hold this bucket while I catch the little fish in this net or I can hold the bucket while you catch the little fish." Jack said.

"I want to catch the fish." Maddie said excitedly making Jack chuckle.

"Imagine that. Let me put some water in the bucket and then see if you can catch about 30 of them. You can count to 30 right?" Jack teased.

"I'm almost in 2nd grade Jack. I can do my times all the way to my 3s." Maddie bragged.

"All the way to your threes huh, you must be pretty smart just like your mom." Jack complimented.

"No, I'm smart like my dad. Daddy says I'm pretty like my mom, but that I shouldn't think I can get through life on my looks." Maddie said very matter-of-factly.

"Your mom is very pretty, but she is also very smart Maddie and she works very hard." Jack corrected her.

"Okay." Maddie said and shrugged.

Jack had to remind himself that he was carrying on a conversation with a very young child who was being brain-washed into believing things about her mother that weren't true and stop himself from sounding like a defense attorney. This little girl was as much a victim of Michael Reynolds twisted games as Kate was.

"So, are you ready to catch us some minnows?" Jack asked.

"Are we going to eat them Jack?" Maddie asked.

"No, we are going to fish with them. Have you ever been fishing?" Jack asked.

"No, but I seen it on tv." Maddie told him.

Jack smiled at the child and held the bucket down low enough for her to accomplish the task. A couple of the minnows jumped out of the net and flopped around on the floor making her squeal and giggle. Jack caught them in his hand and put them into the bucket. When they were sure that they had 30 or were at least close he put the lid on the bucket, grabbed a container of worms and he and Maddie met Kate at the check out counter.

"What'd you get?" Kate asked.

"We got worms and little fishes and Jack let me catch them mom." Maddie told her excitedly.

Kate smiled at Jack and smoothed her hand over her daughter's long brown hair. They paid for their things, got back into the car and within 20 minutes were pulling into a beautiful two story lake front home. They unloaded the car while Maddie explored the house, finding the game room and becoming excited. Kate busied herself preparing something for them to eat for dinner while Jack moved out to the deck to check on the hot tub. He'd just gotten the cover off and was about to test the water when he felt her presence behind him.

"Did you bring a swimsuit?" Jack asked without turning to look at the child.

"No, but I have some shorts." Maddie answered.

"That'll work. It's too hot right now, but maybe after dinner it will have cooled down enough to enjoy." Jack told her.

"What's that?" Maddie asked making Jack turn to look to see what she was pointing at.

"Those are tire swings." Jack answered.

"What are they for?" Maddie asked.

"They are for swinging. Do you like to swing?" Jack asked.

"Uh huh, but I never saw that kind of swing before." Maddie said.

"Come on, we've got time before the sun goes down completely." Jack said holding his hand out for the little girl to take.

She placed her tiny hand into his large hand and they walked down the small hill and out toward the trees where the two tire swings hung. Jack put his foot into one of them and pulled all of his weight up, allowing it to rest on the tire while pulling hard on the rope with his arms, making sure the rope hadn't rotted and that it was still secure enough to hold a child without snapping. He climbed down and picked Maddie up under the arms from behind and encouraged her to put her legs over the top of the tire, the rope between her legs.

"Hold on tight to the rope and I'll push you." Jack told her.

"No, I don't like this Jack. I want down." Maddie whined.

"I wouldn't let anything happen to you sweetheart and I promise you'll like it if you give it a try." Jack encouraged.

"Do you promise to catch me if I fall?" Maddie asked.

"I promise, but if you hold onto the rope you won't fall." Jack said and began pushing the tire slowly.

Jack let her get used to it and pushed the tire a little harder making her giggle and ask him to make it go faster. He finally stopped the tire, had her cross her feet and hold on as tight as she could and began spinning the tire, slowly winding her up, tighter and tighter, making her giggle and then when he was satisfied it was wound tight enough he made her promise to not let go no matter what and let go of the tire, laughing as it unwound and spun the child wildly in the process making her squeal with delight. When it stopped she was laughing so hard it gave her the hiccups.

"Do it again Jack!" She begged in-between her hiccups.

"One more time and then we have to go in." Jack told her and began winding the swing up again.

Kate stood in the kitchen watching them through the window, the feeling of peace and happiness the moment brought was unlike anything she'd ever known and she wasn't sure who was having the most fun, the man or the child, but she knew she loved watching her little girl laugh and giggle and smile from ear to ear like that.

When the swing stopped spinning the second time Jack lifted the child off of it and set her on the ground. She was dizzy and fell down making him chuckle. He bent down in front of her.

"Climb on and I'll give you a ride to the house since you're too drunk to walk." He teased.

"I'm not drunk, I'm dizzy." She giggled and climbed onto his back and wrapped her tiny arms and hands around his neck.

He carried her up to the house like the 45 pounds of nothing that she was and into the kitchen where Kate was waiting for them with soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Jack scooted back and sat Maddie on the counter, excusing himself so he could wash up.

"Mommy did you see me spinning?" Maddie asked.

"I did baby, are you having a good time?" Kate asked.

"Uh huh, Jack is fun mom. He's going to show me how to catch a fish tomorrow. Do you know how to catch fishes mom?" Maddie asked.

"My dad used to take me fishing when I was your age. It's a lot of fun." Kate told her.

"We get to go swimming in the hot tub after we eat. Do you have swimsuit mommy?" Maddie continued on, her seven year old mind too excited to settle down.

"Only if it's cooled of by then munchkin." Jack interrupted and carried the bowls of soup to the table.

Kate lifted Maddie off of the counter and sent her to the bathroom to wash up. She followed Jack with the sandwiches and set them on the table. He turned around and she wrapped her hands around his waist, pulling him closer and kissing him deeply.

"What was that for?" He asked.

"Just for being you Jack, it's more than enough reason." Kate said and they kissed again, longer, deeper and more passionate, stopping when they heard Maddie giggling.

They ate dinner and Jack cleaned up the dishes while Kate convinced Maddie she could swim in her undershirt and panties, promising that Jack wouldn't look. She walked her out to the hot tub with a towel wrapped around her and helped her climb in, turning the jets on for her and laughing at how tiny and cute she looked in the middle of all of it. Jack joined them on the deck and adjusted the jets so the child could enjoy them without them knocking her over. When she was ready to get out, or when Kate decided it was time she got out, Jack covered his eyes so she could climb out and let her mom wrap the towel around her.

"Okay Jack you can look now!" Maddie chimed happily and walked into the house with her mom, making him smile and watch them disappear.

He sat on the deck with a beer and enjoyed the cool night air. Maddie came back about an hour later, freshly bathed and dressed for bed. She walked up to Jack and climbed into his lap. She gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Well thank you, what'd I do to deserve something that great?" Jack asked.

"You are very nice and you make my mommy smile and I love it here. I can't wait to wake up and play some more. Thank you for letting me come here." Maddie said.

"I'm glad you like it. Are you going to bed already?" Jack asked.

"Mommy said I have to and I'm tired anyway so goodnight." She said and climbed down from his lap.

Jack watched her skip back into the house and relaxed back into his chair. Kate appeared a few minutes later with a couple of fresh beers and a couple of towels. He pulled her into his lap, wrapped his arms around her and kissed her.

"She's great Kate, so eager to try new things and so tiny I have a hard time not coddling too much." Jack said.

"She's small, but she's mighty and she thinks you are the coolest thing since Strawberry Shortcake." Kate told him.

"Is that her favorite dessert?" Jack asked making her laugh.

"It's a doll Jack. Strawberry Shortcake and all her little fruity friends blow fruity kisses and they have all kinds of fun accessories." Kate explained.

"Sorry, I'm kind of out of the loop when it comes to toys." Jack said with just the slightest hint of sadness.

"So, are we going to enjoy the hot tub or not?" Kate asked.

"Are you're planning on getting in there naked?" Jack asked with a grin.

"Of course, why do you think I put the child to bed?" Kate answered and slithered off his lap and down between his legs, grabbing the button on his jeans and unfastening it.

He watched her intently, the sight of her between his legs unfastening his pants incredibly arousing. She slowly pulled the zipper down and reached in, becoming frustrated with his choice of underwear immediately. She placed her hands behind him and tugged forward on his hips.

"Stand up Jack." She told him, catching the dark desirous look in his eyes and feeling her crotch moisten.

He stood and she propped herself up on her knees, grabbing the waistband of his jeans and underwear and pulling them down to his knees, his semi-erect cock displayed before her. She took his cock into her hands and took her time feeling her way around, enjoying the feeling of him becoming hard in her hands and him watching the entire time not sure whether to let her continue or begin undressing her as well.

She placed her hands on his butt and pulled him forward, running her tongue along the vein with just enough pressure to increase his hardness and make him let go of a lengthy breath. She gently nudged him back into the chair and took her place between his legs again, looking up at him as she got ready to take his head into her mouth.

"You don't have to do this." He said softly.

"I know and that's why I want to do it more than anything." She said and lowered her head.

She began swallowing about three inches of him into her mouth, working her tongue slowly over the sensitive head while her hand gently twisted and tugged at his base. Having gotten him to a full erection she began to work feverishly on him. Taking in as much as she could, allowing his tip to hit the back of her throat, while sucking hard at times and simply licking and caressing at other times. His head was dropped back enjoying every second of what she was doing to him, feeling the tingling in his balls as his release neared. He held his head up and looked down at her, her head bobbing up and down and then making eye contact with him as she slowly pulled her mouth up and away from him, the small popping sound it made when she released him making him groan as she held on to his throbbing, bobbing cock and fisted him a few times, the tip of her tongue gliding up the underside of his head over the small opening, licking away the precum.

"Kate, you need to stop now." He pleaded in a breathy tone.

"I want you to come Jack, I want you to come in my mouth the way you make me come in yours." Kate told him and began deep-throating him again, over and over and over until he finally let go of a guttural noise and began spurting his hot juices onto her tongue.

When he was done and softening again, she stood and sat in his lap again, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him long and hard while his hand slipped inside her panties and between her legs, her pussy wet and hot and ready to explode. He pushed his middle finger into making her moan into his mouth and then he began moving it in and out of her while his palm rubbed over her pussy, cupping her in his large hand while fucking her at a rapid pace with his long finger and she came quickly, squeezing her thighs around his hand and trapping him there until she was ready to let him go. They stayed that way for a few minutes, his finger trapped inside her and him slowly recovering from the fellatio she'd just performed on him. He finally kissed her one more time and spoke softly to her.

"Now that we've got the naughty, lustful immediate needs out of the way, what do you say we recuperate in the hot tub for a bit before I take you upstairs and make sweet love to you until we can't do it anymore?" He said, smiling when her response was to just lazily nod at him.

They undressed and climbed into the hot tub together, sitting side by side drinking their beers and enjoying the warm pulsating water. She finally climbed into his lap, straddling him, their faces less than a foot apart. His hands immediately went to her breasts, cupping them and gliding his thumbs over the nipples before pulling her closer and kissing her, his mouth wet and hot, but the kiss so sweet and loving that she almost blurted the three words out in reaction to it. It startled her a bit and she pulled out of the kiss.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing, I was just wondering if it was okay." Kate said trying to distract herself from what she was feeling.

"You were wondering if what was okay?" He asked.

"The oral sex, was it okay? Did I do it right?" She asked quietly almost timidly, wanting to hear the answer, but not wanting to at the same time.

"Yeah, it was great, I loved it, but you'd have to bite to get me to complain about something like that." Jack answered in an almost teasing fashion.

"Please Jack, it's important to me to know the truth." Kate pushed.

"Kate, the best thing about a blow job is when the woman doing it is doing it because she wants to, not because she feels obligated, as if it is a tit for tat game, he ate my pussy so I have to suck his cock so he won't feel neglected. Sorry if that was too crass, but I really hate that and would prefer a woman never touch me if she's only doing it because she feels obligated to do so and I didn't get that vibe from you so it was really great, I mean it was really, really great. Did I not respond like it was really, really great?" He asked making her giggle and lay her head on his shoulder.

He felt her hand moving down between their bodies until she found his cock again. She wrapped her hand around him and began pumping him, attempting to make him hard again and it was working, the light nibbling on his neck and behind his ear helping the cause quite a bit. He finally reached down and put his head into her opening and she pushed herself down onto him, connecting them slowly and fully, her walls stretching against the invasion and wrapping tightly around him.

They wrapped their arms around one another and sighed and moaned as she opened up more for him and he sank deeper into her. She rotated her hips over him lightly and he smiled, his dick feeling like it just grew another inch. He pushed her back slightly and moved his mouth over her breasts, sucking each nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue over the hard bud and then nibbling gently on it with his teeth.

He held onto her hips and began thrusting up into her, her feet planted firmly on the seats on either side of him, squatting and taking him in as deep as she could, his tip hitting that spot deep inside, that spot on the inside wall that when hit just right would send a warm, tingly wave of pleasure through her entire lower region. He continued to thrust up, holding her hips firmly, knowing he was hitting the spot, seeing it in her face and feeling it as each thrust made her walls wrap tightly around him.

"Harder and faster Jack, please." Kate pleaded.

"I can't, the water makes it too difficult to get that going." He said, his breathing becoming labored.

She held tightly to him, him still thrusting up as hard as he could and her coming so close but unable to get there. He finally stood with her, still buried deep inside her, grabbing the handrails while she wrapped herself tightly around him. He carried her out of the hot tub and into the kitchen, setting her on the island in the center and laying her back, placing her feet over his shoulders and thrusting in and out of her as hard and as fast as he could, still hitting the spot, but now hitting it hard and quick, over and over until she cried out and her entire lower region began shaking and quivering as the orgasm ripped through her. He continued his thrusts, slowing them down, making the orgasm last and last and then he lunged forward, buried himself as deep as he could and let go, her walls still quivering and clenching around him, drawing his release out of him as he held firmly the edges of the countertop, losing the ability to think, hear, see or speak for at least 20 seconds

When he regained his senses she was smiling at him, her hand caressing his cheek, her back still flat against the cold, hard surface.

"Are you okay Jack?" She asked.

"Yeah, I'm just………that was amazing." He said as he gently lifted her up so he could wrap his large, protective arms around her.

"I'd have to agree with you Jack; that was highly explosive. I think I'm going to nickname you TNT." She giggled in a dreamy almost incoherent state.

"I think you're drunk on endorphins." He chuckled.

"I think I'm falling hard for you Jack." She said and kissed him deep and long, not allowing him the chance to respond, but instead staying wrapped around him, holding him, kissing him and encouraging him to take her upstairs and love her some more.


	15. Chapter 15

She lay below him, his weight being supported by his folded arms, but trapped beneath him none the less. Trapped, but not feeling trapped, his body wrapped over hers comforting not intimidating. The part of him that still lay buried deep inside of her, the tool he used to bring her pleasure, to make her feel like she's never felt before, so hard and bold and capable of hurting her, but he never used it to hurt her. She'd been confused the first couple of times they made love. How could one man have used his strength and his body to inflict so much physical and emotional pain and another use his strength and his body to make her feel so completely safe and cared for and why, why did Jack react to her in a such a sweet and caring way when Michael had told her every day how repulsive, stupid and deserving of punishment she was.

After their lustful experiences downstairs he'd carried her up to the bedroom right next door to the one where Maddie lay sleeping, closed the door and carried her over to the large bay window. The window sill was large enough to accommodate four adults and was covered with throw pillows. He'd grabbed a blanket and they sat in the window, wrapped up together watching the moon and the stars shine over the lake and Kate was certain she'd never experienced anything that looked and felt as peaceful as being wrapped up in his arms watching the quiet lake.

They'd sat in the window for awhile, holding one another and kissing one another and talking about what they would do with the sleeping child the next day, him so eager to spend time with a child that wasn't his that she was certain her heart was swelling in her chest as he talked about how much she was going love being on a horse and how he hoped she could catch a fish and experience the excitement of that. She eventually straddled him and they sat in the window sill rocking slowly back and forth, making love in the moonlight slowly and sweetly his large warm hands moving over every inch of her body while he kept their pace slow, enjoying her and her enjoying him and they climaxed, holding onto each other, their chests pressed together, the heat from their bodies causing a light glaze of sweat between them and she fell forward into his arms, her entire body against his, allowing her head to rest on his shoulder.

They stayed that way for a long time, him still inside her and her sitting on his lap pressed against him, his hands moving lightly over her back, soothing and caring, the need and desire to never leave the spot, to stay connected with him like this until the end of time consuming her emotionally and after awhile she finally looked up at him and they kissed, sweetly and with a longing that told both of them that they weren't done yet, that their tired bodies were recharging, but still very hungry for one another and as his tongue moved in perfect rhythm with hers and his hands held her with so much gentleness she became overwhelmed with emotion and broke the kiss, looking in to his soft, watery eyes and before she could stop herself she said it.

"I love you Jack."

It came out without warning, but she meant it. For the first time in her life she understood what it meant to love someone so much it hurt and she guessed she knew she loved him the night she found him in such bad shape, remembering how scared she felt at first and as the night went on how her heart was breaking for him as she wondered what could've hurt him so much, but more importantly, who could hurt him so much. How anyone could hurt such a kind, caring man puzzled and angered her and she knew then that something special was happening between them; that he was triggering emotions and touching a place in heart she didn't believe existed within her.

He didn't respond to the declaration verbally, instead he picked her up and carried her to the bed and he loved her some more, with so much passion she became emotional. The tool Michael had used to inflict nothing but pain and degradation on her Jack used along with the rest of his body to show her how much he cared, how much he wanted her, how desirable she was and while his mouth slowly tantalized her flesh, his penis moved in and out of her, making her come three more times before giving into his own exhaustion and need for release, filling her womb with the best of him and making her briefly wish that conceiving something beautiful in this beautiful moment were possible, but content in her belief that some day it would be possible and they would.

Jack lay over her, his body completely exhausted, too exhausted to move, but slowly recovering and the part of him he'd just loved her with softening so he could slip out of her with ease and allow her to cuddle up with him and sleep. He lifted his head and looked into her eyes, kissing her gently and brushing the wild hairs away from her face. He pulled out of her and rolled onto his back, laying his arm out flat across the pillows and inviting her soft, warm body to curl up next to his. Once she was in position he dropped his arm around her, pulled the sheets over them and kissed the top of her head.

"I love you too Kate." He said softly and closed his eyes.

He woke early the next morning and carefully slipped out from under her, covering her with the blanket, grabbing his clothes and disappearing into the bathroom. He showered, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and exited the bedroom, closing the door behind him. He walked into the bedroom where Kate had put Madison and she appeared to still be sleeping. He pulled the blanket up to her chin and turned to leave.

"Jack." She said so softly he barely heard her.

"Hey, did I wake you up?" Jack asked and smiled at her.

"No, I been awake, is it okay if I get up now?" She asked as if getting out of bed in the morning without permission was against the rules.

"You could've come and got your mom if you were ready to get up." Jack said in quiet, non-threatening tone.

"It's your house so I have to follow your rules and….." She tried to explain.

"I don't have any rules about children getting out of bed. If you aren't tired, need to go to the bathroom, hungry, thirsty, if you're scared or if you just want your mom, it's okay Maddie, you don't have to stay in bed, unless of course your mom says so, she is the boss." Jack said and winked at her.

"She's not the boss of you." Maddie giggled.

"Yes she really is, so what do you say we go downstairs and let the boss sleep." Jack said with a smile.

"Okay, I have to brush my teeth and get dressed first though." Maddie said.

"Do you know where the bathroom is?" Jack asked.

"Uh huh, I took a bath in there last night." Maddie told him.

"Great, I'll go put the coffee on. How do you like yours?" Jack teased.

"I don't drink coffee." Maddie giggled and climbed out of bed.

Jack watched her grab her clothes and skip off toward the bathroom, closing the door behind her. He chuckled at how she could be that full of energy at 7 AM. She joined him downstairs about 20 minutes later and he helped her make herself a bowl of cereal and drank his coffee while she danced in the chair, eating her cereal and reading the cereal box. He finally set his cup down and spoke to the hyper bundle of energy sitting across from him.

"Your mom likes fresh fruit right?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, how come?" Maddie asked.

"What do you say we go for a walk and pick some raspberries for your mom?" Jack offered.

"I thought we were going to catch fish." Maddie said with a hint of disappointment.

"We are, but don't you want to wait for your mom?" He asked.

"Okay, let me put my shoes on, I'll hurry." Maddie chimed happily and ran to the game room where she'd left her sneakers the night before.

Jack and Maddie walked about 300 yards behind the house to the patch of raspberries and began picking them. She held one of the big juicy berries up in front of her mouth and looked at Jack, waiting to be scolded and told it was dirty and not to eat it.

"Go ahead, it's good." Jack encouraged.

"It's not dirty?" Maddie asked.

"Probably, but I don't think a little dirt ever hurt anyone." Jack told her.

She smiled and popped the berry into her mouth and nodded at Jack to let him know it tasted good. They continued to pick the berries for about 15 minutes and the bowl they had was just about full. Jack picked up the bowl and straightened his body.

"I think we have enough, let's take them to the house." Jack said.

Maddie came up off her knees and turned to face him. She had a red circle around her mouth and her chin was red as was the front of what was once a pretty yellow shirt. Jack took one look at her and laughed. He bent down to her level and she looked at him with wide, green eyes, her little tummy protruding slightly.

"Are you full?" He chuckled.

"I'm too full I think." She groaned and held her stomach.

"Come on, I'll give you a ride back." He said reaching down and sliding her onto his hip. She put her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

"Are you mad at me Jack?" She moaned.

"Of course not, it's just berries and your tummy will feel better if you lie down and watch cartoons or play a game or something. I guess they were good huh?" He asked.

She didn't answer him. He looked down at her and guessed she either felt really sick from all the berries or was about to fall asleep because she felt really sick from all the berries. He carried the child and the bowl of berries into the house where he found Kate in the kitchen drinking coffee and gazing out the window. He snuck up behind her, set the berries on the counter and nibbled on her neck. She jumped slightly and then turned around, took one look at her daughter and started laughing. Maddie opened her eyes and looked at her mother.

"I ate too much berries mommy." Maddie whined.

"I see that, but I see you managed to save some for me. Thank you." Kate said and kissed her little girl on the cheek.

"You want to go lay on the couch in the game room?" Jack asked.

"Uh huh." Maddie groaned.

Jack took her into the game room and Kate found her favorite Saturday morning cartoons on the television. They left the child to relax and digest and went back to the kitchen to wash the berries. They didn't talk much, they didn't need to because they'd left nothing between them unsaid. About an hour later Maddie came skipping into the kitchen, feeling better and ready to be lavished with attention from her new favorite playmate.

Kate made the child put a clean shirt on, they packed a back pack with water and fruit and began their hike to the horse riding ranch. Maddie wasn't overly excited about the idea of mounting one of the large animals and when given the choice of riding with mom or with Jack she of course chose Jack. He positioned her in front him securely where he could keep one arm around her and help her "steer the horse" trying to make her at ease with the animal and teach her a little bit about handling it. They enjoyed a lengthy ride and made the short hike back to the lake house. They went inside and ate sandwiches and relaxed in the game room. By mid afternoon Maddie was nagging Jack about his promise to teach her to fish, but his body was craving a nap, just a short one, just long enough to recharge his batteries.

"I just need one hour to rest and then we can go outside and play until the sun goes down if you want." Jack promised through a deep yawn, eyes closed, his tired body stretched out on the couch.

"Please Jack, I'm so bored." She whined.

"Madison he said one hour. Go work a puzzle or read a book for an hour." Kate said.

"If I want your input I'll ask for it." The child shot back in such a hateful tone Jack opened his eyes and looked worriedly in the child's direction, certain this wasn't going to end well for her.

To Jack's surprise Kate got up and walked out of the room. He heard her going up the stairs, shot a disapproving look at the child and sat up.

"Can we go now?" Maddie asked innocently as if she'd done nothing wrong.

Jack was confused and torn and unsure of what he should do. The child was most likely imitating her father, the way her father chose to shut Kate down and probably his current wife. He motioned for the child to come to him. She walked over to the couch and stopped in front of him. He took hold of her hands and spoke calmly to her.

"You probably made your mom cry just now." Jack told her.

"Why?" Maddie asked.

"You shouldn't talk to people that way, especially your mom. She's a smart lady that can teach you a lot and she loves you so much that you should always want her input. Do you know what input is Maddie?" He asked.

"I think it means only the man can say stuff." She told him.

"Input is an opinion or an idea or how you feel about things, like when you told your mom and me how you felt about the horses today. That was your input and we listened because it's important to listen to what people have to say even if they are saying things you might not want to hear and especially when that person is your mother. Does that make sense?" Jack asked.

"I do listen to my mommy Jack. I do. I'm a good girl. I promise. Don't be mad." The child said becoming upset at the idea that she'd done something bad.

"Maddie what's wrong?" Jack asked.

"Am I in trouble? Are you going to punish me?" She asked as the large crocodile tears escaped down her cheeks and she backed away from him.

"Come here." Jack said confused by the scene taking place in front of him.

He reached out to pick her up, intending to set her in his lap and try to comfort her and she began crying harder, pushing his hands away and taking a position beside him. She pushed her pants and panties down to her ankles and tried to lay herself across his lap, holding her hands over her face so she wouldn't have to look at him.

"The men spank the bad little girls and I was bad." She mumbled through her tears, humiliated and her little body trembling, but willing to lie down and take her punishment.

He ran the gamut of emotions in less than three seconds, confusion, shock, pity, disgust, anger and then rage. He quickly found his compassion and gently pushed her away before she managed to follow through with the routine. He pulled the child's pants back up and made sure her feet were planted firmly on the floor before pulling her in for a hug.

"Shh, I would never do that Maddie. Never. I'm your friend and we are just talking. You are not in trouble and nobody is mad at you. You are a sweet, beautiful little girl who is very confused. It's not your fault. I'm sorry if I upset or scared you." Jack said sweetly, softly while gently rocking the sobbing child back and forth.

"I want to go lay down Jack. Can I please go lay down with my mommy?" She asked.

"Of course you can and when you do sweetie will you do me a really big favor?" Jack asked.

"Uh huh." She answered, sniffling and wiping her tears away.

"Tell her you're sorry and that you love her." Jack said.

"Then I won't be in trouble no more?" She asked.

"You aren't in trouble honey, you never were, I promise. Are you sad that your mommy is sad?" Jack asked.

"Yes." She answered.

"If you tell her you're sorry and that you love her you won't feel sad anymore and neither will she." Jack told her.

"Okay." She said and sniffled some more.

"Good and when you feel better; come back down and we'll go see if we can catch some fish." Jack said and offered a comforting smile.

Jack watched the little girl trudge up the stairs and completely disappear before he realized he was shaking. He wasn't sure what he'd just witnessed, but he had a pretty good idea and his blood was boiling, wondering if the child's father made it impossible for her not to find herself in trouble just so he could get his rocks off or at the very least get himself excited by forcing her to pull her pants down and lie across his lap while he spanked her bare bottom. His head was pounding, the rage building, the need to hit something or someone becoming unbearable.

He went out to the garage, found the ax and walked over to the wood pile, swinging and chopping like a mad man for nearly 30 solid minutes and then slowing down and getting his emotions under control for another 30 minutes. He returned the ax to the garage and grabbed three fishing poles. He sat on the porch and prepared the fishing poles, pulling the line through and adding fresh hooks. He leaned the poles against the porch railing and sat in the swing. He didn't know how long he'd been rocking slowly back and forth and staring out at the lake when he felt the light touch on his leg. He looked down and the little girl was standing in front of him, the puffy red eyes gone, smiling at him when they made eye contact.

"Are you feeling better?" Jack asked.

"Yes and mommy isn't sad anymore. She said I should bring you these soda pops and have fun learning to fish." Maddie told him.

"She doesn't want to fish with us?" Jack asked.

"No, she's cooking a nice dinner for us b'cuz she hates fish and says we better throw everything we catch back." Maddie told him making him laugh lightly as he remembered their discussion about fish.

"Well, let's go then." Jack said as he stood, handed the container of worms to the child and grabbed the fishing poles and the minnow bucket.

They sat on the covered dock, Maddie watching intently as he put his hand into the minnow bucket, caught one of the squirming fish and stuck the hook through its body.

"Cool, can I do it now?" She asked her lack of squeamishness amusing to him.

"Okay, but you have to be careful, the hook is very sharp." He told her.

He watched her attempt to fish out a minnow, grabbing one only to have it escape, a couple of times hitting the dock and then flopping into the water, making Jack laugh and tease that she had just save the life of another one. She finally managed to get one into her hand, but when she went to hook it the minnow jumped at the last minute and hit the dock. She instinctively stomped her foot over it to keep it from getting away, squashing it, the "oops that was dumb" look on her face making Jack laugh so hard he had to set his own pole down and regroup.

She finally put her hands on her hips, ready to get mad and tell him to stop laughing at her when he stopped laughing and held the hook for her so she could concentrate on the minnow. She squatted down one more time, caught one of the minnows and held it in her hand until it wasn't fighting so much. She held the little fish in her fingers and impaled it on the waiting hook, clapping and pumping her fist at finally having won the battle.

Jack showed her how to cast her line out into the water and they sat together, Indian style, waiting for a fish to bite. He was surprised she managed to sit still for as long as she did before her little motor began running again and she started asking him questions.

"Mommy said her dad taught her how to fish. Did your dad teach you?" She asked.

"No, my dad worked a lot so we didn't get do stuff like this. My best friend's dad taught me how to fish. I used to go camping with his family." He answered.

"My daddy wouldn't do this. He would be mad if he saw how dirty I am." She said.

"You're a kid and you're washable so when you're around me feel free to get as dirty as you want. No big deal." Jack said.

"Jack, how come you and my mommy are always kissing?" She asked.

"Because we like each other. Doesn't your dad kiss your step mom?" Jack pried, refusing to feel even a twinge of guilt for doing so.

"Nope." She answered.

"Never?" Jack asked.

"He don't kiss me or my sister neither. Want to hear a secret?" She asked.

"If you want to tell me one, sure." He answered.

"One time there was a party and I snuck downstairs when I was supposed to be asleep and peeked through the rails at them." She said.

"At who?" Jack asked.

"At all the grown ups." She said.

"Oh, were they playing cards or dancing or something?" He asked, feeling his stomach tighten knowing they most likely weren't doing anything that harmless.

"They were all naked Jack and the ladies were getting spankings." She told him her voice taking on a fearful tone.

"Do you think maybe they were playing a game?" Jack asked keeping his tone even and non-threatening, knowing there was more, that she'd seen something that scared her.

The little girl stood up, still holding her fishing pole in one hand and put her mouth to Jack's ear, cupping her hand to the side of her mouth, ready to tell him the real secret.

"My daddy was spanking Carol hard and then he put his beer bottle inside her privates and made her cry." She whispered and sat back down beside him.

"Relax Jack. She's a little girl who is very confused and trusts you so don't blow this by completely freaking out and making her feel like she shouldn't be telling you this stuff." He thought to himself and looked down at her.

"Do you think if I don't stop being bad he's going to do that to me?" She asked her bottom lip quivering.

"You aren't bad Maddie and he's not going to hurt you. I promise." Jack said.

He wrapped his arm around her, hugged her close to him and then kissed her gently on the cheek, disturbed by the disclosure, but also relieved that apparently she'd not been molested, at least not physically, unsure of just how much mind fuck the son of a bitch had performed on her.

"Don't tell mommy Jack." Maddie said.

"Why?" Jack asked.

"Daddy said he will hurt mommy if I tell her about the spankings I get when I'm bad so he might hurt her really bad if he knows I told that stuff." Maddie said.

Jack didn't get a chance to respond. Maddie's line went tight and then the fishing pole was nearly pulled from her hands. She was so excited she forgot all about the things she was telling him and they reeled the fish in together. It wasn't nearly as huge and he was sure she'd describe to her little friends, but it was a good size catch for such a small person and there was no way they were throwing it back without showing it to Kate.

After the big catch they sat together fishing, her jabbering about all the events taking place in her young life and him listening attentively, amused by how quickly she bounced from one subject to the next. He always wondered what it would be like to talk with his children when they got old enough to speak in complete sentences and he decided he loved the innocence and honesty expressed by a young child, a child whose father was attempting to strip her of her innocence and honesty, but hadn't managed to break her spirit yet.

When Kate called them in, he grabbed the poles and handed Mattie her fish. He'd tied it to a stick and let it hang in the water so it wouldn't dry up. They walked up the hill together and once she got close she broke into an excited run yelling for her mommy to come look at her fish. Naturally, Kate made a big deal of it, hugging her stinky, fish smelling little girl and finding herself becoming emotional over how painfully normal this childhood moment was and how happy they both were. Kate sent Maddie in to wash her hands for dinner and welcomed the weary fisherman as he finally made it to the porch. She leaned in and kissed him and then backed away.

"You smell as bad as she does. Did you two bathe with the fish?" Kate teased.

"Come on mom, you know you have to wipe your hands on your shirt after you bait your hook and after you release the hook from the fish's mouth." Jack teased and moved closer, nuzzling her neck and forcing her to get another good whiff of him.

"Jack! Stop! Who'd ever thought a spinal surgeon would sub as grizzly adams on the weekends." Kate laughed.

"Kate, I was a boy once you know." Jack chuckled.

"I know and it makes me happy to see that the boy is still alive and well inside of you. You wear it well Dr. Shephard." Kate told him and kissed him one last time.

They each took a picture of Maddie holding her fish with their cell phones and then ate the dinner Kate prepared for them. Kate then banished both of them to the showers, declaring them offensive to the nose.

Jack sat on the front porch swing, the moon and the stars shining bright on the lake, drinking a beer and thinking about the events of the weekend. He had enjoyed introducing Maddie to new things, enjoyed listening to her talk, enjoyed everything about getting to play daddy for a couple of days. His time alone with Kate had been incredible. She said she was in love with him and he couldn't deny that he felt the same way. Maddie was apparently living in a bad and potentially volatile situation and getting her away from her father was going to turn ugly quick, but he knew he couldn't sleep at night knowing she was living in that environment. Kate finding out about the spankings and Maddie witnessing the S&M party in the living room was going to hurt her in ways he wished he could spare her, but she had to know, she'd never speak to him again if he tried to keep that information from her. His thoughts were interrupted by Maddie bouncing out on to the porch and climbing onto the swing with him.

"Bed time?" Jack asked.

"Yes, but I wanted to ask you a very important question before I say goodnight." She said.

"Very important huh? Okay, let's hear it." Jack said pulling the little girl into his lap, cuddling her the way she deserved to be cuddled.

"Is it okay if I love you Jack?" She asked.

"Um, well if you really feel that way, then sure." Jack said

"Do you love my mommy?" She asked.

"Yes." Jack answered.

"Do you think you might love me some day too?" She asked, the sad, desperate for the affection of a male role model tone ripping through his heart like a hot knife through butter.

He pulled her up onto her knees so she was facing him and kissed the tip of her nose and then her forehead.

"How could anyone not love you?" He said.

"Can we come here every time I stay with my mommy Jack? I love it here." She asked.

"We'll come back again Maddie." He answered.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him as hard as she could, pulling back, kissing him on the cheek and then hugging him again.

"Good night Jack. I love you." She said unable to see the tears forming in his eyes.

He sent the child on her way, swallowed his beer down in one long drink and relaxed back into the swing in an attempt to collect himself. Kate joined him about 20 minutes later. She sat beside him and he wrapped his arm around her. They rocked for a few minutes and he finally spoke.

"Let's get married Kate." He said unable to see the look of shock and disbelief on her face.

"What?" She asked.

"I want my kids back Kate and we aren't taking Maddie back to Michael so let's go down to the courthouse, get married and bring our children home with us where they belong." Jack said.


	16. Chapter 16

_**Thank you for all the kind reviews and the input. This chapter is going to dive back into some content that may be too graphic for some so if you're not up for that, you might want to skip this one. Thanks for reading!**_

"What's going on Jack?" Kate asked choosing not to answer his marriage proposal.

"She's not going back to her father Kate." Jack said.

"She's my daughter Jack. You don't get to make decisions like that." Kate said.

"Kate, listen to me, he doesn't adore his daughter and he hurts her." Jack said.

"What are you talking about?" Kate asked.

"We spent a lot of time alone Kate and she talked and I listened and I don't know why, but for some reason she decided to trust me and reach out and I'm not going to let her down." Jack said.

"I can see why Maddie would trust you Jack. I've told you before, there is something about you, something that puts people at ease, but why only you Jack? If something bad is happening to her, why didn't she come to me?" Kate asked.

"Because she's afraid her father will hurt you, she loves you and he uses that love to keep her in line, to force her to keep his dirty little secrets." Jack hissed.

"Oh god Jack, please tell me he didn't……" Kate pleaded stopping, the words too painful and disgusting to express.

"I don't think so Kate, but he's done quite a number on her head. I don't want to tell you these things because I know it's going to hurt you and that you are going to twist it and make it your fault because that's what he's done to both of you. He convinces both of you that you're bad or unworthy and it's simply not true." Jack explained.

"What did he do to her Jack?" Kate demanded.

"Kate your daughter basically told you to shut up and mind your own business today. I know that you know where that came from, that he's planting this seed in her mind that women are inferior and should be silent and spanked if they aren't compliant. He does that to her Kate. He makes up rules, rules that are impossible to follow and waits with baited breath for her to break one so he can make her lay across his lap with nothing on and spank her." Jack told her, the anger and disgust in his voice telling Kate that he was telling the truth, that it wasn't a ploy to trick her into marrying him and becoming to him what she was to Michael.

"She told you that?" Kate asked.

"No, I wish it would've been as easy as her just describing something. She thought I was mad at her, thought she was in trouble and since the girls have to do what the men say and the men spank the bad little girls she tried to lay across my lap without any pants on so I could punish her. It was so sad Kate. I want to kill him." Jack told her.

"But since you can't kill him you want to get married?" Kate asked.

"What's the big deal Kate? We've both been married before, followed all the rules, dated, waited and had some big pretentious ceremony so everyone could see how in love the happy couple was. So, how about we skip the bullshit and just get straight to the punch line? I love you, you love me and I would be perfectly content to spend every day with you for the rest of my life without needing to chant promises about honoring, comforting and forsaking all others because I'd do that anyway. I don't need to stand in front of hundreds of people and say the words to make it so, they're just words and are meaningless if you don't feel those things in your heart. I don't have any need to be legally married again, but a marriage license somehow makes us look stable and better able to be parents so let's just do it. I want my kids back Kate and I want Maddie with us every day, where I know she's safe and being loved." Jack rambled on.

"Jack I understand what you are saying and I agree with you on most of it, but I got married because I felt like I had to once before and surely you can understand why I'm leery, why I'm unsure. How do I know you won't turn into a complete bastard once you've got ownership of me?" Kate asked.

"Jesus Kate I have no desire to own you. If anything I want you to keep growing as this incredibly independent woman I've come to know. You're amazing and strong and you've taught me so much in the short time I've know you. I don't ever want you to change the things that attracted me to you in the first place. The person you've experienced is who I am. Hell Kate you know me better than people I've worked with for 10 years. I have no hidden agenda here and I'd never hurt you Kate, not intentionally and never physically. Can you look me in the eyes and tell me you are scared that I would hurt you. Can you?" Jack pushed.

Kate sat holding his hand, not wanting to make direct eye contact, but him forcing her to. She looked into his soft brown orbs, seeing the honesty that was always visible in them. Even though there was a part of her that believed she didn't need to, she was glad she did because what she saw was sincerity. He was genuinely concerned about Maddie and determined to protect her and he didn't have to be, he could go happily along getting his regular piece of ass from her and choose to ignore her daughter, but as she continued to gaze into his eyes she realized that he couldn't, that Jack Shephard could never prioritize his life that way and she leaned in and kissed him.

"Jack, I'm really confused right now." Kate admitted.

"Maddie witnessed an S&M party. She got to watch her daddy spank her step mom and then shove a beer bottle into her until he made her cry. She's afraid he is going to do that to her if she doesn't stop being bad. I'm not taking that innocent child back to that bastard Kate." Jack told her.

"Jack, he'll fight it, he'll just make things worse for me and Maddie." Kate said as a few tears escaped down her cheeks.

Jack wrapped his arms around her, hugged her and kissed the tears away. She was trembling in his arms so he kept her close, let her know he wasn't going anywhere or going to give up.

"Kate, I know you don't need anyone to take care of you, but I want to anyway. I want to keep you and Maddie safe from him without having to resort to violence. I want to love both of you and make a nice home for us. I'm sorry that I didn't take you some place romantic and go down on one knee the way society says we are supposed to carry out this ritual, but it doesn't mean I don't love you and it won't make us any less married and I bet you and me, we'd make it Kate, we'd be one of those old married couples that finishes each other's sentences." He told her.

"What about you Jack? What about your issues?" Kate asked.

"What about them? Thanks to you I've stopped wallowing in it and am ready to go to war with my ex-wife if that's what it takes." Jack said.

"So you're sure, you want custody of them?" Kate asked.

"I wasn't sure before we came here, before I got to play daddy for a weekend and realize not only what I would be missing out on, but what they would be missing out on. I'm not the best there is as far as fathers go, but I'm not so bad my children would be better off without me in their lives." Jack argued.

"Of course you aren't." Kate said and kissed him.

"Maddie asked me if it was okay if she loves me and if I might be able to love her some day. Here's this really great kid that wants nothing from me but some attention and some unconditional love and she's got this incredibly smart, sexy, beautiful mother who I could see myself waking up next to every day for the rest of my life and I'm supposed to turn my back on that? It's like someone just offered me a slice of heaven and you're expecting me to turn it down because it's too soon or because we need to wait. Wait for what?" Jack asked.

"But Jack you just said that you don't need to be married, that the only reason you're even considering it is to make our custody chances better. Should two people get married for that reason?" Kate asked.

"Kate, I was trying to help you understand that I'm not trying to pull a fast one on you and do to you what Michael did. I want you to believe that I would be with you with or without a marriage license; that I don't need that piece of paper to keep me by your side, but more importantly to force you to be with me in whatever capacity I see fit. I would never disrespect you like that Kate or treat you like anything less than this gift, this chance at true happiness that I've been given. I know you have very serious trust issues where men are concerned, and I'm ready to work with you and be supportive and do whatever I can to help you get past that, but beyond that all I can offer you is my word Kate. I will never intentionally hurt you." Jack promised, his eyes watery and a tear escaping down his cheek.

She studied his face for a long time. For all the time that had gone by and all the healing and all the wonderful he'd made her feel she was still confused, not afraid of him, but afraid that whatever she did before she'd do again and bring the worst out of Jack too.

"Why did he do those things to me Jack? What did I do to make him hate me so much? You saw him at the clinic, he hates me Jack and I don't know what I did and I'm afraid I'll do it again and make you hate me too. He used to ejaculate all over my face and tell me I made him sick while he did it. He said I didn't deserve anything better than to wear someone's fuck wad and he'd make me wear it for hours at a time. He'd take me violently from behind and call me a whore and worthless and wouldn't finish until I agreed with him, coming all over my back and rubbing it over me and not allowing me to clean up until he said so." Kate cried, cradled in his arms and back into her trauma.

He didn't want to listen, the stories making him want to bring Michael to the lake and make him disappear, but he knew she needed to talk about these things, that if they had any hope of having a healthy and normal relationship she had to be allowed to express the fears and the angers that monster had instilled in her. So, he tightened his grip on her and rocked the swing slowly, allowing her to relive as much of it as she needed to.

"One weekend he kept me tied to the bed naked, legs and arms spread to all four corners, feeding me baby food and making me drink my own breast milk from a baby bottle while telling me I was stupid just like a baby, too stupid to know how to please him so he was going to take me in every way possible and make me grow up and he did over and over and it hurt, it always hurt. He nursed off of me hard, the pain unlike anything I can describe and then spit the milk at me, telling me it was disgusting that I was such a loser I couldn't even produce decent milk for my baby. Maddie never got any of my milk, her daddy was too busy using it for his own sadistic games." She continued on.

"I'm so sorry Kate, I wish I………" He spoke but was stopped by her.

"Let me finish. He put a diaper on me and then made me drink water until I couldn't hold it anymore. Then he changed the diaper, just like a baby using wipes and putting diaper rash cream all over me. It was so humiliating. Then instead of putting on a fresh diaper he turned me over, retied my hands and feet and spanked me with a belt for not asking to go to the bathroom right before he shoved a frozen smoked sausage into my vagina and himself into me anally and when he was done he turned me over again, retied my hands and feet and fucked me some more with the sausage, telling me that I was a jackass and thought I'd enjoy a donkey dick, demanding that I come if I wanted him to stop. I tried. I tried to find some way to enjoy it so I could come and make him leave me alone but I couldn't so he shoved the sausage in as far as it would go, left it there, put the diaper back on me and left the room. Why did he treat me like that Jack and how do I make sure I don't make you hate me enough to do the same?" Kate asked as more tears streamed down her face

He kept her cradled in his arms and let the swing rock them back and forth, giving her a chance to calm herself down and waiting to see if she was finished. He felt sick with rage, the idea that someone could inflict that kind of cruelty and humiliation on another human being made him rethink his idea of inviting Michael out to fish and using him as bait, but only after he has the lake filled with piranhas. Once she seemed to be settled down he coaxed her into his lap, straddling him. He kissed her gently and guided her head down to his shoulder, letting it rest there while his arms stayed wrapped around her in a comforting manner.

"Kate, what Michael did to you has nothing to do with you, it wasn't your fault. He's worse than a sadist Kate, he's a woman hater and he most likely treats all women the same way. Hell, he treats your beautiful little girl like an inadequate piece of shit and you know she's not and you have to know that about yourself. I'm not capable of treating an animal in the manner that you've described Kate and the idea that you could ever do anything that would make me want to stay angry with you for more than five minutes much less feel the desire to degrade and abuse you is too absurd to try to apply any logic to it." He tried to reason with her.

"Jack, please, I'm…….." She started to argue.

"Kate, I understand that it isn't absurd to you, that you are truly afraid but I can't do anything but promise to always love you, protect you, treat you like the smart, wonderful, sexy, rocks my world and makes me happy woman that you are. Marry me Kate. I will take care of you and Maddie and make Michael disappear from your lives forever, but most importantly I'll love you, respect you, admire you and do my best to always make you and that sweet little girl happy. It's a leap of faith Kate, for both of us. I think we both need to believe in something mystical and not question it, but just embrace it and let it happen. What do you say?" Jack spoke to her in a soft, soothing voice that made her feel like there was no place in the world safer or warmer than in his arms.

She lifted her head and kissed him; looking into his soft, loving eyes and feeling a rush of blissful warmth rush through her entire body.

"I want all those things Jack. I want to let go of all of my fears. I want to believe that I am as good and worthy as you make me feel. I want to live again Jack, I do." Kate said

"So, is that a yes?" He asked.

"I can't go to the police Jack. I can't talk to anyone but you about that stuff and I won't put my little girl through that." Kate said.

"What about his new wife and their little girl? Do you think they might need to get away from him too?" Jack asked.

"I can't think about them Jack. Maybe we can talk to Carol's family and they will help them." Kate suggested.

"Kate." Jack pushed.

"No Jack! I won't! I can't! Please." She cried.

"Kate, if you're worried about the accident, the homeless man." Jack began trying to reason with her.

"No, it's not that. That was just an excuse. I mean come on Jack, could the idea of jail really be scarier than what I was living in? What kind of person stays in a situation like that for as long as I did? I'm a victim because I let myself be one. Why would the police or anyone else care that I was too stupid and weak to help myself? I won't go to the police Jack. You can't make me." She cried.

"Okay, okay. Shh, we'll figure something out. I'll take the two of you to my house since he doesn't know where I live and I'll go pay a visit to his hospital administrator on Monday and make sure Michael sees me talking with him. He's a friend of my father's, but Michael doesn't need to know my visit is of the personal nature." Jack said.

"What about school for Maddie?" Kate asked.

"We'll just have to keep her with us until we figure that out. A few days of missed school won't hurt her." Jack said.

"I feel like a criminal Jack." Kate sighed.

"It'll be okay. After I'm done intimidating Michael I'll go talk to my attorney, have him dig up your divorce decree and see what we're dealing with unless you have a copy of it." Jack said.

"No, Michael did it all. I just signed where he told me to. I guess you think I'm pretty pathetic don't you?" Kate asked.

"Kate, I can't imagine what it must be like to be a woman being victimized in this way, but pathetic isn't a word that comes to mind. You were alone and he had all the power, but hopefully the power has just shifted." Jack said.

"How can you be so sure you can intimidate him Jack? I don't want you to get hurt by getting dragged into this." Kate said.

"You know what Kate, for the first time in my life, being Christian Shephard's son isn't going to be a burden. I can use his influence and connections to crush Michael like a bug if it comes to that. I won't get hurt, but if I do, I do, you and Maddie are worth it." He said.

"Are you sure about that? We haven't known each other that long." Kate asked.

"You know there's this surgical nurse I've been working with for years, Peggy, her name is Peggy. Peggy is married to Bob and has been for about 12 years. She met Bob when some guy knocked her down and stole her purse. Bob chased the guy down, beat the shit out of him got her purse back and gave her ride home. They went to Vegas a week later and got married. Bob was sure Kate and so am I. I'm ready to chase Michael down, beat the shit out of him and get your purse back." Jack said.

"What if this mess hurts your chances of getting your kids back? What if Michael has you arrested for kidnapping his daughter. You don't know him Jack. He's awful and he'll come after you." Kate warned.

"What if I'd never met you Kate? What if I hadn't been arrested and punished and forced to clean up my act? Where would I be right now if I didn't suddenly have a reason to care again? I'm not going to turn my back on you Kate and I'm not going to let Maddie down. She trusted me with her big secret and I'm not going to be another man in her life that lets her down and makes her feel like she doesn't matter. If this gets so ugly it hurts my chances with my kids then it does and that will be very hard and I'll probably need a ton of patience and support from you to get through it, but I have to take the chance Kate because how am I supposed to make any of this about JUST what I want and live with that decision?" Jack pushed with an edge of frustration.

"Okay." Kate said.

"Okay? Which part?" Jack asked and chuckled lightly.

"All of it. We'll get married and fight the good fight. I'm guessing it will be the most impulsive thing either one of us has ever done." Kate said.

"I have one more request." He said.

"What?" Kate asked.

"I want you to think about letting me help you find someone for you and Maddie to talk to about all this stuff." Jack said.

"Too much for you huh?" Kate sighed.

"No, you can always talk to me Kate and I'll always listen, but I think you need more than what I have to offer. All I can do is be sympathetic and love you, but I can't relate to what it must've been like for you and I hate that you feel like you allowed yourself to be a victim and that you think you're stupid. I can tell you the opposite until I'm blue in the face, but if you don't believe it what good does it do? There is a reason why there are so many battered women and children out there Kate and it isn't because they are weak minded or stupid or allowing themselves to be victims, it's because someone or something bigger and stronger is keeping them down. That's why it's called abuse Kate." He said.

"I'll think about it." She said softly.

They sat together for a long time, neither speaking, just holding onto one another while the swing rocked slowly, finally pulling apart and standing to go inside when the night air began chilling them. He put his arm around her and she wrapped her around his waist and leaned into him.

"Jack, is it okay if we don't make love tonight? I mean, do you think we could just hold each other and be satisfied with that?" Kate asked the need to prove to herself that she could enjoy Jack sexually after reliving the traumas Michael put her through not there this time.

"Of course." He answered, he himself still digesting the disgusting tale of abuse and wanting nothing more than to just hold her and make her feel safe, not that he couldn't be easily swayed to want her sexually, but content to just connect with her emotionally.

They walked into the house, arms wrapped around each other, slowly making their way up the stairs, stopping to check on Maddie and then entering their bedroom, stripping down to their underwear and meeting in the center of the bed, bodies snuggled closely and falling into what would prove to be a fitful sleep for both of them as they both struggled through nightmares of a small child being hurt and crying out for help.


	17. Chapter 17

_**Thanks for the reviews, you're enthusiastic suggestions for how do deal with Michael are great fun to read. I know some of you are wondering why he isn't in jail and sadly it's because nobody but a small child has witnessed his abusive behavior and the beer bottle thing is mild compared to what he's done to Kate. You can't put a person in jail and keep him there just because somebody said he did something. There has to be someone willing to press charges, willing to testify and of course there needs to be proof and there is none. It would ultimately be her word against his and some clever defense attorney would find a way to make her out to be the bad person, which is why she wants no part of filing charges against him. Sometimes there are worse things than jail waiting for a creep like Michael...anyway, here's nice long, fairly fluffy chapter for the weekend! Enjoy and thanks for reading!!!!**_

He could feel the presence watching him and opened his eyes. The tiny face with the pretty green eyes and a few strands of wild hair hanging forward was looking back at him. He smiled and reached out and pushed the wild hair out of her face.

"You said it was okay to come wake you up." The child reminded him.

"It is. Let's be quiet and let mommy sleep. Okay?" He said.

"Okay." She agreed with a soft whisper.

"Did you brush your teeth already?" He asked.

"Nope, do I have to?" She asked.

"Yes, go do that and I'll meet you downstairs." He told her needing her to leave the room so he could put some pants on.

The child skipped happily out of the room and he pulled himself up, exhausted from Kate's reveal and from a lack of sleep. He slipped his jeans on, pulled a t-shirt over his head and left the bedroom. Maddie joined him in the kitchen just as the coffee began brewing.

"Can we play on the tire swings Jack?" She asked.

"Yes, but you have to let me wake up and drink some coffee and help me make breakfast for you and your mom." Jack said.

"Can we make it in bed?" She asked stumping him at first.

"You mean take it upstairs and serve it to your mom in her bed?" Jack asked.

"Uh huh, but can I eat in her bed too?" She asked making him smile.

"Sure, but let's let her sleep for awhile and then we'll make breakfast. Are you starving? Want some cereal or something?" He asked.

They sat at the breakfast bar, him drinking coffee and her drinking apple juice and eating an English muffin with grape jelly to satisfy her immediate hunger. She looked up at him and called him by name. He looked down and laughed lightly at the grape jelly on the tip of her nose and chin. He adored how she was still young enough to be completely sloppy and not freak out about having sticky hands or messy hair. She was a tomboy and easily the cutest one he'd ever run across. He wet a couple of paper towels, wiped the jelly from her face and hands and let her drag him outside to the tire swings. He lifted her onto the swing and began pushing her.

"You should swing too Jack." Maddie told him.

"I'm too big." He said.

"Then how come you have them?" She asked.

"Well, I put them up for a little girl and little boy." Jack told her.

"Did they like them?" She asked.

"They were pretty little, but yeah, I think they liked them." Jack said.

"Littler than me?" She asked.

"Yes, they still wore diapers. You don't still wear diapers do you?" Jack teased.

"No!" Maddie giggled.

He continued to push and spin the child on the swing, listening to her squeal and laugh and be young and innocent and wished that she wasn't about to have her world turned upside down and potentially be caught in the middle of something no child should have to be in the middle of. He was absorbed in his thoughts, too absorbed and maybe he pushed the tire too hard or maybe she was just getting tired, but he heard his name being called out in a panicked tone and managed to snap out of it and catch her before she hit the ground. The awkward position in which he had to grab for her threw him off balance and they went crashing to the ground together, him on his back with the child landing on his chest, his arms wrapped safely around her. He felt the rock or the large piece of wood or whatever it was embed itself into the meaty part of his back just below his shoulder and groaned, not so much from pain, but from the realization that it was going to look worse than it was and scare the child.

"Are you okay?" Jack asked.

"You let me fall." Maddie accused as she moved off him and sat on her knees beside him.

"I'm sorry, what happened?" Jack asked.

"My hands got too sweaty." She told him.

"Maybe we should go inside now." He said softly, feeling the warm moisture on his back and feeling guilty for nearly letting her get hurt.

"Don't be sad Jack, I'm not mad. It wasn't on purpose." She told him.

"I'm glad you're not mad. Do you think you could do me a favor?" He asked.

"Uh huh." She answered

"Run up to the house and see if your mom is up and I'll be there in a second." He said.

She nodded and headed toward the house. He stood and reached behind him. He couldn't reach whatever it was, but could feel the blood beginning to soak a large piece of his t-shirt. He walked to the house and let himself in, the object protruding from his back starting to become more painful than he wanted to admit. He walked into the kitchen and was relieved to see Kate awake and standing at the island.

"That was a close call, are you okay?" Kate asked.

"Not really." He said in a breathy tone and put both hands on the island counter top.

"Jack what's wrong?" Kate asked.

"Pull it out Kate, whatever it is just pull it out." He said nodding his head toward his back.

Kate walked around to inspect his back and instinctively put her hand over her mouth. There was piece of a tree branch sticking out of his back. She couldn't tell how deep it was embedded, but guessed it had to be fairly deep as firmly as it was attached to his back.

"Jack, do you have a first aid kit?" She asked.

"Yeah, it's in the laundry room, above the washing machine." He told her.

Kate made him sit down at the table while she retrieved the first aid kit. She sent Maddie out of the room and cut his t-shirt away. There was a piece of the branch that at one time must've been a limb and it was in deep. She guessed he must've landed on it with all his weight.

"It's deep Jack and it's going to hurt when I pull it out. Are you ready?" She asked.

"Yeah, just do it." He answered and lay forward onto the table to give her better access.

Kate gripped the branch firmly and pulled as hard as she could, the branch making a popping sound as it released from the muscle tissue it was embedded in. The wound bled quite a bit and while the initial removal made him quietly let go of a long string of profanity, it felt about 150 better now that the offensive object was gone. Kate cleaned the wound thoroughly, packed it with gauze and bandaged it. He stood, wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in for a kiss.

"My hero." He said with a smile.

"We should get you some antibiotics and a tetanus shot when we get home." She said.

"Okay, but only if you promise to give me my shot in my hip." He teased and winked at her.

"You're obviously fine." She laughed lightly and kissed him.

"Mommy do I have to go back to daddy's by lunch time like always. I want to stay and play some more." Maddie asked catching them both by surprise unaware that she was in the room.

"Lunch time?" Jack asked looking at the clock on the microwave.

"Yeah, he always wants her back no later than one o'clock on Sunday afternoon." Kate said.

"Please mommy, can we stay longer?" Maddie whined.

"Can we mommy? Can we maybe spend one more night, get up early and drive back?" Jack asked.

"We can stay sweetie. I'll call daddy and tell him I'll take you to school in the morning." Kate said and looked at Jack a twinge of sadness in her eyes as she realized she'd just lied to her daughter.

Maddie left the room again, satisfied with the answer.

"That's actually a good idea Kate. It buys us some time before he starts to suspect anything is wrong. Do you think he'll go for it?" Jack asked.

"No, he's going to yell and scream and call me names." She answered sadly, dropping her head.

He gently placed his fingers under her chin and tilted her head up to look at him. He kissed her softly and hugged her.

"It's going to be okay Kate. We take care of each other right?" He said sweetly.

"And how exactly have I taken care of you?" Kate asked.

"Well, I've got gauze packed into a 2-inch deep hole in my back and it doesn't hurt anymore." He smiled.

"How'd you know it was that deep?" Kate asked.

"I guessed and that's not the point, you take care of me Kate and nobody has ever really done that for me, but I think I could get used to it. Hopefully cleaning up my vomit and helping me go to the bathroom won't be something you'll ever have to repeat, but you are the first person I've ever loved that would." He told her

"That's just because I knew I'd get you naked in the shower later." Kate teased making him smile.

"Too bad I was too drunk to take advantage." He said.

"Yeah, well since we'll be staying there when we get back, maybe you'll get another shot at it." Kate told him and kissed him, both of them playful and if not for the seven year old in the next room would be initiating sex.

"What do you say we take the munchkin out to play and wear her out so we can all enjoy a nap later?" He suggested, kissing her neck and moving his hands over her breasts.

"You don't want a nap, you want to fool around." Kate accused.

"You don't?" Jack asked.

"I do, but I bet after I call Michael I won't." She said.

"Give me the phone, I'll call him. There's no reason you should ever have talk to him again." Jack demanded.

"Jack." Kate protested.

"Kate." He countered and held his hand out so she could hand him her cell phone, staring into her eyes with both love and determination.

Kate admired how unafraid Jack was when it came to Michael, how much of a man he was compared to the weasel she'd let ruin so many years of her life. He could be this strong and confident doctor barking out orders or this physically threatening menace to the man that wanted to harm her. He was kind and considerate always looking out for others, especially women, not because he considered them weak or inferior, but because he was a gentleman and held women in very high regard. He could be a sexy, lustful animalistic lover one minute and a sweet, caring, passionate lover that wasn't afraid to show his emotions the next. The picture of him was completed by this adorable and loving fatherly type that had so much patience and adoration for children that she couldn't imagine what kind of woman would choose to cheat on him, then leave him and take his children away, but at this moment her heart was exploding with love for him and even though she'd never met his ex-wife, didn't even know her name, she was ready to claw her eyes if that's what she had to do to help him get his children back.

"Kate, the phone." Jack said again, snapping her out of her daze.

"Okay, but don't be surprised if he freaks out and yells a lot." Kate said as she selected Michael's name from her address book, punched the dial button and handed the phone to Jack.

Jack listened to it ring, the connection not great due to their location, but good enough to get the job done. Michael finally answered and the rage that soared through Jack just by hearing his voice surprised him. He quickly calmed himself down, cleared his throat and spoke.

"Michael, it's Jack Shephard." He said in a flat, even tone.

"Call to threaten me some more?" Michael asked.

"No, I called to let you know that Madison is having fun and wants to spend the night with Kate tonight. Kate will take her to school in the morning." Jack said maintaining an even tone.

"Yeah, so why are you calling me instead of Kate?" Michael asked.

"Are you serious? You aren't exactly agreeable when it comes to this sort of thing and as long as I'm around you won't be yelling and bullying her anymore." Jack told him.

"Yeah, so how long are you planning on being around Shephard?" Michael huffed.

"What difference does it make?" Jack asked his voice taking on a threatening tone.

"She lies you know. Whatever Kate told you, it's all lies." Michael said.

"Kate hasn't told me anything, but I'm ready to be enlightened if you'd like to share." Jack said.

"No, I guess it doesn't matter. Tell Maddie her step mother will pick her up from school tomorrow." Michael said and hung up before Jack could respond.

"Piece of cake." Jack said and handed the phone to Kate.

"He said it was okay?" Kate asked in a shocked tone.

"No, but he didn't argue the point either. He said to tell Maddie her step mother would pick her up at school tomorrow." Jack said.

"So I guess I'm the only person too stupid to stand up to him." Kate said as a tear of frustration slid down her cheek.

Jack pulled her into his chest and hugged her, her tears dripping down his bare chest, warm and gut-wrenching at the same time.

"Kate, you aren't stupid and have every reason in the world to be afraid of him, but I'm not afraid of him, I'm just afraid of the homicidal rage I feel every time I hear his mousy little voice." He said softly, feeling her smile against his chest.

"I don't understand why is he so willing to go along with you?" Kate said.

"We've never talked much about what I did in my world, the world before the DUI and the clinic. Kate, my father was a very well known and respected surgeon with so much influence in the medical community that even though he's dead he still intimidates people like Michael Reynolds. Being his son has been a huge burden to carry around, but it has also afforded me opportunities. Being his son has also had my career watched and written about since I entered medical school and there was a surgery I pulled off a few years ago, a surgery that went into every medical journal known to the medical profession that catapulted me to a level of admiration and respect that I really don't deserve and until now have pretty much shied away from, but I'll use it to keep Michael at bay Kate. If this so-called miracle I pulled off ever had a true purpose this has to be it. He goes along with me Kate because he believes I can crush him professionally." Jack explained.

"So you're a big shot huh?" Kate asked.

"Apparently." Jack answered his tone suggesting he was uncomfortable with the tag, but willing to go along with it to fight this fight.

"Just when I thought you couldn't get any sexier." Kate said, lifting her head from his chest and kissing him again.

"Mommy, can we please go do something?" Madison interrupted them again, her tone suggesting the two kissy-face adults were really getting on her last nerve.

They broke their kiss and laughed lightly at the child's impatience. Jack ran up the stairs to find a clean shirt and hurried back down. He grabbed a backpack and put water and snacks in it, threw it over his shoulder and looked at them.

"Are you ready?" Jack asked.

"Where are we going?" Maddie asked.

"There is this great park about a mile from here. It's got giant slides and swings and a merry go round I bet I can spin you so fast on you'll beg me to stop." Jack told her.

"Do we gotta walk?" Maddie asked.

"Nope, we're going to ride the 4-wheelers. Let's go." Jack said.

"Are you sure they'll run Jack?" Kate asked.

"They better, we pay a lot of money to keep this place maintained and that includes keeping everything running." Jack said.

They followed Jack out to the garage. He found a helmet small enough for Maddie, handed one to Kate and put one on himself. He gave Kate a crash course on how to drive hers, climbed on to his and pulled the child up with him, setting her in front of him and instructing her to hold on to his arms. They made the short trek to the park and played for nearly three hours, the two adults having as much fun as the child. They drove back, parked the 4-wheelers and headed inside for lunch.

They sat together enjoying a simple lunch of sandwiches and chips and Jack finally excused himself to the shower, the sweat and dirt irritating the wound on his back. Kate convinced Maddie to take a quick bath, the child sweaty, dirty and overtired, having played harder in the last few days than she ever had. Kate ran her a bath and walked into the bedroom to see if Jack was still showering. He walked out with a towel around his waist and stopped in his tracks, unsure if Maddie was nearby since the bedroom door was open.

"She's in the bathtub. I came to see if you were ready for a clean bandage." Kate said.

"Yeah, I'll meet you downstairs." Jack said.

He joined Kate downstairs. She pulled the packing out, cleaned the wound, repacked it and put a clean bandage over it and then excused herself to the shower. Jack pulled his t-shirt on and walked into the game room. He relaxed in the overstuffed recliner and closed his eyes, so tired he wasn't sure if he'd do more than sleep if they really managed to squeeze naps in.

"Where's mommy?" Maddie asked.

He opened his eyes and saw her standing beside the chair.

"She's taking a shower. Did you need something?" Jack asked.

"My hair's all ratty and she brushes it for me when it's this bad." Maddie told him.

"Do you want me to brush it for you?" Jack asked.

She looked at him, puzzled and unsure. His lack of hair probably making her wonder if he even knew what a hair brush was.

"Do you know how?" She asked making him chuckle.

"I'm not an expert like your mom, but I think I can handle it." Jack said.

She stood in-between his legs in front of the chair one hand on each of his knees and let him brush her hair out. He was very gentle, making sure he held the hair at the root with one hand while gently brushing the tangles out with the other. As he moved the brush through her thin, silky, brown hair he thought back to the nights when Kayla would come toddling toward him, fresh from the bath, wearing nothing but an adorable grin, clutching a diaper in one hand and her little hair brush in the other chanting "Daddy do" the most complete sentence either one of his children had managed to put together before she took them away.

He smiled as he remembered how she'd hand him the diaper and the brush and lay down so he could put the diaper on her. He'd quickly diaper her and then lift her off the floor, pull her into his chest, nuzzling her neck and naked chest, the warm, soft, freshly washed baby skin the most wonderful smell in the world. She didn't have much more hair than Andrew did. It was short and blonde and fine and he'd gently brush it out of her face and toward the back, smiling at her and then telling her it was Andrew's turn. She'd give him a big kiss on the mouth and excitedly climb down from his lap, toddling out of the room screaming "Doo! Doo!" which was as close to pronouncing Andrew as she could get.

Andrew didn't toddle. Since he'd learned to walk at a little over 10 months old, he did everything at a dead run. He'd run into the room butt naked and leap into his father's lap and then squirm and fight Jack, not wanting the diaper on and Jack would patiently lay him on the floor and eventually win the battle, finding his son's strong will and stubbornness an amusing and refreshing look in the mirror. With the diaper in place, Jack would lift the boy back into his lap and hold his hand out. Andrew would hand his daddy the comb and Jack would comb the wet light brown hair down, parting it on the side, making him look like a little man and smiling at how handsome his son was. He'd squirm to get down, Jack refusing to let him go until he got a kiss, the boy happy to comply so he could go, very busy, always busy, his motor only shutting down when his exhausted parents forced him to sleep.

"There was a never a doubt whose son he is." Jack mumbled still lost in his memories.

"Huh?" Maddie asked.

"Nothing, sorry, I was day dreaming. You're all done." Jack said handing her the hairbrush.

"You're better than mommy, she pulls my hair when she does it. Let's play something." Maddie said.

"I'm really tired kiddo. Can we just relax for awhile?" Jack asked.

"Yes, we can. Maddie, let's find something quiet to do for awhile." Kate jumped in to save him.

"I wasn't talking to you mom." She replied hatefully.

"Madison, I've had enough your smart mouth, one more word and you're going to be in trouble." Kate warned.

"Come on Jack, I want to play the pinball machine and I can't reach." Maddie whined, tugging on Jack's hand and completely ignoring her mother.

"You need to do what your mom says Maddie." Jack told her in an even no nonsense tone.

"You can make her do whatever you say." Maddie argued.

"No, I can't and I won't." Jack told her.

"Mommy please, I want to play." She whined obviously so tired she was miserable in her own skin.

Kate took the child by the hand, made her comfortable on the couch and handed her a stack of DVDs to look through, attempting to settle her down with a movie.

"I don't want to watch a movie!" She screamed, throwing the DVDs at Kate and then running to Jack's side.

Kate walked out of the room for a moment, too angry to deal with her without saying or doing something she would regret. Madison looked at Jack as if he were just going to ignore what had happened, give into her and play with her. He shot the child a disapproving look and she gave him the quivering bottom lip look and turned on the tears. Kate came up behind her and picked her up.

"He's not going to save you Maddie. Say goodnight." Kate told her.

"No mommy, I'll be good. I don't want to go to bed." She cried as Kate carried her out of the room and up the stairs.

"Goodnight Maddie." Jack called out.

Kate put the child to bed and rejoined Jack in the game room. She let him pull her into his lap in the comfortable chair. She snuggled up next to him, her head resting on his shoulder and his arms wrapped around her.

"Sorry about that, she gets that way when she's over tired." Kate apologized.

"It's fine." Jack said leaning down to kiss her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss, feeling his hand slip underneath the hem of her shirt, smiling at the discovery of bare breasts underneath and then kissing her some more, his mouth wet and becoming hungrier as his hand enjoyed the softness of her breasts, his fingers teasing the nipples, enjoying the feeling of them hardening underneath his touch, wanting them in his mouth and slowly repositioning her so he could pull the shirt up and off of her.

She sat in his lap, straddling his waist, her knees on either side of his hips, naked from the waist up, his hands gliding up and down her arms and then over to her stomach, light grazing the warm flesh just above her belly button. He gently took hold of the hair that had drifted over her soft, silky shoulders and moved it back over her shoulders so that nothing would obstruct his view.

"You are so beautiful." He said softly.

He moved his mouth to her breasts, taking one nipple into his mouth and gently sucking while his hand caressed her other breast, switching sides and then pulling away slightly, moving the tip of his tongue over the nipple he'd just released, enjoying the way the hard nub felt on his tongue as he gently licked it, taking his time and alternating back and forth showing her that he thoroughly enjoyed her breasts and making her feel good at the same time, never sucking any harder than she wanted and finally burying his face in-between them, her arms wrapping around the back of his head and holding him there as she slowly rotated her hips over him, feeling his hardness and moaning.

"I want you Jack, right now." She moaned, still holding him to her chest and going up on her knees.

Jack pulled his head back and kissed her hard and long, their tongues hungrily tasting one another.

"What…about….Maddie?" He panted in-between kisses as he pushed her pants halfway down her thighs, taking her panties with them.

"She's asleep Jack. I promise." Kate moaned as his hand slipped between her legs and cupped her heat.

"You're so hot and wet, I wish I could taste you." He said in a breathy tone and reclined the chair all the way back so that she was now lying over his chest, the material from his t-shirt grazing her nipples and making them hard again.

She lay over him and he worked her pants and panties down, past her knees and she squirmed, rubbing her naked pussy against the crotch of his jeans until the pants had made it to her ankles so she could kick them off. She was completely naked and he was still completely dressed and the sight of her hot, naked body draped over his clothed body made him harder, his breath hitching as he attempted to calm himself down, wanting to unzip his pants and have her impale herself on what felt like an aching, throbbing piece of galvanized steel to him.

She sat up and pushed his t-shirt up, exposing his stomach, she moved up and sat on his stomach, spreading her heat and wetness over him and lay forward again, kissing him and continuing to rub against his flesh, making him groan and unfasten his pants before pushing one then two fingers into her from behind, so wet she accepted them easily. He worked the fingers in and out while she rubbed against his belly, finally tightening and then panting and pushing herself hard into stomach as she came.

He pushed his pants and underwear halfway down his thighs and guided her onto his throbbing cock, slowly connecting at first and then a final quick slide, joining them tightly, her hands resting just below his rib cage on either side, adjusting to him, enjoying the feeling of being stretched to the limit and then everything relaxing around him, him pulsating inside her and her on the verge of another orgasm.

He held gently to her waist and she moved up and down over him, straightening her body, throwing her head back and increasing her motion, riding him long and hard, in complete control of them, making noises he'd never heard her make, her mind completely absorbed in the feeling, her breasts bouncing up and down in front him as her walls gripped him, sliding up to where he could see his cock, see their connection and then get to watch it disappear back into her. She was bouncing harder, seeking relief and he wasn't going to last much longer. He moved his thumb to her clit, wanting to help her find release and she pushed it away, not wanting to relinquish one bit of the control he was allowing her to have. She reached down, found the sensitive little bulb and rubbed, bringing the release she was seeking out of her. His eyes were pleading with her and she stilled her hips, holding them down firmly over him and he came, hot semen spurting up into her, his eyes closed, his breathing labored and his thighs and buttocks clenched so tight she was surprised he didn't develop a cramp.

He finally stopped jerking inside of her and she could feel him starting to soften as his seed began to run out of her and over where they were connected. She let herself fall forward, exhausted and pleased, her center warm and tingly, her brain ready to shut down and sleep. He moved his hands over her back gently, wishing they could stay where they were and sleep, but knowing a seven year old shouldn't wake from her nap and find them like this. He kissed her temple and spoke softly to her.

"We should go upstairs before we fall asleep naked and get caught." He said.

"I know, it just feels so good to lie here with you like this." She mumbled.

"Let's go upstairs and I'll take my clothes off and you can lay on me all you want." He said.

She gently slid forward allowing him to slide out of her and he pulled the lever to move the chair back to its normal position. Her shirt was lying on the arm of the chair and he slipped it over her head and arms. She found her discarded pants and moved off his lap. He stood and pulled his pants up leaving them unfastened, took her by the hand and they walked out of the room and upstairs together. They stopped to make sure Maddie was still sleeping and then entered their bedroom, closing the door and locking it.

They both stripped down to nothing and met in the center of the bed, face to face, arms wrapped around each other. He breathed in her scent and kissed her softly.

"I love having you in my arms naked. You're so soft and beautiful and warm. I could eat you up." He told her, his voice raw, unable to hide the desire he felt for her.

"I thought we were tired." Kate teased.

"We are, but I thought maybe we could shoot for exhausted." He said, rolling her onto her back and kissing her.

They spent the next hour enjoying each other, touching, tasting and feeling and then finally joining again, him in control this time, taking his time, making sweet, passionate love to her, their bodies lightly glazed with sweat, connected and moving in a sensual rhythm while they moaned and kissed, him whispering and 'I love You' into her ear as he felt her clenching around him and then repeating it several times as she came and held onto him has tight as she could, quivering against him, hearing the words and becoming emotional as she felt his release spill into her once again thinking about how they could be making something beautiful, how their children individually were the possession of so many different parties, but how one of their own would never have to be hurt by the stupidity of the adults in its life. He finally moved off of her and she snuggled in beside him, both still too hot to want to cover their bodies. She moved her hand through his chest hair and finally spoke.

"Do you want to have a baby Jack?" She asked.

"No." He answered without hesitation.

"Never?" She asked her hurt tone not going unnoticed by him.

He hugged her to him with his arm and kissed the top of her head.

"I'd love to have a baby with you some day Kate, but not now, not while the children we have are going to need as much as we can give and then some to get them through what's about to happen. I'd give anything if Maddie, Andrew and Kayla weren't about to have the rug pulled out from under them." Jack said.

"Maddie will be better off Jack." Kate argued.

"No doubt, but she loves her father Kate. The bastard doesn't deserve it, but that's what always makes situations like this so god damn tragic." Jack said.

"What about your children Jack? Does their mother deserve the love they have for her?" Kate asked.

"She's playing a pretty fucked up game isn't she? We could've allowed them to grow up with divorced parents that got along and that loved them, but now they're probably going to end up living in separate homes with different last names with parents who don't get along. She's going to freak when she finds out our verbal custody agreement is null and void, that I've filed for joint custody and she's going to have to get her ass and my children back in California where they belong. She's going to count on me backing down, my guilt over hurting them convincing me to let go and allow her to keep them and live a lie, but not this time. This one is all on her so no, right now I don't guess she deserves their love because she's pursued this selfish agenda of hers and made a hell of a mess in the process." Jack answered.

His voice was full of anger, resentment and a hint of regret.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought this up." Kate apologized.

"No, it's okay because I understand where you're coming from. The thought crossed my mind briefly too." Jack admitted.

"You're just saying that so I won't feel foolish." She said.

"No Kate, I'm not. We are great together and the idea of creating a life, a life that belongs to us that nobody can hurt or take away from us is very tempting and I'm no shrink, but it's probably normal to feel that way, but I think we should probably resist the need to do that, at least for a little while, don't you?" He reasoned.

"Yeah, let's wait until Maddie is old enough to baby sit." Kate teased and snuggled in closer to him amazed at how easy he was to talk to about anything.

They slept longer than any of them had anticipated they would, waking up around 7 PM starving and knowing they'd never get to bed at a decent hour so they packed up the car and headed back to Los Angeles, to Jack's house, stopping for dinner along the way so they could attempt to explain what was about to happen to Maddie without going into too much detail.

She became a little weepy over the idea that she might not see her father again, but because Jack was still new and fun and someone she currently wanted to spend every waking minute with, it softened the blow for the time being. Kate and Jack both knew it was temporary and there would be difficult times ahead for Maddie and between Maddie and Jack, but she would be safe and that was what they were focusing on, what they had to stay focused on.

He took them to his house and by midnight they had all settled back into bed to sleep, all three of them in the King sized bed in the master bedroom, a situation that would be dealt with one day at time and all part of the healing process after pulling the rug out from under a small child.

Kate spoke with Dr. Porter and Dr. Wagoner and both agreed to cover for her and Jack at the clinic for two or three days. Kate stayed home while Jack dressed in his expensive slacks, shirt, tie, shoes and watch and left to make an appearance at the hospital Michael worked at, to let him see him meeting with the administrator and then taking Michael for a walk and letting him know that his daughter was never coming home again.


	18. Chapter 18

Michael Reynolds was an orthopedic surgeon whose bedside manner was better left to a field whose patients weren't conscious and in a great deal of pain. Jack would be the first to admit he wasn't the greatest when it came to talking to patients, but he understood compassion and when a situation called for it, Michael on the other hand remained cold and detached, regardless of the situation.

Jack stood back and shook his head as he watched Michael's post surgical exam on an 11 year old boy along with a few medical students. The child had been hit by a car while riding his bicycle and suffered a fracture to his left hip and leg along with 2nd degree cement burns on the right side of his face and torso. The child was in a great deal of pain, had no parents in the room at the moment and Michael had just scolded the nurse, calling her incompetent, telling her to stop babbling because he didn't have time to listen and telling the boy to stop being a cry-baby, reminding him that his carelessness was what landed him in the hospital in the first place.

Jack finally interrupted the pathetic display of cruelty and grabbed the boy's chart, studied it for a moment and then tossed it back to Michael.

"I trust you found everything in order Dr. Shephard." Michael asked.

"Actually Dr. Reynolds, he hasn't pain medication since 1 AM. That was approximately nine hours ago. I realize children are very resilient when it comes to these types of injuries and managing pain, but how about you let me break your hip and leg and take a cheese grater to your face and chest and see how well you do without pain meds less that 24 hours later." Jack said noticing the anger and resentment in Michael's eyes as a few of the students snickered.

"I have to assume the nurses have done their jobs Dr. Shephard." Michael defended himself.

"No, you never assume anything Dr. Reynolds and if you would've listened to the nurse you were so quick to cut off and chase out of here, she was trying to tell you that the patient hadn't been medicated because he suffered an allergic reaction to the morphine and nobody had been able to get in touch with you to prescribe an alternative." Jack said, cutting him off at the knees while keeping his tone completely professional.

Michael found himself intimidated and completely flustered, dismissed the medical students and invited Jack to join him across the street for coffee. They sat at a table in the far corner of the coffee shop where no one could hear their conversation.

"What the hell are you doing here? I can't concentrate with you in the room." Michael asked.

"That's kind of pathetic Dr. Reynolds, you're not a first year medical student." Jack said sarcastically.

"I think we both know why this situation is unique so cut to the chase, what do you want Dr. Shephard?" Michael asked.

"Arthur and I were talking about the possibility of my doing some consultation work, heading up the more difficult spinal surgeries, getting in on the teaching side of things. I don't get the opportunity to help mold fresh medical minds so maybe a day or two a week here would be something I'd enjoy." Jack taunted.

"Sure, why not? Who wouldn't want to sit in on one of the miracle man's surgeries." Michael shot back sarcastically.

Jack moved forward until his face was less than three inches from Micheal's, eyes dark and scary and teeth close to being clenched.

"Do you have a problem with it? If you do I can go back over there right now and tell Arthur about the guy on his staff that gets his rocks off by making his seven year old daughter lay across his lap naked so he can spank her, or maybe he'd appreciate the more graphic tales of how you throw S&M parties and violate your wife with a beer bottle." Jack threatened.

"I, I…….I don't know what you're talking about." Michael stammered.

"Yeah I can tell, you fucking pervert. Tell me something Michael, when you humiliate your little girl like that does it make you hard? Do you do that so you can go jerk off or go pound away on your wife?" Jack seethed.

"How I choose to discipline my daughter is none of your business. In my family there are consequences and I do spank my children Dr. Shephard. The last time I checked it wasn't against the law to discipline your children." Michael argued.

"The last time I checked parents swatted their children on their clothed bottoms while they are standing and typically while reacting to extreme fear or anger. They don't turn it into a sick, sexual ritual of disrobing and lying across Daddy's lap so he can enjoy spanking a bare bottom." Jack accused.

"This is none of your business Dr. Shephard so just butt out. Okay?" Michael said backing away from Jack.

"It is my business Michael and here's the way things are going to work. Madison isn't coming home today, not tomorrow, not ever and before you interrupt me you better think long and hard about just how badly you want to continue practicing your version of medicine in this town, hell in this state. I know about everything Michael. The abuse you put Kate through. Trust me, I'd love to take you outside and kill you with my bare hands, but since I can't really do that and get away with it, I'm going to walk away from here having delivered my message and try to be satisfied with that." Jack said.

"What makes you think I'm going to go along with this Dr. Shephard? Are you willing to drag Maddie and Kate through the mud to make me go away?" Michael asked.

"Oh come on Dr. Reynolds, you know how hospital grapevines work. All I have to do is start planting seeds of doubt about your abilities as a doctor and surgeon and you'll be finished inside three months. Nobody wants a doctor who has botched surgeries, who has misdiagnosed, whose broken ankle patient is pushing up daisies." Jack continued to threaten him.

"That wasn't my fault. It was a clot." Michael argued.

"You say clot, I say negligent post surgical care. Do you really want me to pursue this Michael? Who's going to win a battle like this? Who do you think people are going to believe Michael, you or me?" Jack finished by placing a hard finger in his chest.

"Fine, can I please just see her one more time, tell her goodbye, tell her that I love her?" Michael asked.

"No." Jack answered.

"So that's it? You just steal my kid and I'm supposed to sit here and take it?" Michael argued.

"Get over it. You don't love her you sick bastard. You love to humiliate and control her and convince her that she's unworthy because of her sex. Stay away from them Michael or you're finished. Am I coming through loud and clear?" Jack answered holding on to the front of his shirt with both hands, shaking him lightly, letting him know that he was also the bigger, stronger man physically.

"This isn't over Shephard, not by a long shot." Michael threatened.

"Save your empty threats for the weak, smaller, scared females you love to bully because they have no affect me. You are pathetic." Jack hissed.

Jack left Michael sitting in the coffee shop looking like he'd just had the worst day of his life. He'd spoke with Arthur Spradling, the hospital administrator, about the ceremony honoring his father and hadn't discussed anything remotely medical related, but Michael didn't need to know that, as far as he was concerned Jack was checking up on him, checking past patient files, ready to come share the surgical floor with him a couple of days of week if that's what it took to keep him at bay. Jack felt a twinge of satisfaction over the idea that he'd just made the son-of-a-bitch cower and feel as helpless as he'd been making all the women in his life feel.

Jack arrived home and found Kate and Maddie sitting at the table in the kitchen working a jigsaw puzzle. At that moment it dawned on Jack that the child had nothing to entertain herself with in his house and he felt guilty for leaving them there with nothing to do. He walked in, kissed Kate and put a hand on Maddie's shoulder. She shrugged him off and continued to study the puzzle that was much too difficult for her. Jack squatted down beside her.

"Bad day?" He asked.

"Uh huh." She whispered softly, obviously on the verge of tears.

"What's wrong cutie." Jack asked.

"Nothing, it's not important." She mumbled.

Jack looked over at Kate and she returned a look almost as sad as the child's.

"I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong." Jack pushed.

"I don't know where I live." She said and began crying, so sad and scared that it was ripping his heart out.

"Honey, it's going to be okay, I promise." Jack tried to reassure her.

"No it's not. I don't even have a room or clothes or anything." She screamed at him.

"You do have a room. Do you want to see it?" He asked getting Kate's attention too.

She nodded and wiped her tears away. She took hold of Jack's hand and he led her to what had been set up as a guest bedroom. It was way too formal for a child and she hated it immediately.

"This is for grown ups." She sighed.

"I know, it's pretty bad, that's why I was waiting for you to wake up so we could go shopping and buy some new sheets and stuff that you like." Jack told her.

"Really? I can really make it any color I want?" Maddie asked.

"Well, we have to ask your mom if it's okay first." Jack said and they both looked at Kate.

"Sure honey, if it's okay with Jack it's okay with me." Kate said.

They watched the excited child run into the bedroom they had all shared the night before to clean up, get dressed and get ready to shop. Jack put his arms around Kate's waist and pulled her close, kissing her gently and smiling.

"Don't spoil her Jack." Kate cautioned.

"If we spoil her a little to get through this then we do. What about you? Can I spoil you too?" Jack asked and nuzzled her neck.

"You already do." She laughed trying to pull away from the tickly, scratchy sensation.

"I talked to my attorney this morning. He's going to get a copy of your divorce decree so we can get married either tomorrow or Wednesday." Jack said.

"Jack, I was kind of wondering about something you said. You said that you and your wife had a verbal custody agreement. Isn't custody usually part of the divorce?" Kate asked.

"We didn't get a divorce." He answered.

"What? Then how am I supposed to marry you tomorrow or the next day?" Kate asked.

"We were never married Kate, not legally anyway. She wanted to do this big, romantic non-denomination ceremony where we write our own vows and say them outside on one of the beaches in Cabo San Lucas. It's just a ceremony and it doesn't change your marital status. We could've done the civil ceremony in Cabo with this, but she had this dreamy idea of this romantic, all about two people expressing their undying love……well, whatever. It was pretentious and every bride's dream I guess except for the part where the groom got tied up in surgery the day they were supposed to go to the court house, get a marriage license and have a judge perform the civil ceremony the day before our flight left for Mexico." Jack explained.

"So you were literally late for you own wedding." Kate teased and laughed lightly.

"She was so pissed off at me. We decided we'd just take care of it when we got back from the honeymoon, no big deal since according to her we'd have a lifetime to make it legal. We never got around to making it legal. I think she was in love with the idea of love and the big, pretty, flowery ceremony that she and all her girlfriends could spend months planning and talking about." Jack said.

"It sounds like it was sweet Jack, very romantic, almost perfect." Kate offered.

"I guess for all the guests watching it was it was all those things, two people head over heels in love, so much so the bride wouldn't let the groom touch her on their wedding night because she had too much champagne and had a headache." Jack grumbled.

"So neither one of us had sex on our wedding nights?" Kate asked and they both looked at each other for a moment and started laughing.

"I'm ready!" Maddie exclaimed appearing at their sides.

They both looked down and chuckled at her, her hair wild and uncombed and her pants and shirt completely mismatched. Kate took her hand and led her back into the room to find a shirt to match her pants and do something with her hair. Twenty minutes later they were in the car, headed toward the mall.

While the Kate and Maddie shopped for new clothes for Maddie, Jack wandered off, found a jewelry store and settled on diamond eternity ring for Kate and a matching band for himself. His proposal had been lame and unromantic, but he wanted her to have a ring, a nice one. He was about to leave the store when something in the display case caught his eye. He stopped and shopped a little longer.

His next stop was one of the cell phone booths in the mall. He wanted Maddie to have a way to contact them at all times. He settled on a phone designed for young children with just five programmable speed-dial buttons. Something simple to make her feel less freaked out and alone.

He met Kate and Maddie at the pizza place in the food court as planned and listened as the now happy child went on and on about the new clothes she'd just bought, stopping herself and giggling, her little cheeks showing a blush when she accidentally told him about the new flowery panties they picked out. He sat and listened to her youthful exuberance and couldn't help but chuckle at how full of life she was, the slightest thing cause for a lengthy tale, her entire body animated as she acted out every detail. He could picture her at the top of a cheerleading pyramid leading the cause in a few years, but then dismissed the idea deciding she'd probably be quarterbacking the football team instead and smiled at the thought.

Kate could see he was gone, completely absorbed in the awesomeness that was her daughter and she smiled at him, wondering how nobody before her could love and appreciate this wonderful man.

They finished their lunch and headed off to find new bedding and window coverings for the room where Maddie would be sleeping. She went with a bright pink, orange and yellow combination with embroidered daisies, butterflies and dragonflies. Jack was certain the loud colors would keep him up if it were him, but she seemed to love it and it would definitely make the bedroom feel more like a kid's room so he suggested she get the matching lamp and nightlight as well. Of course she could've picked out blinding black and white stripes and checkerboard and he would've gone along with it, the child slowly wrapping him around her finger.

Jack was paying for their purchases and noticed Maddie eyeing the large, soft, cuddly looking teddy bear sitting behind the counter. He quietly asked the sales lady to include it and handed it to Maddie.

"Jack." Kate protested.

"What? Look how soft and cuddly it is Kate. It'll keep her company in her new bedroom." Jack argued.

"Whatever? Should we stop on the way home and buy her a car too?" Kate asked her tone suggesting she wasn't having as much fun as he was.

"Don't be mad mommy. I love him. He can sleep in that big, giant bed with me." Maddie said.

They left the mall, Jack and Kate not speaking and Maddie yawning, exhausted from the day's activities. They loaded everything into the car and instead of heading to Kate's house for some of Kate's things ended up going to Jack's house because Maddie had fallen asleep before they managed to wind their way out of the parking lot. The ride home was quiet and he wasn't sure what he'd done wrong, but was guessing it had something to do with the way he was throwing money around.

Jack carried Maddie's dead weight into the house and Kate pulled the blankets back on the bed in the guest room for her. He lay her down gently and left to bring their purchases inside while Kate spent a few minutes with her. She looked all over the house for him and found him in their bedroom, on the bed on his back and eyes closed. He opened them when he heard her enter the room

"Come lay down with me and tell me what I did to piss you off, so I can make sure I don't do it again." He said with a slight grin.

She joined him on the bed, not hesitating to snuggle up with him and let him wrap his arm around her.

"So how'd things go with Michael?" Kate asked.

"Do you really want the details?" Jack asked.

"No, I want you to tell me you lured him to the 12th floor of the parking garage and accidentally pushed him off." Kate groaned making him laugh lightly.

"I wish I could tell you that, but will you settle for neutered?" Jack asked.

"Sounds good to me. Did you bring them with you so I could hang them from my rear view mirror?" Kate asked.

"No, the only balls you get to own are mine so I tossed his off the 12th floor of the parking garage." Jack teased.

"Yeah right, as if I am ever going to have any say around here. I'm a couple of days away from being a kept woman again." Kate said sadly making him angrier than it should have.

"Where the hell did that come from?" He asked as he removed his arm and the rest of his body from her clutches.

"Oh please Jack, the way you were flashing plastic left and right today. 'I'll buy you the moon Maddie just ask.' I don't have a house any more, I don't have my financial independence anymore and pretty soon I won't have my daughter anymore." Kate complained.

"You can pay me back for all that stuff if it makes you feel less kept, whatever it takes because I have no desire to have a mindless, opinion-less, lay down and give me sex when I demand it woman sharing my life with me." Jack shot back.

"Sure felt like that's what you wanted today." Kate accused.

"You're overreacting Kate." He accused.

"Am I?" She asked.

"Yes, you are. Look, I'm sorry, I guess I got carried away. It feels good to have someone in my life that needs me again so maybe I went a little crazy. I just want to make things as easy as possible for her and for you." He apologized.

"That's just it Jack, it's not easy. It's so scary. I know he's going to find me Jack and when he does he's going to punish me for this. Maybe we shouldn't. Maybe we should just take her back to Michael." Kate suggested, body trembling from head to toe.

"Kate, you don't mean that. I know you're really scared and that you're tired and overwhelmed, but I know that you don't really want to subject your little girl to any more of his abuse." Jack said, wrapping his arms around her again and pulling her backwards until his body was completely spooned around hers.

"You bought her a phone so she'd always be able to find us. God Jack what are we doing to her?" Kate asked becoming very emotional.

"We are doing what we have to do to protect her Kate and I know it seems awful right now, but we'll get through it, we'll make a home and it'll be a happy home where little girls don't get spanked for missing a word on a spelling test and where women never get treated like anything but the equals that they are. I'm going to take care of both of you Kate, I promise and I don't mean take care of as in "kept", but take care of as in love you and do my best to make you feel safe." Jack promised her.

"I'm sorry I got mad Jack. I know your heart is in the right place and she was happy today wasn't she?" Kate said.

"Yes, and she's excited about having her own room Kate which means that maybe this time we'll actually have sex on our wedding night." Jack teased trying to get her to lighten up.

"I told her about that this morning, about us getting married." Kate said.

"How'd she handle it?" Jack asked.

"She wanted to know if you were marrying her too." Kate laughed.

"If I were seven I'd marry her in a heartbeat." Jack said.

"She asked me what she should call you. I told her that Jack was fine until the two of you decide what you're comfortable with. She seemed fine with it, excited, wanted to know if you're taking 'us' on a honeymoon. How does my little girl know about honeymoons? Do you think that's playground conversation?" Kate asked him making him laugh lightly.

"Doesn't Barbie, the doll not the person, come with wedding stuff, a groom Ken doll or whatever?" Jack asked.

"I don't know. I don't let her play with Barbie yet. I think she's too young to play with dolls that have breasts, besides she'd rather play with those little green army men and dig in the dirt." Kate said.

"She's great Kate and I like that you are doing your best to just let her be a kid. She really doesn't play with dolls?" Jack asked.

"She really likes those little green soldiers, but she likes her quiet moments with her babies so there's hope for motherly instincts to kick in some day." Kate laughed.

She rolled over to face him and kissed him.

"So, what do say handsome? Want to fool around?" Kate asked.

"I can't, I'm saving myself for my wedding night." He teased and rolled her onto her back, kissing her lightly and then allowing her to pull him into a deeper, more passionate kiss.

He finally stood, closed the bedroom door, locked it and rejoined her on the bed. They began slowly undressing each other while their mouths moved hungrily, almost sloppily as their need became more urgent. They rolled around, both naked, caressing each other's bodies, being playful one moment and seriously making out the next. He finally pinned her beneath him in the center of the bed and pushed into her, groaning against her moans as he held her hands above her head and interlocked their fingers. Their love making wasn't frantic, nor was it slow, it was two people enjoying each other, not holding back, kissing, touching, whispering, panting, both pleasing the other and then finally falling over the edge, first him quickly followed by her, squealing so loudly he covered her mouth with his and tried not to find how tightly her legs were wrapped around him as funny as it was endearing. She finally let go of the death grip she had on him and they collapsed in each other's arms, both breathing hard and laughing lightly, not because either found their lovemaking funny but simply because they were happy.

Jack dressed, covered Kate and left the bedroom closing the door behind him. He walked down the hallway to check on Maddie. She was awake, sitting in the middle of the bed with her arms wrapped around the big teddy bear. Kate had put the bear in the bed with her so she hopefully wouldn't wake up and be afraid. He knocked lightly and entered the room.

"Hey sleepy head." Jack said and sat on the bed with her.

"Hi." She said softly.

"I brought all your new stuff in. Do you want some help with it?" Jack asked.

"Can we go to my mom's house and get my toys and my X-Box?" She asked.

"Sure, as soon as your mom wakes up." Jack said.

"How come there is a baby room here Jack?" Maddie asked.

"You went in there?" Jack asked.

"Yes, mommy got mad and said I had to ask your permission." Maddie told him.

"It's okay with me. This is your home for now and you're welcome to look around." Jack said.

"So how come all the baby stuff Jack?" She asked.

"Well, because I have a little boy and a little girl that used to live here and they were still babies when they left to go live with their mom." Jack told her.

"You got kids?" She asked.

"I do, twins, they're almost two years old." He said.

"Are they gonna live here too?" She asked.

"Hopefully, but I don't know for sure. Would you like that? They're much smaller than you and would need you teach them things and help them sometimes." Jack treaded the water very carefully.

"Like real live baby dolls?" She asked in an excited tone.

"Yeah kind of like that." Jack chuckled.

"Do they call you daddy?" She asked.

"I don't know honey, they did the last time I saw them, but it's been awhile and they might not remember me." Jack said the sad tone in his voice not going unnoticed by the little girl.

She sat up on her knees and hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.

"What was that for?" Jack asked.

"If you were my dad, I'd never forget so they won't either." She told him.

"Thanks. I went to a special store today and I bought a pretty ring for your mom. Do you want to see it?" Jack asked.

"Yes!" Maddie responded excitedly.

Jack pulled the ring box out and let Maddie inspect it for awhile before taking it back and shoving it into his pocket.

"Do you know what the ring is for Maddie?" He asked.

"It's so you can get married to her." She answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"That's right and the ring will represent my promise to love her and always be here for her." Jack answered.

He pulled another small box out and opened it. It held a small heart-shaped locket. He gently placed it around her neck, closed the clasp and kissed her on the forehead.

"It's pretty Jack, what's it for?" She asked.

"It's my promise to you, to always love you and be here for you." Jack said.

"Oh." She said quietly.

"I know you miss your dad and……" Jack started but was stopped by her clamping one of her small hands over his mouth.

"I don't miss him Jack. He makes me scared, but you can't tell my mom because he'll hurt her." She told him.

"He's not going to hurt you or your mom anymore I promise and I know when your seven and grown ups tell you things you think that maybe sometimes they're just telling you what you want to hear so you'll be quiet or so you'll go to sleep or so you'll eat your broccoli." He told her working to keep his emotions in check.

"Broccoli is gross." Maddie sighed making him smile through the sorrow her confession had brought on.

"I'm not going to spend every day telling you things Maddie. Instead I took all my promises to keep you safe, to be your friend, to always listen and to love you and I put them inside this locket and closed it. So anytime you need me and I'm not here or you just aren't sure whether or not I really, really love you, open the locket and it's all inside and nobody can ever take it away from you." He told her his voice as kind and sincere as the eyes he was looking at her with.

"But if I open it, won't it get out?" She asked.

"It can only get out long enough to for you to feel it and then it goes right back in, it will always be there when I'm not or even when I am and you're mad at me or when I'm too busy to notice you need those things from me." He said.

"Will you?" She asked.

"Will I what?" He asked.

"Get too busy?" She asked.

"Never on purpose, but grown ups make mistakes and if I do I want you to open that locket and feel better and then come and remind me that I should never get that busy. Never be afraid to talk to me Maddie, especially if I'm doing something that makes you sad." He said.

"Did you put some hugs in here too?" She asked clutching the little heart tightly in her fingers.

"As many as would fit, but if you feel like it's getting empty just say so and I'll fill it back up. Okay?" He said watching her and how her young mind truly believed every thing he had to give was locked up inside that little heart and as far as he was concerned it wasn't a lie.

"Okay." She said and shot him one of her heart melting smiles.

"Great, now can I have another one of those hugs; I could really use one right now." Jack said making her smile and wrap her little arms around his neck and squeeze as hard as she could.

"I love you Jack and I'm glad we came to live here." She said and kissed him on the cheek.


	19. Chapter 19

Kate stood outside the bedroom door listening to the exchange between her daughter and this wonderful man that had seemingly just dropped into their lives. Perhaps Jack was right about not questioning things and believing in something mystical. She was about to marry a man she'd know a little over two weeks and realistically was having no doubts about it. Marrying him seemed like the most normal and natural thing to do and she guessed things didn't get much more mystical than that. It was more than just clicking with him in every way possible though, it was the feeling inside, her gut telling her that he needed her just as much as she needed him and that somehow all of their baggage added together evened the scales and left them a balanced couple and soon to be very large family if he managed to get his children at least part of the time.

As she listened to him ease her little girl's fears and unconditionally offer his love and support she felt her chest tighten as she tried to imagine him with his two babies, imagining how they would've been able to feel the love he had for them oozing from his pores and then imagining how completely lost he must've felt that day he came home to an empty house and realized he never even had a chance to tell them goodbye. A large lump was forming in her throat and a tear escaped down her cheek as she imagined his pain, her heart breaking for him as she wondered how any woman could've done that to him, how she could live with it because she was becoming emotionally distraught just imagining his grief.

She wiped the tears from her cheeks and composed herself, more determined than ever to help him get his children back, help him get his life back on track just as he had been helping her get hers' and Maddies' lives back on track. He was right, they took care of each other, had one another's back and it was her turn right now, he had to have her back until it was safe for her again and then it would be his turn and she would be there for him, be his wife, help him build a stable home for his children to live in and stand by his side and fight this emotional battle he was about to embark on. She pushed her hair back behind one ear and entered the room. Jack and Maddie both looked up at her.

"Hey sleeping beauty." Jack teased.

"We all can't be like you Jack, living on minimal sleep and coffee." Kate teased back.

"Thank god, the world doesn't really need more than one of me running around." Jack chuckled and scooted over so she could sit beside him.

"I think a world full of you is a world I'd like to live in, what do you think Maddie." Kate said sweetly and moved closer to him.

"I think you're going to kiss again so come get me when you're ready to go get my toys." Maddie giggled and scooted off the bed.

"Smart kid." Jack said with a grin, pulling her close and kissing her for a long time.

"Smart like her mom yeah?" Kate commented making him smile.

"Mmm, and going to be every bit as beautiful. I could go for this having a baby thing if you promise me they'll all look just like you." He said, pushing her back onto the bed and kissing her some more.

"You just want to fool around." Kate teased.

"Always, but I did kind of promise the munchkin we'd go to your house and get her toys." Jack told her, his voice a bit leery realizing he was overstepping his bounds again.

"You know what Jack, I think if we're going to be a family I'm going to have to stop being such a bitch that you think you have to run everything by me. I'm giving you your balls back baby." She laughed and then screamed when he started tickling her.

"We'll wrestle for the big decisions." He teased and pinned her shoulders to the bed, straddling her, his knees on either side of her hips.

"Oh Jack, you really don't want me to use my knee to even up this size and weight differential do you?" Kate asked shooting him a mischievous grin.

"You wouldn't dare." He said as he let go of her shoulders, pulled his legs together and moved to one side of her.

She immediately took advantage, dropped him onto his back, pinned his shoulders to the bed and counted to three so fast he missed the first two numbers.

"I win." She laughed making him laugh with her.

"You cheated, but that's okay, I'm getting used to that. Can't play gin rummy with Kate, can't wrestle with Kate." He teased.

"You can play the game of life with me Jack. I promise I'll never cheat." Kate told him, eyes serious and looking right into his, watching the appreciation for what she'd just said light them up and she could've sworn almost sparkle.

"I hope that fax comes in tonight so I can start holding you to your promise tomorrow." Jack said, closing his eyes and letting her smother him with kisses, never having known what it was like to be the center of someone's universe, but thinking that he could get used to it.

After being nagged into submission by an anxious seven year old they made the drive to Kate's house and packed up some clothes and toys, Jack assuring her they'd figure out what they were going to do about owning two houses and get everything moved into one or the other by the end of the week. It seemed logical that they'd end up in his house. Kate had a nice three bedroom home, but with only a little over 1,500 square feet it would be impossible if the twins were with them. Jack's house was three times that size, had five bedrooms and plenty of space if the family were to suddenly expand by two.

They stopped at the grocery store and then drove home, ready to make dinner together and help Maddie get her new bedroom situated, hoping she'd sleep there on this night before sleeping with them became a habit that would be hard to break. When they returned to the house Jack dropped the groceries on the counter and went to the study to see if his attorney had faxed him the papers he was waiting on. He saw the papers on the machine before he made it through the door.

A copy of Kate's divorce along with a description of the custody situation with Madison and the custody arrangement he planned on hitting Jack's ex-wife with the next morning. He read the papers and left them on the desk, going back into the kitchen to help put the groceries away. Kate was putting the food away and Maddie was in the living room, scanning the television for something to watch.

"It came. We can get married tomorrow if you want." He said softly.

She stopped what she was doing and approached him, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him.

"I want." She said softly and kissed him again.

He smiled and kissed her back.

"Hey, the custody thing with Madison isn't as bad as we thought either. Michael was awarded sole physical custody with visitation rights set up for you at his discretion, but the good news is that it's just physical custody, he does NOT have sole decision-making power in regards to any other matters affecting her, both of you are her guardians in that respect." Jack told her.

"Do you think I'm stupid for not knowing what the custody agreement was Jack?" She asked.

"No, I think you were in self-preservation mode Kate, you had to be and you know what, I'm never going to judge you or any decisions you made. I'd have to a walk a few miles in those shoes before I could even hope to have a clue of what it must've been like for you so in the future you don't need to ask what I think Kate because the answer will always be the same, I think you're the most remarkable woman I've ever known." He said and kissed the tip of her nose.

Their second night at Jack's house went a little smoother. They had trouble getting Madison to bed, but once she was there she slept quietly through the night, clutching the big teddy bear, her small body swallowed by the queen-sized bed in the room.

Morning came and they drove to the courthouse, applied for their marriage license and waited for the next available judge. The only witnesses to their vows a court clerk, a bailiff and Madison. They were happy though, quietly leaving the courthouse as husband and wife, Jack with a new stepdaughter and Kate feeling good about what the meant for Madison. They stopped by the clinic while it was closed for lunch and shared their happy news before planning their wedding night dinner at the restaurant of Maddie's choice, keeping her involved, letting her share the happiness that was taking both of them by surprise. Their whirlwind romance and quick trip down the aisle would be considered insane by most, but they were both sure, so sure they were consumed with this almost silly, giggly happiness. Maddie chose the pizza place with the singing animals, the lead animal providing a sappy rendition of Elvis Presley's "I Can't Help Falling in Love with You" for the happy couple.

They arrived home after 10 PM, Madison asleep in the back seat. Jack carried her into the house and left the room while Kate got her ready for bed. With Madison tucked securely into her bright pink, orange and yellow bed Kate left the room, leaving the door slightly ajar and went in search of Jack. She found him in the living room, music playing in the background and the room dark except for the candlelight with two glasses and a bottle of champagne or wine, she wasn't sure which.

"Where'd that come from?" Kate asked.

"My private stock, it was either this wine or beer and while toasting by clanking two bottles of beer together would probably be the perfect way to toast the tackiest wedding day a man ever gave a woman, I thought I'd try to add a touch of class to the day, give you one nice thing to remember." He said sounding not so much regretful, but guilty.

She held her hands out and pulled him to his feet, wrapping her arms around his neck, kissing him lightly and suggesting he dance with her. They stood in the middle of the living room, bodies pulled closed and barely moving to the music.

"The day wasn't tacky Jack, it was perfect for us, for what we both want and need and some day we'll be able to tell our children about it, all of them, yours, mine and ours." She told him and kissed him.

"You deserve better, at least a nice, romantic honeymoon." He insisted.

"What's a honeymoon Jack? People spend thousands of dollars to go to some beautiful location and never make it out of bed long enough to enjoy their surroundings. Right?" Kate asked.

"I wouldn't know, I saw all there was to see of Cabo San Lucas and then some." Jack answered with a grin.

"Well, if I had you all alone in some tropical paradise you'd get to see the beaches, but only at night while you were making love to me on them." She told him and moved closer, kissing his neck, jaw and then his mouth, swallowing him in a wet, passionate kiss.

They finally broke the kiss and he pulled her into him, holding her close, their bodies slowly swaying to the music, her head resting on his chest just below his shoulder.

"I wish I'd met you first Kate. I wish you'd never known what it was like to be hurt so badly. The idea that you could survive that and stand here tonight talking about how much you want me, want to be with me, well, I'm convinced that you and that beautiful daughter of yours are two of the strongest people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing." He said.

"We love you too Jack and you've been through your fair share of pain, yet here you are, ready to commit, nurture and love with all your heart again. I'm glad I'm the lucky woman that got to you before some other woman realized what that bitch you were married to threw away." Kate said, keeping her body snuggled into his, the feeling so warm and comforting she wanted to make it last as long as possible.

"I love you so much and if you really want a baby Kate I want to give that to you. Think about it and if you feel like it's something you want to do toss the pills in the trash and we'll go for it." Jack offered.

"But I thought you wanted to wait." Kate said.

"Yeah, I know what I said, but nothing we've done so far has been based on planning or waiting so why screw things up now?" He said making her laugh lightly.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me Jack Shephard." Kate said as she pulled her head away from his chest and looked into his eyes.

"Ditto." He replied.

"I loved your proposal, our unique wedding day, my beautiful ring, the idea that my little girl is going to get the chance to have this wonderful, positive father figure in her life, that I'm going to get the chance to know your children and love them as unconditionally as you love mine and that we still get to work together for another 430 hours." Kate told him, the last part making him chuckle.

"That's a lot of togetherness Kate, how long before we start getting on each other's nerves?" He asked and winked at her.

"I can't imagine ever growing tired of having you around." She said and wrapped him up in another deep, passionate kiss, signaling the end of chat time and the beginning of consummating the marriage.

The kissing between them grew very hungry and he felt her jerk his shirt out of his pants and push her hands inside it, snaking them up his back, pulling herself into his chest, abdomen and hips, moaning at the hardness that greeted her. He pulled out of the kiss, picked her up, cradling her in his arms and carried her into the bedroom. He shut the door as quietly as possible with his foot and reached behind him to lock it before moving toward the bed and setting her on in it gently, as if she were a porcelain doll that would break if not handled with the utmost tender loving care.

He sat beside her, holding her hand, as they gazed deeply into each other's eyes, wanting and needing to savor the moment and not go after one another like hungry animals. She looked so soft and sweet in the dim light, her cheeks lightly flushed, her eyes bright and sparkling completely engrossed in the man that sat beside her, waiting for him to make his move, to make her his, but only in a loving way and so trusting that was the only way he ever would she was content to let him take the lead, to let him be the groom eager to please his new wife in every way possible.

They stood beside the bed and she let him slowly undress her, one garment at a time, leaving her standing in front of him in her panties while he slowly stripped down to his underwear, their eyes staying focused on another, the sensual tone of the act completed by him stripping the bed down to just the sheet covered mattress and laying her onto it gently, allowing her head to fall back onto and sink it the layer of pillows as he slowly followed on top of her, hovering over her, arms planted firmly into the mattress on either side of her shoulders as he lowered his head and kissed her softly, gently gliding his tongue over her lips, waiting to be invited in.

She opened her mouth, welcoming his soft, wet tongue as his mouth moved passionately over hers, wanting to play with her, taste all of her, tease and tantalize every inch of her flesh, but needing to connect with her, needing to be inside of her, loving her with all of him, just simply making love, the need to drag it out or make it wild or hungry or different not necessary, not tonight. He pulled out of the kiss and rolled to one side, propped up on his elbow, his hand gliding slowly down the imaginary line between her breasts and then over her stomach to her panties, the final barrier between him and what he wanted.

She looked into his eyes, wondering what he was thinking, why he hadn't slipped his hand beneath the thin material and maybe it would seem silly or even trivial to some but she got it. He was giving her this moment to willingly and desirously give herself to him, to allow her to be in control of her body at this crucial moment, this, their first time as husband and wife, but more importantly as equal partners ready to share their lives together and she smiled a smile of gratitude, a smile that only he would understand the meaning behind and then she slowly removed her panties.

They lay side by side, completely naked, trapped in a state of blissful calm as she took hold of his hand and encouraged him to touch her where she wanted to be touched. He closed his mouth over hers again and moved his hand slowly between her legs, groaning when she opened wider for him and the warmth and wetness that greeted him told him all he needed to know. He moved his hand back up her body and moved over her, positioning himself between her legs and allowing her to take hold of his hardened length and put it into position. They broke their kiss and gazed into each other's eyes.

"This is it." He whispered softly taking her nod as his queue and pushed into her slowly, filling her up, her walls stretching tight around him, accepting him and then relaxing, swallowing him, making him hers.

"I love you more than you'll ever know Jack." She said and pulled him in for another kiss, hands holding tightly to the back of his head and his back, wanting him close, wanting him to love her and to keep loving her until his body was too exhausted to love her anymore.

Jack made love to her with all the heartfelt passion he could muster, never having felt the way he was feeling before and not sure where to channel it except into her, never doubting for a moment that this was the woman he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with. Making love to her as her husband made it clear to him why that stupid piece of paper was important after all, feeling happier than he ever had in his life and understanding it was simply because she was his wife and that silly piece of paper gave him the right to make sure the whole world knew it, that one bad experience should never tarnish what marriages are supposed to be and he was glad that his desperate need to have his children in his life made him do what he swore he never would again.

They continued to make love until their bodies were too exhausted to continue, not wanting to stop, but having nothing left to give each other. They lay in the center of the stripped down bed, their bodies entangled, their left hands clasped together and resting comfortably over their centers, the shiny new rings on full display, their brains completely shut down and enjoying the most peaceful and restful sleep either had for a long time. They both realized this was merely the calm before the storm, but they also realized that together they could weather any storm.

They spent the next couple of days getting settled in to Jack's house and more importantly getting Madison settled, trying to figure out the best option for schooling since denying Michael access to the child was the primary concern. News of Jack's custody intentions set off small explosions, his ex-wife Sarah on the verge of spontaneous combustion over the news that she would need to bring the children back to California, that good old reliable, would never rock the boat Jack had indeed rocked the boat, hell he had capsized it and didn't bother to offer her a life jacket.

They spent Friday at the clinic, having taken Madison and plenty of toys and games to occupy her with them. It was time to close for the day and while Jack restocked the cabinets in the back Kate was in the break room helping Madison gather all of her things. Kate heard the bell signaling someone had come through the door, but figured it was Barbie coming back to retrieve whatever she forgot and continued helping Maddie pack up her things.

Kate heard the loud voices followed by a couple of pops and instantly fought off the dread and panic that was quickly trying to take over, knowing she had to suck it up and hold it together for her daughter and for Jack. She quickly grabbed Madison and hid her in one of the cabinets in the break room, ordering her not to come out no matter what. She then slowly walked out into the reception area and then as quietly as possible toward the back. She could see a woman's back and as she got closer could see that she had a gun and was pointing it at Jack who was leaning against the counter on the back wall, facing the shooter, holding his right hand to his chest, his forearm, hand and shirt blood soaked and Kate unable to tell if the wound was in his chest or his hand.

"You did this you bastard." The woman cried pointing the gun down toward his crotch.

"No, wait, what….what are you talking about? What did I do?" Jack pleaded with the woman.

"Shut up!" She screamed and shot at him again, hitting him in the thigh, making him double over in pain and sending Kate into action.

Kate immediately ran to Jack, placing herself between him and the woman shooting at him, getting a look at her face and realizing she knew the woman.

"Carol? My god, have you lost your mind?" Kate asked.

"Kate, don't. Get Maddie and get out of here." Jack begged as she grabbed some towels and began placing them over his wounds.

"You should listen to him Kate because I'm not leaving here until he's suffered long enough for what he's done, long enough for him to beg me to just kill him." Carol screamed.

"What are you talking about Carol?" Kate asked.

"He took Maddie from Michael Kate. Did you really think you could do that without somebody paying the price for it? Now move out of the way or I'll shoot you too." Carol demanded.

"I'm not moving Carol. You'll have to shoot me too." Kate stood her ground using her body to shield his, ready to kill this woman with her bare hands before she'd let her inflict any more damage on him.

"Kate, please don't do this. You have to think about Maddie." Jack pleaded with her.

"I'm not leaving you Jack." Kate said.

"Fine, I'll kill both of you. It's your fault I just spent the last two days being tortured, raped with every instrument you can imagine, beaten and humiliated. He sent my little girl away to stay with friends and he chained me to a table in the living room and every time he pushed something inside me that didn't fit he'd tell me that's what it feels like to be fucked by Jack Shephard. Did you really think you could take his little girl, threaten his job and just walk away you stupid son-of-a-bitch?!" Carol screamed through tears, crazy, obviously having been put through something so terrible she finally just snapped.

"I'm sorry he did that to you, but I had to protect her from him. I'll help you too. I'll get you a good lawyer and I'll do everything I can to make sure he can't hurt you anymore." Jack promised, panting through the pain and then ducking as another bullet came in his direction.

"He can't hurt anyone anymore Jack. He's lying in the middle of the kitchen floor with that stupid look on his face, wondering how I managed to get free and where I got the gun. He got it like you're going to get it Jack. First his hands, because what good is surgeon with bad hands, then the groin, oh yeah, three bullets right where the son-of-a-bitch lives. You'd think being a sadomasochist he would've enjoyed me making him drop his pants and watch while I shot his balls right off of him wouldn't you? There was so much blood and he sat there on his knees holding what was left of his limp dick in his hands begging me to call an ambulance so I shot him in the face to make him shut up. Look at me! This is your fault!" Carol screamed, waving the gun at the two of them with one hand and pulling her shirt down, exposing her breasts and the bite marks that were covering them so far gone she never heard the bell when the front door opened and never heard the police officers approaching from behind.

"Carol listen, it's over. If you killed Michael I'll do everything I can to help. I'll testify about the awful things he did to me. Just please put the gun down and don't hurt anymore people. Jack didn't mean for you to get hurt, he was trying to take care of Maddie, he's a good man Carol." Kate pleaded with her.

"There's no such thing as a good man Kate." Carol said and pointed the gun at Jack again, insisting Kate move or get shot right along with him.

Jack and Kate watched the policemen surround her from behind, holding their breath, hoping and praying this wasn't going to end badly. One of the cops managed to grab her wrist and pull the gun up, the bullet going into the ceiling and then tackle her to the floor, the rest of them descending upon her.

"Don't hurt her. She's been hurt enough." Jack pleaded before finally allowing himself to slide down to the floor.

"The situation has been neutralized. We've got one gunshot victim so we need that ambulance that's parked down the street." One of the policemen barked into his walkie-talkie as he bent down beside Kate to assess Jack's wounds.

Jack looked up between them and saw one of the policemen carrying Madison and breathed a sigh of relief. The policeman beside Jack looked up to see what he was apparently so relieved about and smiled.

"That is one brave, smart little girl. She called 911 and told us exactly where she was." The policeman told them.

Madison squirmed out of the arms of the police officer and ran to Kate, hugging her and sobbing.

"It's okay baby, it's over. You're so brave and mommy is so proud of you." Kate told her.

"He's all bloody, is he going to die mommy?" Madison cried and then felt Jack's hand on her back.

"I'm okay munchkin." Jack told her.

Maddie slowly let go of her mother and turned around. She was clutching the cell phone Jack had bought her in her hand. Jack reached up and brushed her bangs out of her eyes and smiled at her.

"I did like you showed me. I pushed the red button and told them we needed help." Maddie explained through her sniffles.

"You did great. You're smart and tough, just like your mom." Jack spoke softly while using his thumb to gently wipe the tears from her cheeks before letting his hand drop back into his lap, the pain and the blood loss starting to make him weak and tired.

Kate could see the paramedics coming through the door, kissed Jack on the temple, picked Maddie up and carried her away from the scene, deciding she didn't need to see them working on Jack. The police officer and Jack both nodded at her, their way of agreeing with her decision to take the child away for now.

"Is that your wife and daughter?" The policeman asked Jack.

"Yeah." Jack answered and let the paramedics lower him on to his back on the floor.

"Your wife turned herself into a human shield and your daughter kept a cool head and called for help. You're a lucky guy." The cop commented to Jack.

"The luckiest guy in the world." Jack agreed closing his eyes, deciding it would be okay to give into the pain and blood loss now.


	20. Chapter 20

Kate and Maddie came through the emergency room doors, looking left, then right, hoping to be able to tell where they had taken Jack. At Jack's request, Kate had driven herself and Maddie to the hospital, him not wanting the child to have memories of riding in an ambulance and listening to all the scary sounds the come with that. A nurse wearing blue surgical scrubs approached her.

"Are you Kate?" She asked.

"Yes, where is he?" Kate asked.

"He's in the back, he sent me out here to watch for you. The man is full of bullet holes and is still barking out orders." She joked.

"Is he okay? I mean obviously he's not okay, but I never got a chance to…..god, is he going to recover?" Kate asked as the tears began streaming down, finally allowing herself a moment to fall apart.

"His injuries don't appear to be life-threatening, although if he doesn't stop bossing the ER staff around one of them may slip something into his IV." The nurse told her, making Kate laugh lightly, sucking up the tears and the need to become completely hysterical.

"He wants to see you and your daughter and sent me out her to make sure you weren't left to wander around." She told him.

"Did you call his mother? Don't you think she should know about this?" Kate asked.

"I don't know about that Kate, maybe you should ask him." She told Kate and led her beyond the closed double doors toward the room where Jack was being examined and treated.

Maddie held tightly to Kate's hand, frightened by the sights, sounds and smells of the ER and also by the idea of Jack not looking like Jack. She finally stopped, pulling her hand away from Kate's.

"No mommy." Maddie said.

"It's okay baby, he wants to see us." Kate said kneeling down in front of the child.

"He's hurt, he's bleeding. I'm scared." Maddie said, her bottom lip puckered out followed by the large crocodile tears that children let go of when they are nearing devastation.

"I know it's scary sweetheart, but he's a big, strong man and he's going to be okay." Kate told her.

"No, he's sposed to take care of us, he promised, he's, he's………." Maddie cried backing away from her and the room that she did not want to enter.

"Could you tell him I'll be in as soon as I calm her down?" Kate asked.

"Of course." The nurse said, entering the room, leaving the woman and her freaked out child to work things out.

"Hey." Jack said as the nurse entered the room.

"You heard?" The nurse asked.

"Yeah, the kid's been through hell, I hate doing this to her. Do me a favor?" Jack asked.

"Oh so now you're asking instead of ordering Dr. Shephard?" She teased.

"Just go back out there and tell her it's okay; that she doesn't have to come in here. Tell her to hold on to that heart around her neck and I'll see her when I get home." Jack said, his tone kind, but serious.

The nurse nodded and left the room again. She found Kate with Maddie in the hallway and delivered Jack's message. She watched the little girl use her thumbs to open the locket around her neck and then close her eyes as if she were enjoying a warm breeze that only she could feel and then she began to calm down. She opened her eyes, closed the locket and looked at Kate.

"Are you okay baby? Will you be okay out here if I go see Jack for a minute?" Kate asked, sitting the little girl on a chair that was in the hallway.

"Tell ya what. I'm Amanda and I'm due for a break, so how about you and me go down to the cafeteria and let your mom visit with Jack for awhile. It's getting close to dinner time. Have you had dinner yet?" The nurse asked Maddie while sharing glances with Kate.

"Is it okay mommy?" Maddie asked.

"Sure, here let me give you some money." Kate said and began fumbling with her purse.

"Don't worry about it Kate." Amanda said.

"Will you give him a hug and kiss for me mommy?" Maddie asked.

"Yes, I will and you be good for Amanda, no lip. Okay?" Kate said.

Kate watched Maddie take the woman's hand and disappear onto the other side of the double doors. She turned and entered the room where Jack was being treated. They had tended to his immediate injuries and moved him to a bed. He was sitting up, stripped naked, a heavy sheet draped over his lower half, his upper half sporting heart monitor patches and an IV. His right arm and hand covered with a sterile sheet and draped over his stomach. He looked a little pale, but pretty good for someone that had been shot three times.

"Is she okay?" Jack asked.

Kate looked at him and shrugged.

"Yeah I know, dumb question. Of course she's not okay." Jack sighed.

"She's hanging in there Jack, she's just freaked out like the rest of us. That nurse, Amanda, took her to the cafeteria for some dinner." Kate said and moved closer to the bed teetering somewhere between grief and hysteria.

"She's in good hands then. What about you? How are you doing?" He asked and patted the bed inviting her to sit with him.

She carefully positioned herself on the bed beside him, looking down, the sheet underneath her suddenly fascinating. He reached out with his left arm and pulled her into him, her left side resting against his torso, the side of her head resting on his shoulder. She wrapped her arms around the upper portion of his left arm and he held tightly to her while she broke down, crying to the point of sobbing, holding onto his arm as if she were never going to let go again. He let her go until she calmed herself down and then kissed the top of her head.

"That was pretty scary huh?" He said softly.

"That's the understatement of the year." Kate huffed.

"She was going to kill me Kate, you saved my life. I'll never be able to describe what that feels like." Jack said his tone still soft and getting edgy with emotion.

"You'd do the same for me." Kate said.

"In a heart beat, but I've never known anyone that would be willing to take a bullet for me. How do I ever do that kind of love justice?" He asked.

Kate sat up and looked into his watery eyes. He really had no idea how incredible he was, which made him that much more loveable. She kissed his mouth softly and brushed her hand over his cheek lightly.

"You do it justice every day Jack and not just with me and Maddie, but with every person you encounter. God Jack, Carol had just shot you repeatedly and your first words to the cops are for them not to hurt her. Do you have any idea how amazing you are?" She said and kissed him again.

"I can't believe he did that to her Kate. I asked them to bring her here to be examined, made sure that they understood she'd been brutally raped and wasn't a bad person. We have to help her, try to keep her out of jail. Do you know anything about her family Kate? Would they be able to get her a good lawyer, help her out?" Jack asked noticing the anger light up her green eyes instantly.

"Are you out of your mind? Jesus Jack! What about you? Are you going to be okay? Why are we sitting in this room? What are we waiting on? I want to help Carol eventually, but I can't think about her right now, not until I know you're going to be okay." Kate scolded him.

"We're waiting on Dr. Morrison. She's a neurosurgeon." Jack said.

"Why do you need a neurosurgeon?" Kate asked and looked at the covered arm, noticing for the first time that he hadn't moved it since she came in.

"I can't move my hand Kate. The bullet that is still in my arm probably did some damage to the nerves. I don't know; that's why we're waiting on Dr. Morrison. She'll take me upstairs and sew up my holes and hopefully be able to repair whatever is damaged." Jack said calmly, too calmly as far as Kate was concerned.

"Your hand, your livelihood? You're a surgeon Jack and I'm supposed to sit here and believe you aren't completely freaked out at the moment?" Kate pushed.

"Mostly I'm just grateful that I get to live to spend another day with you and that you and Maddie weren't hurt. I don't know, maybe obsessing over Carol is my way of distracting myself from the possibility that my surgical career is over." Jack said.

"This is all my fault, if I hadn't brought all my skeletons in to your life….." Kate began, tears streaming down her face, the idea of what was possibly happening to him too much for her.

Jack put his fingers over her lips and shook his head sternly at her.

"Don't you dare do that to yourself Kate. This was not your fault, it wasn't anyone's fault except maybe Michael so don't even go there. If I can't be a surgeon anymore I'll deal with it, but if I couldn't be your husband anymore I couldn't deal with that. You and Maddie and my kids are the most important things in my life and if I had to do this over, knowing it was going to turn out this way, I'd do it again and again because I've been a surgeon Kate, supposedly the best in the area and that's who I was when you met me. Did I seem like a happy guy when you met me?" He pleaded with her.

"No, but Jack, your hand, this is terrible." She cried, unable to take it as well as he was.

"Three weeks ago it would've been tragic and I'm not saying it's not going to take some getting used to or that I won't be a complete bastard some days over having something I love taken from me, but if I had to choose today between losing you or Maddie or my ability to perform surgery, it's a no-brainer Kate." Jack explained.

"Is this Dr. Morrison the best available? Do I need to get out there and find someone better?" Kate asked all huffy, protective and determined, so cute it made him smile.

"She's brilliant Kate and I don't know about best available, but I trust her and trust that if the damage can be repaired she'll repair it, probably make my hand better than it was before." Jack said taking notice of the almost shameful grin that spread across her face before she looked away from him.

"What was that?" He chuckled.

"What?" Kate asked innocently.

"That grin, what was that about?" He asked.

"It's completely inappropriate, but I was considering how talented you are with um…other things with that hand and the idea that she could make that better……well…" Kate admitted and started giggling.

He laughed lightly when he realized what she was getting at, happy that she was lightening up a bit.

"I'm laying here full of bullet holes and you're having naughty thoughts, I'm shocked." He teased.

"No you're not and not to put a damper on the naughty thoughts or anything, but don't you think we should call your mother?" Kate asked.

"I was kind of hoping to wait until we knew something." Jack said, hearing the door open and looking up.

"I got here as fast as I could Jack." The woman said.

"Kate this is Celeste Morrison, Celeste, this is Kate Au…..Shephard." Jack introduced them.

"Shephard as in long lost sister or new wife?" Celeste asked.

"Wife." Jack answered.

"Congratulations. Pleasure to meet you. I passed your mother in the lobby. She's pissed Jack. I told her as soon as I examined you I'd let her in to see you." Celeste said.

"Did you call her?" Jack asked Kate.

"Now how would I call her? I'm not sure I even know her name." Kate said.

Dr. Morrison looked between them for a moment and smiled. She walked over and turned the machine on the wall on, lighting it up and hanging an x-ray over it, making sure she had Jack's full attention. The first x-ray was of his leg. The bullet nicked the femur slightly on it's way through, but other than getting past the soreness and allowing the hole the heal, there was nothing to be done there. The next x-ray was of his hand. The bullet had gone through the center of his hand snapping the 3rd metacarpal in half. She couldn't be sure what it would take to repair the bone until she got inside. Finally she put up the x-ray of his forearm. She used her pen to point to the object lodged almost in-between the two bones of the forearm.

"You can see the bullet resting right here Jack, the radius and ulna appear to be undamaged, but judging by the lack of mobility in your hand I'm guessing there is damage to the median nerve, hopefully it's minimal and simply relieving the pressure will allow it to heal and your hand will return to normal, but if the bullet pierced or severed the nerve Jack, well you know what the odds are." Celeste finished, turning the light off on the machine and pulling the x-ray down.

"I don't know what the odds are so tell me." Kate said.

"It just depends on the amount of damage. He could need a graph if there's nothing left to salvage or he could just need time for the damage to heal. The best case scenario is that the bullet is positioned in a way that is causing the numbness and is something that will correct itself once we remove the bullet. Since he was able to feel his hand and move it immediately after being shot chances are good that the bullet never completely severed the nerve, which would be the worst case scenario." She told her.

"Worst case as in he never gets full use of his hand again?" Kate asked.

"Exactly, look, it does no good to guess. Let's just get you into surgery and find out what we're dealing with. There's a suite being prepared and I'm getting Dr. Hansen to assist so if you're ready we can start in about 30 minutes." She told him, knowing that they couldn't let him stew about this for very long.

"Okay, I guess you better let my mom in here, she kind of literally owns the place." Jack chuckled.

Dr. Morrison didn't get a chance to get out the door before his mother burst into the room, angry and scared. She took one look at Jack and took a deep breath, realizing he really wasn't close to death or anything. She looked at Dr. Morrison and then at Kate and then back at Dr. Morrison.

"We're taking him up in about 15 minutes Mrs. Shephard, I won't know anything until I get inside." She told her.

She nodded at the doctor and walked over to the bed. Kate moved out of the way and let her lean in and kiss him on the cheek.

"As soon as we get you out of here, we're going to go talk to those probation people and have your community service switched to a different clinic in a safer neighborhood." She told him, making him laugh lightly.

"You think is funny Jack? I can't imagine what your father would think after all he.." She scolded him and Jack cut her off.

"After all he what mom; after all the years of badgering me relentlessly?" Jack snapped.

"Please, this isn't helping." Kate interrupted.

"Who are you?" Margo asked.

Kate looked at Jack for some kind of signal or sign, something that would tell her how to answer the question.

"She's my wife mom. Mom this is Kate, Kate this is Margo Shephard, my mom." Jack introduced them.

"You got married and didn't tell me?" She asked.

"I just introduced her as my wife." Jack answered with an edge of sarcasm.

"Jack, why would you…" She started to ask, but was interrupted by the surgical crew coming into the room to cart him away.

Kate excused herself and went to the cafeteria to find Maddie. She let her finish her dinner, thanked Amanda and took the child upstairs to the surgery waiting room with her. Jack's mother was seated in one of the chairs, the rest of the room deserted. His mother looked up at her, sighed and waved her over. Kate and Maddie sat on a row of chairs directly across from her.

"So, what's your name?" Margo asked the child.

"Madison Renee Reynolds, what's your name?" Madison asked.

"Margo Shephard." She answered charmed by the small child immediately, but maintaining her proper, almost cold façade.

"Are you Jack's mom?" Maddie asked.

"Yes, I am." She answered.

Madison went up onto her knees and whispered in Kate's ear. Kate shook her head and motioned for her to sit back down.

"But mom…." Maddie whined.

"Madison no, it's impolite to ask things like that at a time like this." Kate scolded her, her head pounding from the events of the day.

"What would you like to know Madison?" Margo asked the child.

"Since Jack married my mom does that mean you're my grandma?" Maddie asked.

"Well, I guess it does in a way. So, Kate how long have you and Jack been together? He doesn't typically share his personal life with me, but I never would've dreamed he'd get married without inviting me to the wedding." Margo said.

"It was kind of a spur of the moment thing." Kate told her.

"The judge married us, we didn't have a wedding." Maddie told her.

Margo's eyes immediately went to Kate's stomach and Kate didn't know why it incited anger that bordered on rage, but it did and like a cornered snake she struck.

"I'm not some piece of white trash you're doctor son got into trouble okay? I'm not pregnant, I'm not anything. I'm just the woman that was lucky enough to have this incredible man fall into her life and then I nearly had him taken away from me today and I really can't do this right now. Hate me, disapprove, call all your high society friends and have a good laugh at my expense, but it won't do any good. I love Jack and he loves me and we are happy and I plan to always make him happy and I'm going to start by staying by his side through this and then I'm going to help him get his children back from that bitch ex-wife of his. Okay? Are we done now?" Kate snapped, angry that the tears streaming down her cheeks took a lot of the impact out of her speech.

Maddie sat quietly, not sure what to make of her mother's outburst and not wanting to be the target of the next one.

"Kate, I apologize if I made you feel like I was scrutinizing you, I'm just confused. Jack and I haven't talked much lately and he's been so miserable that it never occurred to me that he might have something good in his life." Margo told her as she sat beside her and offered her some Kleenex.

"I'm sorry, I snapped at you. It's been awful, you know, seeing someone you love get shot and be threatened with death. He's hurt really bad and might never be able to go back to being a surgeon and I can tell how much that means to him, it would kill him if he couldn't do it anymore." Kate cried.

"Mommy you're scaring me." Maddie said, tugging on her arm.

Kate wiped the tears away and pulled herself together.

"Don't be scared honey, mommy is just really tired and needed to cry. I'm fine now and Jack is going to be fine too. In fact, he's doing so well that I thought maybe you might want to hang out at Amy's house tonight, spend the night and celebrate Jack getting better while mommy spends the night here with him." Kate told her.

"I can really go to Amy's house?" Maddie asked.

"Yes, if it's okay with her mom. Let me call her and see if it's okay." Kate said and excused herself to explain the situation to Amy's mother.

"Does Jack got any sisters or brothers?" Maddie asked Margo.

"No, Jack is my only child." Margo said.

"He's nice. He teached me how to fish." Maddie bragged.

"Taught, he taught you how to fish. What else has Jack taught you?" Margo asked, intrigued by the cute, tomboyish child in front of her, seeing immediately why her son would have developed a soft spot for her very quickly.

"I don't know, he's always telling me stuff, but not grouchy like a grown up. He's nice like a friend. He bought me this phone. The pink button is mommy's number, the blue button is Jack's number and the red button is for mergencies. He told me to just push the red button and ask for help and it worked." She beamed proudly.

Margo smiled at the child, imagining Jack in his kind way showing the child how to take care of herself if she ever had to because Jack knew how to do that better than anyone.

"What are the green and yellow buttons for?" Margo asked.

"Nothing yet, but Jack said maybe when I got a new school and make new friends he would put one of their numbers in there." Maddie told her.

"Amy's mom is coming up here to get you. Are you sure you want to go?" Kate asked.

"Will Jack be sad if I don't stay?" Maddie asked.

"No honey, he would want you to be having fun." Kate assured her.

The two women and the child sat in the waiting room. Margo excused herself and when she returned Maddie was gone, leaving her and Kate alone in an uncomfortable silence.

"So where did you meet?" Margo asked breaking the silence.

"I'm sorry." Kate replied.

"Jack, where did you meet him?" Margo asked.

"Oh, I'm a physician's assistant and I manage the 12th Street Clinic." Kate answered.

"So you two have only known each other for a month?" Margo asked.

"Three weeks actually, and we'd both agree that it sounds insane, but we love each other." Kate told her, cutting her off before she had a chance to offer her shocked opinion.

The two women sat in silence for another two hours before Dr. Morrison approached them. She sat across from them and began speaking.

"We got the bullet and the damage to the nerve was minimal. It should heal on its own and his hand should return to normal." She said.

"Should, you keep saying should." Margo said.

"Well, there's always that small chance that the hand will never be one hundred percent the way it was, but that typically only happens if the patient isn't diligent about rehabbing the injury and I think we can all agree that Jack won't fall into that category. In fact, he'll probably be a huge pain in the ass to keep quiet and still until the arm and hand are healed enough for therapy." Celeste said making Kate laugh lightly.

"I'm sorry, is there something funny here?" Margo snapped.

Kate simply looked at her and sighed, too tired to go to war with Jack's mother because she happened to agree and find Jack's stubbornness cute.

"Dr. Hansen is our ortho specialist and he assisted me. He managed to fuse the bone back together where the bullet went through his hand. He inserted a metal pin to hold it in place until it heals. He'll be in a cast for at least 6 weeks and can start rehabbing as soon as the cast comes off. We irrigated the hole in his leg numerous times and stitched it closed on both sides. There's some tissue damage that will make the leg stiff and sore for awhile, but we can get him up on it sometime tomorrow and hopefully send him home tomorrow night or the next morning." The doctor finished.

"Is that it? Can I see him?" Kate asked.

"He's in recovery being a bear, fighting the anesthesia right now, but as soon as we get him awake and into a room I'll come and get the two of you." She offered.

"I think I'm going to go home, you'll call if anything I should know happens? Right?" Margo asked.

"Of course Mrs. Shephard." Celeste told her.

Kate and Dr. Morrison watched Jack's mother leave and Kate looked back at the doctor.

"Brrr…" Kate commented.

"Yeah, sometimes I think Jack turned out as kind as he is just to spite both his parents. Listen Kate, he's going to be very agitated when he wakes up and very impatient. Doctors are the worst patients. Earlier he was running on shock and adrenaline, but he's going to be coming down from that now. His brain as well as his body should start reacting to what has happened to him so don't be surprised if he's very cranky and emotional." Celeste told her.

"Is there something I can do?" Kate asked.

"I want you to try to get him to relax, try to get him to take some pain meds at least tonight. His hand is going to be hurting, but he'll be stubborn and refuse the pain meds because he's Jack and a doctor and will be all about wanting to keep his head clear. It's important that we keep him as quiet and still as possible for the next 12 hours, give the nerve time to settle down and readjust itself before he starts swinging that arm around. So if you can get him to just relax and be a patient it'd do wonders in getting him on the road to recovery." She explained.

"Okay, sure, whatever it takes." Kate said.

"Great, as soon as we find a room for him I'll come and get you. That will be at least another 45 minutes so why don't you go downstairs and get something to eat and I'll come find you." She suggested.

"Thanks, but I'm really not hungry." Kate said.

"Okay fine, then I'll come back here when you can join him." She said.

Kate was led up to the 6th floor to the private room where Jack was being tucked in for the night. As she got closer to the door she could hear him growling at whoever was in the room with him. She entered the room and he was in the bed, one nurse trying to put an extra pillow behind him and another trying to put one under his leg and he was growing impatient, shooting Kate a desperate look that seemed to say he was going to explode if she didn't make them all go away.

"I'm fine, will you please just leave it." Jack groaned.

"Dr. Shephard the arm has to be elevated." The nurse argued.

"I'll do it! Please, just go!" He snapped.

"I'll help him. Really it's fine, we'll be fine." Kate interrupted.

"Good luck honey, he's more cantankerous than a bear awoken in mid-hibernation right now." The older nurse whispered to her.

"Well, he's been through a lot today and is probably settling down enough to realize someone tried to kill him a few hours ago." Kate defended him.

"Of course dear, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to seem insensitive. We're all very fond of Dr. Shephard and want nothing but the best for him. They're scrounging up some hospital scrubs for him. Giving him his dignity back might help a little with the crankiness." The nurse told her.

The room cleared out and Kate approached the bed. She could tell he was hurting and extremely agitated. She moved to the side of the bed and put her hand into his left hand. He closed his palm over her hand and gripped it. She could feel the slight trembling and attributed it to pain, exhaustion and his brain and body adjusting to the trauma that would come from being shot once, much less repeatedly.

"I hear you're going to be okay, but only if you settle down and rest." Kate said sweetly.

"I'd rest better in my own bed." He grumbled looking up when the door opened and sighing heavily.

"Calm down Jack, she's just bringing you some clothes. Thank you." Kate said to the nurse and took the scrubs from her.

Kate helped him slip the scrub pants on, the bandaged leg hindering his ability to lift his hips very high for very long, but they finally managed to get them up and around his waist.

"Excellent. Do you want the shirt on too?" Kate asked.

"No. You should take Maddie home. There's nothing you can do here." Jack said trying not to be grouchy with her, but unable to bottle the edginess he was feeling.

"Jack, you're hurting, please let them give you something." Kate pushed.

"No, I want to be awake, I want to know everything they're doing to me." Jack argued.

"Baby they're done doing things to you, all you need to do now is rest and you can't rest if you're hurting." Kate argued.

"I can't rest, I'm thirsty and hungry and I have to pee." He complained.

Kate held the urinal up and he became more agitated.

"I'm not peeing in that." He refused.

"Jack, you're acting like a baby. You can't get up yet, Dr. Morrison said so. So stop whining at me and fill this up and then I'll go and get you an ice cold drink and a sandwich." Kate told him, keeping her tone patient and loving.

"This is humiliating Kate." He continued to fuss at her.

"Look, you can either let me help you, or I'll go get one of your co-workers to do it, now that would be humiliating." Kate told him, understanding that him giving up his independence was next to impossible for him, but wanting him to learn to trust that he could depend on her when he had to.

He sighed and nodded, conceding to the idea that he was trapped in a bed with only one good hand and couldn't relieve himself into the container without making a mess. She kissed him on the cheek, closed the curtain around him and helped him take care of business. She placed the urinal in the bathroom and left the room in search of a drink and food for him. She stopped by the nurses station and asked her what Dr. Morrison prescribed for pain knowing there was no way Jack was going to allow them to inject anything that would render him unconscious.

Kate stood in line in the deserted cafeteria waiting to pay for the two drinks and two sandwiches. She didn't see Dr. Morrison approach her.

"So, how's the patient doing?" She asked.

"He's pretty pissed off at the world right now." Kate said and let out a breathy laugh.

"Is that for him?" Dr. Morrison asked.

"He's thirsty and hungry and mad, but it's normal for a victim of a crime to go through an anger thing, right?" Kate asked.

"Yes, it is, but he needs to rest Kate. His body has been through a terrible trauma today and needs to rest so it can start healing itself." Dr. Morrison said.

"Well, there's no way he's going to go for the morphine you prescribed. Can you just give him something to take the edge off and I'll stay with him and get him to rest." Kate suggested.

"Okay, but if he's not calm and resting within the next couple of hours, we're going to have to pull rank on him." Dr. Morrison said.

"Pull rank?" Kate asked.

"Sure. The wife can trump the stubborn doctor's wishes." Dr. Morrison said and winked at her.

Kate wandered back upstairs with the food and the drinks. Jack was sitting in the same position she'd left him in, staring straight ahead at nothing. She managed to get a half of a andwich into him and all of his drink before he put his head back and closed his eyes.

"Jack is it bad? Do you want something for pain?" Kate asked.

"No, it's not that bad, I just feel so edgy, like I could crawl out of my skin. Every little thing is irritating and I don't want to take it out on you so would you please just go home, take Maddie home and come back tomorrow." Jack pleaded with her.

"Maddie is gone Jack. She is spending the night with Amy and I am staying right here with you whether you like it or not. Will you let them give you something to take the edge off so you can relax? Please. For me." Kate pleaded with him.

"I don't need drugs Kate. I just need to feel comfortable. My leg and arm aren't comfortable, there's too much pressure on my back, my ass is already going numb and I feel like I need to scream or hit something." He complained.

Kate looked at him. He was completely out of sorts physically and emotionally. Kate pushed the food tray away, walked to the door and shut it all of the way and dimmed the lights so that nothing was lit up but the television. She then moved over to the bed and adjusted it until he was laying back, just slightly propped up. She adjusted the pillow under his leg and the one under his arm until he was sure he was comfortable. She moved to the other side of the bed and stood beside it. He looked up at her with watery puppy dog eyes and she had to swallow the lump that immediately formed in her throat. He looked sad and lonely and maybe even a little frightened as he lay there waiting for his kiss goodbye, not yet comprehending that it would take wild horses to drag her away.

She brushed her hand lightly over the left side of his face and smiled at him right before she unfastened her jeans and slipped them off so she could crawl into the bed beside him, noticing the half grin on his tired face as she did so. She brought a blanket with her, snuggled up next to him and covered herself and part of his chest with the blanket. She felt his arm close snugly around her, his body still trembling slightly beneath her. She lay quietly, listening to his heart settle into a calmer rhythm along with his breathing and then finally the trembling in his body stopped as he lingered somewhere between sleep and consciousness.

"I love you and am not leaving you your side. You don't have to always be in control or be the tough guy. It's okay to need people Jack. I'll be right here all night so go to sleep and if you need something I'll be right here to get it for you. Let me take care of you." She whispered and kissed his chest, feeling him answer with a light squeeze with his left arm and a faint 'thank you'.

She could feel his body succumbing to the sleep it so desperately needed and she smiled, snuggling closer to him, hoping he could feel all the love and support that was just for him lying next to him.


	21. Chapter 21

_**Okay, you seem to be losing interest so here's some healing, some fluff, a wee bit of angst and some jex.**_

Jack awoke the next morning a little confused at first, but as he looked around and then looked down at the brunette still sleeping peacefully on his chest it all came back to him. He looked down at his hand. It was a little achy, but nothing he couldn't handle. The Charlie horse that currently had hold of the calf muscle in his leg was more pain than he could handle though and he shook Kate. She sat up immediately and looked at him, a little startled.

"It's okay, I've just got a really bad cramp in my leg and I need to get up." He told her.

"You're not supposed to get up, show me where it is and I'll rub it out." Kate told him as she scooted off the bed and slipped her jeans back on.

Jack ignored her and sat up, throwing his legs over the side of the bed.

"Jack! You're going to fall and hurt yourself." Kate scolded him as she immediately went to his side to keep him from attempting to stand on his own.

"Kate, I'm fine. I've got to put my foot on the floor and get this cramp in my calf to release." Jack said as he slid off the bed and let his feet hit the floor.

Kate held onto him around the waist, while he steadied himself, the calf muscle releasing and the wound in his thigh saying hello to him in a big way, making him suck his breath in and resist the urge to grab at the injury.

"Jack, this is crazy. Are you dizzy at all?" Kate asked.

"No, but shit that little hole in my leg really hurts. Can you come around and help me with my arm?" He gasped as he continued to put more and more weight on his injured leg.

"What do you want me to do?" Kate asked.

"Grab that sling off the table and help me get it elevated." He gasped.

"You're going to have to sit back down, I can't reach around your neck without a footstool." She told him and helped him sit back down.

Kate grabbed the sling and gently placed his injured arm inside before pulling it tight and latching it.

"Is that too tight?" She asked.

"No, it's perfect. Thanks." He said and stood again.

"Jack, where are you going?" Kate asked.

"Bathroom." He said and pointed at the door that was about 6 feet away.

She helped him walk to the bathroom, allowed him to go inside on his own and prove to her that he was steady enough to handle things and closed the door. She stood outside the door not realizing she was holding her breath as she waited for him to come back out. Dr. Morrison entered the room, took one look at her and laughed lightly under her breath.

"Now how'd I know he'd be up and moving around before I had a chance to get here?" Dr. Morrison said.

"He gives new meaning to the word stubborn." Kate agreed letting go a big sigh of relief when the door opened and he came walking out.

"Good morning Jack. How's that leg?" Dr. Morrison asked.

"It hurts. Are you sure you didn't leave something in there." He nagged.

"Sit down and let me look at that arm. Your leg doesn't need any more of my attention." She ordered.

"You always were a pushy bitch, you know that Celeste." Jack groaned as he limped back to the bed.

Dr. Morrison pulled the sling off of his arm and held his arm and hand up in front of her.

"Can you wiggle your fingers Jack?" She asked.

Jack focused hard on moving his fingers and managed to get them to twitch slightly.

"Not bad Dr. Shephard. There's a lot of swelling. You know the drill Jack, once the swelling goes down completely you should start getting all of the movement back in your fingers, but until then you have to keep that arm and hand elevated. When you're not in bed I want it up high in the sling, hand over your heart." Dr. Morrison said.

"Does that mean I can get out of here?" Jack asked.

"Do I have your word that you will go home and go to bed until Kate brings you to my office to see me on Tuesday?" Dr. Morrison asked.

"He'll stay in bed." Kate assured her.

"The boss has spoken." Jack sighed.

"I like her Jack. I never thought I'd meet someone as bull-headed as you are. No baths or showers until I see you again. I want that arm immobile 24 hours a day Jack, are we clear?" The doctor persisted.

"Crystal Clear. I want my hand back as much as you do Celeste and I know I have to let it heal. You can stop lecturing me now." Jack grumbled, tiring of being talked down to.

"Grumpy. That's good. Take him home Kate and put him to bed, make him sleep. I'm writing you a prescription for valium Jack, but Kate you feel free to take it if the urge to kill him becomes too strong." Dr. Morrison teased making Kate laugh lightly and Jack roll his eyes at both of them.

Kate wasted no time getting Jack ready to go. He was miserable in the hospital room and she hoped getting him home would improve his mood. She got him home, helped him take a sponge bath so he would feel less grimy and tucked him comfortably into their bed. She crawled up beside him and kissed him softly.

"I know you hate this Jack, but in a couple of days you'll be up and around and in control of yourself again." She said sweetly.

"It's okay. I've got a sexy, beautiful nurse giving me sponge baths and tucking me in. I'm sorry if I've been short with you Kate and I appreciate what you're doing. I love you, you know that right." He said softly.

"You're not that grouchy and it's okay if you are, you've been through a lot. I love you so much Jack and me and Maddie just want you well so please just sleep and heal and let us take care of you like you take care of us." Kate said.

"Hey, where is the munchkin?" Jack asked.

"She's still at Amy's, her mother is bringing her home this afternoon, so if you want I can lay with you for awhile, but I'd really love to take a quick shower first." Kate said.

"You don't have to baby sit me Kate, but if you want to take a shower and lay down and take a nap with me I'll never turn down the opportunity to snuggle with you." He told her and smiled.

Kate kissed him again a little deeper and longer than she'd intended to, but something both of them obviously needed. She moved off the bed and enjoyed a hot shower. When she came out Jack was sleeping so she dressed and left the room, keeping it dark and cool and hoping he would sleep for awhile. She curled up on the couch, turned the television on and fell asleep, awakened about an hour later by her cell phone. It was Maddie calling to let her know she was on her way home.

Jack felt the fog slowly lifting as he fought to push himself awake. He opened his eyes and looked around the cool, dark bedroom unsure of how long he'd been asleep, but his body and mind giving him the impression it had been a long time. He glanced over at the digital clock on the bedside table. It was after 5 PM. He'd been asleep for nearly five hours. He slowly sat up, keeping his arm on the pillows and doing his best not to use it. He could sense he was being watched and glanced toward the door, smiling instantly at the curious little face watching him.

"Hey cutie." Jack said sweetly.

Madison slowly entered the bedroom, unsure if the Jack inside was the same Jack she currently needed in her life. He was wearing a t-shirt and sweat pants and he had a big bandage on his arm, but all the blood was gone and his face looked the same. She stood beside the bed, hands behind her back, her body swaying slowly to the left and then to the right as she studied him.

"What's the matter?" Jack asked.

"Mommy went to the store. She said I could stay here if I promised not to bother you unless it's an emergency. Am I bothering you?" Maddie asked.

"You never bother me. Want to come up here and sit with me?" He asked patting the mattress beside him.

"Do you hurt?" Maddie asked.

"No honey, I'm fine. I just have to let this arm sleep on these pillows for a couple of days." He told her.

"How come?" Maddie asked as she slowly climbed onto the bed, approaching him on her knees.

"Well, my hand is broken and it won't heal if I don't let it sleep for awhile." Jack told her.

She sat on her knees right beside him in the space between his left arm and his chest, looking him over and then dropping her head. He placed his fingers under her chin and gently tilted her head up so he could see her face, feeling his heart crumble into little pieces when he was met with tears and a poked out bottom lip. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into him, kissing the top of her head and assuring her that everything was going to be okay.

He could feel her hand clutching the front of his t-shirt as she let her head rest on his chest, snuggling into him and calming herself down.

"Want to talk about it?" He asked.

"My daddy is dead isn't he?" Maddie asked.

"Where did you hear that?" Jack asked.

"I heard Amy's mom telling her dad that Carol killed my daddy and tried to kill you." She said.

Jack tightened his grip on her and she tightened her grip on him. He'd hoped there would be a way to spare the seven year old the details of her father's death, but apparently that wasn't going to happen.

"Did you ask you mom about this Maddie?" Jack asked.

"I'm scared Jack." Maddie told him her voice quivering on the verge of tears again.

"Why are you scared?" Jack asked.

"Carol killed my daddy because I told and came to live here. Is she going to kill me too?" She asked.

"Sweetheart, what happened with your dad and with Carol was a terrible tragedy about grown up things that have nothing to do with you. It is not your fault so don't think that. I'm sorry about your dad, I can't imagine how scary and confusing all of this must be for you." Jack told her in his kindest, calmest voice.

"Sometimes my daddy made me feel afraid Jack, but he was a good daddy sometimes too. I'm sorry I said I didn't miss him. I didn't want him to go away forever." Maddie cried.

"I know you didn't and so does he. You loved him and what happened to him had nothing to do with you or anything you said." Jack told her.

"Why does bad stuff keep happening Jack. I'm scared Carol will come back and hurt you again." She continued on, sobbing now, her young mind having been through too much in such a short time.

Jack held onto her and rocked her slowly, her warm tears leaving a wet spot on the left side of his t-shirt and if he didn't know better, he'd swear the tears were dripping right in his heart and making it swell and hurt.

"You don't need to be afraid anymore little one because I'm going to keep you safe and nobody is going to hurt me again. Carol is going to see some doctors so she can feel better. She didn't mean to hurt me, she was hurt and not really herself. I know it's very confusing for you. I wish I could make it better Maddie, I'd give anything if this weren't happening to you." Jack told her, kissing the top of her head again.

"Can I ever see my daddy again Jack?" She asked.

"No honey, he's gone." Jack answered.

The child continued to lay with him, calming down again and eventually going quiet. He could tell she wasn't asleep because he could feel her hand clutching a handful of his shirt and then letting go, repeating the procedure over and over.

"Jack." She said.

"Yes." He replied.

"Can I go back to school, to my school? I miss my friends and my teacher and I don't want a new school." She asked.

"If it's okay with your mom, it's okay with me." He told her.

"Is it okay if I stay here, just till mommy gets home?" She asked.

"You can stay here as long as you want. Do you want me turn the television on?" He asked.

"Okay." She sighed and then yawned.

Jack turned the television on and found her favorite channel. They lay together in silence watching a cartoon. He glanced down after about ten minutes and she was sleeping soundly, drooling on the front of his shirt, her hand still clutching a handful of it. He flipped through the channels until he found a football game and dropped the remote. He pulled the comforter up over the side of the bed and covered Maddie with it, the warmth quickly replacing the warmth of the arm he had wrapped around her. He allowed himself to relax again and within 15 minutes was sleeping again himself.

Kate came home and began searching the house for her daughter, stopping in to check on Jack and then standing at the door enjoying the heart-warming sight of her little girl snuggled up next to him, her little body curled up and fitting perfectly in the space beside his torso. She closed the door, leaving it ajar about an inch and went back to the kitchen to put away the groceries she'd bought and began preparing dinner for the three of them.

Maddie sleepily entered the living room about an hour later, hair messy, rubbing her eyes and looking for her mother so she could curl up in her lap and get her back rubbed until she was done waking up.

"Come here baby." Kate chuckled taking note of her daughter's rumpled state.

She crawled into her lap and Kate rubbed her back for about 10 minutes before the child finally started showing some signs of life.

"Are you hungry? I made your favorite, chicken and dumplings." Kate told her.

"Can we eat with Jack mommy? He must be lonely in there all by himself." Maddie asked.

"Is he awake?" Kate asked.

"Yes, he was getting up when I got up." Maddie said.

Kate walked to the bedroom to find him. He was sitting on the side of the bed.

"Don't scold me mom, a guy does have to get up to go to the bathroom once in awhile." Jack grumbled.

"I bet you're starving." Kate suggested.

"I could eat I guess." He sighed.

"How about I tie your arm up in the sling and you come out here with us for awhile." Kate offered.

"Whatever." Jack mumbled..

"Hey, what's going on?" Kate asked.

"Nothing, I'm just frustrated. Is Maddie okay?" Jack asked.

"I think she's hanging in there Jack. Why?" She asked.

"She's confused Kate and scared. She knows Carol killed Michael and that she shot me. Did she talk to you about it?" Jack asked.

"No, how did she?" Kate asked.

"She overheard Amy's parents talking about it. Kate this whole situation has gotten as bad as it could get. I came riding in all gung ho, ready to save you and your daughter and never considered how badly I could end up hurting both of you, not to mention Carol." Jack mumbled, rubbing his temples with his good hand.

"So what, now you're going to blame yourself for what happened? You might as well, everyone else has had a turn." Kate huffed.

"You didn't see her Kate. She was sobbing and clinging to me and torn between being sad that her father is dead and scared that Carol would come back and hurt me again. She's too young to be dealing with shit like this." Jack stressed.

"Then we will get her someone to talk to if we need to Jack, but we can't undo what's been done and I know I can't say it to her, but she's better off without him. Michael being dead is the most liberating feeling in the world Jack and god how awful does that make me, but I can't help it, that's how I feel. I'm not sorry he's dead and I want to jump for joy over the idea that my little girl is going to have you and ONLY you as her father figure so just stop it, we all need to stop blaming ourselves and stick together and get past this." Kate told him, her tone bordering on scolding.

He reached over with his good hand and cupped the side of her face, moving in closer and kissing her.

"You're right, but don't suggest that to Maddie, not now. If she comes up with it on her own that's fine, I'm ready to be whatever she needs me to be for her, but for now her father is dead and I'm just Jack. Okay?" He said.

"Okay, come on Just Jack, I made chicken and dumplings and I think getting you out of this room might relieve some of your frustrations." Kate told him as she began putting his sling on him.

"Getting you alone with me in this room naked would relieve some of my frustrations." He teased.

"Jack, I don't think that's going to happen, but would you settle for some quality family time." Kate laughed and finished tightening his sling.

Kate spent the next few days doing her best to keep Jack quiet and keep Maddie entertained. She agreed to let her return to school, the familiarity seeming to do wonders for the child's feeling of complete upheaval and unrest. She took Jack to the doctor on Tuesday afternoon and he was given the all clear to start allowing the arm to hang naturally with the promise of removing the full hand and forearm splint and replacing it with a hard cast that would just cover his hand and wrist within a week and then he could go back to work at the clinic.

He was allowed to remove the pressure bandage from his leg and enjoy a shower, which improved his mood and outlook. He would have to cover the stitched holes on either side until the stitches came out and he was given the option of removing them himself on Friday if he wanted to.

He spent the week going stir crazy at home and battling with Sarah over the phone. Kate had gone back to work on Wednesday and Amy's mother had agreed to let Maddie come home from school with Amy until they could make other arrangements for the child.

Kate came through the door around 6 PM on Friday evening. Jack was in his office talking on the phone. He looked up and waved and a few minutes later ended his conversation. He walked around the house until he found her, in the bedroom slowly stripping away the clothes she'd been wearing all day.

"Where's Maddie?" He asked.

"She's going to a birthday party with Amy and then spending the night. There's no way I can ever repay that woman for all the help she's given us." Kate said.

"You look tired, why don't you go soak in the tub for awhile." Jack suggested.

"I will. Are you hungry? Do you want me to make you something to eat?" Kate asked.

"I'm fine. We'll order something out later." Jack said unable to hide the smile that kept creeping onto his face.

"Why are you so happy?" Kate asked.

"I just talked to my attorney. Since Sarah is dragging her feet he got a judge to grant me temporary custody. I can fly out as early as tomorrow and pick them up and bring them home." Jack said.

"Jack, I'm excited for you, but should you be traveling yet?" Kate asked.

"Yeah it's fine, I'm getting my cast on Monday so I told him we could go on Tuesday morning and he said he'd go with me and help me with them. Kate, I'm going to get to see my kids in a few days." He told her his voice and face so happy that all she could do, all she had the heart to do, was wrap her arms around his neck and hug him, be happy for him and put her worries about his health on the back burner and let him have this moment.

At his insistence she enjoyed a long soak in a tub of hot, steamy water filled with bath oils meant to relax the muscles. He wrapped his arm in a plastic bag and took a shower while she soaked. He walked by with a towel wrapped around his waist and a suture removal tool. She smiled up at him.

"I'll be there in second and get the ones in the back for you." She told him and pulled herself out of the now luke-warm water.

She dried herself, put a robe on and joined him on the bed where he'd just finished removing the last suture from the front of his leg. He handed her the tool and smiled at her.

"Be gentle." He said as he lay back, pulled his right knee up and let his leg fall to the side, giving her access to the stitches that were close to the inside of his thigh, but out of his reach.

She gently snipped and tugged and pulled the stitches out, the fact that he was completely nude under his towel and flashing her not going unnoticed. She was finished and gently ran her hand over the injury, caressing the inside of his thigh before slowly gliding her hand over the front of his towel, feeling him react to her almost immediately.

She looked at him, having all of his attention now and he watched and waited hoping that she was about to initiate what he'd been craving and been denied twice in the last week, her still too shook up over his injuries to be able to consider it and him doing his best to be a good patient and not freak her or Maddie out any more than they already were.

She let her fingers glide up along the inside of his thigh again and up inside the towel, finding his semi-erect penis lying comfortably in it's nest of hair, warm, silky and freshly bathed, just waiting to be taken out and played with.

"Oh God please let her take it out and play with it." Jack thought to himself as he kept a watchful eye on her, the ever so slight grin on his face telling her that he was very much into whatever she had in mind.

She felt the familiar ache between her legs as the heat and moistness in her center increased, the robe she had on suddenly too warm as her body temperature rose right along with his cock, as she gently worked it in her palm, tugging on it, pumping it and rubbing her thumb over the head, feeling the precum beginning to seep already. She tugged on the towel until it was opened and he was lying naked in front of her, his length growing harder and reaching for his stomach, the sight of it making her quiver uncontrollably as she took a deep breath and squeezed her legs together, in an attempt to soothe the tingling sensation there.

She stood for a moment, unfastened the robe and allowed it glide backward off her and hit the floor. She longed to feel his hands and his mouth on her skin, to feel his cock buried inside her, to have as much of him as he could stand, her body so hot and turned on it took everything she had to keep from mounting him and riding him until he begged for mercy.

"Come here." He whispered in a hot, lustful tone.

She moved back onto the bed, straddling him and crawling upward so she could kiss him, his left hand immediately going to her breasts, his fingers pinching her nipple, making her wetter and wanting more. She pulled her mouth away moved forward until her breasts were in his face, putting a nipple up to his mouth and demanding he suck it hard, in control of them and him happy to oblige, ready to suck and lick any part of her she would allow him to. He continued sucking on her nipples, her alternating the breasts back and forth and him eagerly holding it to his mouth with his one good hand. She finally pulled back and slid back down, allowing him to feel her wetness as she slid over his hairy stomach, making him groan, the room so hot now they both had small beads of sweat forming on their brows.

"Slide up baby, let me taste you." He pleaded, holding onto her hip with his left hand, his fingers gliding over her butt cheek and down into her wetness.

She moved forward again, positioning her dripping, wet crotch over his face, carefully placing a knee on either side of his face just above his shoulders, holding onto the headboard and lowering herself, his hand tugging her down further until she felt his tongue plunge into her, using his left hand to slowly move her hips back and forth so his mouth could glide through her slippery crease, licking and sucking so slow and sensual that when she came she fell forward into the headboard, screaming profanity, the flood of sensational warmth and tingling excitement taking her breath away for a minute as he stilled her hips with his hand and continued to lick up as much of her wetness as he could.

She carefully moved back down his body again, the fact that she was all over his face not going unnoticed by either one of them as he pulled the wet towel out from underneath him and she took it from, gently wiping his face clean and then tossing it to the floor before closing her mouth over his and locking them up in a sloppy, passionate kiss, her wet, tingling pussy rubbing over his lower belly, just grazing his tip and making him groan and buck his hips upward, wanting to be inside her so badly he thought he might come before he ever got the chance.

"It's my turn to taste you." She told him.

"I won't last Kate, it's been too long. Please, I just want to be inside you." He replied his tone breathy, his body so turned on he was losing control.

"I have to tell you something first." She said and continued to kiss him.

"Okay." He said in-between the kisses.

"I was supposed to start a new package of pills this week and didn't. Are you still okay with that?" She asked.

"Yes, of course, please Kate, I can't take it any longer." He answered.

She positioned herself over his hardened length and slowly slid onto him, stopping with about an inch to go and then making a final push, taking him in all the way, swallowing him, her slippery walls contracting around his throbbing member, holding him tight within her, squeezing him just tight enough to make him believe there was no better feeling in life than what he was experiencing at the moment.

She sat up straight, threw her head back and began to ride him, her breasts bouncing up down in rhythm with her excruciatingly slow thrusts up and down over him, his length hardening even more as she slid over him, his hand holding her hip, holding her in place, his mind gone, trapped in that place just before release, that painful yet exciting transition area where his cock is screaming for relief, his head so swollen and engorged that every little touch sends tremors up his spine. He could feel her clenching around him again, her orgasm coming and every bit as powerful as the one before.

"I can't hold it any longer." He groaned and she felt the first spurt.

He held her down, tight, not letting her move, his sensitive head unable to stand any more of it as he continued to spill his seed into her, her walls still clenching around him, pumping the last drops out of him out and then she quivered and moaned and panted and called his name as she came, mixing more of her own wetness with his release, falling forward onto his stomach and chest, keeping him inside of her.

"I just want to stay like this for awhile Jack. I've missed us, missed being this close to you. I love you so much." She mumbled into his chest.

"We can stay right here all night if you want. You're pretty incredible you know that?" He said his breathing still labored.

They stayed that way until their batteries recharged her finding the feeling of him becoming hard again while still inside of her one of the most personal experiences two people can share. They moved together again, slower, her body draped over his, him holding her close and thrusting himself into her in long, deep deliberate thrusts that brought her to orgasm twice before he increased his thrusting, pleading with her to continue to relax and enjoy it, needing to be the man, her man, their man, their protector and being able to make love to her again, to hold her in his arms and just love her, a good place to start. She knew he was tired, knew his leg had to be hurting, but he was determined to make her come one more time, picking up the pace and finally bringing them both over the edge, her first followed quickly by him, exhausted, but starting to feel whole again.

**_Consider the roller coaster now at the top of the hill, teetering, letting you look straight down at that big plunge ahead. Will it be fun or will it suck? Will it be a good ride or bad ride? Hmmm..._**


	22. Chapter 22

Kate rolled onto her back, her naked body covered with the large comforter and the big bed empty except for her. She remembered moving off of him and asking for 15 minutes to catch her breath before they got up and enjoyed their kid-free evening. They were going to order Chinese and watch a movie.

She moved around in the big bed, making her way to the side of it so she could read the digital clock, the pillows blocking her view. It was after nine o'clock, apparently her 15 minutes had turned into a lengthy nap. She thought about Jack, how he had to be starving and the difficulty he had just making a sandwich with nothing but his left hand at his disposal and wondered if he'd opted for cereal again, finding it the least most difficult thing to prepare and eat.

She moved off the bed, slipped on some panties and one of his t-shirts and went to look for him, feeling a little guilty for being too tired to enjoy spending some time alone with him. She exited the bedroom and was about to head toward the living room when she saw the light coming from the bedroom down the hall. She made her way toward the room and stopped in the doorway. He was sitting in the nursery on the padded window seat, wearing nothing but his boxer briefs, his back leaning against the wall with his legs stretched out over the large open area of the window and drinking a beer. She walked over to him and he looked up.

"Hey." He said and smiled.

"Hey yourself, why didn't you wake me? You must be starving." Kate said.

"I'm not helpless Kate, I can feed myself and you needed to rest worse than I needed food or your company." He told her as he scooted over so she could sit next to him.

"Why are you sitting in here by yourself Jack?" Kate asked.

"I don't know, having second thoughts I guess." Jack said.

"Second thoughts about your kids or about having more kids or both?" Kate asked.

"Look at this room Kate. They are almost two years old, shouldn't there be little beds instead of cribs by now?" Jack asked.

"Not necessarily, but if you want we can go get them some little beds." Kate said.

"Do you think they remember me?" He asked his voice sad and confused.

"I don't know Jack, they're so small, but I bet there are things about you that will trigger memories. Have you seen them or talked to them since she took them away?" Kate asked.

"I used to call them every day and they'd babble nonsense at me and I'd tell them I loved them and would see them soon, but Sarah started letting my calls go to voice mail after awhile and limiting me to once a week if I was lucky, making me schedule an exact time to call. She cut me off all together when she decided to eliminate me from their lives." Jack told her, his voice cracking with emotion.

Kate kissed him and hugged him, unsure of how many beers he'd had on an obviously empty stomach, but apparently not enough to numb the pain yet.

"I don't understand Jack, are you thinking about not bringing them home?" Kate asked.

"I don't want to hurt them Kate. Do you think they'll be afraid of me? Do you think that taking them away from Sarah so suddenly will harm them emotionally? I don't know what to do. I want my babies back Kate, but not at the expense of their happiness." He sighed heavily and finished his beer.

"Why is she doing this Jack? Why won't she just come home?" Kate asked.

"I don't know, she just keeps saying she needs time, months to get organized and get back, but that's bullshit, her family is very well off and would provide for her and them if money or jobs or housing were really an issue. I can't go that much longer Kate. I have to see them. They have to know I didn't just abandon them." He said getting more angry than emotional now and up on his feet, no doubt headed for another beer.

"Jack, drinking yourself into a stupor isn't going help you with this decision." Kate nagged at him.

"No, but it will help me forget there is a decision to make eventually." He replied and left the room.

Kate followed him out to the kitchen. He grabbed another bottle of beer, held it between his legs, twisted the cap off and took a long drink from the bottle.

"Jack, please. Let's order some Chinese like we planned and talk about this and come up with a solution that doesn't include you hugging the toilet all night and waking up with a headache in the morning." Kate said.

Jack looked at her and then at the bottle of beer. He walked into the living room and sat on the couch, setting the bottle of beer on the table in front of him. He rubbed his hand through his short hair in frustration when she followed and sat right beside him refusing to give up the battle to keep him from withdrawing into himself and believing his only comfort or solution was in a bottle.

"Look at me Kate, I'm pathetic. I've got a beautiful wife and step daughter, I was shot three times and a week later am up and around and fine, I've got a job I love and two beautiful children, yet I'm determined to make myself miserable because it isn't all perfect, because I can't control it and make everything right. So, what do I do? I seek solace inside a bottle of beer. I hate to admit it, but I swear that every day I'm one step closer to becoming my father." Jack admitted.

"Jack, a person could also look at the flipside and say look at that guy, he was trying to help, trying to keep a little girl from getting hurt anymore and his reward for that was that someone tried to kill him, coupled with the fact that all he wants in the world is to see his children and his bitch ex-wife is determined to keep that from happening so he's drinking to try to numb the bad feelings before he explodes and puts his only good hand through a wall. A person might even suggest that every day you're one step closer to never becoming your father." Kate offered making him chuckle lightly.

"Interesting point of view." He said and kissed her.

"Jack none of this is black and white or cut and dry and you aren't turning into your father, you're hurting, but you have to stop hurting all by yourself. Put the beer down, eat some dinner and talk to me and maybe we won't come up with a solution, but god at least you won't be holding all of that inside anymore." Kate pleaded with him.

Jack looked at her pretty eyes searching his for an answer and wondered why he found it so hard to share his issues with her, why he felt like he couldn't burden her or why she had to always pry things out of him. He didn't have to wonder, he knew. He felt like not being able to always handle everything by himself was a sign of weakness so he instinctively withdrew into himself without putting any thought into it, that's just the way he was.

"Okay." He said.

Jack dumped the rest of his beer out and ordered the Chinese food. He and Kate sat in the living room in their underwear eating their dinner with the television playing low in the background.

"Okay Jack, let's look at your options where Andrew and Kayla are concerned." Kate suggested.

"My options suck Kate. I have a judge telling me I can have them. All I have to do is fly 3,000 miles and take them away from their mother pretty much the same way she took them away from me. I don't want to turn my children into the rope in some sick tug-of-war game." Jack said.

"Jack, I understand, I do, but if you really want to fight for the right to be in their lives you're going to have to do some things that are going to be hard for you. Sarah is counting on this, counting on the fact that you are decent and caring and always thinking about what is best for others. She's convinced that you will continue to back off so the children won't get hurt and that's how she's managed to steal them away from you so easily." Kate told him the brutal truth of it taking him back a bit.

"Are you saying I just let her take my kids, that it's my fault I haven't seen them in over eight months?" Jack asked.

"Yes Jack, but not in a bad or intentional way, just like my being cut out of Maddie's life for the most part was my fault, but not in a bad or intentional way. I was the victim of a bully and in a sense you are too. She uses all of your best qualities as weapons against you. God, I'd love to have 10 minutes alone with her." Kate scowled making him let go of a light laugh.

"I love it when you get all protective and ready to beat people up on my behalf. It's cute." Jack told her and smiled.

"I want to come with you Jack." Kate said.

"Come with me where?" Jack asked.

"To Maine, to get Andrew and Kayla. It's probably going to be upsetting and uncomfortable and might even get a little ugly, but you are going to go and get them Jack and I am coming with you to help you through it. I've seen you with Maddie and as far as I'm concerned her keeping you out of their lives should be considered a criminal act." Kate told him.

"You're serious aren't you?" Jack said not used to having someone on his side, much less always in his corner ready to fight any and all battles with him.

"I love you Jack, I meant all those vows when I said them. You're stuck with me by your side until one of us dies, so let's stop worrying about how this will affect the kids and spend the weekend preparing a warm, happy environment for them to come home to." Kate said leaving her plate of food and crawling toward him, making herself comfortable in his lap and kissing him.

"Does this mean we're done talking?" He asked and kissed her back, holding her close with his good arm.

"It's Friday night and we're alone, our bellies are full and we're in our underwear. Surely we can think of something better to do than talk, unless of course it's talk like this." Kate teased and moved her mouth to his ear, whispering something so naughty he had to pull back and make sure it really was Kate sitting in his lap.

"Kate, I'm shocked." He said and offered a low chuckle.

"You really are this time and it's adorable." Kate laughed.

"So, every room before there's too many kids underfoot to ever bring it out of the bedroom again huh?" Jack asked.

"Well, not Maddie's room or the twins' room that would just be wrong, but that room with the piano is the most pretentious room I've ever seen Jack so what do you say we get really naughty in there before we turn it into something useable." Kate teased.

"Okay but only if I get to be Jeff Bridges and watch my very own Michelle Pfeiffer reenact the piano scene from The Fabulous Baker Boys." Jack teased back.

"I'm not going to lie all over a piano singing 'Makin Whoopee' Jack, but we can make whoopee on it if you want." Kate laughed.

"I kind of like that piano and wouldn't want to break it. I think a nice, big wet spot on that fancy couch that nobody has ever sat on would be a nice touch though. Let's make love all over it. I really hate that couch." Jack told her, reaffirming her beliefs that he had nothing to do with decorating that room.

"Jack that couch is velvet and it's red, it wouldn't take a CSI to figure out what had taken place all over it." Kate laughed.

"Oh no Kate, it's not red, it's Bella Berry. I had that droned into my head nonstop for the six months it took her to decorate that room. Let's go mess it up." He chuckled and pulled her in for another kiss.

She sat in the middle of the living room floor straddling his lap, feeling him grow and harden as their kiss intensified, wanting him badly and wondering if they really could manage to make love in every room before the night was over. As turned on as she was at the moment, she had no doubt she could rock his world from room to room, but she also knew that once the immediate hunger was satisfied they might not feel the need or desire to move to another room and do it again, especially since they had already made love twice a few hours ago.

He scooted across the floor with her, headed toward the chair in the corner, the limited use of his upper body forcing him to get creative if he wanted to be the one taking the lead, and he did want to take the lead, wanted to lay her back and make her moan, squirm, squeal and if he was lucky, maybe even scream. They were alone and could be as loud as they wanted to be and he loved it when she let go and let him know how she was feeling and wondered if she knew how much her noises turned him on and made him want to keep going.

Having made it to the chair, he pulled out of the kiss and smiled at her before wrapping his left arm around her and lifting her onto the chair, making her giggle at his caveman like approach to their lovemaking on this night. Perched on his knees, he leaned forward and kissed her again, slowly and deeply, the heat and the hunger being expressed with his mouth making her so wet he could feel it where his body was pressed into hers and he groaned, pulling out of the kiss and looking at her with the eyes of a hungry animal ready to devour it's prey.

He lifted the t-shirt she was wearing up and pulled it off of her, tossing it onto the floor, gently nudging her backward to relax into the chair. He began working her panties off of her one side at a time, using his left hand only to inch each side down a little a time, slowly revealing the prize to him and deciding the slow reveal was pretty sexy, finding a silver lining to his temporary handicap. With the panties past her knees he grabbed them in the center and pulled them down her calves, slipping them off her ankles and sending them to join her discarded t-shirt.

He sat a back on his heels and admired her for a moment, naked and turned on, so hungry for his touch that any thoughts of feeling self-conscious at being on display for him like this went away with the panties. He carefully draped one of her legs over the arm of the chair and then did the same with the other leg, spreading her wide. He reached behind her lower back and pulled her forward until her bottom was resting right at the edge of the chair, her legs still draped over the arms, the position opening her up even more for him, her scent hitting his nostrils and making him moan and lean forward and cover her mouth with is again, his body pressed against her heat, her hands grabbing the back of his head and running her fingers through the short cropped hair roughly.

He pulled his lips from her lips and moved his mouth to ear, softly declaring his love for her as he pushed his briefs down and off, releasing his throbbing appendage and taking hold of it, pumping himself slowly a few times, getting the urge to plunge into her under control. He pulled back, perched straight up on his knees and put his thumb in her mouth. She swirled her tongue around it and he pulled it out, placing it over her clit and rubbing gently, making her squirm and hiss and then throw her head back moaning when she felt him push his middle finger into her all the way, holding it there and turning his hand over so he could curl the finger up inside of her while his thumb applied pressure to the tiny bud that was exposed to him, swollen and begging to be touched, rubbed or sucked until she found release.

"Please Jack." She begged.

"Please what?" He replied.

"I need to come, please stop teasing." She moaned and squirmed beneath his busy hand.

"I'm asking you to come, can't you feel it?" He asked in a breathy tone as he continued to curl his finger forward, straighten it back out and curl it again, hitting the spot every time and bringing her bottom up off the chair.

"I feel it, but you're taking it away too fast, please Jack I'm so close." She panted.

Jack smiled at her. Her eyes were closed, concentrating so hard on what he was doing to her the pleasure he was giving her evident all over her flushed face, her body so close to exploding she was becoming paralyzed with anticipation. He brought his mouth down, sucking her clit gently and applied longer, heavier strokes inside her with his finger. He felt her hands clamp onto the back of his head and her hips press upward into his face as she cried out and clamped her legs hard to the arms of the chair, the orgasm rocking her entire center, making her feel like she could begin talking in tongues at any moment, panting, moaning, squirming and holding tightly to his head, refusing to let him come up one second too soon, wanting to ride every last wave as it rushed through her.

When she settled and finally released his head he went back up onto his knees and let his hand glide gently over the side of her face, before positioning his tip at her entrance and pushing inside of her all of the way holding his position as he moved his mouth to her ear.

"Are you okay baby?" He asked.

"Mmmm….I'm great." She told him and pulled him to her for a kiss, a deep, long, wet, sloppy kiss that continued while he moved in and out of her at a steady pace.

He finally pulled out of the kiss and back some, continuing to make love to her, reaching behind her shoulders and pulling her forward as he quickened his pace, her arms wrapped around his neck and shoulders, their foreheads barely touching as he moved within her, ready to come, needing to come but waiting for her to make it over the edge one more time.

"Let it go Jack." Kate whispered and then closed her mouth over his again, trapping him in a deep sensual kiss that rendered him useless as far as control went, spilling his seed into her while his tongue made love to her mouth.

With his last drop emptied into her, he allowed her to fall backward into the chair and followed on top of her, their mouths still working one another over. He finally pulled out of the kiss, breathless and overwhelmed.

"One room down, too fucking many to go." Jack huffed laughing lightly and making her laugh.

He winced as her laughter made her walls clamp around his now very sensitive cock like a vise.

"I'm sorry did I hurt you?" She asked as she stifled more laughter, biting her lip so the grin wouldn't surface.

"I can see you're all broke up about it." He chuckled and pulled out of her quickly before she had a chance to try to break it again.

"I'm sorry baby, want me to kiss it and make it better?" She teased.

"Give me about 30 minutes and you can do anything you want with it." He told her and kissed her once last time before, sliding her legs off the arms of the chair and handing her the clothes he'd taken off of her.

"Jack, we have the house to ourselves. I vote we just stay naked and see what the rest of the evening brings." Kate told him and jerked his boxer briefs out of his hands.

Their plane landed in Caribou, Maine around 9:30 PM on Monday evening. Kate arranged for Maddie to stay with Amy's family and they flew out as soon as Jack's cast was in place. His attorney went with them to handle all the necessary paperwork. They checked into a hotel for the night planning on getting a police escort and arriving on Sarah's front porch at 9 AM the following morning.

Jack's attorney convinced him that taking her by surprise was the best way to assure she'd be home, that she would find excuses to hold things up or have time to disappear with the children if she had any kind of advanced warning. Jack felt like a criminal, but Kate kept at him, convincing him that drastic situations sometimes call for drastic measures. Jack couldn't sleep that night, the idea of what he was about to do to Sarah eating at him and making him toss and turn. He had no idea that he what he was about to discover would remove all guilt as far as Sarah was concerned for good.

They arrived at Sarah's home at 9 AM sharp, there was a large SUV in the driveway and Jack assumed Brian, the man she'd left him for had already gone to work. Sarah opened the front door and her face immediately went from cheerful to puzzled, angry and then frightened. She was holding a crying infant in her arms and suddenly felt the urge to cry herself.

"What are you doing here Jack?" She asked.

"Ma'am I'm officer Jerry Brookes and I have a court order issued in the city of Los Angeles granting temporary custody of the minor children Kayla Marie Shephard and Andrew Jack Shephard to their father Jack Shephard. I need you to produce the children ma'am." The police officer told her.

Sarah began crying as Jack pushed his way into the house, but not before noticing the dark-haired infant with his eyes and feeling a rage he didn't know he was capable of consume him. He understood now. The need to get out of Los Angeles quickly, the need to push him out of the picture, the reason she continued to stall when she was told she had to bring the children back to Los Angeles.

"You were pregnant?" Jack asked his voice a mixture of hurt, anger and complete disbelief.

"Yes, almost 3 months." Sarah answered softly.

"Is it mine?" Jack asked.

"What?! No, of course……" Sarah began to lie.

"Of course what Sarah? Our relationship wasn't great but we were still having sex occasionally. Is this why you left so quickly Sarah? Is this why you took my kids, the only thing in my life that mattered to me, and just disappeared? Would one more child with me have made it impossible for you to leave or would it have just been too messy." Jack spat at her.

"It wasn't like that Jack, please lower your voice, you're going to scare the children. He is not your son." Sarah continued to lie to him.

"Blonde-haired man and blonde-haired woman screwing around behind the back of dark-haired husband and blonde woman gives birth to dark-haired baby with dark-haired man's eyes. Give me a fucking break. How could you? Why would you? I was good enough to sleep with and impregnate you, but not good enough to get to stick around and raise them? I want to see DNA proof that he isn't mine." Jack continued to badger her, so hurt and angry that he wanted hold her head between his hands and slam it into the wall repeatedly.

Kate and the attorney stood back quietly watching Jack spill eight months worth of frustration at her along with the outrage he was feeling over the possibility of him having fathered a child with her she never told him about. He was teetering on the edge of violence, his fists clenched, his teeth clenched, his large body hovering over hers in a threatening manner, so much so the police officer was ready to pull him back when he spotted the blonde headed little girl walking toward them.

"Jack." Kate said directing his attention to the little girl.

Jack backed away from Sarah and looked at the child, feeling a lump immediately form in his throat.

"I was just getting them out of the bath." Sarah mumbled.

Jack squatted down, hoping and praying that the child would remember him at least a little, enough so she wouldn't feel the need to run away screaming. The little girl stopped and studied him, a blanket in one hand and thumb in her mouth, wearing nothing but a diaper and a mop of wet hair, her mother's eyes wide and staring back at him and Jack wasn't sure, but perhaps a hint of recognition in those eyes. The child turned away and ran back toward the room she came out of and Jack dropped his head, needing a moment to suck up the disappointment, refusing to let Sarah see how crushed he was at the moment. Just as he was about to straighten back up, he saw the little feet re-entering the room and heard the two most beautiful words in the world.

"Daddy do!" The little girl chirped happily, walking toward him with a small hair brush in her hand.

Jack sucked in his breath and opened his arms, wrapping the child up and picking her up, hugging her and kissing her and no longer able to contain his emotions. He finally pulled the little girl back so he could look at her.

"I missed you so much." His emotional voice came through softly.

"No cry daddy." Kayla said and wiped his tears with her blanket.

"They're happy tears baby girl. Daddy loves you so much and he's so happy to see you." He said as he pulled her in for another hug, having to resist the urge to squeeze until her head popped off.

The four adults watched the large man reduced to tears, holding the little girl to his chest and the child's head on his shoulder, her hand patting his back as she mumbled "Daddy home" over and over. Kate wiped the tears from her face and looked over at Sarah, who seemed to find the scene between the little girl and her father more than she could handle too. Kate couldn't understand how this woman could stand there and shed tears for him when she was the one that brought all the misery into his life.

"Who are you?" Sarah asked.

"I'm Kate, I'm Jack's new wife." She said.

"Please, you have to talk to him. I can't lose my babies." Sarah pleaded with her.

"I'm here to support him, not talk him out of this." Kate told her.

"You must think I'm a monster." Sarah said.

"No, I have first hand experience with monsters, I think you're selfish." Kate said.

"He can't take care of them; he's too preoccupied with his career." Sarah protested.

"Why?" Kate asked.

"I'm sorry." Sarah replied.

"Why did you do this to him? You're standing their crying so you obviously still care about him, so why would you take his children away?" Kate asked.

"Because it's better they lose him while they're still too young to remember him." Sarah said.

"What the hell kind of logic is that?" Kate asked.

"He's never home Kate and when he is he's thinking about the hospital. Should children grow up with a father that never has time for them? I know what it's like to be ignored and neglected by Jack; I didn't want my children to know what that feels like." Sarah explained.

"Have you ever heard the phrase that it's not the quantity of time, but the quality? Everybody gets busy, sometimes so busy they don't see their loved ones for days at a time, but jesus lady you don't blow up an entire family and rip out a man's heart because you require a ridiculous amount of attention." Kate said.

"You'll see Kate. He'll be gone all the time and when he is home he'll spend all his time with the kids, devote all his love and attention to them and will have nothing left for you." Sarah warned her.

"Are you seriously standing her telling me that you were jealous because he gave more attention to two babies than to you? Do you think any couple brings newborn twins into their home and still manages to find an excessive amount of time for each other? Is that baby his, you might as well come clean because he will force the DNA test." Kate told her.

"I don't know, but look at him Kate? Whose baby do you think it is? Is this what you wanted, a husband with an insanely busy career and three children under the age of two?" Sarah snapped.

"We'll manage." Kate said confidently.

"I will get my children back Kate so don't get attached. Proving him unfit won't be difficult and he's not Kayla's biological father so there's no way he's going to get custody of her." Sarah said hatefully.

"I'm thinking Jack isn't the unfit one here Sarah, but I guess we'll let a judge figure that one out." Kate said and moved away from her, following Jack and the police officer into the room the little girl had walked out of.

Jack entered the room and saw the boy, wearing nothing but a diaper and on his hands and knees rolling a little car around in circles, still as busy as Jack remembered. He set Kayla down and the boy stopped what he was doing and looked up. Jack kneeled down hoping that by equalizing the height differential he might not seem so intimidating if the child didn't remember him. Andrew pushed up onto his knees, bouncing his bottom up and down over the folded portion of his legs, smiling and clapping his hands.

"Daddy home!" The boy chanted happily and reached out for Jack.

"Well come here." Jack chuckled and the little boy ran to him.

Jack scooped him up, hugging him and kissing him, repeating the same emotional scene he'd just had with his daughter, shocked and overwhelmed that they remembered him, seeming like they had just been waiting for him to come home.

He set the boy down and looked around the room. There were two small beds, a crib and toys all over the place. There was a colorful block shaped table in-between the two beds and Jack noticed the picture in the plastic frame on the table. He picked it up and looked at it. It was a picture of Jack with the two kids at the mall. There was a carousel in the center of the mall and Jack had put the two babies on a horse together and stood beside them, while the attendant took their picture. Jack remembered the day very well. They had gone to the pediatrician together and Sarah had wanted to go buy them new shoes since they were both walking so well. She left him and took them with her about a week after the picture was taken. He continued to study the picture and then looked at Sarah, hurt and confused, wondering why she would take them way, attempt to push him out of their lives but keep a reminder of him right between their beds.

"It's complicated Jack." Sarah said understanding what was on his mind.

"Simplify it for me Sarah. I don't mean to sound ungrateful because they obviously haven't forgotten me, but I don't understand the game Sarah. Why would you take them away from me and then allow them to miss me every single day? That seems almost cruel." Jack accused.

"They cried for you every day, ran to the door every time it opened and I was very sick with this pregnancy and put on total bed rest shortly after we got here. Brian was either working or with me so we hired a nanny to look after the twins. They were scared and confused and crying for you so the nanny found that picture and put it in a frame they could carry around safely. They kiss their daddy goodnight every night." Sarah explained, breaking down in the middle of the explanation.

"Why didn't you call me Sarah? I would've figured something out. I would've come out here. I would've…….oh, that's right, I wasn't supposed to know you were pregnant. So you decided it was better to let them feel abandoned then let me find out about the baby?" Jack asked.

"Why not Jack? They'll only end up feeling abandoned eventually anyway because that's what you do. You treat the people you love like possessions and set up your perfect little life, but then you only take us out and dust us off once in awhile, when you've got a spare moment in-between working miracles." Sarah accused.

"You know Sarah, there's no way I could've known you were feeling so neglected. You never said anything to me. There was never anything to talk about when I'd ask if you wanted to talk. I'm not going to stand here and let you make this insanity my fault. I can't believe you let our children cry for me and cling to a picture of me for this long and never bothered to mention that you needed me to come here and be with them. I'm going to get them dressed and we are leaving. Our flight leaves at one o'clock." Jack told her.

"Jack, please, can't we work something out?" Sarah pleaded with him.

"I've been trying to work something out with you for over eight months Sarah. I'm done playing games with you. I would suggest you take this seriously and get yourself back to Los Angeles and if that is my son, be prepared to battle for him as well." Jack told her.

"Are you prepared to do this Jack? Have you considered what happens if you win? Are you prepared to separate Kayla from her brothers or have you forgotten you're on shaky legal ground where she's concerned." Sarah bit back hatefully, her last attempt to find a button she could push that would make him feel guilty enough to stop what he was doing.

Jack didn't respond, he continued to look at her, making eye contact with her, trying to find the woman he had fallen in love with so long ago, wondering where she had gone and then realizing that she was the same woman, and that he was finally seeing the real her. It didn't matter though, he was in love with his children and she was getting to him, the idea of hurting his little girl making him hesitate and Kate could almost swear she heard the gears in his head shifting, ready to forget how angry he was and consider trying to work something out.

Jack continued to look at Sarah, who could tell his emotional gears were shifting, and he noticed the ever so slight smirk make its way onto her face, so quick he would've missed it if he'd blinked, but it was there and he saw it. He immediately looked over to Kate, who was encouraging him to keep going with just a look, and then he looked down at Kayla and Andrew who had each latched onto a leg and any doubts that were creeping in were gone.

"We're leaving Sarah. You know where to reach me so when you get to LA, call me, I'm sure they'll be eager to see you." He said in a tone as calm and detached as she'd ever experienced from him.


	23. Chapter 23

_**Sorry it's been so long since I updated. Holiday weekends and life have kept me too busy to find some down time. Thanks for your reviews and your patience!**_

The 3,000 mile trip with the two toddlers proved to be quite an endurance test for both Jack and Kate. The children had their own seats on the plane, but sat and slept everywhere but in their own seats. Andrew got away from them at one point and took off down the aisle, luckily right into the arms of a stewardess with a pleasant demeanor. Kayla had latched onto Jack and refused to let go, be put down or lift her face from the security of her father's chest. Jack didn't mind, but after a three hour layover in the Boston airport and another three hours in the air before landing and her screaming nonstop any time he peeled her off of him to change her diaper or relieve himself, he was ready to join her in the screaming.

They finally made it to the car they had left in one of the parking garages at LAX around 10 PM, both children were cranky, wet and hungry. Kate had called Madison as soon as the plane touched down and promised her that they would pick her up from school the next day. They made a quick stop on the way home for diapers, milk, apple juice and baby bottles, both surprised that the children were still on a bottle, but deciding that the emotional trauma they'd been through had delayed getting the bottle away from them.

They spent their first night at home battling with getting the twins to settle down and by 2 AM all four of them were in the king-sized bed in the master bedroom, the twins in the middle, Kayla glued to Jack and Andrew content to have his own space as long as he could kick a foot out and make contact with Kate. They both decided they would need the rest of the week to settle them in, buy them some clothes, try to organize a bedtime routine and find a nanny to help them with the three children while they worked.

They also realized that Madison was very quickly and conveniently being shoved into the background because she was older and they knew it had to stop. She too had been through more than her fair share of emotional trauma, the death of her father causing nightmares and feelings of loneliness that could be eased with a little extra attention from Jack who had been so preoccupied with healing his injuries and bringing his children home that he couldn't even remember the last time he'd spent more than five minutes with Madison.

Kayla had finally let go of Jack and began toddling around the house, bringing things to Kate in an attempt to warm up to her, slowly checking her out and trying to decide if she was going to be okay. Andrew was oblivious to the new lady hanging out with daddy. He was too busy exploring and finding himself in trouble for exploring where he shouldn't, happy to take Kate's hand or let Kate help him eat or change his diaper or dress him. He was okay with the pretty lady. In order to give Kate some alone time Kayla and Jack some one on one time with Madison, he agreed to pick her up from school and let her decide what the family would eat for dinner.

Jack didn't line up with all the other cars in the school pick-up line. He parked and entered the school, waiting outside her classroom until school was dismissed. Madison exited the classroom, backpack secured to her back and looking down, seeming a bit sad to him.

"Hey munchkin." Jack said sweetly.

Madison looked up and eagerly made her way across the hallway to him. Jack picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck, squeezing tight and as far as Jack could tell had no intention of letting go any time soon. He could feel the light hitching in her back and could tell she was crying.

"What's the matter Maddie?" Jack asked.

"I don't want to talk about it." She answered, laying her head on his shoulder and calming herself down.

Jack looked across the hall to the open door to the classroom and walked toward it. Madison's teacher was seated at her desk and didn't notice he had entered the room until he was standing beside the desk. She looked up, startled at first and then recognized Madison. She stood and held her hand out.

"You must be Jack." The woman said.

"Yes, Jack Shephard." Jack told her.

"I've heard a lot about you. She's quite a fan of you." The teacher said and smiled.

"The feeling is mutual. Um, do you have any idea what's going on here? Why is she so upset?" Jack asked.

"Yes, I was going to call, but Madison said she was living with Amy now and I wasn't sure who to call." She told Jack.

"Maddie you aren't living with Amy." Jack said.

"I do too, I always stay there now." Madison whimpered.

"I'm sorry, things have been crazy, but she lives with her mother and me." Jack told the teacher and tightened his hold on Madison.

"Okay, I believe I have her mother's contact information. Listen, this really isn't the time or place to discuss what's been going on, but it has to do with her father and her step mother and things that are being published in the newspapers, things that seven year olds should never have to hear about, much less be expected to understand, but unfortunately many of our parents don't consider that there is an innocent child suffering when they run their mouths around their children who then come to school and repeat and unfortunately taunt and tease." The teacher explained seeing the anger flash through his eyes immediately.

"What happened?" Jack asked angrily.

"Mr. Shephard, the children involved have been punished, but that may not be enough. Take Madison home and talk to her and if you and her mother could find the time to meet with me tomorrow, maybe around 11 AM we can try to come up with a solution that is in Madison's best interest." The teacher told him.

Jack didn't like what he was sure this teacher was suggesting, that Madison would probably be better off in a different school because of the scandal being too much for this establishment to endure, even though he would come to realize later that she was probably right. He looked at the woman and she looked away ashamed, seeing in his eyes that he got it.

"Let's go Maddie." Jack said, shooting the teacher one last glaring look.

Jack put Maddie in the car and helped her with her seatbelt before closing the door and punching Kate's number into his cell phone. He quickly explained that the child was upset and wanted to make sure it was okay with her if he took Madison some place where they could talk, where there wouldn't be two toddlers under foot, where she could feel like all the attention was focused on her. Kate agreed and proudly bragged that Kayla had crawled into her lap and gone to sleep. Jack got into the car and started the engine hoping he would have as much success with Madison.

"Let's go some place Maddie, just you and me." Jack offered.

"I want to see your babies Jack." Maddie said.

"They are sleeping right now so how about we go to park or go get some ice cream." Jack suggested.

"Can we go to the park and get ice cream?" Maddie pushed making him smile.

"Sure." He said and pulled out of the school parking lot.

They went to the park and he pushed her on the swings and the merry-go-round and held onto her around the waist while she attempted to cross the monkey bars with her hands. They walked up the hill to the small shack that housed cold drinks and frozen treats and he let her have whatever she wanted. They sat at a picnic table eating their ice cream and Jack decided to try to get her to talk to him about school.

"I'm sorry that you've had to spend so much time with Amy." Jack said.

"It's okay. You been hurt and it made mommy really scared and busy." Maddie said.

"Maybe, but you're very important to us and we want you to be happy and I think maybe we forgot that all of us being together and talking to each other is how we stay happy. What did the kids at school do to you Maddie?" Jack asked.

"I'm done. Can we play some more?" Madison quickly changed the subject, jumping up from the picnic table and putting her ice cream wrapper in the trash.

Jack followed her, putting his wrapper in the trash and taking hold of her hand. He led her back over to the picnic table, sat down and lifted her onto his lap.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" Jack asked.

Maddie shrugged and tried to squirm off his lap, but he held firmly to her and pulled her back.

"I love you so much that if you are feeling sad then I'm feeling sad. I know it doesn't feel like it yet, but we are a family now and families take care of each other. Please talk to me. You'll feel better if you stop keeping it locked up in here." He coaxed in a calm and patient tone, placing a finger gently over her heart to emphasize where she was keeping things locked up.

"Was my daddy a preevert?" Maddie asked.

"You mean a pervert?" Jack asked.

"Was he Jack? You can't lie, you said you love me so you have to say if it's true." Maddie demanded.

"Yes Maddie your dad did things that people consider perverted." Jack answered feeling the child relax into the crook of his arm.

"So I'm bad too?" Maddie asked.

"No, of course not. Who said you were bad?" Jack asked maintaining his calm, even tone.

"The big kids said I'm a preevert's kid so I'm a preevert too. They called me a really bad word Jack." Maddie told him.

"What did they call you?" Jack asked.

"I can't tell you, it's really bad and you would spank me for saying it." Maddie resisted.

"I am giving you permission to say the bad words so you won't be in any trouble at all and I'll make sure your mom knows I said it was okay if you're worried about that." Jack continued to reassure her.

"They said I was my daddy's baby fuck and said I sucked my daddy's cock while he spanked my mom. That's really bad isn't it?" Maddie sighed heavily.

Jack wrapped both arms around the little girl, angry and sad that her innocence was being stripped away just a little more each day and disgusted that children were saying things like that.

"I'm sorry Maddie, those kids are probably repeating things they've heard without understanding what they mean and they shouldn't have said that stuff to you. It's not true." Jack offered.

"But what does that stuff mean Jack?" Maddie asked.

"Sweetheart, those are ugly, hateful words used to describe what men and women do together sometimes. Your dad never did things like you saw him doing with Carol to you did he?" Jack asked trying to be as sensitive as possible.

"You mean like putting stuff in her privates?" Maddie asked.

"Yeah, like that." Jack said.

"No, but do you do that to my mommy Jack?" Maddie asked shocking him a little.

"Why would you ask me that cutie?" Jack asked trying to make it seem as though her questions were perfectly normal and no big deal even though he was beginning to sweat as he waited for the answer.

"I hear stuff sometimes. You and mommy make noises like the grown-ups maked at daddy's spanking party." She told him and he realized he should be feeling really uncomfortable, but he didn't, he just felt sad that this little girl had such an ugly image of sex burned into her brain before she ever had a chance to mature enough to understand what sex was.

"No sweetheart, I love your mom and she loves me and when you hear noises we are making love and never hurting each other." Jack answered honestly.

"What is making love?" Maddie asked making him wish Kate was with him, afraid he was going to blow this and scar her for life.

"It's what two people who love each other do to express their love for each other. It's really a very beautiful and wonderful thing Maddie. What you saw at your dad's party, hurting someone by putting things into her privates that make her hurt, aren't what two people who love each other do." Jack explained trying to avoid going into graphic detail with her.

"Do those bad words mean making love?" Maddie asked.

Jack looked down at the child and kissed her forehead, deciding that he wasn't going to explain intercourse and fellatio to a seven year old to help her understand what slang words like fuck and cock sucking meant, ready to ring the necks of those that introduced these words to her vocabulary.

"Maddie, you aren't a pervert and I'm sorry that the stuff your dad did is being talked about at school. It doesn't matter what he did honey because it had nothing to do with you and those words that the kids called you are ugly and have no place on a playground. You are simply too young and too sweet to know what those words mean, but if you think you really, really have to know then we will sit down with your mom and we'll try to find a way to help you understand. Do you really, really need to know or do you trust that I love you and would tell you if those words really had anything to do with you." Jack said.

Maddie stood up on her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tight and giving the indication once again that she didn't want to let go.

"Can I stay home with you tomorrow?" Maddie asked as he felt her fresh, warm tears seep through his shirt.

"We'll go home and talk to your mom and we'll figure something out. It's going to be okay Maddie. I'm going to do whatever I can to make all of this easier for you." Jack promised.

"My daddy was bad Jack. I wish you were my dad. I wish the kids thought that and didn't know about him. I didn't want him to go away forever, but I don't never want him to come back. Am I bad for saying that?" Maddie cried.

"No, no. You aren't bad for telling the truth. It's okay to be mad at him Maddie. It's okay to feel anything you need to feel about him even if that changes every single day. You're just a little girl and you are allowed to ask questions, be happy, be sad or just be. Just be you Maddie okay, because you a great kid. I know I'm not your real dad, but I love you like you're my daughter and speaking of which, are you ready to go home and meet my kids?" He asked.

"Do you think they'll like me?" She asked as she sat back on her knees in his lap and wiped the tears from her face.

"I think they will like you very much. Do you think you can handle having two little kids following you around and always wanting to be with you?" Jack asked.

"Yes, but if I need a break will you make them stop following me?" Maddie asked making him chuckle.

Jack drove the child home and while she introduced herself to Andrew and Kayla and played in the nursery with them Jack repeated his conversation with Maddie to Kate. She was angry, horrified and then finally sad, resigned to the fact that as long as she was in familiar surroundings she was going to pay the price for her father's sins and Carol's solution to the problem. Maddie attended a very large and prominent private school, one Michael had put her on the waiting list for when she was born so there was definitely a snobbish element at work there and Kate agreed that the children teasing Maddie were simply repeating conversations overheard at home.

Kate also agreed that Maddie was too young to attempt to explain the vulgar slang to her and hoped Jack's advice to Maddie would be taken to heart and that she would try to forget about the words. The decided together that it would be best for Madison to enroll her in a different school. The public schools in the area where Jack lived were very good and safe, but there was also a very nice private academy within two miles of Jack's house, but more importantly miles away from the tragedy that was currently following the child around. They decided that the smaller, more personal atmosphere of the private school might be the best choice for Madison right now and would enroll her the next day if they had a spot for her, if not they'd have to go with the public school until a spot opened up.

They walked toward the nursery to talk to Madison about it and stopped just outside the door, watching and listening as the three children played with the building blocks.

"You guys are pretty cool. I like playing with you." Madison told them and handed each one a new block to attach.

"Addy do it!" Andrew demanded and pushed the block back into her hand.

Jack and Kate bit back their laughter, the small boy so cute and demanding.

"Okay, but you have to say Maddie not addy, say Mmmmmaddie." Maddie coached the boy.

"Addy do it!" Andrew insisted.

"I do it." Kayla interrupted grabbing the block from Maddie and hooking it to the small stack they'd put together.

Jack smiled as his little girl took charge as if the conversation was nonsense and keeping her from completing the task.

"She's definitely a take charge little individual. She makes a good case for the nurture vs. nature argument." Kate teased him.

"Are you suggesting I'm bossy Kate?" Jack asked.

"Suggesting? No, you are Jack and you're impatient and demanding just like that little boy in there. Nobody could deny who's had a hand in raising them." Kate giggled.

"Do you think it's strange that they're not asking for their mother Kate? Did I miss something in my assumption that she was the better parent?" Jack asked.

"Well, you never cut yourself any slack so you probably didn't give credit where credit was due, but maybe if she was bed ridden this whole time and then busy with a new infant they got used to her not being attentive and not being around so it doesn't feel strange to them yet." Kate offered.

"She hasn't even called to tell me when she's coming. I don't recognize her anymore Kate. Was I really blind to the real her all this time or is something going on with her?" Jack sighed.

"I don't know her Jack so I'd just be speculating, but they don't say love is blind for nothing Jack." Kate suggested.

Jack and Kate spent the rest of the week getting Madison into a new school and getting a nanny hired that could care for twins and get Madison to and from school. The nanny qualifications included that she not be so young and attractive that she'd be putting the moves on her boss, which Jack found both flattering and amusing, assuring Kate that she was the only woman for him.

With a competent nanny in place, both returned to work the following Monday. Jack hadn't worked since being shot and found that writing prescriptions and updating charts with his dominant hand in a cast to be not only a chore, but extremely frustrating. Their evenings consisted of family dinners, one-on-one time with Madison from each of them and working on getting the twins potty trained and off the bottle, neither of which was going very well. Bedtime had begun to resemble a three-ring circus. They would start putting the twins in their beds at 9 PM and by midnight the king-sized bed would typically consist of two adults and three children, Madison refusing to be left out of the game.

Three weeks had passed since the twins arrived and the evening ritual was beginning to wear on both Jack and Kate. They never had a moment to be alone to talk to do anything else for that matter and both were becoming sleep deprived from the circus like atmosphere in their bed every night.

It was a Thursday afternoon and had been a slow morning at the clinic. Jack and Kate were running it alone that day, his injured hand keeping him from returning to work at the hospital, but allowing him to rack up more and more of the community service hours he was required to put in. Jack sat in the back making notations in a chart while Kate flipped the sign on the front door to read "Closed" and locked the door. It was lunch time, but food was the last thing on her mind.

Kate walked toward the back of the clinic, keeping an eye on Jack as she slowly inched closer to him. He looked up as she approached and noticed the seductive manner in which she was moving in on him and smiled. She stopped in front of him, took the pen out of his hand, placed her hands on his shoulders and rolled the stool he was sitting on backward until it hit the counter and stopped.

"The clinic is closed for lunch, the doors are locked, we are completely alone and I need the doctor's attention." Kate said in a soft, sexy tone straddling him as he pulled her into his lap.

"Is there any part of you in particular that needs my attention or is a full body physical in order?" Jack teased and kissed her.

"Jack, we haven't made love in 19 days, I'll take any attention I can get at this point." She said in a breathy tone and kissed him back.

"You've been counting?" He chuckled.

"You haven't?" She asked in an exasperated tone.

"Well yeah, but I always thought that was something guys obsessed over. I like that you counted too. I like knowing that you want me and miss it when we can't make time for sex." He told her, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her again, deeper and longer.

They sat together on the stool, Jack's back leaning heavily on the counter behind him in order to keep them balanced, kissing and moving their hands over one another, her hands unbuttoning his shirt and his not bothering with buttons, slipping his hand underneath instead, cupping her breast and then gliding slowly around to the back, softly caressing the warm flesh in route to the clasp on her bra. His fingers skillfully released the clasp and then moved back around, pulling the bra forward and sliding his hand underneath, the warm, pillow softness of her breast underneath his fingers making him groan.

She felt his thumb move across her nipple and hungrily attacked his mouth, moving as close to him as she could get, grinding her hips into his, letting him know how badly she wanted him. He whispered for her to hold tight and stood, wrapping his good arm around her and her wrapping her legs tightly around his waist, holding onto him around his shoulders, breaking the kiss and laying her head on his shoulder, ready to become his for as long as he wanted.

He walked them over to one of the beds, pulled the blanket back and laid her back onto the cool sheets. He pulled the curtain around the bed just in case and began to slowly undress her, hungry for her and ready to just pull her pants down and push into her, but not wanting to end things so quickly. They hadn't had any time to be intimate, to touch, taste and enjoy one another and he was torn between getting the relief both of them needed so badly they were panting and sweating, or taking his time and making her his for the hour they had. He reached for the buttons on her shirt and she grabbed his hand.

"Jack, I know, but I just want you inside me." Kate whispered and began unfastening her pants.

Jack followed suit, climbing up onto the bed and helping her pull her pants and panties down, past her knees and then off. He sat up on his knees, unfastened his belt and then his pants, fumbling with the zipper as the excitement finally took over. He pushed his pants and underwear down to his knees and moved between her legs. She put his tip into position and he pushed inside in one solid thrust, the moans of pleasure pouring out of both of them as he held his position for a moment, found his balance and began making love to her, both of them reaching climax quickly.

They lay together in the bed, her draped over his chest, his left arm wrapped snugly around her, enjoying the quiet and the time to just hold each other.

"I vote we close for the day and stay right here until 5 PM." Kate said.

"I'm game, it gives us a chance to slow down and do it right." He said.

"That felt pretty right to me." She sighed.

"You kidding, on the excitement scale it was definitely an 11, but I want to play with your body Kate." Jack said.

"Okay, but I get to play too." She said and moved her hand down to toward his now flaccid penis, making him jump lightly at the contact.

"We have definitely got to start getting the kids to sleep in their own beds." He commented with a breathy laugh as he felt her hand continue to caress him.

They stayed in the small bed, both ridding their bodies of every stitch of clothing, enjoying lying together, bare skin on bare skin and exploring one another, his mouth reuniting with her breasts and staying there longer than normal, developing a new and somewhat warped understanding of why his babies didn't want to give up their nipples either, sharing that discovery with Kate and getting a laugh and a light slap on the arm for his trouble.

He moved down her body, leaving a trail of soft kisses over her stomach and over the inside of her thighs before settling between her legs, rolling his tongue through her wet crease, tasting himself there along with a fresh supply of slippery excitement seeping from her, exciting him further as he turned his head sideways and pushed his tongue in and out of her, her feet propped up on his shoulders and moving in rhythm with his tongue. He pulled back slightly and moved his mouth slowly up to the bulls-eye, to the spot she needed him to touch. He sucked her clit gently, listening to her moan while she squirmed beneath him, so close but unable to get there. He felt her grab his hand and place his fingers at her opening. He continued to suck and slowly pushed two fingers inside her, making her groan loudly and curl her toes into the meaty area behind his shoulders. He pulled his mouth back and she whimpered.

"I think I'm going to come before you do." He teased as he added a third finger and closed his mouth over her again.

"You better not……….ah, oh" She panted, coming hard, feeling like it might never stop as she tried to make him stop touching her now over-sensitive clit and him teasing her with light feather touches to keep the orgasm from completely bottoming out, finally stopping and allowing her to relax again.

She lay quietly, eyes glazed and skin flushed, looking into his eyes as if they were communicating telepathically. He felt a warmth rush over his entire body and was convinced he would never know a love like this again and he was determined that she and their children would never slip to #2 on his list of priorities.

He let her roll him onto his back and closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of her mouth over his chest, nipples and stomach, on it's way to it's final destination and making him hiss lightly as she took his tip into her mouth and swirled her tongue over it before taking as much of him in as she could, the feeling of being swallowed whole by her hot, wet mouth almost more than he could take. He opened his eyes and looked down, watching her fist him at the base while sucking wildly on the rest of him, the sight of it so hot he had to suck his breath in, ready to come and not wanting to yet. Kate sensed his struggle and pulled her mouth away, applying pressure with her fingers in order to hold him off, smiling at him and then licking him like a lollipop while he watched, the head so engorged it was purple and ready to explode any second and she squeezed again, holding him off, the sounds he was making letting her know he was grateful, but that it was beginning to border on torturous pain.

She sat up and connected with him, giving him time to collect himself before she began to ride him slowly, feeling him pushed in so deep and then sliding forward and driving him in deeper, stopping her movements and leaning forward to kiss him before whispering something so naughty into his ear it made him take hold of her hips, eyes nearly black with desire looking into hers and demanding she fuck him hard and she didn't disappoint, riding him like a stud bull and finding another earth-shattering orgasm that made her clamp so tightly around him he had to hold her hips again and force her to be still while she rode out the orgasm.

When she was done he rolled them over and pushed in further, seeing how deep he could go, stopping and holding his position, allowing her to feel all of his hardness throbbing inside of her while he kissed her with all the love and passion he had, hungry and urgent, but settling them back down so he could slowly and tenderly bring them both over the edge one more time, leaving both of them spent and satisfied, neither needing anymore sex, but both needing and taking the rest of the afternoon to just be together in the small bed in the run down clinic on 12th street.


	24. Chapter 24

Nearly three months had passed since Jack took his children back from Sarah. The months were busy and stressful, but they managed. Moving Madison to a new school solved the immediate problem of classmates and teachers associating her with the scandalous crime of passion that had quickly moved to page 30 of the LA Times, the entire incident no longer news worthy and now going through the long process of trying to prosecute a woman who had basically endured years of torture and finally snapped, the DA knowing it was a lose-lose situation for his office and for the woman he actually had no desire to prosecute but had no choice in the matter.

Sarah had contacted Jack exactly twice to check on the children and he couldn't figure out what her game was, but was relatively sure she had one. His attorney kept tabs on things and tried to get Jack to relax about the situation even though he too was sure a bomb of nuclear proportions was coming from Sarah's camp eventually.

The twins celebrated their 2nd birthday and both had finally given up their bottles and while Kayla was mastering the potty training routine, Andrew was much less interested in being bothered with stopping whatever he was doing to use the potty.

Madison was adjusting to her new home, new school and new family with Kate pushing Jack to take on less of a pal role with her and more of a father/disciplinarian. It didn't take the little girl long to realize she could tug at all of his heart strings and use that to her advantage and while Kate could clearly see what was happening, Jack was content to allow the child to walk all over him, citing emotional trauma and adjustment as an excuse. Madison had become quite the little brat and was enjoying being the only seven year old in her class that didn't have a bed time, that didn't have chores and that didn't have to do her math problems by herself because she could sucker her new step father into solving them for her every night.

Kate on the other hand was doing a pretty good job of establishing herself as someone of authority with the twins, but they were only two and not yet experts at the art of manipulating an adult with a big heart. Kayla was a daddy's girl, demanding his attention and letting everyone in the house know when she felt like she wasn't getting enough from him. He still dressed her and brushed her hair after her bath and she would not go to bed for anyone but him, demanding he tuck her in and kiss the two babies she slept with. Andrew was all boy and typically too busy to care who combed his hair or who dressed him, but when he was tired or not feeling well he craved mothering and typically sought out Kate.

Jack's hand healed and he began physical therapy, returning to the hospital to do everything but the actual surgeries. With is father completely out of the picture, his experience and expertise were called upon constantly, spending many hours assisting surgeries in every way but with his hands His rehab became part of his daily routine and he grew impatient with it quickly, which everyone that knew Jack had expected, but most had expected he would be a hundred percent by now and he wasn't, the hand refusing to get over the final hump, periods of weakness and even shakiness still hindering his return to surgery, his frustration over it growing daily.

Jack's mother was thrilled to have her grandchildren back, but her intentional neglect of Madison was not setting well with Jack, a huge blow-up between the two of them coming just two days ago when she showed up at the hospital with Halloween treats she'd put together for the twins and nothing for Madison. Jack reminded her that he had three children in his home and she quickly reminded him that she only had two grandchildren and it went down hill from there, ending with him denying her access to any of the children until she could figure out how to love all three of them.

Jack had kept most of his anxieties over Sarah, his hand, his mother and what the future held to himself, still unable to just naturally share his troubles with Kate, finding it easier just to suck it up and pretend like everything was fine. As they rushed home to get the children dressed for the evenings' Halloween festivities Kate could tell he was very preoccupied, so much so he'd become quite edgy the past few days. They entered their home, sent the nanny home and began the task of feeding the kids some food before they abused their tummies with excessive amounts of candy.

"I'll just throw together some hot dogs and macaroni and cheese, the twins really don't eat much else anyway." Kate said.

"Kids eat what they're offered." Jack commented in a disparaging tone.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kate snapped.

"It means we don't make our kids eat right. We're either too busy or too lazy." He huffed.

"What's going on with you Jack? You've been short and snapping at me for days and I'm sick of it." Kate accused.

He immediately felt bad and approached her. He kissed her gently and hugged her into his body, rubbing his hands over her back in a soothing manner.

"I'm sorry. I guess between the hospital, the clinic and the kids I'm just over tired. Hot dogs and macaroni and cheese are fine. I'll go see if Maddie has homework so we can make sure she has it done before we take them out." He said and kissed her again.

Jack grabbed a beer and went into the living room to play with the twins and help Madison with any homework she might have. He sat down on the couch and the twins immediately began crawling all over him, demanding hugs and kisses and attention which he happily returned finding their happiness and unconditional love for him relaxing. Madison was sitting in-between the couch the coffee table with a math book, paper and pencil, looking distressed. Jack leaned over with the two toddlers hanging on his back and looked at the paper. She had two problems done and 23 to go.

"What's wrong Maddie?" Jack asked.

"I don't want to do it. The teacher is stupid." Maddie whined.

"Why is she stupid?" Jack asked.

"It's trick-or-treat night and she maked us do all these problems. She's stupid." Madison complained.

"She made you do all these problems not maked. She didn't give you any time in class to do them?" Jack asked as he helped Andrew slide off of him and back onto the floor.

"Not too much time." Maddie answered as she looked at the floor.

Jack placed his fingers gently under her chin and tilted her head back up so she could look at him.

"Uh huh, maybe somebody didn't use their class time to do their work?" Jack pushed.

"They are hard. Will you help me Jack?" Madison whined.

"You got the first two right, so keep going and if you get one wrong I'll tell you and we'll figure out what you did wrong." Jack told her as he adjusted Kayla in his lap.

"I'll never get them all done in time." She whined.

"No, you won't if you keep whining at me instead of working them." Jack told her in a no-nonsense, you're pushing it kid tone.

"You would help me if mommy didn't tell you to stop." Madison grumbled and scribbled out the next problem.

"Your mom was right Maddie, you won't learn if I do them for you. I screwed up and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been doing so much of your work for you." Jack defended Kate.

"She's just being a bitch." Madison said hatefully.

"Excuse me?" Jack said in a tone that should've told the child she was walking on thin ice, but made her angrier instead.

"Just shut up if you aren't going to help me Jack." Madison ordered.

"I think you need to take your homework and your attitude and go to your room and stay there until I say it's okay to come out." Jack said.

She stood and turned to face him.

"But it's Halloween and I'm hungry." She whined.

"I'll bring you some dinner as soon as it's ready. Take your book and go Madison." Jack said sternly.

"No! I want to go trick-or-treating!" She screamed, her little hands clenched in anger as she jumped up and down in front of him, the beginning of a full blown tantrum.

Kate came into the room to see why her daughter was screaming like a three year old just in time to witness the straw that would break the camel's back, the camel being Jack in this case. Andrew had gone unnoticed by Maddie or Jack and managed to grab her pencil and scribble all over her math book and over the two problems that she did have done. Jack finally noticed and pulled the pencil out of his hand drawing Madison's attention to the destruction. She reacted by calling the two year old stupid and shoving him hard, sending him backward, the side of his head smacking the edge of the table on the way down.

Jack immediately reached for the boy and picked him up, watching him hold his breath as he worked up the scream that was either going to erupt or the child would pass out from a lack of oxygen. Jack blew in his face and the little boy let go and screamed, the color returning to his face quickly. Jack felt the side of his head until he found the large bump surfacing, but thankfully it all felt firm and there was no blood. He hugged the boy and apologized for pressing on the sensitive spot, but was too angry to comfort him. He handed him to Kate, picked up the math book and the paper and pencil and firmly took hold of Madison's hand.

"I'm sorry!" Madison cried.

"So am I." Jack said and began leading her out of the room.

"Jack, what are you going to do?" Kate asked regretting the tone in which she asked the question immediately.

Jack shot her a quick look that was a combination of disappointment and hurt and then focused his attention back on the child attempting to break free from his grasp.

"I'm taking her to her room, that's all. What did you think I was going to do Kate?" Jack snapped.

Jack led the crying little girl to her room, set her homework on the desk and sat the child on the chair in front of the desk, kneeling down in front of her.

"Finish your homework and get ready for bed." Jack told her.

"But what about trick-or-treat?" She whimpered.

"You should've thought about that before you called your mother a bitch and shoved Andrew." Jack replied, his tone even and flat as he did his best to suppress the rage that he knew he couldn't unleash on a an adult, much less a child.

"I'm hungry." She screamed in his face.

"I'll bring you something to eat. I'm not kidding around here Maddie. What you did was very bad and you aren't coming out of here for the rest of the night." He remained firm with her.

"I hate you! I want my real daddy!" She yelled.

"Sorry, I'm all you've got." Jack huffed and stood to leave the room.

Madison exploded and began throwing everything she could get her hands on, the anger over the situation with her father finally surfacing. Jack let her go for a bit and then tried to stop her, her fists hitting him and her feet kicking him as she continued to melt down, Kate coming through the door and watching with great sadness and grief, refusing to listen to Jack and leave them alone.

Jack sat in the floor with Madison until all of her fight was gone, holding onto her so she couldn't hurt herself, hurting for her but feeling like he too might go crazy if it didn't stop soon. She finally settled down, pulled away from him and curled up in a ball in the floor, her breath hitching as he sat beside her, not touching her per her request. Kate's natural instincts were to coddle and hold and try to comfort the child, but Jack made her stay back insisting it was between them and she needed to let them work it out. Kate had finally had enough and moved to the spot where Maddie lay crying.

"This is bullshit Jack. You pick Halloween, one of the two biggest kid holidays of the year to finally grow a spine and try to enforce some discipline?!" Kate yelled at him.

"Kate, I didn't pick anything, and this is obviously something she needed to let go of." Jack defended himself.

"Maybe she did, but enough. Let's try to salvage Halloween." Kate insisted.

"Kate, I told her she couldn't go trick-or-treating." Jack said.

"Well that's just mean Jack." Kate snapped and picked her daughter up.

"Great Kate, now she knows how to get around any punishment I dole out." Jack argued.

"It's Halloween Jack and we are going to eat dinner and take the kids out. Are you going to help me get them dressed or not?" Kate asked angrily.

"No Kate I'm not. Go ahead and take Maddie I can't stop you, but the twins can stay home with me." Jack said.

"So what, now you're going to punish them because I dared to question your authority?" Kate asked.

"Oh give me a break. They aren't old enough to care whether they go out or not." Jack snapped and left the room.

Kate watched him walk away knowing that if she couldn't find the courage to stand behind his decision to punish Madison that it might do irreparable damage, the child's meltdown probably the healthiest emotional progress she'd made since her world had been turned upside down. Her behavior before the meltdown was anything but acceptable and the fact that Jack had remained as calm as he did was further proof to the child that he would never hurt her and that he loved her. Should she risk the progress that was made for a bag of candy?

Madison moved away from Kate, walked across the room, grabbed her costume and candy bag and happily approached her mom with an air of bratty arrogance that Kate didn't care for.

"Can we go now mommy? Jack's stupid. It will be more fun without the babies so who cares if they come." She said.

"You know what baby girl, as much as I love you and as much as it hurts me to make you miss out on this, I think Jack is right. You have been very bad tonight and maybe Jack would never spank you, but if I ever hear you call him stupid or anything equally disrespectful again I will. He loves you Madison and would do anything for you and has and you think you can call him ugly names just because you're not getting your way?" Kate scolded the child.

"I'm sorry mommy." Madison said and began crying again.

"That's enough with tears Maddie. You made some really bad choices tonight kiddo and when you make bad choices there are consequences so you need to pick up the mess you made in here and then do what Jack told you to do. What did he tell you to do?" Kate asked.

"He said I have to finish my homework and get ready for bed, but mommy I'm sorry and I'll tell him too. Please, I want to go trick-or-treating." Madison begged.

"I know you do honey and I believe you really are sorry, but not for the right reasons yet. You're sorry because you're going to miss out on something fun, but that's not why you need to feel sorry." Kate told her.

"Why should I feel sorry?" Madison asked.

"I think after you get ready for bed you should think about Andrew and Jack and me and how you made us feel tonight and when I come to kiss you goodnight you can tell me if you know why you should feel sorry. Okay?" Kate told her.

Madison didn't answer. She was seven and very disappointed over missing Halloween at the moment and when you are seven the capacity to think beyond the moment doesn't come without a lot of effort. Kate left her to clean up her room and finish her homework.

Jack took Madison a plate of food just as he said he would and then joined Kate and the twins in the dining room for a quiet dinner, neither in the mood to discuss what had taken place. Kate bathed the twins and sent them to Jack one at a time to be dressed and groomed. It was their routine, the same routine he'd practiced with Sarah for the first 14 months of their lives and wasn't ready to give up.

Kate cleaned up the kitchen while Jack put the twins to bed. He settled both of them in and then walked toward Madison's room. He knocked lightly and opened the door. She was sitting on her bed waiting to be tucked in, something she had requested Jack do most nights since they'd become a family, but not on this night.

"Mommy will do it." Maddie told him.

"Okay." Jack said as he entered the room.

"I said mommy will do it." Maddie said again and turned away from him.

"I know. Do you want me to check your homework?" Jack asked.

"No." Maddie answered.

Jack sighed and walked to the bed. He leaned in and kissed the side of her head.

"Goodnight munchkin. I love you." He told her not expecting to hear it back tonight, but it still hurt and tugged at his heart when he didn't.

Jack left Maddie's room and entered his own, stripping down and stepping into the shower, hoping the hot water might relieve some of the stress. A feeling of dread and hopelessness was starting to consume him and the mini-war he'd just had with his new family certainly didn't help alleviate those feelings.

Kate had tucked Maddie in, but got no answer from the child as to why she should feel sorry. Kate wanted her daughter to realize on her own that you should feel bad when you hurt someone you love and she knew that she would once she got over her personal disappointment. She entered the bedroom and found Jack lying in bed flipping through the channels and brooding. Too tired to fight with him, she simply sighed and headed for the shower.

Kate joined him in the bed, freshly showered and spent. He offered a quick peck on the lips, handed her the remote and rolled onto his side so that his back was to her. She understood that the scene with Madison had been hard for him and that her initial reaction to it had made him mad, but there was more and the fact that he once again was keeping things to himself aggravated her and made her less sympathetic to the dagger her daughter had shoved through his heart this evening.

"You know this would've been the first time I ever got to take my little girl trick-or-treating and I was looking forward to dressing the twins up in those pumpkin costumes and maybe you think that's stupid because they're too little to care, but it mattered to me, the whole stupid holiday, our first as a family, was something I was really looking forward to, so you're not the only one feeling like shit Jack." She told him, dropping the remote over his shoulder and laying down, rolling onto her side so that her back was to him.

He grabbed the remote, turned the television off and tossed the remote to the floor before turning over onto his other side, propped up on his elbow. He placed his hand gently on her arm and kissed the top of her shoulder.

"I don't want to fight with you and I'm sorry everything got ruined. I hate that you wanted something that much and it never occurred to me to notice how important it was to you. I'm not sure if that makes me stupid or just completely insensitive, but I promise to work on it." Jack said sweetly.

She rolled onto her back and looked into his troubled eyes.

"Jack please talk to me and tell me what is going on with you? I know tonight was upsetting, but you were ticking before any of that happened." Kate pleaded with him.

"I'm okay Kate, I'm just trying to do too much." He lied

"Maybe you need to give up the clinic for awhile." Kate suggested.

"I have to finish my community service Kate." He argued.

"Oh yeah, I forgot I married a criminal." Kate teased making him smile for the first time that evening.

"It's early and there is a theory that sex alleviates stress. Want to test that theory?" He asked and kissed her softly.

"You seem awfully stressed, it could take quite a bit of sex for the test to be considered fair." She grinned.

They made love and for the first time since they'd met it didn't go well. Jack's pent up stress obviously affecting this aspect of his life too as he tried and tried but couldn't climax, Kate finally convincing him to stop pounding on her and allow her to help him over the edge. He did move off of her, but refused to let her help, knowing that nothing was going to work, not tonight. She was unhappy, feeling like she'd done something wrong. He pushed up onto his side again, pushed the hair out of her face and kissed her.

"This has nothing to do with you Kate. You're sexy and beautiful and I love you more than anything else in life and tomorrow or the next day we'll do this again and everything will be fine. This is all about me. I've got to stop trying to do so much." He told her.

"Are you lying to me Jack? Do you swear that's all that is wrong with you?" Kate pushed.

"Yes." Jack answered, the simple one word answer his way of answering just her first question, but making it sound like he was swearing that it was all that was bothering him.

They cuddled up together and he lay quietly listening to her breath, unable to turn his brain off and find sleep himself, but content to hold her and watch her sleep.

Jack left before Kate the next morning, quickly kissing the three small heads and lingering a little with the set of lips waiting at the end of the line for him, smiling at her, telling her he loved her and dashing out the door. She spent most of the day at the clinic with Jack on her mind, an uneasy feeling gnawing at her, the two unanswered voice mails she'd left for him increasing her fears that something was wrong so when his attorney came through the door of the clinic close to closing time with a look of panic on his face she could say she wasn't surprised, but that didn't make the moment any less unsettling.

"What happened?" Kate asked immediately.

"Is he here Kate?" The attorney asked.

"I haven't seen or heard from all day, what's going on?" Kate asked her voice revealing the fear that was quickly building.

"Sarah clobbered him this morning Kate." He answered.

"What? What do you mean clobbered?" She asked.

"I mean clobbered. She went to a judge with a file full of allegations of drinking problems, instances of his drunken one night stands, complete with photos of him leaving bars with his conquests. Apparently she had him followed after she left him. She made sure she included the fact that he's on probation right now, that his father drank himself to death and finished him off with the details of his new wife's abusive ex-husband's murder, followed by a shooting at the clinic where he was working off his community service. She crucified him Kate and the judge reversed the temporary custody to Sarah. She showed up at his house early this morning to take the kids back." He explained.

"Take them where?" Kate asked.

"She's staying with family, she still can't leave the state of California with them, but it was bad Kate, the scene was ugly and I thought Jack was finally going to lose it and physically harm her." He told her.

"Jack was there?" Kate asked still confused and very hurt that Jack hadn't come to tell her this himself.

"Yes, your nanny called him at the hospital when the police showed up to take the children. He called me and I met him at the house. There was nothing I could do right then, but I've had time to go through the file and it's not as bad as he believes it is, but I can't find him to tell him that his chances of gaining full custody of Andrew are still very good." He continued on.

"Just Andrew?" Kate asked.

"Kate, he's known all along that his chances with Kayla were slim, that being allowed visitation with her was probably the most he could hope for. Did he not tell you this?" He asked.

"I guess we really haven't talked much about how the actual custody would play out, but that doesn't matter right now. Why would he just take off? I don't understand." Kate said.

"He was a mess when I left him, but I thought he'd be okay when I promised him I'd clear my schedule and do everything I could to make sure he could at least see the children as much as he wanted until a permanent custody situation is decided. They were screaming and crying for him and he had to stand by helplessly and watch it happen and I knew he was teetering on the edge, but I had to tell him." He said.

"Tell him what?" Kate asked.

"About the paternity of the infant." He answered.

"So it's his then, she's managed to steal three children away from him." Kate said hatefully.

"No Kate, he's not that baby's father." He told her.

"I don't understand." Kate said.

"The DNA, I had to have the test run a second time just to be sure. There are shared markers in their genetic profiles, but not in the way you'd expect. They're siblings Kate." He told her and watched the blood drain from her face as she absorbed the information fully, the implications and the the impact it had to have had on Jack.


	25. Chapter 25

Kate hurried home to be with Madison knowing she would be confused about the situation with the twins. She was worried about Jack, worried about where he was and what he was doing to himself, this latest news equally or more disturbing than the news that had sent him on a destructive binge of alcohol and sleeping pills. Kate wasn't that well acquainted with Sarah and knew very little about Jack's father, but just thinking about what had obviously taken place was making her nauseous so she couldn't imagine what it was doing to Jack.

By the time Kate arrived at the house Madison had been told about the twins being taken away. She sat at the dining room table quietly doing her homework, waiting for her mom and Jack to get home. She saw the car pull into the driveway and ran out the front door to greet them, stopping and looking confused when Kate exited the car alone.

"Hi baby, how was school?" Kate attempted to sound cheerful.

"Where's Jack?" Madison asked.

"He's still at work sweetie." Kate lied.

"Is he really sad mom?" Maddie asked and began crying.

Kate approached the child, picked her up and carried her into the house. She thanked Elisha, their nanny for staying later than usual and carried Maddie into the living room. They sat together in the chair and Kate pulled her back so she could look at her.

"I guess Elisha told you what happened." Kate said.

"Why did that lady take the babies mom? Jack is a good daddy." Maddie asked.

"Honey it's complicated, but it's not because Jack wasn't a good father to them." Kate told her.

"I made him sad last night mommy and now he's really going to be sad. He takes care of us when we're sad mom so we have to do stuff to make him feel better." Maddie insisted as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks with Kate's not far behind as she thought about how right Maddie was and how incredibly sad Jack probably was at the moment.

"It's going to be okay baby and Jack's going to be okay." Kate told the child, holding her close and rocking her slowly.

Maddie jumped out of Kate's lap and ran to get her backpack. She pulled out the phone Jack bought her and turned it on.

"What are you doing sweetie?" Kate asked standing and taking the phone from her.

"I have to call him mommy." Madison said.

"You can't call him right now." Kate told her and turned the phone off.

"I have to mommy! I have to tell him I'm sorry. I didn't say it back last night and he thinks I hate him, please mommy I don't want Jack to be more sad because of me." Madison pleaded with her.

Kate walked the child back over to the chair and pulled her into her lap, talking softly to her and calming her down.

"This is what I wanted you to understand last night honey. This is what it really means to feel sorry for making a bad choice. It feels pretty awful huh?" Kate said.

"Mommy no, I don't want to talk about it, I just want to say I'm sorry. I really am. He's not stupid and I don't hate him. I have to tell him I didn't mean it." She pleaded with her mother and tried to grab the phone back from her.

"Maddie he knows you don't hate him and Andrew knows you didn't mean to hurt him and I know you didn't mean any of the things you said yesterday, but the thing about words Maddie is that once you let them slip out of your mouth, you can never take them back so you should always be careful what you say, especially when you are angry." Kate explained.

"Okay, but can we please call him and see if he needs us?" Maddie asked.

"He needs us honey, but we need to let him come home to us when he's ready." Kate said.

"Why?" Maddie asked.

"Because you're right and Jack is very sad right now and sometimes when people are sad they need some time to be alone, so let's you and me make some dinner or maybe order a pizza. It's Friday night, maybe Amy would like to come over." Kate suggested.

"No mom, I don't feel like it." Maddie said sadly and slid out of her lap returning to the dining room table to finish her math problems.

Kate spent the evening trying not to appear as freaked out as she felt. He hadn't called or even sent a text message. By midnight she was pacing as Maddie who had finally given up the fight lay sleeping on the couch. She saw the headlights in the driveway and sucked in her breath, praying it was him and not the police. She moved toward the front door and watched through the glass as he walked slowly up the sidewalk. He didn't appear to be drunk. He came through the door and stopped, looking her up and down and knowing he owed her not only an explanation but an apology, but all he could manage was a quick "hey" before shutting the door and locking the deadbolt.

She followed him into the living room. He looked at Madison sleeping on the couch and then back at Kate.

"She was worried and wanted to wait up for you." Kate told him and watched him bite his bottom lip and then reach down and pick the child up.

He carried her into her bedroom and Kate pulled the blankets back so he could lay her down. She opened her eyes, confused but aware enough to see it was Jack that was putting her to bed.

"Jack." She mumbled sleepily.

"Shh, it's late munchkin, we'll talk in the morning." Jack said softly and kissed her on the forehead.

"I love you." She said softly.

"I love you too." He said and kissed her one more time before quickly pulling away, turning his back and leaving the room as fast as he could.

Kate followed him, refusing to let him get away and withdraw from her. She caught up to him in-between the living room and dining room and grabbed onto both of his arms, forcing him to look at her.

"Kate, I can't…." Was all he managed to get out before she wrapped her arms around his neck and shoulders.

"Yes you can, it's okay Jack, you're allowed to hurt in front of me." Kate whispered and then began sobbing as she felt him breaking down and holding onto her like she was the only thing in the entire world keeping him from losing his mind.

They stood together in the room, crying and holding onto one another and neither was sure for how long as he told her how helpless and worthless he felt watching them cry for him and not be able to do anything about it. Once she felt like he'd gotten that part out of his system she led him over to the couch, sat down with him and held onto his hand, rubbing her fingers lightly over the scar that would take years to fade.

"Your attorney gave me the highlights of your awful morning and I wish I would've been here with you, but I know that there is more Jack. You have been moody and edgy and stressed out for awhile so I want you tell me the rest, tell me what's been weighing so heavily on your mind." Kate insisted.

"I just knew this was coming Kate. Sarah had been too quiet, too agreeable. I knew she was waiting to pounce; I just had no idea when or how hard. I really wasn't expecting to find out she gave birth to my brother. That's so fucked up I can't even think about it for more than five minutes without feeling like I'm going to go crazy." Jack told her.

"Okay you were worried that Sarah would pounce, but what else? You've got to stop doing this Jack!" She raised her voice becoming frustrated with him.

"Doing what Kate?" He asked.

"This. You keep all this shit bottled up inside of you until you are ready to explode or in the case of last night you're so constipated with pent up emotions that you can't explode." She said.

"Because it's whining Kate, because if you can't suck it up and just deal with it then you're weak. What good does it do to burden other people with your problems?" He asked, becoming aggravated with her needling.

"Other people? I'm your wife Jack and I love you and I want to hear all about your day and your problems and maybe you should learn to take your own advice. You know the advice you give to little girls about not keeping things locked up in here." Kate said and poked her finger at his heart to emphasis where "here" was.

"She told you about that?" Jack asked, impressed the child had the capacity to recollect so much detail.

"Jack you are currently her favorite person in the world and she hangs on your every word and loves to share all of your wonderful advice with me." Kate told him.

"Kate it's just everything, little things that when you pool them all together start to become big things. I mean, my mom and me bickering about something is typically just part of a normal day for me, but this time it's so personal, the idea that she would purposely hurt the feelings of an innocent child makes me wonder if both my parents were born void of compassion or if life made them that way and if so, is that what I'm going to become eventually?" He explained, slowly starting to let go.

She didn't want to interrupt him, didn't want to give him a chance to catch himself and stop so she nodded and allowed him to see that she knew he was talking about his mother not wanting anything to do with Madison, let him see that it obviously stung, but that she wasn't going to let it destroy her or anything and then got him to relax back into the sofa and continue on, still holding onto his hand, her body pressed comfortably, securely against his.

"My hand isn't getting better Kate and it should be completely healed by now. It's weak and it shakes and I should be so fucking scared and freaked out about that and a part of me really is, but there's this other part of me that almost feels relieved, like I'm being given an out here. I don't want to turn into my father Kate and I must've been damn close while I was married to Sarah because it's the only thing that makes sense. I mean, how bad of a husband are you when your wife resorts to fucking your father to get back at you. I can't even begin to describe to you what it feels like to try to process that information." He continued on, but then stopped and got up.

He went into the kitchen and returned with a bottle of beer for himself and a bottle of water for her.

"Then there's this situation with kids and not just the twins. On one hand I'm dealing with the idea of losing them again and I can't stand the thought of not having them in my life, of not having my little boy run up to me with a toy he's pulled apart and begging me to fix it and Kayla, god Kate, she's my baby girl and I'm going to lose her, be reduced to quarterly visits and maybe a sniff on the holidays and how am I supposed to accept that when just the idea of it hurts so much I feel like I can't breathe?" He said, his voice growing softer as the admission triggered his emotions and he had to stop and get that under control.

"You said there was a situation with all the kids, what's going on with Madison that is eating at you?" Kate asked.

"Last night was pretty awful Kate, but it was progress, the first real progress we've made with her since we took her away from Michael, but you fought me, you always fight me. You tell me to get tougher with her, but then you undermine everything I do and I'm so tired of it. I'm sick of being constantly reminded that I'm not her father, that I'm basically nobody. I'm just the guy that married her mom, the guy that she loves as long as I'm giving into her very wish." Jack complained.

"Jack, three months ago you said you were content to be "Just Jack" to her and now what, you're pissed off because I respected your wishes and didn't try to force my child on you?" Kate asked, taking offense to the idea that she was keeping him from developing a relationship with her daughter.

"Kate I said I was ready to be whatever Madison needed me to be, but that it was up to her, that we shouldn't push her. I never said I didn't want to be a father to her, but apparently that's all you heard. You're on me constantly to stop spoiling her and to stop just being her pal, but you won't let me be anything more and she wants more than that from me Kate, she's practically begging for it or did you not notice that last night." Jack continued to vent his frustrations.

"Jack, I………" Kate started, but he continued on without letting her finish.

"I'm confused Kate and I admit it, I'm a little scared, not only because you won't let me be a father to Madison, but because I know, well I don't know for sure, but I strongly suspect you are pregnant, but you haven't said a word and I don't understand why you wouldn't want to tell me." He said, his voice so sad she had to swallow the large lump that instantly developed in her throat.

"How did you know?" She asked quietly, almost ashamed.

"The sudden onset of fatigue, the getting weepy over nothing, the sensitivity to smells and it's been a long time since I've been turned down in bed because it's the wrong time of the month. Nobody would ever accuse me of being an overly attentive husband Kate, but I'm not so out of touch that I wouldn't notice the tale-tale signs of pregnancy and I kept waiting for you tell me and you never did. I don't understand Kate. Are you having second thoughts? Are you thinking about not having it or maybe taking it away? I mean what is it about me that makes women not want to let me be a father? I thought we wanted this and we have it and you aren't excited about it and that's why I couldn't finish last night because the entire time I was making love to you all I could think about was that you are pregnant and don't want to be." He told her.

He wasn't being whiney or paranoid, he was accepting what he perceived as the reality that he had failed again and was about to lose another child because of it and it broke her heart to know that her silence had hurt him so much. She was rattled by the realization that the fears Michael had instilled in her that she was trying so hard to let go of, but that were embedded so deep she couldn't were causing her to subconsciously sabotage Jack's relationship with Maddie.

What Jack didn't know however, was that the incident with Madison the night before had alleviated many of those fears, that his calm, rational handling of a child that in her day would've found herself being spanked all the way into the bedroom and left to stew without any words of wisdom and probably no dinner, had helped her accept and believe that he would never treat her or Maddie the way Michael had and she wasn't even really aware that all of that was going through her mind until just now.

"Jack, I'm sorry. You're right, everything you said about Madison is true even though I didn't realize I was doing that until just now. I guess even though he's dead, Michael is still ruling my life so maybe I should take your advice and find someone to talk to about it before I ruin the first good thing I've known. I am pregnant and I don't know why I haven't told you, but it has nothing to do with not wanting your baby and certainly isn't about not wanting you. Maybe I'm just scared that all this good that has come into my life might go away if I actually put it out there to be recognized." She explained.

He wrapped his arm around her, pulled her into him and closed his other arm around her, holding her like he would never let her go.

"We're both kind of a nervous, twitchy, shell-shocked mess aren't we? Maybe instead of finding someone to talk to, we should try talking to each other because it would appear that I'm not the only one that likes to keep things bottled up." Jack offered.

"I will if you will. I am happy about this baby Jack. Today doesn't seem like the right day to be happy or excited about it though, not when there has been so much shock and sadness." Kate admitted.

"Today is okay Kate. It's the one bright spot in an otherwise gloomy day." Jack said.

"No, the real bright spot is that you didn't go out and obliterate yourself with alcohol because I have to be honest with you Jack, when I saw those headlights in the driveway I was expecting a police cruiser. I think you not getting drunk today shows a great deal of strength and integrity." Kate said.

"I'm not that honorable Kate and really don't deserve the awe you're regarding me with at the moment. I was going to get drunk because I'm weak and that's what I do when life gets too fucked up to deal with. In fact, I had already gone to my favorite bar and had gone inside and ordered a drink, no beer, I was going straight for the hard stuff." Jack admitted.

"So what made you change your mind?" Kate asked.

"I pulled out my wallet to give Charlie my credit card to run a tab, you know before I got so drunk I couldn't find my wallet and the first thing I saw was this little piece paper that Maddie gave me a while back. She had put on some lipstick and kissed the piece of paper. She told me to keep it so when I was having a bad day I could pull it out and put it on my cheek and it would be like she was giving me a kiss and making me feel better. I guess it was kind of like the locket I gave her. It was really cute and sweet so I made a big deal of putting it in my wallet while she was watching. I had forgotten about it, but then today when I'm at the lowest point in my life I open my wallet and there it is, this sign, this huge reminder that there are people depending on me and I couldn't do it Kate. I couldn't put you through another episode of me being too drunk to take care of myself and I'd never want Maddie to see me like that." He told her.

"Like I said, strength and integrity. Choosing us over comfort for yourself was very honorable Jack and you're no longer just one step closer to not becoming your father, you've made the entire leap. You aren't him and you aren't your mother's uncompassionate son and you are a wonderful husband and father. So, what did you do today Jack?" Kate asked.

"I spent the day driving around to all the different places my father my never took me, had myself a little pity party and then spent the last few hours at the cemetery talking to him. Why can't I just be angry and disgusted with him and let him go Kate? Jesus, the man slept with and impregnated my wife, does it get any more vile than that?" Jack struggled with his emotions.

"He's your father Jack and also the most important and influential person in your life from what I can gather. How does a person let go of that? I'm not sure who is more disgusting in all of this, the woman that promised to always love you and forsake all others or the man you should've been able to trust to never betray you in this way. Either way it's probably the worst thing that two people who are supposed to care about you could do you Jack and if anyone deserved a drink today you did, but I'm so happy that you found a less destructive way to deal with it." Kate said.

"Deal with it? Hell, I don't even know where to begin, but finding that little piece of paper helped me realize that giving Sarah more ammunition to use against me wasn't the place to start. You were right. She knows how to push all the right buttons and has expectations for how I'll react when she does, but no more. She's not going to keep me from them and she might win the battle for custody, but by god she's going to know she's just been through a war and will be licking her wounds by the time it's over. All I need is to visualize that hateful smirk she had on her face today to keep me ready and willing to do whatever it takes to fight her. Who does that Kate? I mean what kind of mother can stand there and watch her babies crying and hurting and get off on it?" Jack spat angrily.

They didn't talk anymore after that, instead they snuggled up together on the couch and watched a movie, something they hadn't done in a long time, both of them falling asleep less than an hour into it. He awoke the next morning in his bed, but had no memory of how he got there. His mind and body so exhausted he had apparently walked to bed without remembering any of it. He moved out of the bed and into the bathroom.

He could hear their voices as he walked out of the bedroom and toward the kitchen and could smell the cookies or cake that was either in the oven or had just come out of the oven. He was just about to round the corner when Kate met him and pulled him into the living room.

"You can't go in there, Maddie is making you something." Kate told him.

"That's really sweet Kate, but I need coffee. Can you tell her I'll close my eyes, which really wouldn't be far from the truth." Jack asked.

"No, I'll bring you some coffee, just sit down and relax. You do know how to relax don't you?" Kate teased knowing that the man had no idea how to relax.

Jack sat in the living room drinking coffee and finding that the smells coming from the kitchen were making him hungry. He was just about to get up and investigate when Maddie walked into the living room carrying a plate. He smiled and relaxed back into the couch. She walked up to him and handed him the plate, that was actually a platter and nearly bigger than the child. He held the plate in his hand and studied it, finding it nearly impossible to keep his emotions in check.

As he studied the plate of gingerbread men that had been decorated with so much detail he couldn't imagine how long the little girl had been working on them, he was both touched and saddened. The one large gingerbread man in the middle was him and the three smaller gingerbread men, all with appropriate colored hair were Maddie and the twins. The large gingerbread man had a white shirt frosted onto him and in red letters on the front of the shirt the words "Best Dad Ever". He sucked up his grief and sadness and forced a smile for her, knowing she wasn't trying to make him sad. He set the plate on the coffee table and pulled the little girl into his lap, thanking her, hugging her and kissing her on the cheek.

"Those are great Maddie. Did you make them by yourself?" He asked.

"Mommy helped me some, but I told her how I wanted the words." She admitted.

"It's the best surprise anyone ever gave me." He told her.

"Really?" She asked.

"Really, but I can't eat them, they're too special. We'll have to find a way to save them so I can keep them forever." Jack told her.

"I made some more you can eat, I'll go get them." She said and ran to the kitchen, returning with a plate and crawling back into his lap. He took a bite chewed it up and smiled at her.

"These are good. I haven't eaten a gingerbread man since I was kid." Jack told her.

"Jack, I'm sorry I'm bad." She told him.

"You aren't bad Maddie, what you did was bad. You are one terrific kid and don't ever forget that." Jack told her.

"I don't hate you and I won't never say that again." She continued to apologize.

"I know you didn't mean it, but I'm glad you're not going to say it anymore." He said.

"I know you're sad about the babies going away. I wish that lady didn't do that, you're a good daddy." She said.

"Thank you for saying that munchkin, it means a lot to me and I'll be okay so I don't want you worrying about me. Okay?" Jack said and kissed her on the tip of her nose.

"I know it's not the same, but if you wanted, I could be your little girl until you get Kayla back." Maddie offered and Jack was certain his broken heart started to mend just a little in that moment.

"You're right, it's not the same because you're Maddie and she's Kayla and I could never replace either one of you. If you really want to be my little girl I would love that, but there's one condition." Jack told her.

"What?" Maddie asked.

"It has to be forever." Jack said.

"Does that mean you're going to be my daddy and I don't have to call you Jack no more?" She asked.

"Are you sure that's what you want?" Jack asked.

"I do for so long, but…" Maddie admitted.

"But what?" Jack asked softly, sweetly trying to make sure she understood she could tell him anything.

"You have your own babies, I didn't know if you wanted me, but mommy and me talked today and she said I should talk to you because you would never tell me lies." Maddie told him, her bottom lip quivering as she fought back her tears.

Jack pulled the little girl into his chest, wrapping both arms around her and hugging her as tight as he could without hurting her, wishing that this sweet little girl could've believed all along that he'd be anything she needs to him to be, that he loved her and the fact that she didn't come from his loin didn't matter to him. He wished she didn't have to know so much hurt and confusion at such a tender age, that her loving him and wanting him to be her dad was normal and okay and that she didn't need anyone's permission to feel that way.

"I want you Maddie and always have. You are all my babies, every one of you is loved the same. You, Andrew, Kayla and even the baby inside your mom's stomach, I love all of you and I want to be your daddy if you want me to be." Jack said.

"I do and I promise to be good." Maddie told him as she pulled back from his clutches, sat up on her knees, kissed him on the cheek and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Just promise to try honey, nobody can be good all the time." Jack said, his large hand on her back in a comforting manner, glancing across the room at Kate who wiped her own tears and nodded at him before leaving the room.

Maddie pulled back and looked at him, as serious a look as he'd experienced from her.

"Mommy has a baby in her stomach?" Maddie asked.

"Yes. What do you think?" Jack asked.

"What kind is it?" Maddie asked.

"We don't know yet, but I bet he or she is going to love their big sister as much as Andrew and Kayla do." Jack told her.

"Ja…..um, daddy can I ask you something?" Maddie asked.

"You can ask me anything." He said and then secretly hoped she wasn't going to ask him how the baby got into her mother's stomach.

"If my other dad is dead and Carol is in jail, who is taking care of my baby sister?" Maddie asked.

"I bet you miss her huh?" Jack said.

"Some, but I never got to play with her too much." Maddie said.

"Why not?" Jack asked.

"My dad said we had to be um…inviduals so we should know how to be happy by ourselves." Maddie explained.

Jack guessed that Michael preferred them separated so that he could do things to them without them going to each other and comparing notes.

"You mean individuals and yes we all need to be who we are, but we don't ever need to do that alone. Your dad was wrong about that and don't worry about your sister, she is being taken care of by people who love her." Jack assured the child.

"He's not my dad anymore, he's just Michael and he's dead. Can he just be Michael and not my daddy?" Maddie asked.

"Sweetheart, he can be whatever you want him to be and that might change every day for awhile and that's okay as long as you always believe that you are special and loved and that it is okay for you to love him or not love him. It is always okay to feel the way that you feel Maddie, there is no right or wrong way to feel about anything." Jack explained.

"I want you to be my daddy and I want my last name to be Shephard like all your other kids. Can Amy come over so I can tell her?" Maddie asked.

"Sure. Go call her and we'll go pick her up if her mom says it's okay." Jack said.

He watched the little girl run off to the kitchen to call her friend and smiled as Kate approached him. She looked happy and had the pregnancy glow and even though his heart was broken over the twins and he was trying to find a way to wrap his brain around with the fact that his wife gave birth to his brother, he was also feeling happy. He'd chosen to recognize and appreciate the gifts he had in his life instead of wallowing in the sorrow and for the first time since his ex-wife left him and took his children he felt confident that everything was going to okay, that no matter what happened, the twins would know their father loves them and wants to be with them and maybe, just maybe, they might even be living with him while they're knowing that.


	26. Chapter 26

_**Per your requests, a chapter of smutty jex. Thanks for the reviews and enjoy!**_

Jack and Kate sat together on the sofa waiting for Madison to return from calling Amy. Jack had pulled her into his lap and was busy nibbling on her neck while his hands found other parts of her to play with, while she slowly nibbled on one of the cookies Madison had brought to Jack. She giggled, his whiskers tickling the soft skin on her neck, and pulled back, slapping the hand that had found its way inside her shirt.

"You better behave or you get to explain when the curious seven year old catches you with your hand up my shirt." She teased.

"I'll just tell her that her mommy is so beautiful and sexy and soft that I want to touch her all the time." Jack said.

"She really, really loves you, you know that don't you?" Kate said.

"I do and I really, really love her too." Jack said.

"She wants you to be her dad more than anything and I think it's wonderful you are willing to take that on, but don't worry about that last name thing, I'll explain it to her." Kate said.

"You mean you'll explain that she has to let me adopt her if she really wants to be a Shephard?" Jack asked.

"You don't have to do that Jack." Kate argued.

"I know, but I want to, unless you don't want me to or unless she doesn't want it to be real. You'll have to talk to her about it, make sure she understands what it means." Jack said.

"You don't want to talk to her about it?" Kate asked.

"I think it would better if it came from you, that way if she doesn't want to make it real, if she wants to remain Michael's daughter she'll say so and won't hold back because she's afraid of hurting my feelings." Jack explained.

"How'd you get so smart about kids?" Kate asked.

"By never being allowed to be one. She's just an innocent little girl; still a baby and I want us to give her the opportunity to finally just be that." He answered.

Kate, touched by his genuine love and concern for Maddie, leaned in and kissed him, deepening it and relaxing further into his warm body as he wrapped her up in his arms and continued to kiss her, neither coming up for air until they were forced to by the demanding child tugging on Jack's knee. They broke apart and looked at the little girl.

"So, are we going to go get Amy?" Jack asked.

"Well, her mommy kind of asked if I could go with them to the mall and to eat and to the hockey game tonight and then spend the night. It's stick night for kids and Amy's dad is going to take us down to the tunnel so the players can tap us with their stick when they go by." Maddie told her.

"That's sounds great. You like hockey?" Jack chuckled.

"I like it when they slam the glass and I like all the fun stuff at the games. Can I go?" Maddie asked.

Jack and Kate looked at each other and shrugged.

"Sure, if you really want to." Kate said.

Maddie looked at Jack and shuffled her feet, her head slightly hung.

"What's the matter?" Jack asked.

"I will stay here with you if you are still sad about the babies leaving." Maddie offered making him smile.

"I appreciate that, but I'm fine munchkin. You should go with your friend and have as much fun as you can." Jack told her.

"Okay, will you take me to her house now?" Maddie asked.

"Sure, I'll help you pack a bag and I'll run you over there." Kate told her and slipped off of Jack's lap.

"Can daddy take me? I want to show Amy." Madison said making both of them laugh lightly.

"He's not a toy Madison." Kate told her.

"I know, but they never met him like this." Maddie argued.

"Like what honey? They've met Jack many times." Kate reasoned.

"But he's not Jack no more, he's my dad. Please." Maddie begged.

"Go get your stuff together and I'll put some shoes on." Jack told her, standing and gently rubbing his hand over the back of her head.

Jack drove Madison to Amy's house and let her drag him to the front door so she could show him off, Amy's parents understanding the child's innocent enthusiasm and having had experienced Michael for the past three years almost as excited about the new dad as the child was. He left her in their capable hands and headed home.

Jack came through the door about an hour after he left, with a dozen roses and a bounce in his step. He found Kate in the bedroom, just putting the finishing touches on a freshly made bed. He put the roses behind his back and cleared his throat. She turned and looked at him.

"Too bad we're going to spend the rest of the day messing it up." Jack teased as he approached her and gave her a quick kiss on the lips before handing her the roses.

"What's this for?" She asked.

"I don't know, something told me that when the woman you love more than life itself tells you she's having your baby that you need to acknowledge that with something beautiful." He told her as he put his arms around her waist and pulled her into him.

"You're in a really good mood Jack, did something happen?" Kate asked.

"Besides finding out I'm going to be a new dad twice over in the last 24 hours? No, not really. I can sit around and mope about how much I miss Andrew and Kayla who I will see soon because I have the best attorney in the state on my side or I can spend the day and night enjoying my beautiful wife. We are going out tonight to celebrate our good news. Dinner and dancing and if you play your cards right some of your favorite ice cream for dessert." He told her.

"You're really excited about this baby aren't you?" Kate asked.

"Of course, but mostly I'm excited about us, we're good together you and me. It's a good feeling knowing I've got you on my side." He said.

"You're being so sweet and mushy today, keep it up and you might get dessert before dinner." Kate teased.

"Mmm, mind if I take a shower first?" He asked with a grin.

"Nope and while you're doing that I'm going to go put these in some water." Kate said landing a quick kiss on his cheek and peeling away from him.

He watched her walk out of the room and began emptying the contents of his pockets onto the dresser. He entered the bathroom, turned the shower on and stripped out of his clothes, rubbing his hand over the growth on his face and then shrugging, deciding he could shave later if she was getting tired of it.

He didn't hear her enter the shower, but felt her presence long before he felt her hands and arms snake around his waist, her warm, slender body pressing into his backside. He gently took hold of her forearm and led her around until she was facing him, her hands on his chest, their bodies just inches apart.

"How come we never take showers together?" Kate asked.

"Probably because we've had a houseful of kids that made it impossible for both of us to be absent at the same time." Jack chuckled.

Kate grabbed the large sponge and squirted some body wash onto it. She began rubbing it in slow, sensuous circles over his chest as the warm water hit their bodies from all directions.

"You know that night I sat in this shower with you and then eventually washed you was such an intimate moment for me. I think it was probably when I realized how deep my feelings for you ran, but more importantly it was when the walls came down completely and I knew that there was at least one man on this earth that I could trust." Kate told him and let him take the sponge from her.

He turned her around, pressing her back into his chest and stomach and began moving the sponge over her breasts and stomach.

"I've never had anyone in my life that would do what you did for me that night Kate and I don't mean just the way you took care of me, but the way you stuck around afterward and didn't suggest I was a complete failure for being weak and obliterating myself. I feel like I'm allowed to be human around you and I love you so much for that." He spoke softly into her ear as he dropped the sponge and began using his hands to move the soap over her body.

She felt herself melting into him, his large soapy hands touching all of her most sensitive areas, sliding down between her legs and back up and cupping her breasts, caressing them softly before letting them move slowly back down, repeating the process over and over, his lips kissing the back of her neck and shoulder and his desire growing and pressing against her back.

She felt his finger slip inside her and she moaned, leaning heavily into him, holding onto the arm that was now wrapped securely around her, holding her close to him while his other hand brought her pleasure. She opened up more for him and felt him add another finger, slowly fucking her with them while whispering all the things he wanted to do her. She closed her eyes, held tightly to his arm and came, exploding over his hand, her legs growing weak and enjoying the way he held onto her, firm yet gentle, the love he felt for her so evident in even just the simple act of holding onto her so she wouldn't fall.

He pulled his hand out of her, his hot breath still on her neck. He nibbled a little more and then let her put more of her own weight back on her feet, finally pushing them apart enough to grab the shampoo and begin washing her hair. His strong hands massaging her scalp feeling so good she thought she could lean back into him and allow him to lull her to sleep.

He turned her around so she could tilt her head back and rinse the shampoo, moving his mouth over her chest as she did so, sucking her nipples and making her moan. She straightened up, her hair squeaky clean and soap free. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, her tongue pushing into his mouth as they found their rhythm, neither wanting to break for air.

"Are you ready to get out?" Jack asked.

"Seriously?" Kate asked.

"I want you so bad and while shower sex is fun, it's exhausting." Jack said.

"Are you going to let me dry you off?" She asked seductively.

"Sure." He answered with a smile.

"Even the parts I want to lick dry?" She asked making him groan.

"Especially those parts." He answered, reaching behind her and turning the water off.

They stepped out of the shower and took turns drying one another. He went first and spent a great deal of time rubbing the towel up and down the inside of her thighs teasing her about how the harder he rubbed her thighs the wetter things seemed to get. She dried him, paying careful and close attention to his erection. It wasn't to the exploding stage, but he was definitely turned on and ready to go.

They exited the bathroom and walked to the bed, stripping it down to the flat sheet that covered the mattress and meeting in the middle. She rolled him onto his back and crawled over him, stretching her warm, freshly bathed body over his, kissing him hungrily and then pulling back, looking into his eyes, seemingly wanting to ask him something, but struggling with it.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing, I was just wondering something." She said.

"What are you wondering?" He asked his hands moving over her back and down to her butt.

"Do you get sick of always having to be so careful with me?" Kate asked.

"What do you mean careful?" He asked.

"I mean never asking or telling me to suck your cock or never taking me from behind unless we're spooning, never just going crazy and telling me how bad you want to fuck my brains out." Kate answered turning him on more than it probably should have.

"No, I'm not sick of it, but if you want me to be more aggressive Kate I will, I'd love to get bossy and dominant in bed with you once in awhile, but I don't want to scare you or bring up bad memories." He admitted.

"You don't scare me Jack and I think I'm ready to try that with you. I get really wet just thinking about you talking that way to me because I know you love me and I love the idea that you could want me so bad it's making you behave really naughty." Kate explained and then gasped when he suddenly rolled her onto her back.

"You think about me being naughty with you? What kind of naughty did you have in mind?" He asked in a lustful tone and kissed her.

"I think about you tying my wrists to the bed and making me yours, making me go along with whatever you want." She admitted and smiled at the noise he made as the statement registered.

Jack moved off the bed, collected a couple of his ties from the closet and returned to the bed. He gently raised her arms above her head and loosely tied her wrists to the headboard and then sat back and looked at her, completely naked, skin slightly flushed with excitement and her eyes staring back into his with so much lustful desire he wrapped his hand around himself without even realizing he was doing it, needing to be come really bad and deciding he'd start there, straddling her and moving up until his tip touched her lips. He pulled his hand away and looked at her waiting to be told what to do.

"Suck it Kate." He ordered in a lust-driven tone his eyes dark and his need intense.

She opened her mouth and pushed himself in just far enough for her to work the head over, holding onto the top of the headboard, the feeling of her wet mouth sucking on his tip like a popsicle making him crazy and he had all the control, how much of his cock she would suck was up to him. He sat back a little, pulling back from her mouth. She licked her lips and smiled a seductive smile at him and he decided he really liked being naughty with her. He placed his tip at her lips again and she teased it with the tip of her tongue, pursing her lips over the very tip and licking away the precum.

He went back up onto his knees and pushed himself into her mouth again and began moving in and out, slowly fucking her mouth, the vibrations from her moans bringing him closer and closer to climaxing. He began moving a little faster and a little deeper, being careful not to gag her, watching her tug at the restraints, the desire to touch him while sucking him driving her crazy. He pulled out, moved back and held onto his cock, letting his release shoot over her stomach and chest.

She was squirming beneath him, turned on and ready for more. He positioned himself between her legs and let his fingers glide through her crease, so wet his fingers came up dripping with her desire. He moved his face down between her legs and began licking and sucking, looking up at her fighting the restraints as the rest of her body wiggled beneath him and sucking her clit into his mouth hard, making her cry out and try to clamp her legs around his head. He pulled away and she whimpered, watching him retreat into the closet again and return with two more ties, promptly tying her ankles to each bed post and then admiring his handy work.

"I'm going to make you come so hard baby and you have to lay there at my mercy and let me keep you coming or let you bottom out." He told her.

He crawled back up the bed, bringing his face back down and picking up where he left off, inserting just one finger and moving it in and out slowly while his mouth covered her clit and his hot, wet tongue brought her to the edge and over, panting, moaning and fighting the restraints as he kept his tongue on her now very sensitive clit, keeping her hips gyrating in his face as she came all over him.

He moved off the bed again and disappeared into the bathroom. She heard water running and then he returned with a warm towel and a bottle of lotion. He gently cleaned his semen off of her and then laid his entire body over her, kissing her with a hot, wet, loving mouth, taking a moment to make sure she knew how much he loved her and how much he still wanted her.

He pulled out of the kiss and sat beside her, putting the lotion on his hands, rubbing them together and then starting at her shoulders began rubbing the lotion onto her skin, his warm strong hands massaging her and turning her entire body into jelly as he continued to apply the lotion over every inch of her. He untied one of her hands and squirted some lotion into it. He moved her hand to his crotch and let go of it.

"Put it on me." He told her.

She began rubbing the lotion onto him, starting with his balls, gently squeezing them as she rubbed the lotion over them, holding her hand out again for more lotion, his hand shaky and sweaty now as he watched her play with his balls. She gripped his penis and began moving her hand up and down, applying the lotion and feeling it harden in her hand, anticipating how good it was going to feel to finally have him inside of her, confident that finishing would not be a problem for him this time.

"I want you inside me Jack." She said.

He tied her hand back to the bed and grabbed lube from the drawer in the nightstand beside the bed. He moved down, untying her legs and pushing them backward, spreading her as far as he could without making her uncomfortable. He squirted the cold lube on her pussy and she squirmed beneath him.

"Do you want me to put on me so I can fuck your brains out?" Jack asked her holding the lube up in front of her.

"Yes, please, lots of it. Make it nice and slippery so you can pound your big, strong cock into me." She panted ready to come just watching him.

Jack covered his swollen, throbbing member with the lube and put his tip at her hole, pushing in a little and then retreating, her body so hot and ready that her skin was hot to the touch, beads of sweat on her breasts, her stomach glistening wet and her pussy dripping for him.

"Tell me." He demanded.

"I want you Jack, all of you, now." She said.

"No Kate, we're being naughty so say it, tell me you want me to fuck you and mean it." He demanded as he continued to tease her with his tip.

"Fuck me Jack, fuck me hard." Kate begged and felt him sink all the way into her with one quick thrust.

He pushed her legs back as far as he wanted them.

"Now you keep your legs just like this Kate, spread them wider if you want but don't try to close them, don't try to wrap them around me. I'm going to pound your pussy so hard and you are going to beg me to go harder." He told her, feeling her soak his throbbing cock with her warmth as she got into it, enjoying his hunger and sharing it.

He pushed up until his arms were flexed out straight and he pulled out and pushed back in as hard as he could, making her entire body jerk with the motion, repeating it again and again, hitting her hard and holding long enough to bring her just a little closer, speeding up and then watching her come, moving her head from side to side as the orgasm ripped through her, her wrists tugging at the restraints as she pulled her legs back further and let the orgasm have its way with her, Jack never slowing down, relentlessly pounding into her, his body so worked up, sweat was dripping from his brow.

He buried himself within her and dropped onto his elbows, sucking her nipples into his mouth, catching his breath, allowing the burn in his muscles to subside, finally covering her mouth with his and drawing her into a deep, passionate, loving kiss, his hips moving slowly, his mind and body having had enough of being naughty and dominant and just wanting to love her now.

He reached up and untied her hands, smiling as she wrapped them around his shoulders and neck, holding him like only she could hold him, like no other woman ever had and he slowed everything down, cuddling and kissing and slowly pushing himself in and out of her, bringing her to a lengthy, warms sweet release that she described to him in detail and he didn't want to stop. He rolled them over and she draped her tired body over his, his penis buried deep within her, hard and slowly thrusting. He sat up with her, holding her close, burying his face in her neck and marking her and she didn't protest, the intensity in which he marked her with making her flood over him again and he let go of a loud, satisfied groan and laid them on their sides.

He pushed her leg up over his hip and pulled their bodies together, thrusting up into her at a quick pace, his need for release starting to overpower his need to keep loving her, the words she was whispering into his ear getting him there and finally taking him over the edge, coming hard and bringing her to a final orgasm, their sweaty bodies stuck together and quivering in unison.

They lay still for a long time, both exhausted and trying to recover. They hadn't separated yet, both too spent to move. He stared into her eyes and then kissed the tip of her nose.

"Who knew that your wife whispering that she loves you and can't wait to have your baby could make a guy finish and finish hard?" He said sweetly, his eyes full of love and awe.

"You are loved Jack and you deserve to be told so and often. So, whether we're fucking our brains out or making sweet, passionate love, I'm going to make sure you know that you mean everything to me." Kate said.

"I love you too Kate." He replied, obviously touched by her sentiment, but his inexperience with being the center of someone's universe leaving him unsure of how to respond.

"So, what should we do with rest of our day?" Kate asked seeing his confusion and finding it adorable enough to make her want to give him a quick out.

"Can you believe we are alone and we can lie in the middle of the bed naked with the door open and no blankets and can stay naked and sleep and make love all afternoon if we want to?" Jack said

"I'm all for the sleeping part, but babe I think you wore me out, anymore orgasms today and I may go into cardiac arrest and that would put a damper on our dinner plans don't you think?" She teased.

"I really do love you Kate, more than I've ever loved anyone or anything. Knowing what you've been through and you not only let me tie you up, but suggested it and the amount of trust it would take for you to get over that hurdle makes me feel like I might've finally got it right, like this really is going to be forever and we're both going to get our happily ever after." Jack told her, finally finding the right words to express what he was feeling.

"I think we are too Jack. I think we're going to have a lifetime of normal, every day problems but no more life altering events and who knows, maybe this baby will the first of many. I kind of like the idea of a house full of kids, so many we have to take a head count when we go places." Kate said and then laughed lightly at the idea of a bus load of children.

"Well, making all those kids would be a lot of fun, but I'm not sure I want to be one of those freak show families with 18 kids like you see on the Discovery channel." Jack chuckled.

"Uh no, I was thinking more along the lines of maybe one or two more and yeah, if the sex is as great as it was today then we will have a lot of fun making them, but I get to tie you up next time." She told him.

They finally separated and then met in the middle of the bed again, snuggled up together naked and content, their bodies cooling and eventually chilling enough for him to retrieve the comforter from the floor and cover them with it before they both drifted off to sleep, waking a few hours later, sharing another shower where they did engage in a round of shower sex before washing one anther again and shutting the water off.

The dressed for dinner, him in slacks and a button up dress shirt with the collar open and her in a pretty dress that hung loosely on her, her body not showing obvious signs of a pregnancy, but her breasts and abdomen just swollen enough to make anything that was form fitting uncomfortable for her.

They shared a quiet dinner in one of the nicest restaurants in the area and when he escorted her out onto the dance floor she felt like Cinderella except she wasn't worried about leaving before midnight because her prince already knew about the pumpkins in her life.

They moved slowly to the music, him holding her close and her happy to be held close, resting her head on his shoulder and melting into the security of his arms. He closed his eyes and listened to the music, feeling her heart beat in rhythm with his, happy and content even though a part of his life was in such a state of turmoil and heartache. He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket and opened his eyes, pulling away from her with an apologetic look and pulling it out of his pocket.

"Who is it?" Kate asked.

"It's a text from Sarah. She says it's an emergency." Jack said.

"Then you better call her back. Come on, let's go back to the table." Kate said and led him off the dance floor, hoping and praying that the twins were okay.

Jack was already dialing before he got off the dance floor, holding the phone to his ear and allowing Kate to lead the way. He heard Sarah's panicked voice answer and his heart immediately went to his throat.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Wait, calm down and tell me where they are taking him." Jack insisted almost yelling at her.

"I'll be there as fast as I can." Jack said and closed the phone.

He dropped a hundred dollar bill on the table and began pulling Kate toward the exit.

"What's wrong Jack?" Kate asked nearly stumbling and forcing him to slow down.

"I'm sorry, are you okay?" He asked.

"Yes, just tell me what's happened." Kate said.

"It's Andrew, she said there was an accident, that he wasn't breathing and that he's on his way to Saint Sebastian's in an ambulance." Jack told her still pulling her out of the restaurant, strangely calm but in a hurry.

"Is he breathing now?" Kate asked not nearly as calm as Jack was.

"I don't know, let's just get to the hospital and see what's going on." Jack told her in full blown doctor mode, the idea that his little boy wasn't breathing too shocking for the parent in him to process so he was relying on his medical training to keep him calm.


	27. Chapter 27

_**Thank you so much for all of your kind and enthusiastic reviews. I've been so busy that I haven't had a chance to respond to you, but I did manage to get another chapter ready, so here goes...Thanks again!**_

Jack didn't remember driving to the hospital or literally dragging Kate across the parking lot and in through the emergency room doors. He was so close to losing it, to acting like a parent frightened out of his mind, instead of the trained medical professional that he was. What had happened was what he wanted to know, and the more he thought about it the more his anger began to turn to rage, so when he spotted Sarah sitting in the ER with Kayla and her baby, that Kate and an attendant had to physically restrain him surprised everyone except Jack.

"I'm fine!" Jack snapped and pulled away from Kate and the attendant.

"Daddy hold." Kayla whined holding her arms out.

Jack reached down and plucked the little girl out of the chair she was sitting in. She was wrapped in a blanket and wearing nothing but panties. She snuggled into Jack's chest and laid her head on his shoulder, her tiny body shivering under the blanket.

"It's okay baby." Jack said softly, attempting to soothe her thinking she was shivering because she was scared.

"Dew go nite-nite in the baf tub daddy." Kayla whimpered.

Jack looked at Sarah with the scariest eyes she'd ever seen and she pulled the baby closer to her chest.

"I'm sorry Jack, I don't know how I……" Sarah started to apologize.

"He drowned in the bathtub Sarah? You let my son drown?!" He screamed.

"Jack, you're scaring Kayla." Kate warned and took the little girl from him.

"I put them in and the phone rang and I……I just forgot they were in there. God, I'm so sorry." Sarah cried.

"You forgot they were in the bathtub? That's it Sarah. I'm done playing your fucking games and if I have my way, you'll be arrested for negligence." Jack threatened.

"It was an accident." Sarah cried.

"An accident? How long were they in there before you remembered Sarah? Were you so busy talking to whoever you're fucking this week that you forgot your babies were sitting alone in a tub of water? Is that why she's wrapped up in a blanket and shivering Sarah? Because she sat in the water so long it turned cold? Answer me god dammit!!!!" Jack screamed getting the attention of everyone in the ER.

"Yes! Okay, I admit it. I was talking to Brian and we were arguing and the next thing I knew Kayla was crying for Andrew to wake up and I don't know how long they were in there Jack, I don't know what happened." Sarah admitted.

Jack approached her again and Kate stood in-between them, his eyes so crazed with rage that it startled even her.

"Jack, this isn't helping. Why don't you go check on Andrew and I'll stay here with Kayla." Kate coaxed, her calm, comforting tone bringing him around.

He shot one last death glare at Sarah and disappeared behind the double doors that led to the ER treatment room. One of the ER nurses spotted him and led him to the area where Andrew was being worked on.

Jack stood back and watched helplessly as they performed the normal procedures for a drowning victim. He spotted the paramedic on the other side of the room and approached him.

"How long was he down?" Jack asked.

"And you are?" The paramedic asked.

"Dr. Shephard, his father." Jack said quietly.

"I'm sorry. We don't know how long he was down and the mother was too hysterical to tell us much. Both kids were cold so they'd been in the water for awhile. We were able to bring him back within 5 minutes of arriving on the scene." The paramedic answered.

"Has he been unconscious the whole time?" Jack asked.

"No, we got him to cough and cry and he fought us with everything his little body had. They've mildly sedated him so they could tube him and start pumping heated oxygen into his lungs without him fighting them too much." The paramedic explained.

"Thanks." Jack said and approached the area where they were working on Andrew.

"You shouldn't be in here Dr. Shephard." The ER physician warned.

"He's my son Dr. Parsons, where should I be?" Jack replied with an edgy tone.

"Which is exactly why you shouldn't be in here, he's in pretty good shape Jack, he's very cold so we're starting with lavage and you don't need to watch us wash your son's internal organs." Dr Parsons argued.

"I'm not leaving him." Jack insisted.

Kate sat in the waiting room with Sarah, a chair the only thing separating them. Kayla had fallen asleep in her arms, her little body wrapped tightly in the blanket and no longer shivering. Kate walked to the small sofa across from the chairs and laid the little girl down, taking a seat beside her. Sarah repositioned the baby on her lap and looked at Kate.

"You must think I'm a monster." Sarah said.

"You are the last thing on my mind." Kate said flatly.

"They've done nothing but cry for him since I took them. Why is that?" Sarah asked.

"They're his children, what did you expect?" Kate asked.

"They're my children too Kate but they don't cry for me. What does that say about what kind of mother I've been to them?" Sarah asked.

"I don't know Sarah, what does it say? I do know that when I met Jack he had nothing but praise for you in that regard and we both know Jack doesn't mince words when it comes to assessing a situation so what happened? Did Jack really miss something or did you change after you left?" Kate asked.

"It's complicated. My relationship with Jack was complicated." Sarah answered.

"That's bullshit. You slept with his father Sarah, I think that goes way beyond complicated and straight into circus side show." Kate accused.

"I didn't mean for that to happen. He was drunk, I was drunk and we were both upset over Jack." Sarah explained.

"You people waste a lot of time being put out with or upset with a man who has never been anything but kind to me and my daughter. I don't understand it. Why do you hate him so much Sarah? Why would a father have so little regard for his son's happiness that he would screw his wife?" Kate asked her tone angry.

"Christian loved his son more than anything else in life, well except for himself and that always kept him from having a solid relationship with Jack. He didn't want to be, but he was jealous of him." Sarah answered.

"So what's your excuse? Why do harbor such bad feelings that you aren't happy unless you're making him miserable?" Kate accused.

"Did Jack tell you how we met?" Sarah asked.

"Yes, he told me about it. You're the miracle patient." Kate said.

"Did he also tell you that I was engaged to another man before he performed his miracle surgery?" Sarah asked.

"Yes, he did." Kate answered.

"Did he tell you how he ran him off by scaring him with horror stories about wheelchairs and physical therapy and needing professional care for the rest of my life?" Sarah asked her tone angry and resentful.

"So because Jack, who was your doctor at the time, was honest about your prognosis and your boyfriend couldn't handle it and ran away, he's the bad guy?" Kate asked.

"Kevin loved me. We had plans for a beautiful 3-story dream house after we traveled for a few years. He didn't really want kids, but said maybe we'd have one or two after we saw the world. I've never loved anyone like I loved Kevin so imagine my surprise when I meet Kevin years after the accident, after I'm married to Jack and I find out why it was that he ran off." Sarah explained.

"So what? You decide to cheat on Jack to get back at him because you think he purposely ran off your boyfriend?" Kate asked incredulously.

"No, not at first, but something was missing after that. I found that I couldn't stand to be around him anymore. I had an affair and we split for awhile and then I thought I missed him so we gave the marriage another go, but I just couldn't make myself be happy with Jack so I started seeing Brian again and then I got pregnant and everything just snowballed after that." Sarah told her with little or no emotion, her complete indifference where Jack was concerned disturbing to Kate.

"I don't understand Sarah. Why do you want to hurt him? How can you justify this in your mind? What kind of screwed up individual actually believes her doctor intentionally scared off the fiancé of his critically injured patient so he could date her? Do you realize how insane that sounds?" Kate asked her, anger bubbling over as she began to wonder if Sarah transferred her negative feelings onto Jack's children, wondered if she felt as indifferent about them as she did toward Jack.

"No, I don't believe that Jack did it with the intention of dating me, but he's so cold and unfeeling sometimes and maybe if he'd been a little less clinical and little more of friend to Kevin things would've turned out differently." Sarah said hatefully.

"Yeah and maybe it was him being so pissed off at your worthless coward of a fiancé that made him promise he'd fix you, which made you believe you could be fixed, which led to you walking out of the hospital. Have you always been an ungrateful bitch or is this a result of your accident?" Kate shot back.

"I'll always be grateful to Jack for repairing my back Kate, but I guess I wanted it all, I wanted my health and my Kevin and because of Jack I don't have him and I want him to be as lost and unhappy as I am I guess. So, I took away the only thing that Jack loves more than life itself, so he'd know what it feels like to have someone coldly and carelessly gamble with someone you love." Sarah said.

"You are crazy. These are your children too and you think that it's okay to carelessly gamble with them?" Kate snapped.

Sarah looked at Kate for a long time, studying the young, brunette who seemed to be glowing with life and wondering how Jack could be attracted to and marry two completely different women. She kissed the happy baby on the cheek and finally spoke.

"No, I don't think it's okay to gamble with my children's lives. I hate to ask, but I really need to use the ladies room. Do you suppose you could hold him for me?" Sarah said.

Kate forced a half-hearted smile and nodded at her, taking the baby from her and sitting him in her lap, facing her.

"Hi baby." Kate said sweetly to the big-eyed little boy, making him smile.

"His name is Hayden. There's a bottle in here if he cries, but I'll be right back so I'm sure he'll be fine." Sarah said and excused herself.

Jack paced a short trail in the treatment area, staying out of their way, but monitoring every move they made, grateful that the child would have no memory of what was being done to him even though he was whimpering and crying throughout most of it. His core temperature was just a degree or two below normal and they had pulled the tubes from his nose and throat. He still had an IV in his tiny little hand, but they had it wrapped tight so he couldn't see it or pull it out.

"Okay Dad, pick him up, comfort him, let him know it's okay to rest now." Dr. Parsons said.

"He's okay? I mean, do we have any idea how long his brain went without oxygen?" Jack asked as he walked toward the child.

He picked Andrew up and held him to his chest, the feel of the small, frail body instinctively snuggling into his for safety more than he could handle, his tears streaming down his face as he was no longer able to hold it together.

Dr. Parsons put a blanket over the child, Jack placing his hand over it to hold it in place, holding the groggy child closely, kissing the top of his head and softly talking to him.

"Do you need to sit down Jack?" Dr. Parsons asked.

"No, I'm okay, I'm sorry, I'm just…….." Jack answered.

"I have three kids Jack, I understand believe me. He's responding well and since nobody really knows for sure how long he was under the water we have no way of knowing how long his brain went without oxygen, but look at him Jack, he doesn't seem to be suffering any of the classic symptoms of brain damage so let's hope that doesn't change and he keeps improving and hopefully you can take him home in a day or so." Dr. Parsons said.

Jack held Andrew until they had a spot ready for him in the pediatrics ICU where they wanted to keep him the rest of the night to be monitored closely. Jack carried him into the elevator and up to the 8th floor. He got him settled in the crib and made sure he was sleeping soundly before he let the nurses know he was going downstairs to find his family. They promised to page him if the boy woke up before he got back.

Jack came off the elevator and immediately saw Kate sitting on the small sofa alone with Kayla and the baby. He looked around and didn't see Sarah, which was probably for the best because he was still angry enough to ring her neck. He approached Kate, kneeled down beside her, kissed her and then turned his attention to his sleeping daughter, completely ignoring the happy baby in Kate's lap.

"Is he okay Jack?" Kate asked.

"He's improving and it's all good so far. He's on the 8th floor. I just left him to come find you and Kayla. Where the hell is Sarah?" Jack asked.

"I'm not sure. She asked to me hold him while she went to the ladies room, but that was almost a half hour ago Jack." Kate said.

"What, which ladies room?" Jack asked springing to his feet, his mind shifting from angry to afraid she'd done something to herself.

Kate pointed to the closed door down the hall and Jack immediately ran toward it, knocking and calling out to her before opening the door. It was empty and he breathed a sigh of relief, not ready to deal with a suicidal ex-wife on top of everything else.

He pulled out his cell phone, selected her name and listened to it ring and ring, just about ready to give up when her sad, tired voice answered.

"Sarah where are you?" Jack asked looking around the empty hallways.

"I'm on the freeway Jack, on my way back to Maine." Sarah answered.

"What! Sarah, don't do this. Look, I'm sorry I got so angry and I won't have you arrested, just turn the car around and come back, Andrew is alive and he's doing well." Jack pleaded with her.

"I'm glad he's okay Jack, but he's yours and he doesn't want me and I don't think I want him either. I'm going back to Maine. Brian said he'd take me back if we could start over with a clean slate. He says he'll wave his rights to Kayla. That's what we were talking about when I almost let my children drown." Sarah told him, her voice cracking as she fought her tears.

"Sarah please, not like this, they're your children." Jack pleaded.

"You get a judge, petition for sole custody and I'll sign whatever I need to sign. I'll wave my rights as their mother. That woman you're with now, she'll be a good mother to them Jack. I can't do this anymore. I have to have you and everything related to you out of my life." Sarah cried.

"Sarah you're upset and you aren't thinking clearly. How can you just leave them behind, give them away, and what about the baby, why would you think I would want to raise my father's bastard?" Jack asked confused, angry and upset, the events of the evening starting to make him feel like he was losing his mind.

"Don't talk that way Jack, it's so not you." Sarah scolded him.

"Sarah I do not want anything to do with that baby. I will hand him over to the authorities as an abandoned child. Are you ready to deal with the consequences of that? What the hell is the matter with you?!" Jack yelled finally losing his patience.

"You won't do that Jack. You aren't capable of something that cold and mean except in my mind and that's why I have to erase you, your children and your father's child from my life. I'm sorry for everything I've put you through." Sarah said.

"This is it Sarah. You do this and you are never going to disrupt their lives again. Are you really prepared to give them up forever?" Jack asked.

"I love them Jack and there is a part of me that still loves you, but the part of me that hates you, that blames you for things that I can't let go of is so much bigger and I can't do this anymore. My little boy almost died tonight because of me and my confusion over all of this and I'm done Jack. They love you and are young enough to forget about me. Goodbye Jack." Sarah said and the phone went dead.

"Sarah. No Sarah wait!" Jack yelled into the phone before angrily closing it and shoving it into his pocket.

He walked back over to Kate who sat in shock after having listened to his side of the conversation and getting enough information to figure out what was going on. He sat in one of the chairs directly across from her. She stood and walked over to him, sitting beside him, holding the baby in her lap. He glanced over at it and then leaned forward rubbing his hands over his short hair.

"Can you believe this? She tries to drown my son and then just takes off, tells me I can have them, both of them. Like some god damn cat that is done playing with its captured prey she just struts away, leaving the carnage behind." Jack said his frustration, anger and maybe a twinge of hurt making his voice shaky.

"I don't think she's playing with a full deck Jack." Kate offered.

"Gee, do ya think Kate?!" He snapped.

"Look! I know you're upset and I know you've had a horrible couple of days, but hell will freeze over before I will sit here and let you talk to me like I'm some dumb bimbo. Do you think any of this is easy for me? Do you think I enjoy being caught in the middle of this bullshit?" Kate snapped and tried to stand up, him grabbing hold of her arm and holding her back.

"I'm sorry." He said.

"Are you?" She hissed and tried to get up again.

"Yes, please Kate, I'm sorry. I was completely out of line. I feel like I'm losing my mind here and I need you on my side even when I don't deserve for you to be there." He said, his tone bordering on needy.

"Jack, you need to try to relax. I'm not used to you not being the cool-headed one and it's kind of freaking me out." Kate admitted.

"I know and I'm sorry. Jesus, I feel like I went to sleep this afternoon and woke up in the Twilight Zone. Who does this? What am I supposed to do with that baby Kate? I don't want anything to do with it. Am I supposed to tell my mother that I'm raising the baby that her husband created with my wife? It sounds like it should be the title of the next episode of Jerry Springer, not my reality. Jesus." Jack groaned rubbing his temples, extremely agitated and unwilling to even look at the innocent baby that had just been dumped in his lap.

"Jack, please stop referring to this innocent little baby like he's so disgusting you can't bring yourself to acknowledge he's a human-being. None of this is his fault. His name is Hayden and he's smiling at you. Look." Kate pushed.

"Stop it. I can't do this Kate. You can't expect me to want to care about this baby, much less raise it." Jack refused, the idea of it too much for him to wrap his brain around at the moment.

"I can expect you to care about a baby in need Jack and I do. He's a six month old innocent bystander created by all of the fucked up relationships in your life and I understand that this is all too much for you right now, that you're upset and worried sick about Andrew and you feel like everything is spinning out of control so we're not going to talk about this again until things settle down. But Jack, if I actually married a man that could sit there and be cruel to an innocent little baby then God help me, because I may have made a major mistake, one that I'll have to correct." Kate told him.

"You're serious aren't you? What do you want me to do Kate? Do you really expect for me to just look at that cute little face and it makes everything okay? That those big eyes and chubby cheeks erase the fact that my father slept with my wife? How am I supposed to get past that?" Jack pleaded his case.

"I don't know Jack, but you don't have to ignore him while you're trying to figure it out." Kate argued.

"Kate, this is insane. Do you really just plan on taking him home?" Jack asked disbelievingly.

"What do you want to do with him Jack? Dump him on a doorstep or how about a dumpster, I hear that's a popular place for unwanted babies!" Kate yelled at him.

"That's enough!" Jack yelled back.

"You're right it is. I'm taking Kayla and this little guy and the car and I'm going home. You stay with Andrew and think about what a selfish prick you're being at the moment." Kate said and stood up.

Jack stood and picked Kayla up, cradling her to his chest.

"I'll help you get them to the car." He mumbled.

_**Ah I know, but if they don't fight then they can't make up can they? ; )**_


	28. Chapter 28

Jack spent the night in the ICU waiting room, going to be with his son when he'd wake up and then returning to the too small couch in the small waiting room. He'd considered the couch in his office where'd he'd caught many naps over the years, but didn't want to be that far away from Andrew. There were a couple of other parents sharing the waiting room with him, but he chose to keep to himself, needing the quiet time to think, to figure out what kind of man he was and if he really was capable of turning his back on what was realistically his half brother.

It was morning and Andrew was awake and not happy about being caged in a hospital crib so Jack was walking the halls with him, waiting for them to prepare a regular room for him. The boy was still on the groggy side and slept on and off, his small body healing from the trauma it had endured. With a room finally ready for him, Jack laid the sleepy child on the bed that was supposed to be for the parent, opting not to cage him in the crib they had prepared for him. Andrew rolled onto his stomach and went to sleep.

Jack sat on the bed watching his son sleep and wondered if he had the right to deny him his younger brother, if his pride and hurt feelings gave him the right to make a decision that affected so many people. He was startled out of his deep thoughts by the vibration of his cell phone in his pocket. It was Kate. He took a deep breath and answered the call.

"Hey." He said softly.

"Hey yourself, how's Andrew?" Kate asked.

"He's better. The pediatrician was in earlier this morning to check on him and he's in a regular room now. He said he could probably come home tomorrow if he continues to improve." Jack said.

"That's great, give him a kiss for me." Kate said.

"I will, but he'd probably rather have it from you personally. He's already asked about you a couple of times today." Jack said.

"I can't Jack, there are too many kids here that need my attention. What about you? How are you?" Kate asked.

"I'm fine, tired, but fine, call Elisha and see if she'll come and stay with the kids. I need to see you, talk to you." Jack said.

"No Jack, I think it's best if we don't see each other until we can talk about what happened last night and you need Andrew off your mind to do that, so I'll see you both when you come home. Okay?" Kate suggested her tone soft, but unwavering.

"Okay and Kate……I love you." Jack said and ended the call without giving her a chance to respond.

A few minutes had passed and he heard a light knocking on the door right before his mother entered the room. He'd called her the night before, lonely, overwhelmed and in need of a mother and she didn't disappoint, allowing him to vent his frustrations without offering anything more than words of support. She didn't criticize him and even managed to dig deep enough to find some compassion for her only son. She promised to stop by and check on Andrew and true to her word here she was. Jack stood up, kissed her on the cheek and pulled a chair over to the bed so she could sit down. She sat down and handed Jack a framed picture.

"Is that the one you were talking about?" His mother asked.

"Yeah, thanks." Jack said.

"How is he Jack? His color looks good." She said.

"He improving, I think he's going to be okay." Jack said.

"Why did you want that picture Jack? You couldn't have been more than six or seven months old when that was taken?" She asked.

"Mom I know that things between us haven't always been great, but there are things going on in my life right now that individually I could deal with, but with them all pooled together and clobbering me at once, I feel like I might lose my mind and I need you right now, I just need you to be my mother." Jack said sadly.

"What's the matter Jack? Are you sick? Did something happen to Kate or the kids?" She asked being able to see immediately that he couldn't handle anything more than her being a mother to him, so close to snapping, so close to the edge she'd seen Christian hit and stumble over for years.

"No, I'm not sick, well my hand isn't getting better, but that's not at the top of the list of issues at the moment. We need to talk about Dad and why I wanted you to bring this picture to me." Jack said.

"Okay, but why so serious, almost morose Jack, how bad could it be?" She said.

"It's bad mom and I can't deal with it on my own, I don't know what's right anymore and you're the only person that knows what it's like." Jack explained his tone starting to scare her a little.

"What, what is like?" She asked.

"What it's like to continue to love him when he deserves to be hated, what it's like to keep making excuses for him and what it's like to wonder why he could never love us back just as unconditionally." Jack said.

"Jack, he was a complicated man, we both know that, but he's gone, so what's the point in opening up old wounds." She asked.

"Mom, I asked you to bring me this picture because last night I saw this same face and the resemblance was so startling that the picture I'd seen on the piano my entire life immediately flashed into my head. He's gone mom, but he left a piece of himself behind." Jack said.

"So what are you saying Jack? Your father had an affair that produced a child?" She asked, her tone calm as if the news that her husband had cheated on her was nothing to get upset about, that she was used to it.

"No, not an affair, supposedly it was just a one night thing, two drunk people comforting each other. The other drunk just happened to be my wife, but hey, it's not like I was ever allowed to have something that dad couldn't so why should I be surprised. Right?" Jack spat noticing real emotion registering on his mother's face for the first time in a really long time.

"Jack, how…..I mean are you sure?" She asked.

"When I went to Maine to get the twins a few months ago, I discovered Sarah had an infant. The math suggested that he could be mine so I had DNA tests run. I guess that'll teach me to dig for answers huh?" Jack said with sick laugh.

"I'm sorry Jack." She said.

"Don't apologize for him mom. Aren't you as sick of it as I am? It's just you and me now and I guess it's time to decide if we continue to let the great Christian Shephard rule our lives or if we move on, accept and love him for what he was, but stop making excuses for the things he did, which brings up the baby. What do we do about the latest thing he did?" He asked.

"Why do we need to decide what do with the baby Jack? It's Sarah's child." Margo argued.

"Not anymore. She dumped him in my lap last night. She's gone, took off, says she has to erase all traces of me from her life or she can't be happy. I get the twins and you know I'm happy about that, but I've also got this six month old little boy that I could choose to raise as my own or I can make arrangements to have him privately adopted." Jack explained.

"What do you want to do Jack?" She asked.

"My initial reaction was to call the authorities and report him as abandoned, but Kate threatened to leave me if I did something that cold and unfeeling. I don't know mom, I don't think I have any feelings about it. Right now he's just a baby that needs a home and I could send him away and he would most likely have a happy life, but do I have the right to that? He's Kayla and Andrew's brother and he's also my brother. How fucked up is that? I can hear it now. One day I'll sit my twins down and tell them all about how they and their brother have the same mother that dumped them like garbage, but three different fathers and oh by the way, Hayden is also my brother." Jack explained shooting her an apologetic look, sorry that he was having to lay all of this on her because whatever Christian was or wasn't, he was her husband and she was still a grieving widow.

"Three fathers?" She asked.

"Yes, Kayla is Brian's and Andrew is mine." Jack said.

"How?" She asked starting to take on the same bewildered look and tone as her son.

"Heteropaternal superfecundation. It's the medical term applied when two different males father fraternal twins. Doctors used to believe it was extremely rare, but with the introduction of DNA testing we're finding out that it happens more than anyone really wants to admit and it happened in this case. Two eggs fertilized within days of each other, or hell with Sarah I guess it could've hours." He sighed.

Margo Shephard sat quietly in the chair watching her adult son dealing with things that no person should have to deal with and she understood the hurt and betrayal that was trying to suck the life out of him, that was making her typically kind, loving and compassionate son feel things toward an innocent child that he didn't know how to deal with, much less how to put those feelings into proper perspective and find a way to move on.

"Well son, I guess you and I have something in common after all and hopefully you won't let the hurt and betrayal do to you what I let it do to me. You see, it's easier to just become detached than to deal with the reality of your situation, but then you turn into me, a cold, lonely woman who thinks that it's okay to ignore a seven year old child that wants nothing more from you then to be able to call you grandma. Do you think that little boy cares about genetics and betrayal and the fact that the two people who carelessly conceived him were selfish individuals that did whatever they wanted without regard to who might get hurt?" She asked.

"So what, you think I should raise him?" Jack asked.

"I think that you should try to imagine that little boy in five years and how happy he could be because he was lucky enough to have you for a father. Try to think about how happy you would be when you watched him graduate from Kindergarten and he waves to his proud mother and father sitting in the crowd. Jack I've seen you with your children, all three of them and it is when you are happiest. Does it matter to you that Maddie is the daughter of perverted woman abuser? Does Kate love her daughter any less because of Michael? None of that matters to you son so why are you going to allow what your father and Sarah did influence how you would or wouldn't feel about this baby, what's his name, Hayden." She told him.

It was the most honest and heartfelt speech his mother had ever given him and was it possible that this awful thing his father had done to both of them would be the thing that would finally bring them the closeness both of them had always longed for, but would never work at?

"So, if we were to keep him and raise him as our son, you'd go along with that? You'd be his grandmother and treat him just like your other grandchildren because mom that is what scares me the most about taking this on. Not just you, but me too. I don't want to pass on negative feelings and make him feel like he's different, like he's done something wrong, like he's loved less than the rest of my kids. Are you sure you can do that because I'm not sure that I can and I would hate myself for hurting him in that way." Jack admitted.

"Jack I understand, I do, but you have to let that go. You have make peace with the idea that your father and Sarah were selfish people and that what they did had nothing to do with you, but with there own personal misery and there is no excuse for people behaving that way, we don't have to make excuses for it. We're better than them and it's okay to say that. I do not want you to turn into me son, but if you don't find a way to just say "fuck it" and move on, what you see sitting in front of you is your future." She told him, her use of profanity making him laugh lightly.

"You talk about yourself like you're a monster mom and you're not. I think I always knew better, but I always hoped that maybe you didn't know what he was up to, that you never knew what it felt like to find out you weren't good enough, what it meant to be so inadequate that your spouse starts looking for something better." Jack said.

"See, that is what I'm talking about Jack. People like your father and Sarah, they love to play the victim, to make other people feel responsible for what in reality is their own failures. It took me a lifetime and a lot of therapy after he died to finally understand that Jack so don't do that to yourself. You didn't fail Sarah, she failed you. You are the victim, not Sarah. That little boy is the biggest victim in all of this, but he doesn't have to be Jack. Giving him to you was the kindest thing Sarah could've done for him." She told him.

"Why don't I ever get this side of you mom? I want you to be a part of my life and my kids' lives. Why do I have to be in a full blown crisis to see this side of you?" Jack asked.

"Probably because before all of the therapy I'd kept this side of me tucked securely away so your father couldn't destroy all of me, but speaking ill of the dead doesn't flatter either one of us, so how about if we just move past it Jack? Move past the guilt you are feeling because you do want to love that baby and raise it as your own, but that brilliant, analytical mind of yours is telling you that it's wrong, that you should feel this or that, instead of what you are feeling. You've always done what's in your heart Jack so why stop now?" She pushed.

"What about Maddie? Are we done battling over that issue?" Jack asked.

"I've already found a couple of Christmas gifts for her. I was wrong. I was being a cold-hearted bitch Jack. She's a bright, beautiful child and I have no good excuse for my actions. Some days are just worse than others I guess." She apologized.

"So you're on anti-depressants I take it." Jack said.

"Yes and they seem to be working quite well don't you think?" She asked with a smirk.

"Kate's pregnant." Jack said and looked at her like a naughty boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar, waiting to get scolded or lectured for getting her pregnant so soon.

"Well, you've got two of each right now so I guess she's carrying the tie-breaker huh?" Margo teased.

"It's a lot of kids all at once." Jack admitted.

"It is, but you can handle it." Margo said confidently.

"A wife, five kids, four under the age of three, a demanding surgeon's schedule and the whole chief of surgery thing, could anyone really handle all that mom?" He expressed his doubts.

"Probably not, but you'll figure it out Jack and whatever you decide you'll have my support, I promise. Now, is there anything I can do for you before I leave? I'm sorry, I would stay longer, but I have a few errands that I can't put off." She told him.

"No, we're good. Thanks mom." Jack said.

She stood, leaned over the sleeping little boy and kissed him on the cheek and then gave the big boy a kiss on the cheek.

"You know I love you Jack. Regardless of how many arguments we have, you are my son, my greatest achievement in life and I'm always here for you." She told him.

He nodded and returned the kiss on the cheek and then watched her exit the room, feeling better about the situation and most definitely surprised at how she reacted to Haley. He guessed he'd never figure either one of his parents out, but hoped he would at least enjoy a civil relationship with the one he had left.

Jack spent one more night with Andrew in the hospital and he was released later the next day, still a little more tired than normal, but basically the same little boy he was before the accident. Jack entered the house with Andrew on his hip. He quickly pushed and kicked to be let down. Jack chuckled and set him down.

"Anybody home?" Jack yelled.

Kayla came around the corner, smiling and excited at the sound of her father's voice, her excitement doubling when she spotted her brother standing next to him.

"Dew home!" She squealed and hugged her brother.

"No hug!" Andrew demanded and pushed his sister away.

"Come here baby, daddy would love to have a hug." Jack told the girl, picking her up easily with just one arm.

Jack carried Kayla and led Andrew into the living room. Elisha was sitting on the floor with the baby, trying her best to entertain him.

"Where's Kate?" Jack asked.

"It's Monday Jack, she's at work. She said to tell you that Madison had dance class tonight and the group is going for pizza afterward so she won't be home until nine or nine-thirty." Elisha said.

"You look a little stressed Elisha, is this going to be too much for you?" Jack asked.

"It's a lot Jack, but this little guy is just so out of sorts today and we don't really have the necessary equipment for him so it's making it more difficult than it needs to be. Can you take a look at him and make sure he's not getting sick?" Elisha asked.

Jack set Kayla down, picked up the fussy little boy and laid him on the large, fluffy ottoman in front of his favorite overstuffed chair. He looked him over from head to toe and decided he was a healthy baby.

"No fever and no signs of teething. Maybe he's just trying to adjust. I still have all the equipment from when the twins were babies. I'll go get some of it and I'll put one of their cribs up for him." Jack said and handed the baby back to her.

Kate and Maddie came through the front door around 9:15 PM, Kate instructing Maddie to get ready for bed. The house was very quiet and she wondered if Jack hadn't made it home with Andrew after all, surprised that he hadn't called her at all, but deciding he was probably tired of getting the cold shoulder from her so he didn't bother. She walked into the living room and stopped, placing one hand over her mouth and sighing softly. Jack was stretched out in the large overstuffed chair, legs propped up on the ottoman sound asleep with Hayden sleeping on his chest. She approached the chair and kneeled beside it, lightly touching Jack's arm.

Jack's eyes fluttered and then finally opened. She smiled at him and then kissed him on the cheek. He glanced down at the sleeping baby and then back at her.

"What time is it?" He asked.

"It's a little after nine. Is he okay?" Kate asked nodding at the baby.

"Yeah, I think he's just confused and who could blame him. He was whiney and whimpering and just wanting to be held I guess because he calmed down when I put him up here with me. Can you take him, put him in his crib?" Jack asked.

"His crib?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, I put one of them back up for him in the twins' room." Jack said.

Kate looked at him, knowing her lack of support and cold shoulder had probably hurt his feelings, but if it had he wasn't showing any signs of it. It was as if it was just another normal evening in their home. She carefully lifted the sleeping baby off of him and held him to her chest until she was sure he wasn't going to wake up.

"Would you like to tuck Madison in for me? I'm sure she'd love to see you." Kate said.

"Sure." Jack said.

Jack spent about 30 minutes with Madison, talking, catching up on all the events in her young life and then he snuggled up next to her and read to her until she fell asleep. He eased off the bed, pulled the blankets up to her chin, kissed her on the forehead and left the room. He walked into the master bedroom, closed the door and locked it and checked the baby monitor he'd placed in their room earlier in the evening to make sure it was functioning properly.

He saw the light coming from the bathroom and made his way to the dresser, stripping down to his boxers and then entering the bathroom. Kate was relaxing in the Jacuzzi tub, eyes closed, jets off and steam rising from the water. He kneeled beside the tub, grabbed the bath sponge and dunked it into the hot water, startling her a little.

"Sorry, I thought I'd wash your back for you." He offered, his voice soft and sweet.

She sat up, pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs, letting her chin rest on her knees. He began moving the sponge over her back, letting the water run slowly down. She closed her eyes and enjoyed how relaxing the moment was.

He sat beside the tub, taking in her beauty, her soft skin wet and pink from the hot water. He dropped the sponge in the water, placed his hand in the bottom of the tub to brace himself as he leaned in and began kissing her neck and shoulders.

"We need to talk Jack." She said softly.

"We will, later." He said and continued to move his lips over her soft skin.

"So are you going to join me?" She asked as she felt her body responding to him.

He continued to place light kisses over her shoulder and upper chest and then pulled back some, looking into her eyes and then kissing her slowly, his mouth hot and wet and swallowing hers, the desire there nearly taking her breath away. He pulled away and smiled at her.

"Between the twins, the baby and myself, I've had a shower and two baths tonight so I think I'll just sit here with you if that's okay." He said and watched her rest her head on her knees again, turning it to the side so she could look at him.

"Do you remember that song "It's in his kiss"?" She asked drawing a puzzled look from him.

"Yeah." He replied.

"You know, I never understood what the lyrics to that song meant until I met you." She said sweetly.

"Loving you is the easiest thing I've ever done Kate, it's never been something I even had to think about." He admitted.

"Yeah, I know, I feel the same way. Help me dry off?" She asked her head still resting on her knees, her face lightly flushed and glowing, the light hitting her eyes perfectly and making them twinkle.

He stood, grabbed a towel and held it up, ready for her step out of the tub and into it. She stood, stepped out and into the towel, him wrapping it around her and then pulling her into him, his hands holding gently to her lower back. He stared intensely into her eyes for while he walked them over to the vanity area, stopping and then turning her around, keeping her back pressed into him, bringing his mouth down and kissing the back of her neck, his warm breath making her shiver.

He reached up and pulled her hair loose, letting it fall loosely around her shoulders. He reached for the hairbrush and then slowly and carefully began moving the brush through her hair, the act sweet and sensual at the same time and she could feel her body continue to respond to him, her center growing moist and her skin becoming increasingly warmer.

He set the brush down and tugged on the towel, watching it drop to the floor, standing behind her and admiring her in the mirror. He snaked his hands under her arms and around to her stomach, down toward her bikini line, feeling her take in a deep breath as she let more of her weight lean into him. He let his hand glide gently over the area where he knew their baby was growing and brought his mouth to her ear.

"It's growing, do you want me show you?" He asked as he took hold of her hand and placed it over the area where the top of her uterus was starting to grow up and out of the pelvic area.

She felt the tiny bump, so small her limited medical training never would've allowed her to find it on her own, and smiled, letting their hands linger and sinking into the warmth of his strong arms. His hands traveled slowly upward, cupping her breasts gently and rubbing his thumbs over her nipples, making them hard and making her moan as she watched their reflection in the mirror.

His hand slid down again, past the small tuft of hair and between her legs, penetrating her wetness with one finger and then two, so wet and ready for him already that he felt his own breathing starting to turn into a desperate pant, a pant she could feel on her neck while his need for her poked into her backside.

"You're so wet Kate. Do you want me right now, right here? Do you want to watch me take you from behind?" He whispered in a sexy, husky tone that made her flood his hand with her desire.

She didn't answer him verbally, but chose to let her actions do her talking as she moved his hand away and turned to face him, running her hands down his hairy, muscular chest, letting her nails lightly scratch over his stomach as she moved them to his sides and slipped her fingers into the waist-band of his boxers, pulling them down to his knees and allowing them to drop to the floor. He stepped out of them and she took his hardened length into her hand, moving forward and closing her mouth over his while pumping him slowly.

She pulled out of the kiss, licking his lips with the tip of her tongue one last time before turning around, bending over and placing both hands on the counter. He let one hand glide slowly down the center of her back, while his other hand positioned his dripping cock at her entrance, slipping the tip into her slick, wet vagina just enough to make her whimper and spread her legs a little further apart. He pushed in about halfway very slowly and let her adjust and then with one quick push connected them fully, both of them grunting and groaning at how deep he'd gone.

He lay over her back and nibbled lightly on the back of her shoulders and neck while she watched. He finally moved his mouth to her ear and looked into the reflection with her as he began to move in and out of her slowly.

"I'm deep baby are you okay? I'm not hurting you am I?" He asked.

"No, it feels amazing, go a little harder." She told him, holding tightly to the counter and watching in the mirror.

The sight of his body wrapped around hers, moving in and out of her while his hands moved over her back and then around to the front, caressing her breasts and then squeezing them as he pumped a little faster, pinching her nipples as their bodies slapped together. He finally moved his hand down between her legs, rolling her swollen clit between his fingers then down her slick creased, bringing his wet fingers back up and rubbing an electrifying circle over the nub, the orgasm building and building and then she finally went over the edge, closing her eyes and her legs at the same time.

He stopped his thrusts and she reached down and held his hand in place, panting and moaning and finding it hard to stand up. He let his cock slip out of her and helped her straighten up, turning her around and wrapping his arms around her, his erection covered with her juices and pressed between them. He kissed her deeply and began backing her into the bedroom slowly, pulling out of the kiss when they reached the bed. They quickly pulled the bed coverings off and she lay in the center of the bed on her back, knees up and arms open wide. He moved onto the bed, crawled in-between her legs, pushed himself back inside of her and let his body drop onto his folded arms, kissing her again as though he were dying of thirst and trying to drink her up. He pulled out of the kiss and looked into her eyes, his dark, watery and full of emotion.

"I love you so much Kate and I know I really piss you off sometimes, but please don't ever threaten to leave me and then make me stew over it for two days." He said sadly.

"Jack, I……" She started but was stopped by him kissing her again.

"No Kate, I mean it. I can't handle that. I can handle fighting with you over things that matter, but we can't ever do that again and go to bed without a resolution, without making up. I missed you so much and I needed you to talk to me because I'm nothing without you in my life. Do you understand that? Do you believe that you're everything to me, but more importantly can you handle that you mean that much to me because if you can't, if it's too much, if I'm smothering you or whatever you have to tell me now while there's still a slim chance I'd survive losing you." Jack told her.

"It's not too much." She said and pulled him in for another kiss.

He pulled out of the kiss, pushed up on his arms and began making love to her again with deep, slow strokes, lowering his head and closing his mouth over one nipple and then switching to the other and then moving his mouth back up to hers, so hungry, wanting her like every woman deserves to be wanted, picking up the pace and bringing her to another orgasm before pulling out of her, rolling them onto their sides and wrapping his body around her from behind, re-entering her and holding tightly to her while he continued to make love to her, his chin resting on her shoulder and his sweet breath and promises to always love her filling her ear. They climaxed together and their bodies finally relaxed, him still inside her and holding her as close as he could without crawling inside her skin.

She held tightly to the forearm that was wrapped around her, her way of telling him she wasn't ready for him to move, that she needed to stay connected with him just a little longer.

"Jack, I'm sorry I hurt you, but you're reaction to Hayden really threw me for loop and to be perfectly honest it kind of hurt." She apologized.

"I know and I know that you must've been wondering about my true feelings where Kayla and Maddie are concerned, but it's not the same Kate. I love them and I do want to be Maddie's father if the two of you want me to be." Jack said.

"What about Hayden? What do you want to be to him Jack?" Kate asked.

"I thought we'd adopt him and be his parents and forget about how he got here, but just be thankful that he's here. Believe it or not you can thank my mother for helping me to realize that it's okay for me to want to do that, that I don't have to resist what comes naturally because somewhere in my head I think I'm supposed to be to angry, hurt and disgusted to want to be a father to him." Jack told her and finally slipped out of her.

She rolled over to face him, giving him her patented "I'm chilled could you get us a blanket" look and then laughing lightly when he responded to the look and retrieved the bed's comforter from the floor and covered both of them with it, snuggling close, their faces just inches apart.

"I'm glad you mother was there for you Jack. She probably understood what you were going through better than anyone." She said.

"It's a lot of kids Kate, I think we may have to get Elisha some help, not to mention a bigger house." Jack chuckled.

"I'm thinking about quitting my job Jack, maybe after the holidays." Kate said.

"You don't have to do that Kate, we can make this work without you having to give up what you love to do." Jack offered.

"Maybe I love being your wife and the mother of five more. Actually there are no maybes about it, I want to enjoy my children still be able to have time and energy left for you. I do like the idea of a bigger house, preferably one with a room for Elisha." Kate laughed.

"Yes, she's going to have to stay whether you're quit your job or not, it's too many young children to handle on your own. We got pregnant fast. Judging by what I felt you're about 10 to 12 weeks along, so that means baby Walker will be here around the end of May, first week in June, which would put Hayden right around 13 months." Jack said.

"Baby Walker?" Kate asked.

"It was a bottle of Johnny Walker scotch that landed me in jail and eventually in your clinic and in the happiest place I've ever been in my life so if we have a boy I think we should name him Walker." Jack said and winked at her.

"Well, I guess it's a good thing you weren't drinking Yeigermiester that night." Kate teased and they both laughed.

"We should probably get some sleep, you've got the clinic and I've got the hospital and an appointment with Dr. Morrison tomorrow." Jack said.

"I took off tomorrow. Haley needs things we haven't had time to buy, formula, diapers, food, clothes, a few toys. Why are you seeing the neurosurgeon tomorrow?" Kate asked.

"I dug out the playpen and one of the walkers that belonged to the twins. You might want to pick up another highchair, the twins really aren't ready to give theirs up yet." Jack suggested.

"The neurosurgeon Jack?" Kate pushed.

"She's going to do some tests, try to figure out why my hand isn't getting better." Jack said.

"Are you scared?" Kate asked.

"No, I think I'm ready to just know one way or the other so I can decide my/our future." He sighed.

"Do you want me to come with you?" She asked making him smile, placing his hands on the sides of her head and kissing the tip of her nose.

"You're sweet and cute. I'm fine Kate, but thanks for the offer. So, are you tired? Do you want to go to sleep now or do you want to make up some more?" He asked with a grin.

She moved closer to him and whispered into his ear. He groaned and then chuckled.

"Kate, I'm shocked." He said.

"No you're not." She laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck, drawing him into another, deep, wet, sensual kiss, both having opted for making up some more.


	29. Chapter 29

_**Thanks for the reviews, they are always appreciated. This is like Grey's Anatomy? I don't watch Grey's, in fact I watch very little television, but you are going to find out what is wrong with Jack's hand in this chapter so let me know if I got close to Grey's. Jack was teasing about naming the baby Walker and as for Kate's secret whispers……..it's up to you and your imaginations to decide what naughty things she is promising.**_

Jack awoke to the light kicking on his forearm. He opened his eyes and was met with the big eyes of the newest member of his rapidly growing family and couldn't help but smile. Hayden was curled up next to Kate wearing nothing but a diaper, head resting on her bosom and the rest of him slowly squirming away from her, his little legs and arms working at getting his body away from hers. Jack propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at the alert baby snuggled up next to his beautiful wife and the sight nearly took his breath away. He thought about all the times he'd seen one of the twins in Sarah's arms and how it had never seemed as beautiful and natural as what he was observing at the moment and it saddened him to consider that his babies had missed out on something he couldn't quite put his finger on, but was sure he'd never experienced before.

He put his hand up to the baby's chubby cheeks and let his fingers glide gently over the side of his face, getting the baby's attention and making him kick and squirm harder, the motion waking Kate. She opened her eyes and was met with Jack's.

"Sorry, I was going to try to sneak him away from you without waking you. I guess I slept through a difficult night?" He asked in an apologetic tone.

"He barely whimpered before I got to him Jack so you didn't really sleep through anything too loud. He did have a difficult night though. He's really out of sorts and I think Sarah must've been breast feeding because he kept trying to latch on to me. I finally managed to soothe him with a pacifier and by putting him beside me in our bed." Kate explained.

"Hey buddy, I understand you need to eat and that you need to snuggle, but those are mine. Got it?" Jack told the baby in a sweet, non-threatening tone that made the baby smile and kick his feet excitedly.

"I guess he got it." Kate laughed.

"Look at him Kate, how could anyone just walk away from him?" Jack said as he picked the baby up, rolled onto his back and sat him on his stomach, holding onto to his hands and letting the little boy try to pull himself up to a standing position.

"I don't know Jack, it's sad. He's such a beautiful baby and he's really pretty good considering he's in a strange place with complete strangers. We're going to have to make sure that when we feed him a bottle we make it intimate and try to bond with him and try to help him through being weaned from the breast cold turkey." Kate said.

"I feel your pain little guy. I'd be whiney and fussy and whimpering too if somebody took your mommy's breasts away from me." Jack teased and then chuckled when Kate slapped at his arm.

"Jack your awful, but since you referred to me as his mommy I'm going to let it go." Kate said.

"I've got to call my attorney today, let him know what's going on and I guess we are going to need to make some decisions where Madison and the twins are concerned." Jack said.

"What kind of decisions?" Kate asked.

"Am I going to adopt Madison and are you going to adopt the twins." Jack answered.

"Jack they have a mother." Kate argued.

"No they don't Kate, she abandoned them and it would best if they grow up with you as their mother, but only if you want to be their mother. Some day when they are old enough to do the math and ask questions I'll just tell them their real mother died. These three children do not ever need to know how fucked up their entrance into this world was if we can avoid it." Jack said.

"Jack, of course I want to be a mother to them, but is Sarah going to go along with that?" Kate asked.

"Yes she will. She wants me out of her life completely, erased, gone, never existed and that includes these children that remind her of me." Jack said with a twinge of guilt and sadness in his voice.

"Oh well, her selfish stupidity is my gain. They call me Mommy Kate anyway so we'll just slowly lose the Kate. I talked to Maddie about you adopting her yesterday. She's getting a little confused about where her place in this family is and she isn't too sure about all these new siblings, but she is sure she wants you to be her daddy. She wanted to know if she could start signing her name Madison Shephard on her school papers." Kate told him, making him laugh lightly.

"What did you tell her about Hayden?" Jack asked.

"I told her he needed a place to live and that he might be living with us. She doesn't know he belongs to Sarah." Kate said.

"Does she like him?" Jack asked.

"Oh you know, she likes being the little mother on her terms. We have to be careful we don't start depending on her too much and forget she's just a little girl. We've certainly kept your attorney busy lately and he seems to really go above and beyond for you Jack. What gives?" Kate asked.

"Mark's been my best friend since we were kids Kate. He owns part of that lake house with me. It's nice to have someone you can trust in a situation like this. Family law really isn't his specialty, but he was willing to help me out. I'll turn it all over to him and I won't have to deal with it again until it's time to sign the papers. He'll deal with Sarah. He never wanted me to marry her, but to his credit he hasn't hit me with one single 'I told you so' yet." Jack said.

"He didn't huh? Did he say why?" Kate asked.

"No, he never came right out and said I shouldn't marry her, he just kept trying to give me outs, let me know if I wanted to change my mind he'd have my back." Jack explained as he lifted the baby above him and then brought his tummy down to kiss on it and let his unshaven face tickle him, making him giggle and squeal.

Kate stared up at the ceiling listening to them play. She heard Hayden get a little fussy and then quiet down and turned her head to investigate, the sight making her smile. She rolled onto her side and rubbed her hand over the baby, who was now contently lying on his stomach on Jack's chest sucking on his pacifier.

"You two have certainly bonded, and quickly. I'm glad." Kate said.

"We didn't have any choice. I had him and the twins last night and they were all hungry and needed baths so he had to hang out with me in one arm while I took care of the twins with the other." Jack said.

"Where was Elisha?" Kate asked.

"She had plans so I told her I'd manage. He really, really likes popsicles. His little tongue was all cold and purple and he kept pushing it out of his mouth and touching it with his fingers trying to figure out what was going on. It was pretty funny." Jack laughed.

"God I love you so much and you have no idea how incredibly sexy you are right this minute. If Hayden wasn't curled up on your chest I'd be having my way with you." Kate told him.

"Did you hear that Hayden, mommy thinks I'm sexy, but mommy wore daddy out last night so it's a good thing you're laying here saving me from another round." Jack teased and the baby kicked excitedly at the sound of Jack's voice and grabbed a hand full of chest hair.

Jack pried his little fingers loose and laid him on the mattress in-between them. Hayden looked up at both of them, content and smiling when they'd talk to him. He was a very pleasant baby, but when he shoved his fist in his mouth and began fussing, they both knew it was a matter of minutes before he began crying loud for nourishment.

"I'll get it." Jack said and slipped out of the bed, pulling a pair of jeans on over his boxers on his way out of the bedroom.

He returned with a full bottle of formula and lay down on the bed with them again. They tried to keep him between them and feed him the bottle but he kept spitting it out and then finally became completely unhappy with the situation and started crying. Kate picked him up and she was right about the baby being breast fed, he immediately began trying to latch on and it was pathetic to watch. Jack felt his anger toward Sarah return to the surface as he watched Kate do her best to get comfortable herself and then cuddle him into her bosom as snugly as possible. She put the nipple of the bottle to his mouth and he finally stopped fighting it, his hunger winning the battle of wills that was going on.

Jack lay beside them watching her feed the baby and listening to the twins waking up, their small voices coming through the baby monitor clearly, well as clear as their two year old butchering of the English language could be. He smiled as he listened to them conspire together.

"I go pway." Andrew said.

"No, daddy up." Kayla told her brother, always the compliant one. She knew that leaving the safety of their bedroom and wandering around the house without a grown-up was considered a no-no.

"Where mommy Kate?" Andrew asked.

"Wif daddy." Kayla answered as if it were obvious.

"I go pway now." Andrew insisted, never the compliant one.

"Dew go to time out." Kayla warned her brother and Jack bit back a laugh.

Jack could hear the pattering of small feet leaving the safety of the nursery and peeked out the open door of his bedroom, waiting to nail Andrew as he tried to scamper by. He saw the bright red of the boy's pajamas, looked at Kate and then called out to him. The little boy stopped in his tracks and then walked innocently into his father's bedroom. He hadn't seen Kate since Sarah had taken the twins away and his face lit up. He ran to the bed, excited and ready to join her and then stopped when realized she was holding Hayden.

"No baby, my mommy Kate." Andrew demanded and tried to push the baby away from Kate.

"Andrew, that's not nice. Come with daddy, let's go get your sister." Jack said as he moved off the bed.

"No!" Andrew screamed and threw himself down.

Jack reached down to pick him up, not willing to give into a tantrum so early in the morning.

"Wait Jack, take Hayden." Kate said.

"Do you really think giving into this is a good idea?" Jack asked.

"I have no idea, but I haven't seen him in days so let's make an exception." Kate suggested.

Jack took the baby from Kate and watched Andrew jump up onto the bed with her, hugging her and whining to be held and couldn't help but wonder how emotionally unstable the situation they'd been in had made the twins and if it would be a temporary condition or a scar that would never completely heal.

Jack sat in the office of Celeste Morrison, waiting for her to bring him the results of the tests he'd just been through. He wasn't sure what he was prepared to hear, he just knew he needed an answer so he could move on one way or another. She entered the room and sat behind her desk, folded her hands in front of her, looking across the desk at him.

"Jack, I've talked with your physical therapist and I've studied your post surgical file and I checked and rechecked today's test results and you're not going to like it, but it's the only thing that makes sense." Celeste said her tone telling him that there was definitely something keeping his hand from regaining full function.

"It's okay Celeste, I know my hand isn't getting better, but if this is it, as good as it's going to get, I need to know so I can make some decisions. What do you recommend I do next?" Jack said.

"I would recommend that you pay a visit to your pal Sid Alden and the sooner the better." Celeste told him.

"Sid? You want me to see a psychologist?" Jack asked.

"Jack, there is nothing wrong with your arm or your hand. The nerve in your arm has healed, the bones in your hand have healed, all of the tests suggest 100 mobility, yet when you attempt to put a scalpel in your hand or hold your hand steady for any length of time it suddenly becomes shaky and weak. Whatever is causing this is in your head Jack. You need to go talk to someone and figure out why you don't want to be a surgeon anymore." Celeste told him.

"I don't need to talk to anyone, I can give you a list of reasons for why I'm apprehensive about returning to my 15 hour days, but I never would've imagined I was sabotaging my recovery with those reasons." Jack admitted.

"Dr. Jack Shephard, one of the most brilliant young surgeons in the area is seriously considering giving that up? Why Jack? You are so passionate about it and you're so good at it, why would you want to give it up?" Celeste asked.

"Lots of reasons, but mainly I just don't want to be in my father's shadow any longer and I don't want to become what I was when I was married to Sarah and lose another family." Jack explained.

"You're only in your father's shadow because you choose to be and you'll never convince me that your passion for what you do stemmed only from trying to prove something to him. Celeste insisted.

"Celeste, I love being a doctor and I don't want to stop being doctor, but I like helping people and face it, the area you and I specialize in sees more failure than success." Jack said.

"But doesn't that make the successes that much sweeter?" She asked.

"I suppose it should, but it doesn't work that way for me. A small piece of me dies every time I have to tell a parent that their teenage son or daughter is never going to be able to scratch his or her own nose again or when somebody's wife or husband dies on my table because the tumor was just too advanced. It feels like it is just one mangled body after another coming through and it's sucking the life out of me." Jack explained.

"Maybe you just need a break Jack." Celeste offered.

"I haven't performed a surgical procedure in nearly five months Dr. Morrison and I don't miss it. The last procedure I performed was on a five year old girl. Firemen had managed to extract her mangled little body from underneath a car and get her breathing again. I spent 17 hours trying to put her back together just so I could tell her parents that their little girl would never walk or talk again, that she'd never be able to breathe without the aid of a machine and that whoever she was before that car rolled was gone forever, the brain and spinal cord damage too severe to repair. So tell me Dr. Morrison, what's the point?" Jack asked.

"I guess the point Jack is that you did your best and you spared them from having to bury their child." She offered.

"Is what I gave them less painful that having to bury your child? Having to watch a shell of what used to be your child year after year until mercifully some illness or unexpected body malfunction finally takes their life is supposed to be a gift? I don't know Celeste, but I do know that when my little boy was in the ER a few days ago and nobody knew how long his brain had gone without oxygen all I could think was that if there is a God he'd take him and not sentence him to a life of nothing, of a body without a brain to make it function." Jack admitted.

"Like I said Jack, maybe you should talk to Sid." She suggested.

"I don't need to talk to Sid, I need to go home and talk to my wife, but the biggest issue here is that if I'm feeling that way, if I'm feeling like what we do is too much, that sometimes patients are better off dead, then would that affect my work? Would I not try as hard to preserve life if I have this floating around in the back of my head?" Jack asked.

"Jack, all doctors go through this, but they don't give up a brilliant surgical career over it. What else?" Celeste asked.

"I told you, I have this whole other life now that I really love and if anyone had ever told me I'd be happier changing diapers than I am up to my elbows in body tissue I would've told them they were crazy, but when I lost my kids, I was so lost and then when I lost my father, the one thing pushing me to keep striving to be the best, I felt like I was five again and accidentally left behind during a family vacation, completely alone in a strange place where nobody knew me or cared to know me." Jack said.

"That's not true Jack. You have plenty of friends and colleagues here who care about you, me included." She argued.

"No, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that this hospital was always his and I always felt like a visitor and after he was gone, for whatever reason, I felt like an intruder and still do. That's not the point though. The point is that losing my kids was the worst and loneliest time in my life and now I have this wonderful wife and I've got my kids back and she's got a 7-year old daughter that has latched onto me and decided that I am going to be her dad. That's fine because I want that too, but she really needs me Celeste and not just for 15 minutes before bedtime a couple of times a week." Jack explained.

"So you want to be a family man instead of a 90 hour a week spinal surgeon?" She asked.

"We've got a 7-year old, two 2-year olds, a 6-month old and one in production, so yeah I guess I do." He answered and chuckled lightly.

"Well Jack, I guess you need to decide what you want to do and let the hospital administrators know. The idea of you not being on staff is unsettling, but the idea of you unhappy, stressed and dead before the age of 50 is down right disturbing." She said.

"Decide? I'm not sure I even know what the choices are." Jack sighed and stood to leave.

"Jack, if you don't want to be a spinal surgeon anymore, it's not the end of the world unless you let it be." Celeste offered.

"Yeah, thanks Celeste." Jack said and left the room.

Jack left Dr. Morrison's office and went straight to the hospital administrator's office, ready to resign. They talked at length about everything that had been going on in Jack's life and about Jack's choices for his future.

"Jack, I promised your father that I would have your back and I am going to, but not in the way Christian wanted because I've always suspected what your father wanted for you wasn't necessarily what you wanted." Austin Reed told him.

"Look, I understand you and my father were friends, but please don't feel like you have to give me special treatment because of that friendship. I'm of no use to this hospital right now so you should do what you would do with any other doctor, accept my resignation and get someone in here that can do my job." Jack said.

"Jack, any special treatment you may or may not get has nothing to do with your father. You are one of the most talented surgeons to ever come through these doors and you are a good man who has given years of blood, sweat and tears to this hospital. My motives are purely selfish. I don't want to lose you or your hands to another hospital. On the other hand, I've known you since you were a kid and I'll be the first to admit that I have a personal interest in you, but trust me son, I would never let my feelings where you are concerned cloud my judgment to the point where I'd put this hospital or it's patients in danger." Austin assured him.

"I appreciate your faith in my abilities, but right now I am no good to this hospital or its patients. I'm distracted and uncertain. It's like I've reached this critical crossroads in my life and I'm terrified of choosing the wrong path so I'm just stuck, standing there and refusing to move." Jack said.

"Then step away for awhile Jack. You have been through so much emotionally and physically, things that would make any man step back and begin to take stock and question the path he's on. Take a leave of absence Jack, a real one this time and go out there and figure out what you want to do. We'll place you on long-term disability so you can take as much time as you need and keep drawing a salary and when you are absolutely sure, come back and see me and we'll talk." Austin offered.

"Absolutely sure? Is that even possible?" Jack huffed.

"Probably not, but I suspect that when your hand begins to function normally again is when you will know what it is you want. It's been my experience, especially with burned out doctors, that the best way to figure out what it is you want from life is to just to step away and stop thinking about it. Just promise me something Jack." Austin said.

"What's that?" Jack asked.

"Promise me that if there is any part of you that still wants to be a surgeon you'll give me and this hospital an opportunity to find a workable solution for you, because even if I only have you on a consulting basis, I want you on my staff." Austin told him.

Jack stood and shook his hand.

"Thank you sir and I promise that when I figure out what I want to do, you'll be the first to know." Jack said and left the man's office.

Jack walked through the front door of his home around 1:30 PM expecting to be greeted by two hyper toddlers, but instead the house silent. He walked into the living room and found Elisha folding small clothes.

"Where is everyone?" Jack asked.

"The twins and the baby are napping and Kate was going to go lie down, she wasn't feeling well." Elisha said.

"You okay Elisha? You don't look like you're feeling too great yourself." Jack said.

"I'm fine, thanks, but I need to leave by 4:30 PM today." She said.

"Sure, okay. I'm going to go check on Kate." Jack said.

Jack walked into the bedroom and quietly moved to her side of the bed to see if she was sleeping. His eyes were met with hers and he smiled.

"What are you doing home?" She asked.

"We'll talk about it later. Elisha said you weren't feeling well, what's wrong?" Jack asked as he sat on the side of the bed and let his hand glide over the side of her face in a concerned, caring manner.

"Nothing, I think I should've eaten something before I did so much running around. I was starving and exhausted by the time I got home. I'm fine now." She answered.

"Kate." Jack nagged.

"I know. I promised I would start eating at least three meals a day and I will; I'm just not a breakfast person Jack." She argued.

"So stop some place and get a smoothie or a pint of chocolate milk, anything is better than nothing." Jack said.

"I have managed to carry a baby to full term before you know." Kate teased.

"Yes, I noticed and she's great, but if you don't mind I'm going to nag you and spoil you and worship the ground your pregnant feet walk on because you are the most wonderful wife and mother in the world and deserve to be pampered." He said as he leaned in and kissed her softly.

"Yeah, so did you come home in the middle of the day to pamper me?" Kate asked.

"Do you want to be pampered, just name it and it's yours." He said sweetly.

"Anything?" She asked.

"Anything." He answered.

"I want you naked in this bed with me now." She told him.

"That's it?" He chuckled.

She sat up and snaked her body around his, winding up in his lap, arms around his neck, kissing up his jaw line toward his ear.

"That's it, unless you want blow by blow details of what I'm planning on doing to you. You can't come waltzing in here looking all professional and hot in those slacks and dress shirt and expect me to not want to gobble you up." She teased making him groan.

"If you're planning on gobbling me up in the same manner you did last night then I don't need the details, I just want to watch." He said and kissed her deeply, picking her up and walking across the room to shut and lock the door.

He carried her back to the bed and set her down, standing beside the bed and looking at her, his eyes slowly taking on a smoky, lustful look as he followed her eyes to the waistband of his pants where her hands were already working on his belt. She didn't waste any time getting his belt and then his pants unfastened, pushing them along with his underwear down to his knees, his shirttail hanging down and covering him. She immediately went up onto her knees and began unbuttoning his shirt, getting the final button undone and pushing it off his shoulders and down his arms as her now hot and hungry mouth moved over his chest, sucking each nipple into her teeth and biting just hard enough to get his attention, as if she didn't already have his full attention.

She sat back down on the bed, leaving him standing beside it. She put her hands on his butt and pulled him forward until he was standing between her legs, his developing erection in perfect proportion to her mouth. He looked down, watching her take his cock into her hands and hold him while she let her fingers slide slowly over it, being painfully gentle, so much so he bucked his hips forward to let her know he needed more.

She began moving her mouth up and down his length, licking and then gently nibbling, the feeling of her teeth gently biting him and then following up with her juicy mouth attempting to swallow him whole making him sweat. She pulled her mouth back and held his tip to her tongue, letting him watch as she slowly licked away the drops of pre-come that were beginning to seep out of him.

She stopped and went back up onto her knees, bringing their mouths together again while he pulled her shirt up and over her head with one quick action, his hands quickly returning to her back so he could get her bra out of his way. With her upper half completely nude he pushed her backward onto the bed and quickly disposed of her jeans and panties, leaving her completely naked and squirming in front of him, smiling at the way he was subconsciously licking his lips as he stepped out of his pants and underwear and crawled onto the bed with her.

He closed his mouth over hers in what started out as an urgent sloppy kiss, but slowly settled into a calmer, more passionate kiss, the type of kiss he used to settle himself down so he could get back to the business of enjoying her and enjoy her he did. He used his mouth to make every part of her tingle while his long, skilled fingers made her pant and moan a come twice before he gave into his own needs and pushed inside of her, filling her like only he could.

She wrapped her legs around him and pulled him in for another kiss, groaning and biting his lips as his hips began to thrust into her hard, making her unclasp her ankles and pull her legs back further, driving him deeper, longer and harder. He pushed her arms back above her head and held tightly to her hands, picking up his pace as she climaxed around him, wishing she could know what it feels like to have her slick, muscular walls clamping down on him.

"Jesus Kate, I think I'm going explode." He panted through gritted teeth as he continued to make love to her at a wild, frenzied pace, the bed making so much noise she was wondering if they were about to break another one.

He suddenly slowed down and drove into her with deep, slow, hard thrusts and even though she'd seen him fully erect many times and knew exactly just how big he was, when he was pushing into her like this she could swear he was going to come out through her throat, like he had 15 inches of hard, excited flesh he was shoving into her. It was unlike anything she could ever hope to describe to him, but she attempted anyway and encouraged him to keep going, to go deeper and harder. She felt the tingling begin and then the full on rush of release and let go again, grabbing onto his butt and holding him place, the orgasm so intense she wanted to scream, but chose to put him over the edge instead, talking to him about what he was doing to her and begging him to come while he was buried so deep inside of her.

He lay with his face buried in the space just above shoulder, out of breath and out of energy, his tingling, slowly softening cock still inside of her, his release starting to seep out of her. He moved off of her and they cuddled up together in the middle of the bed, pulling the sheets over them and enjoying the intense heat coming off their bodies that was keeping both of them warm.

"I know I should've talked to you first, but I left the hospital Kate." Jack said.

She took a moment to process the information and decided a man at such a crisis point in his professional life needed unconditional support not second guessing or criticism.

"For good?" She asked.

"I tried, but they wouldn't accept my resignation. I'm on long-term disability, which is appropriate since my hand and my head are too fucked up to do my job properly." Jack said and let go of a laugh that suggested he was more scared than amused.

"Mmm, so we can spend every afternoon napping together until your hand and your head get better?" Kate asked in a sweet, loving tone.

"It really doesn't matter to you whether or not I go back to being a surgeon does it?" He asked the awestruck tone in his voice not lost on her.

"No Jack, the only thing that matters to me is that you're happy, so if you want to retire and move us all out to the lake house and spend your days fishing with your kids then I'm there." Kate said.

"That actually sounds like a slice of heaven, but I don't think I'm ready to fully retire from medicine. I'm not sure what it is that I want beyond a life with you, but they're graciously giving me as much as time as I need to figure that out." He told her.

"Mmm, so you really are going to be napping with me every day." Kate giggled.

"I thought I'd go back to full-time at the clinic and finish my hours." Jack said.

"If that's what you want to do Jack it'd be great, we get really busy during the holidays." Kate said.

"You know I was teasing about naming the baby Walker, but you really did save my life Kate." Jack said and kissed her.

"Well then I guess we're even because you saved mine too and together we get to make the lives of four children so much brighter than they ever would've been if that judge hadn't sent you to me." Kate told him, rolling him onto his back and kissing him deeply.

She pulled out of the kiss and snuggled up next to him, head on his chest positioned directly over his heart, closing her eyes and letting the sleep her body was craving finally take over her. He lay with his arm wrapped around her, enjoying the feel of her soft, warm skin pressed tightly to his. He listened as her breathing settled into the slow, steady rhythm of sleep and decided that even though he wasn't sleepy he would stay right there and watch her sleep because there was no other place in the entire world he'd rather be at the moment.


	30. Chapter 30

Jack and Kate spent the next few weeks adjusting to their large family and their roles as mom and dad to this brood, working hard to make time for all of them and finding that some days it was impossible. The baby was obviously the neediest of the bunch and they learned quickly that Kayla did not like sharing her daddy with Hayden, that Andrew did not like sharing Mommy-Kate with Hayden and that Maddie was jealous of the three younger children. It was a situation that would only get worse once the new baby arrived and they knew they had to diffuse it and soon.

It was the weekend before Thanksgiving and a typical hectic Saturday in the Shephard household. Hayden had been up all night the previous night, feverish and out of sorts and wanted no one, but Kate. Kayla had a cold and was clinging to Jack. Andrew continued to find himself too busy to go to the bathroom and had already had one mishap since breakfast. Madison had been sent to bed early the night before for mouthing off to her mother after being warned to stop and refusing to do so and had been less than cordial since getting up that morning. The two adults sat in the ruins of their living room looking tired and edgy, Jack holding Kayla and Kate holding Hayden while Madison entertained Andrew with a video game. The two children were playing well together, the little boy in her lap while she helped him with the controller, but the harmony wouldn't last long.

"Eww gross!" Maddie squealed as she pushed Andrew off her lap hard.

"Madison, don't be so rough with him." Kate snapped at the child.

"He peed on me mommy!" Madison cried and Jack bit his lip, stifling back a grin, too tired to find the situation anything but amusing.

"Well he didn't mean to honey, settle down and go change your clothes and while you're back there will you bring me some clean clothes for Andrew?" Kate asked.

"No! Do it yourself!" Maddie snapped at her.

"Madison don't talk to your mom like that. That's your first and last warning for the day." Jack said sternly.

"It's not fair daddy." She argued, her bottom lip starting to quiver.

"What's not fair?" Jack asked.

"You always take all their sides and never mine. I hate all these babies!" She screamed the familiar symptoms of a meltdown starting to surface.

"Hey, come here and talk to me." Jack said in a calm, soothing voice.

"No! You don't care, you only care about these babies." Madison yelled.

"That's not true sweetie, your dad and I love you very much." Kate said.

"You're my mommy not theirs! I hate them and I don't want you to have a baby!" Madison screamed, headed for a full blown meltdown.

"Baby I'm sorry, I know I haven't been able to give you as much of my attention as you are used to but it doesn't mean I don't love you just as much as I always have. You have to share me with them and you don't hate them, you are just angry." Kate tried to reassure her.

"Shut up! I can hate them if I want to! You're a stupid liar!" Madison yelled.

Kate was overtired and pregnant and hormonal and the words stung more than they should've and she couldn't stop the tears from flowing.

"Go to your room Madison." Kate ordered, wiping the tears from her face.

"Make me." Madison challenged.

Jack sat back and held his tongue, trying to let them work it out without jumping in, but he was sure that if the child didn't back down soon he wasn't going to be able to stay quiet much longer and that things weren't going to go well for Madison.

"If I have to get up and take you to your room you can forget about going to Amy's tonight." Kate threatened.

"I'll just ask daddy." Maddie continued to challenge.

"And he'll be on my side and you know what, that was the last straw. You aren't going to Amy's tonight, now go to your room." Kate told her.

"I hate you!" Maddie screamed and threw the game controller at her.

Kate put her hand up and managed to knock it away before it hit her in the head, but the act made her snap, having finally had enough of the bratty child and it all happened so quickly that Jack only had a chance to react to the end result. Kate put the baby in his walker, grabbed Madison by the arm, pointed and ordered her to go her room and stay there. The child reacted by placing both fists into her mother's stomach and shoving her as hard as she could sending Kate stumbling backward into Hayden's walker and then onto the floor hard.

Jack sprang from the chair, setting Kayla down and immediately went to Kate. She was curled up on her side sobbing. He placed one hand on her shoulder and used the other move the hair out of her face.

"Are you hurt?" He asked softly.

"I can't do this anymore Jack. She treats me just like Michael used to and I know it's not her fault, but I can't take it anymore." Kate cried.

"Shh, it's okay, come on, let's get you up." Jack said and helped her up off the floor, placing his hand over her stomach protectively, concerned about the developing fetus in inside.

He helped her sit in one of the chairs and turned his attention to Madison who immediately began backing away from him, tears flowing so hard she was choking herself.

"Dry up and get moving." Jack told her in a tone as angry as he'd ever used with her as he pointed toward the back of the house.

She continued backing away from him until she felt like she was a safe distance from him and then turned and ran to her bedroom, crying.

"You better not slam the door." He called after her.

She slammed the door so hard one of the pictures in the hallway fell off the wall and crashed to the floor.

"I've had enough of this bullshit." Jack growled and headed toward her bedroom.

He opened the door and she was in a full blown rage, just as she had been on Halloween. She was throwing everything she could get her hands on, picking up one of her favorite dolls and throwing it at him, missing him and it hitting the wall hard before crashing to the floor. Jack picked the doll up and set it on the desk. He watched her continue to throw toys without saying a word to her, leaving the room for a moment and returning with a large storage tub from the garage. He set the tub down and looked at her. She was sitting on bed, tear-stained face and angry, so angry she was shaking and he wasn't sure if what he was about to do was the right thing, but he knew he couldn't let her continue to disrupt the entire house with her fits.

"Are you going to spank me?" She whimpered.

"Have I ever spanked you Maddie?" He asked.

"No, but you never hated me this bad before." She answered.

"Stop it. You know I don't hate you. I hate what you did though and I hate that you care so little about the things your mom and I give to you that you just come back here and tear things up when things don't go your way." Jack told her and began tossing the strewn toys into the storage tub.

"Why are you putting my toys in there?" She asked.

"I'm going to take them down to the clinic and let some of those children have them. Most of them don't have anything, so I'm guessing if they had a nice, new toy they'd take really good care of it." Jack said and continued filling the tub with the strewn toys.

Maddie jumped off the bed and moved quickly to the area where Jack was picking up toys. She grabbed the toy he had in his hand and tried to pull it away from him, her entire body tugging and no match for his strength.

"Give it to me! It's mine! You can't give it away!" She screamed, fresh tears making their way down her face.

Jack tugged the toy away from her and tossed it into the tub. Kate had heard the commotion and was standing in the doorway watching them. He wasn't backing down and neither was she. She tried to pull another toy from his hands and when he pulled it away from her she slapped him in the face. Kate gasped and put her hand over her mouth, the sight of it bringing out a sadness she didn't know she could feel.

Jack picked the child up and carried her to the bed. He set her on the bed and she kicked at him and tried to climb back down. He picked her up again and she kicked and slapped at him over and over until she finally collapsed into his arms sobbing. He looked up at Kate and signaled that he had it under control. She nodded and left the room, closing the door behind her so they could have some privacy.

He continued to hold her and rock her and when he felt like she was finally calm enough he spoke to her.

"Do you want to talk about why you are so mad?" Jack asked.

"I want to go sleep." She whimpered, her breath still hitching.

"You can go to sleep when we're done talking." He told her.

"I don't want to talk. You don't care." She told him.

"That's not true." He said.

"It's true. Mommy likes the babies more and so do you." Maddie insisted.

"You know what I think? I think that your mom and I get really busy with the other kids, not because we like them better, but because they are smaller and take up a lot of our time. I think that you're really mad about that because you aren't used to having to share your mom. Am I close?" Jack asked.

"Some." She said so softly he barely heard her.

"It's okay to feel jealous Maddie and it's okay to be upset, but it's not okay to yell and hit and to feel so much rage. You seem so angry munchkin and I'm trying to understand why you are so angry so your mom and I can help you figure out how to not feel so mad anymore. Does that make sense?" He asked.

"I don't know why. I don't want to be in bad trouble." She told him and started crying again.

He tightened his hold on her and kissed the top of her head, having no idea what was going on with her, but suspecting it was more than a little jealousy over the younger children. She was too out of it, too distraught. He decided to keep at her and see if he could get her to talk to him because if she wouldn't, he was going to find her someone she would talk to.

"Shh, stop crying now, you're going to make yourself sick. Your mom and I are going to make sure we don't forget about you and we have been trying really hard. We're all still getting used to having so many kids, but we'll work it out Maddie. You are going to have to help us though. We have three other children that want and need our attention too, but we are going to be at your dance recitals and your soccer games and we'll still help you with your homework and play with you and one of us will always tuck you in and read to you, but Maddie you can't have all of our attention all of the time." Jack told her.

"But I always have to get stuff for them and sometimes I don't want to play with them and mommy is always with them, always." She complained.

"If you don't feel like playing with them you need to say so, but you can help out when asked, it's part of being a family and I know it seems that way sometimes, but your mom isn't always with them." Jack said.

"Okay." She sighed heavily as if she was just giving up, no longer interested in trying to prove a point to him.

You know you have to be punished for what you did." Jack told her.

"Please don't, I'll be good and won't never throw my toys no more." She begged.

"Throwing the toys was bad Madison, but I'm talking about the way you talked to your mom and the hitting and shoving stops today. Do you understand I better never see that again and what's going to happen if I do?" He asked, voice stern and making an impact.

"You will spank me and won't be my daddy no more." She answered sadly and went up onto her knees.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, put her head on his shoulder and cried some more, sobbing at one point and he worked hard to swallow the lump in his throat.

"I will never spank you Maddie no matter how angry I get, I promise and there is nothing you could do that would make want to stop being your daddy. We're going to go see the judge next month and sign the papers to make it forever. Do you not want to do that?" Jack asked.

"I do." She said and began crying harder.

"What's wrong little one? Why are you so upset? Do you need to talk to your mom instead of me maybe?" He asked.

"No! I can't tell her! She will just lie!" Madison screamed.

"Hey, shh, calm down, what are you talking about?" Jack pushed.

"No. I want to go to sleep. Please." She begged.

"We talked about this Maddie. I would do anything for you, but if I don't know what you need I can't help you. Please tell daddy what's wrong." He pleaded in a soft, comforting, fatherly tone, feeling her start to relax.

"Everything feels yucky. It's just like Michael said it would be." She said sadly, it being the first time she'd referred to her real father as Michael and taking him by surprise for a moment.

"What is?" He asked.

"Every night for tuck-in Michael laid down behind me and telled me that mommy didn't want me and that's why I lived with him. He told me I had to say it." Maddie said sadly.

"Say what honey?" Jack asked.

"I had to say mommy is stupid and doesn't want me. I would never say it so he maked me take my jammies off and lay on my tummy so he could spank me. I telled him it wasn't true that mommy was smart and loved me and he would spank me harder and put wet stuff on my back." She told him in a tone that suggested she was back in a time and place that scared and confused her.

Jack had known all along that he truly loved this little girl, but it wasn't until he found himself sitting on the bed cradling her, his entire body aching with the need to protect her with every fiber of his being, that he realized just how much this precious little gift that bounced into his life meant to him.

"You're mommy always wanted you Maddie, you believe that don't you?" Jack asked his voice quivering with emotion.

"After he put the wet stuff on my back, he stopped spanking me. He telled me that I was stupid and mommy didn't care about me. He said she would get married and have new kids and wouldn't want me no more. He telled me I better never tell her what he said b'cuz then it would happen for sure. He spanked me almost every night b'cuz I woudn't say mommy didn't want me. It didn't hurt so bad if I closed my eyes and thinked of mommy and how much she really did want me, but now it's true, he wasn't lying. She got married and got new kids just like he said." She cried.

"Sweetheart your mommy loves you so much. It's not true." Jack told her.

"It's true. Can I go to sleep now daddy. I don't feel good." She pleaded with him.

Jack was at a loss for words, stunned by the tale of cruelty that had been inflicted on an innocent child. He understood how in Maddie's mind, everything that Michael had told her was coming true and was unsure of how to deal with her, so he laid her on the bed, put a blanket over her and kissed her on the cheek. He left the room and immediately filled Kate in on what she'd told him. He knew that Kate would be devastated by the information, but she had to know everything so she could help her daughter and after having her moment to cry, she sucked it up and excused herself to go be with Maddie.

A couple of hours had passed when Jack finally peeked into Madison's bedroom to see if everything was okay. Kate and Madison were curled up together in the middle of the bed sleeping. He smiled at how much alike they looked lying side by side with their dark, wild locks going off in several directions, the little girl, small for age, her tiny features sweet and petite with just a hint of tomboy, just like her mother.

As he stood beside the bed watching them sleep he wondered if they were going to be okay, if the damage Michael had done could ever be undone and if Kate was going to resist what he felt had to be the next step if they were going to be able to help Madison.

Kate exited Maddie's bedroom about an hour after Jack had stopped in to check on them. She found Jack in the nursery playing with the twins and the baby. They talked and decided that punishing Madison for the earlier events wouldn't be in her best interest right now. They let her spend the night with her friend Amy as planned and Jack decided that he and Kate needed some time alone and rounded up a babysitter for the evening.

He took her out to dinner and tried to talk to her, but she was distant and distracted and he couldn't really blame her. She was blaming herself for what had happened to Madison just as any parent would and he didn't want to sound cliché and suggest she not do that. He did finally decide that the silence wasn't the least bit productive and decided to jump in with both feet, the situation too serious to just let things simmer.

"What are we going to do about Madison?" He asked.

"What do you mean do?" Kate asked.

"She's had two pretty serious meltdowns in less than a month Kate, I think we need to admit we're in over our heads here." Jack said.

"She's my……our daughter Jack. We just need to keep reassuring her." Kate resisted.

"Kate, she's full of anger that she has no idea how to deal with and what else has happened to her that we don't know about?" Jack

"Nothing else Jack. I don't want to talk about this." Kate said.

"We are going to talk about this Kate because we have a seven year old at home crying out for help and I understand that you are kicking yourself right now, but you have to stop at least long enough to see that Madison needs professional help." Jack insisted.

"Do you think I don't know that Jack? Do you think I don't know that my little girl is a violent basket case, that she's been mentally and physically abused for god knows how long and I was too fucking stupid to see it?" Kate snapped turning a few heads at the restaurant.

"No, I think you're mind is so clouded with guilt right now that you can't see things clearly and I understand Kate, I do, but baby this wasn't your fault and I know you don't want to hear that, but you're going to because you need to hear it and not just from me." Jack said.

"What do you mean?" Kate asked.

"I think you and Maddie need to do this together, talk to someone, tell your stories, share them, let that little girl know that you were scared too. You're relationship with her has got to be your top priority until she learns to understand where her rage is coming from and how to channel it in a more productive way. She's not a violent basket case Kate, she's just very confused about the things she's feeling." Jack stated his case.

"Mother/daughter therapy, how modern, perhaps we can do lunch together afterward and take our anti-depressants with our appetizers." Kate said sarcastically.

"We need to have her examined Kate, make sure she hasn't been sexually abused." Jack pushed on, choosing to ignore the sarcasm.

"I am not going to put her through that Jack so drop it right now." Kate snapped at him.

"Kate he was spanking her and masturbating all over her back. We can't just keep our heads buried in the sand about this. What else did he do to her and is it part of the reason she completely loses control?" Jack asked.

"Stop it Jack, I don't, I can't…………god, what have I done? How could I have not seen it? Did I just not want to see it? What are we going to do?" Kate said softly, and dropped her head, the tears flowing steadily down her cheeks.

Jack moved his chair beside hers and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her into him until she let her head rest on his shoulder.

"It's going to be okay." He said.

"No it's not, why do you keep saying that when you know it's not true?" She sobbed.

"Because I believe it, because I know that when you and I do things together we're unstoppable. I believe that together we can help Madison and that she will be okay, but only if we stick together babe, it has to be you and me as a team, never wavering and continuing to support her and love her and believe in her." Jack pushed.

"What if he hurt her Jack? I know what it feels like to be violated in that way. How is a little girl ever supposed to heal from that?" Kate asked.

"I don't know, but that's why we have to know for sure and it won't be traumatizing for her I promise. They'll sedate her and she won't remember any of it and then we'll find someone who can help her, help both of you talk about the things Michael did to you. I'm not a psychologist Kate, but I do believe that if you, with the help of a trained professional can help her see what a monster Michael was and I mean really see, then and only then will she be able to understand where the blame should be placed. That's what is so bad about abusers, they're so good at it that they convince their victims that it's their fault and right now we've got this sweet little girl who is torn between thinking those things happened because she was bad or stupid or because her mother is stupid and doesn't want her. She loves you so much Kate, you're her mommy. Can you imagine the difficult place she's in emotionally?" Jack explained losing control of his emotions as he considered how sad and confused the child must be.

"What are we doing Jack? Why did we think we could take all this on? Why did I think I wanted a baby with you? Why did I let myself believe that happiness was finally within my grasp? Look at us, we're ridiculous. We've got a house full of kids with emotional wounds and then there is you having a mid-life crisis before the age of 40 and me, where do I start with me. I'm playing mommy to these two adorable toddlers and a baby when I couldn't manage to take care of the one child I had." Kate sighed.

"Come on Kate, don't do this to yourself." Jack said.

"Let's go home Jack. I'm tired." Kate said.

Jack drove them home, neither speaking the entire way. He paid the babysitter and checked in on all of the sleeping children. He entered the bedroom, not really tired, but not in the mood for television either. He glanced over at the bed where she was already curled up under the blankets on her side. He hated that because most nights they didn't have sides, they snuggled in the middle together. He stripped down to his boxers and slipped into his side of the bed, rolling onto his side, propped up on his elbow.

"Let's make love." He said softly as he let his fingers move softly over her upper arm.

"I'm not in the mood Jack." She mumbled.

He moved closer and rolled her onto her back so she was looking up at him.

"I know you're not and that's why we need to make love. You don't need to try to force yourself to sleep in the frame of mind you're in. You don't need to lie here all night beating yourself up over things you had no control over." Jack told her.

"You seem to have all the answers Jack so why don't you tell me what I do need to do." Kate said hatefully.

"If using me as your personal punching bag will help you come to grips with things Kate that's fine, I'm here for you and that is what you need to do. You need to give up your control, give up your need for independence, give up the Kate against the world attitude and let it be my turn to be here for you. Let me take on the load so you can focus on you and Maddie healing and finding a way past the pain. Let me be the bad guy when she needs discipline, let me be the guy that will lie here night after night and hold you and listen to you and cry with you. You just need to let me love you Kate the way that I let you love me and you too will believe that while the road may get really bumpy, in the end, things are going to be okay." Jack pleaded with her.

"I let him hurt her Jack. How can you love me when I failed an innocent child so miserably." Kate asked as a few tears rolled out of the corners of her eyes and down the sides of her face.

"Because I do love you and because you didn't fail her Kate. She believed in you so much that she chose pain over saying what she didn't believe to be true. That's a pretty strong bond baby so don't let Michael break it, not now, not when you're so close to both of you finally being free of him. Fight for her Kate, fight with her." Jack pushed, his eyes full of determination and love.

Kate put her hand up and brushed it against the side of his face. He took hold of it and kissed it gently and then he moved more of himself over her and kissed her, a warm soft kiss that was full of emotion. The kiss grew deeper as she opened her mouth for him and let him slip his tongue in, slowly making love to her mouth, causing the familiar fluttering in her stomach and rush of warmth that would start at her toes and quickly make the trip to the top of her head. She felt the need to tighten up, to somehow squash the excitement coursing through every muscle, blood vessel and nerve ending so that she wouldn't suddenly explode in his hands and she pulled out of the kiss.

He looked into her eyes, his beautiful brown orbs sucking her in and making her feel like she would drown in there and the love she felt for this beautiful man made her heart feel like it would swell right out of her chest. In that moment she stopped fighting and she relinquished all of herself to him, ready to let him take care of her for as long as it took to fix her broken little girl and maybe even apply a few patches to her own wounds. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him back down, kissing him some more, moving her hands down his back and around to his stomach, letting her fingers glide around the elastic waistband of his boxers before slipping her hands inside them and holding him.

He reached down and pushed his boxers down out of her way and she continued to hold him, tugging gently in a downward motion so that he would move closer. He continued to kiss her and she continued to hold his erection to her stomach and he wasn't sure why she was doing it, but she didn't seem inclined to let go any time soon. He stopped kissing her mouth and began nibbling lightly on her earlobe.

"Do you think all women figure it out?" She asked making him lift his head and look at her.

"Figure what out?" He asked.

"That a man's penis is strong and sexy and can make you feel good in ways you never imagined, but that it isn't what makes him a man, that without a good heart guiding him in the way he should live and in the way he should treat a woman, it is just a penis." Kate said.

"I'll never hurt you Kate." He promised.

"I know. I want you inside me Jack." She told him.

"Okay." He replied softly as he reached down and began pushing her panties out of the way.

"I want you in me deep and slow Jack, deep and slow." She panted as she felt him push inside of her.

He pushed into her as far as he could and kept them close, barely backing out before moving forward again. She was keeping him so close, their bodies all but smashed together it was difficult for him to pull out very far, but it was what she wanted, slow, deep, intimate love-making that consisted mainly of him just being inside her where she needed him to be.

She was so tense, filled with so many conflicting emotions her body wouldn't relax, couldn't relax. He finally pulled up and out of her grasp, pushing up on his arms and keeping their centers closely connected, pumping in and out of her slowly. He could feel her relaxing, watching her eyes close as she allowed her mind to shut down and just enjoy what he was doing to her.

"That's it, just let it happen. It's just you and me and I'm here to make you feel good. Does it feel good baby?" He spoke to her in a low, caring voice with just and edge of sexiness.

"Mmm, yes it feels so good, you make me feel so good babe, keep going I'm close." She replied, the sound of her voice telling him that she was starting to feel the tingle.

He watched her pull her night shirt up, exposing her breasts to him, running her fingertips over the nipples lightly, making them hard for him, begging him to suck on them without ever opening her mouth. He dropped his head down and began alternating from one to the other, feeling her walls start to tighten around him as the orgasm took hold of her and her body began to shudder. He stopped moving and watched her come, enjoying the way her face scrunched up and her mouth made that O-Shape, panting and moaning and eventually saying his name and on this night the sound of his name would be the trigger, the thing that would put him over the edge and make him spill his seed deep inside of her.

He moved off of her and rolled onto his back. She didn't move at first and he wondered if she was okay, but then she made her move, moving close to him in the center of the bed and snaking her body around his, holding onto as much of him as she could and then he felt the warm wetness on his chest that was soon followed by sobbing noises as her chest heaved up and down against his. He didn't say anything. He simply tightened his embrace, his way, their way of letting one another know that it's okay to be as tired and broken as you need to be because there is someone that will always have your back.


	31. Chapter 31

_**Thanks for all the reviews and yes, Michael needs to die AGAIN.**_

"I'm not sick, why do I have to go to the doctor?" Madison protested as her parents, each holding one of her hands, led her to the hospital elevator.

"Mommy told you sweetie, it's just for a check-up." Kate answered.

They stepped onto the elevator and Jack pushed the button for the pediatrics floor. Jack had contacted one of his colleagues the day after Madison's meltdown, explained the situation and pulled strings so that they would be in and out with very few people knowing about it. They would be waiting for them, ready to sedate the little girl and perform a pelvic exam on her, the thought of it making his stomach churn.

They stepped off the elevator and walked toward the end of the hallway. Jack pushed the door open and there was a nurse waiting for them. She handed Kate a gown for the child.

"Have her remove everything but her panties, we'll take care of that after she's asleep." The nurse said and left the room.

"I'll go wait in the hallway." Jack offered.

"No, that's okay, we'll just go into the bathroom. Come on Maddie." Kate said, taking the girl by the hand and leading her into the bathroom.

Jack looked around the room and then sat down, waiting for Kate and Maddie to exit the bathroom. Maddie walked out first, the hospital gown, though made for children, still swallowing her and hanging down well below her knees. She walked over to where Jack was sitting and he pulled her up onto his lap. The nurse came in ready to insert an IV and the child came unglued.

"No daddy! I don't want a shot! I'm not sick!" She cried and tried to squirm out of his lap.

"Dr. Shephard you really need to put her up on the table and let us handle this." The nurse insisted.

"Don't tell me what I need to do. Just give me a minute." Jack snapped at the nurse.

"Mommy, I want to go home. I want to go to school. You promised it wouldn't hurt if I came." Madison begged while Jack kept a firm hold on her.

Kate wasn't holding it together very well, ready to grab her daughter and run out of the room and Jack could see it in her face.

"We talked about this munchkin. They're going to put some cold stuff on your hand so you can't feel the needle go in and then you're going to take a little nap and if you're a really big girl and trust daddy and let them do their jobs what did we say we would do?" Jack coaxed the child.

"We get to go to the pizza place with the singing animals for dinner without the babies." Madison answered.

"That's right and what are we going to do Friday while mommy and grandma go shopping with the rest of the holiday lunatics?" Jack continued to distract her, holding her close to his chest, his hand on the side of her head so she couldn't watch while the nurse began numbing her hand.

"We're going to the hockey game and then to the arcade, just us." She answered.

"That's right and what are you and mommy going to do on Wednesday?" Jack asked.

"We are going to buy all the food for our big dinner and come to the clinic to have lunch with you." She answered.

"You've got a lot to do this week so maybe we should get done here so you can get started." Jack said.

"But I don't want a needle in my hand." She cried.

"Too late cutie, it's already in." Jack teased her.

She looked down at her hand, back at him and then back at her mom.

"Look mommy, it didn't even hurt one bit." She said happily.

"That's great baby." Kate said choking back her emotions, the situation her little girl was in making her both sad and nauseous.

The nurse injected some medicine into the child's IV and she began dosing off almost immediately. Once Jack was sure she was out, he stood, laid her on the examination table and joined Kate on the other side of the room.

They stood together in the corner behind Madison's head and watched them prepare her for the exam. When they began putting her little legs into the stirrups Kate buried her face in Jack's chest and cried quietly. Jack found that he himself needed to look away. He'd done this procedure himself during his ER rotations, the process disturbing to him, but still a medical procedure and something he could approach with a clinical mind. This was different though, it was personal and it was eating him alive emotionally.

"Okay mom and dad, we are going to magnify and illuminate the genital and rectal areas to look for any obvious signs of abuse or penetration and then I'll probe a little deeper to check for signs of tearing and scarring. She shouldn't experience any discomfort when she wakes up." The doctor explained.

Jack nodded and held onto Kate, rubbing his hands over her back and talking softly to her. He closed his eyes and found he was holding his breath, finding this more difficult to deal with than he had anticipated. He heard the pediatrician instruct the nurse to put the child's legs down and opened his eyes, looking directly at the doctor wanting and not wanting to know what he'd found.

"There are no signs of sexual abuse or penetration of any kind." The pediatrician told him.

Jack took a deep breath, followed by a long sigh of relief, finding that his emotions were about to get the best of him, an enormous load of potential grief just lifted from his aching chest. Kate pried herself away from Jack and ran to the bathroom. She was sick, violently so and when she didn't come out in a reasonable amount of time Jack went in to check on her. She was sitting on the floor, leaned up against the wall shaking and crying. He sat beside her and pulled her into him.

"I'm sorry Jack, it's all just been too much." She stammered.

"It's okay, get it out of your system. It's all been so disgusting and enraging and I'd like to dig the bastard up just so I could kill him again, but it's a victory Kate. It's an enormous hurdle that she won't have to get over." Jack said.

"I know and I'm so relieved I'm physically ill, but why didn't she tell me Jack? My poor baby, she must've been so scared and confused. God, why didn't I pay closer attention?" Kate continued to beat herself up.

"She didn't tell for the same reasons you didn't tell, he made her afraid to tell and what should you have been paying closer attention to?" Jack said.

"I'm her mother Jack, I should've paid closer attention to her moods, I should've been able to tell something wasn't right. What kind of mother doesn't realize her child is being abused and then I go and make it worse by showering the twins and Hayden with all of my attention and expect her to be overjoyed when I tell her I'm having a baby." Kate said.

"Yeah and I should've demanded both of you get into therapy the day after we got married, but I didn't. We can beat ourselves up Kate or we can pull ourselves together, get her dressed and take the next step. Sid is waiting for us. He has the name of a woman that specializes in this kind of thing and he thinks Maddie needs to start today if possible and he thinks you need to start with her. If she won't talk about it in front of you then you can do your sessions separately, but no more putting this off Kate." Jack told her.

"What next Jack? Do we keep this abuse a secret? What about Carol's little girl? Was Michael spanking her and jerking off all over her too? Would this information help to ensure the woman who should be given a medal for heroics doesn't go to jail for murder?" Kate rambled on, distressed, upset and emotionally exhausted.

"We can't save the world Kate, but we can take care of our little corner of it and right now that's Madison. You're already scheduled to testify about the abuse in Carols' trial and they think it's going to seal the deal, be the testimony that convinces the jury she's not guilty by reason of temporary insanity. We've done enough Kate. Our little girl is not going to tell her story to anybody she doesn't want to, especially the police." Jack remained firm.

Jack sat with her for a few more minutes and then helped her stand. He was very worried about the negative affects all of this could be having on her pregnancy, but she was dealing with so much emotionally, he wasn't about to start nagging her about that as well. He decided he'd just keep an eye on her, make sure she stayed nourished and if she wouldn't rest he'd force the issue with sedatives.

They went back out into the room and Jack shook the doctor's hand and thanked him. He stood in the corner while Kate redressed Madison, relieved and determined to make happily ever after happen for the two people on the other side of the room that had turned his life around. When Kate was done dressing her he picked the little girl up and she mumbled something incoherent before wrapping her legs around his torso, and arms over his shoulders, letting her head rest atop his shoulder and sinking back into the medication induced sleep. He supported Maddie with his left arm, placed his right arm around Kate and the walked slowly out of the room and to the elevator to the floor where Sid Alden's office was.

Jack and Kate sat in front of Dr. Sid Alden's desk, Jack holding her hand and Madison sleeping soundly on him. Jack had talked with Sid the day before about the mental and physical abuse Madison had sustained and spent the last few minutes updating him on the pediatrician's findings. He could feel Kate squeezing his hand tighter and tighter, Sid noticing how tightly she was wound at the moment.

"Kate, I understand this must be very difficult for you, but this is very good news for your daughter, the odds of her getting past what's been done to her just increased significantly. The close relationship she's formed with Jack is a good indicator that she's not the least bit detached, that she's still functioning normally emotionally, the way she's wrapped around him right now clearly shows a tremendous level of trust. He makes her feel safe, she counts on it and that's good that she still possesses the ability to love and trust like that." Sid told her.

"Right, since her mother obviously couldn't make her feel safe." Kate huffed.

"Kate, he didn't…." Jack started.

"No Jack it's okay for her to express those things because that's how she's feeling. But Kate, you will eventually have to get past this anger and self-hate if you want to help your daughter so I hope you'll take my advice and seek therapy with your daughter. The woman whose name is on this card is very good and she can help you, both of you, she'll help you channel all the negative emotions you're consumed with right now." Sid told her and handed Kate the card.

"Do you really think this will help Madison adjust? What if this baby I'm carrying is a girl? Is she going to think I've completely replaced her because that's what that bastard father of hers told her would happen?" Kate asked.

"You're pregnant?" Sid asked.

"Yes, and she expressed her discontent over that when she melted down over the weekend." Kate said.

"Kate, I really believe that encouraging Madison to talk about what happened to her is going to help her let go of her anger, but opening up to you about it as well as hearing that you too were a victim of her father's cruelty will be the key to calming her down emotionally. From what Jack's told me she sounds like she is very confused and understandably so." Dr. Alden explained, his soothing tone having a calming affect on her.

"Do you think she's capable of harming the younger children, would she be confused enough to want to harm this baby?" Kate asked, the questions and fears she'd had locked up inside of her for two days coming out easily now.

Jack looked at her, feeling stupid for not considering that much of Kate's anxieties were about the safety of the younger children, for not realizing she must be replaying over and over in her mind the violent way Madison went after her stomach when she shoved her. He understood now that she was struggling with having to consider her child might be dangerous and that it was close to being too much for her deal with. He squeezed her hand tighter as his way of letting her know he understood and she returned the gesture.

"I can't sit here and promise you that your daughter isn't dangerous because I haven't talked with her or evaluated her, but for the sake of your mental and physical health, let's assume that she's just very confused and angry and not dangerous until you are told otherwise. As for the new baby, include her and make it feel like this baby is hers too. Instead of avoiding talking about your pregnancy with her, make the baby special to her, let her take part in naming it and shopping for it and if you have an ultrasound or sonogram, let her go with you to watch. Let her experience the miracle with the two of you and it will help her to understand her own existence better. It will help her to understand that she isn't any more replaceable than that beautiful baby she helped her mother prepare for." Dr. Alden explained.

Madison began stirring, fighting the mild sedative she'd been given and lifting her head, looking at Jack with glassy eyes and then over to her mother.

"Why you been crying mommy?" Madison asked sleepily.

"Mommy is just very tired sweetie." Kate answered.

Madison squirmed until she was turned around in Jack's lap. She studied Dr. Alden carefully and finally spoke.

"Are you a doctor like my daddy?" Maddie asked.

"No, your daddy is a much better doctor than I am." Sid answered.

"Can we go home daddy?" Madison asked and yawned.

"Janice, the woman on the card, said she could see the two of you this afternoon around 1:30 PM. Please consider it Kate." Dr. Alden said.

Jack looked at his watch. It wasn't quite noon yet. He helped Madison off his lap and turned her around to look at him.

"How about me, you and mommy go get some lunch and then you and your mom can go talk to Janice while I go home and check on Elisha and the kids." Jack suggested.

"Is Janice nice?" Maddie asked.

"She's very nice, she's a doctor like Dr. Alden." Jack told her.

"No daddy, no more shots." Maddie whined.

"She doesn't give shots munchkin, she just listens while you talk." Jack told her.

"Do I have to?" Maddie sighed.

Jack looked at Kate, searching for the appropriate answer. Did she have a choice? Kate made eye contact with him, the concern and determination that was there the night he'd shown her just how therapeutic making love could be was in his eyes now and she forced a light smile, exhausted and grateful to have him by her side.

"Yes baby, you have to go, we both do." Kate said.

They left Dr. Alden's office. It was a beautiful day so the bought sandwiches and drinks and took Madison to the park. They ate their lunch and Jack played with the child while at Jack's insistence, Kate relaxed in the sunshine and watched them. He dropped them off at the office of Dr. Janice Burgess and was told it would take a couple of hours so he checked on Elisha and the younger children and then went to the clinic to see if everything was going okay there.

The clinic could function just fine when both he and Kate were gone, he was just feeling anxious and perhaps even a little bored, which did not go unnoticed by him, the itch to be back in the fast paced routine of medical drama already starting to beg to be scratched, but not to the point where he was ready to make a decision about his future, especially since any decision he made in that regard would impact more than just him, he had five other people to think about.

Jack kept an eye on his watch and talked with Barbie, who was busy inputting the day's patients into the computer. They had become friends over time, her desire for him in a sexual way no longer an issue, in fact just the opposite, he'd become somewhat of big brother presence in her life and it worked for both of them as well as Kate.

He retrieved Kate and Madison from the doctor's office, both looking tired, but otherwise okay. They drove home and spent some time with the twins and Hayden, both watching almost apprehensively as Madison approached the twins with coloring books and crayons. Andrew wasn't the least bit interested in sitting still and coloring, but Kayla was thrilled to have Madison's attention and eagerly absorbed all of the girl's precise instructions for holding the crayon so you don't go outside the lines. They sat together and colored a picture and then Madison held Kayla's hand and helped her sign her name on the picture, whispering in her ear and pointing at their parents. Kayla grabbed the picture and excitedly toddled over to where Jack and Kate were seated together on the sofa.

"For you!" Kayla said happily and handed the picture to Kate.

Kate looked at the picture and then at Maddie.

"You have to hang it on the frigerator like you do my stuff." Maddie told her.

"Hayden just went to sleep sweetie, will help her hang it up for me?" Kate asked.

"Okay, come on Kayla, let's go hang your picture up." Maddie said and took the little girl by the hand.

Jack put his arm around Kate and moved his hand gently over the sleeping baby that was in her arms.

"Are you okay babe? You look so tired." Jack said.

"It's been a long day, but yeah I'm okay." She said.

"I stopped by the clinic while I was waiting to pick the two of you up and Barbie made an offer I think we should consider." Jack said.

"Yeah, what's that?" Kate asked.

"She said she'd take Madison for the afternoon on Saturday and let her spend the night with her." Jack said.

"She'd like that, Barbie plays beauty salon with her, it's the only time Maddie admits she likes the girly things in life." Kate laughed lightly, the fatigue she was experiencing coming through loud and clear.

"Yeah and I thought I'd see if my mom will take Hayden and the twins and we can drive out to the lake house and relax." Jack offered.

"I'm okay Jack, you don't have to pawn the kids off." Kate sighed a little more aggravated with him then she probably should've been.

"You aren't fine Kate, you're exhausted and none of this can be good for the baby." Jack argued.

"Well we don't always get to choose how things will go do we Jack?" Kate snapped at him.

Jack pulled his arm from around her, sat up and lifted Hayden from her arms. He refused to play the blame game with her or allow her understandable crankiness to make him mad, instead he kissed her softly and smiled at her.

"I love you even more when you're as mean as a hornet. Go lay down Kate, please. Maddie and I can handle the kids." Jack pleaded with her.

"What about dinner and the pizza place." Kate objected.

"What about it?" Maddie and I will make dinner for the twins and get them bathed and in their pj's and I'll wake you up in time to make yourself beautiful for the singing animals." Jack told her making her smile.

"Do you think it's mean we aren't taking the twins with us?" Kate asked.

"No, it would probably scare Kayla to death and Andrew would never sit still for it, maybe when they're a little older." Jack said and kissed her again before standing and pulling her up to her feet with his free hand.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you." Kate said and moved her hand lightly over his chest.

"Get some rest Kate and please think about Saturday, we need some down time, both of us." Jack pushed.

She nodded and walked slowly toward their bedroom. He hated seeing what the events of the past few days had done to her spirit. He hoped that some sleep and hopefully a calmer atmosphere at home would snap her out of it.

Jack ended up taking Madison to the pizza place alone, Kate so exhausted he couldn't wake her. Madison seemed to be okay with that, more concerned about why her mommy had looked so sad all day then her not coming with them. Little things like that coming from the child made Jack feel like she was going to be okay, it was obvious that the connection with her mother still very strong and that hopefully once she understood where her anger was coming from things would be easier for her.

It was the day before Thanksgiving and as planned Jack had gone to work at the clinic while Kate, Madison and his mother shopped for the meal the two women were planning on preparing together the next day. His mother had really stepped up, been making a real effort and with things so crazy had almost been a god send, her willingness to help out with the children would be more helpful in the following months then she'd ever know.

It was almost time to close for lunch. Jack was in the back and heard the bell on the door. He looked at his watch and assumed it was Kate and Maddie and kept writing on the chart he was working on.

"Jack, can you come out here?" Barbie called from the reception area.

"Tell them I'll be there in a second." Jack called back.

"It's not your family Jack." Barbie called back.

Jack put the chart down and walked out into the reception area. There was a woman and little girl standing in front of the desk. Jack looked at the little girl trying to place her and then it finally dawned on him who she was.

"Can I help you?" Jack asked.

"You already did, that's why we're here." The woman answered.

The bell on the door rang again and Jack looked up. Kate came through the door with Maddie. She spotted Jack and immediately ran to him. He picked her up, hugging her and kissing her on the cheek.

"We brought your favorite lunch daddy." Madison told him.

"You brought me coffee?" Jack teased the little girl.

"No, wings, the really hot kind." Madison giggled.

"Can you take them into the break room and wait for me while I talk to this lady?" Jack asked, setting her down and watching her scamper away.

"Come on mommy!" Maddie urged.

"I'll be there in a sec sweetie. What's going on Jack?" Kate asked.

"I don't know, we were just getting past the introductions when you guys came in." Jack said.

"You saved me." The little girl said.

Jack looked down at the child, the last time he'd seen her she had tubes in her nose and throat and had just had all of her reproductive organs removed, but now she stood in front of him, hair pulled back, clean clothes and big blue eyes looking up at him gratefully. He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"How are you doing……….I'm sorry, I don't know your name sweetheart." Jack said.

"It's Tara and I didn't know your name either, but Mrs. Hooper found it out for me." The girl told him.

Jack looked at the woman, confused about why they came to see him and wondering if he needed to call his attorney. The woman saw the confusion mixed with concern on his face and put her hand up, waving him off.

"It's okay Dr. Shephard, it's purely a social visit. My name is Donna Hooper. I'm with Children's Services and Tara has been staying at one of our facilities. The children's art project was to think about a person they were thankful for and make something for them. She was adamant that you were that person, so I did some checking, got your name and took a chance that you'd be here today. Give him your present Tara." The woman said.

The child handed him a drawing, a sketch she'd done of him from memory that was quite good. She'd sketched the shirt he had on that day, but instead of blood covering it she drew a large heart on the front of the shirt and sketched in the words _"I'm thankful for Dr. Jack Shephard. I'm alive because he cares." _Kate looked at the drawing and then at Jack.

"From the mouths of babes……I'm thankful for you too by the way." Kate said and kissed his cheek, trying to snap him out of the state of speechlessness he was in.

"I wanted to give you a hug if that's okay." Tara told him.

Jack leaned down so the child could get her arms around his neck. She hugged him with everything she had, which wasn't much, her 4 foot 10 inch, 75 to 80 pound frame like a feather against him. He hugged her back and kissed her on the temple.

"I'm glad you're okay and I really like the drawing Tara. It's one of the nicest presents anyone has ever given me." Jack said as he took the little girl by the hand and led her over to the chairs.

They sat side by side and talked. Kate watched them for a moment and turned to the woman that had brought her in.

"How is she really doing?" Kate asked the woman.

"Remarkably well for someone that's been through so much, she's got quite a spirit and I'm doing my best to make sure it doesn't get broken." The woman told Kate.

"She doesn't have a home?" Kate asked.

"No, it's hard to place them when they're 12 and have her history, but I'll keep trying. I'm hoping she'll have something resembling a family by Christmas. Spending Thanksgiving in a state run facility is bad enough, but I don't want her to spend Christmas alone if I can help it." The woman said.

Madison was standing behind the desk unnoticed by the adults, listening to them talk about the little girl and not really understanding what as going on, but understanding enough to know she was going to spend Thanksgiving alone. She ran over to where Jack was sitting with her.

"You can eat Thanksgiving at our house!" Maddie said excitedly.

Jack looked at the excited seven year old and couldn't help but chuckle, the women on the other side of the room however were mortified as if something hideous had just been suggested, Kate because she felt like Maddie had embarrassed the girl and Mrs. Hooper because she felt like Maddie had really put Jack and Kate on the spot. Jack looked at Tara and then at Kate and then back at Tara.

"Would you like to spend Thanksgiving with us Tara?" Jack asked.

"Really?" The girl asked.

"Sure, but I have to warn you that we have a bunch of young children that might throw mashed potatoes at you." Jack teased.

"Can I Mrs. Hooper?" Tara asked.

"Honey, I don't know, it's………." The woman stammered.

"It's what? You said yourself the facility is no place for a child to spend Thanksgiving so what's the problem?" Kate asked.

"It's the day before a holiday weekend, everyone will be leaving for four days, including me. There's no way to transport. It's very nice of you to offer, but I'm sorry Tara, I don't think so, not this time." Mrs. Hooper explained.

"That's okay Mrs. Hooper, thank you for inviting me anyway." Tara did her best to keep a brave face, but Jack wasn't buying it.

"If she were to spend the whole weekend with us would you be able to let her do it? We have plenty of room and she made me this really nice drawing and come on Mrs. Hooper, it's Thanksgiving." Jack pushed knowing full well how easy it was to bend the rules.

The woman looked at all of them, their holiday happiness hinging on her decision. She looked at Tara and sighed.

"Do you want to do this honey? You don't know them very well and I don't want you to be scared or uncomfortable." The woman explained.

"I'm not scared of them, they made me not scared that day I was so sick so I think they are very nice people." Tara said.

"I think they are too honey. Okay, well you've certainly taken a load off of my heart and mind for the holiday. Let's go get your things Tara and I'll bring you back by before it closes." The woman said.

"Actually we're closing early today, we're going to have lunch, stock it for the doctors that will be in on Friday and head home, but you can bring her by the house any time after 3 PM." Kate offered.

The woman agreed and left them to eat their lunch. Kate walked over to Maddie and kneeled in front of her.

"That was a very nice thing you just did Madison, what made you think of it?" Kate asked.

"I don't know." Madison lied, chewing on her bottom lip, fighting back her tears.

"It's okay, don't be upset. You did such a wonderful and unselfish thing inviting that little girl to our house. What's wrong baby?" Kate asked.

"Mommy, did you always have to eat Thanksgiving by yourself too?" Maddie asked, the question hitting her hard, the realization that her child had not only been kept from her during the holidays, but also forced to spend them alone.

"Yes baby, I did." Kate answered, fighting her tears as she hugged Madison and then walked toward the back of the clinic.

Barbie had been watching and listening and had lost control of her tears and Jack wasn't far behind. He motioned for her to come take Madison so he could go talk with Kate. She wiped her tears, found a smile and led Madison into the break room. Jack walked toward the back of the clinic, looking for her, not seeing her in a space that wasn't that large and felt his heart immediately jump into his throat as the feeling that something was wrong came over him. He finally spotted her on her hands and knees beside one of the beds, the feeling of dread realized and for just a brief moment, less than a full second, he was ready to quit, ready to throw in the towel and find the biggest bottle of scotch whiskey he could drown himself in.


	32. Chapter 32

Time all but stopped for Jack, the sight of Kate on her hands and knees, frightened, pale and clutching her chest freezing him for a moment, all of his medical training erased for the briefest of moments, and in that moment he could hear 30 plus years of his father's criticisms rushing through his head as he recounted all the times he'd believed himself to be missing something, to be a failure, to be less of a man, his thoughts instantly clouding with all the things that made him crave the taste of the whiskey, crave the feeling of it burning his throat on its way to numbing his senses.

In that moment, when everything that nearly drove Jack completely over the edge showed itself to him, something else happened. Suddenly the images of misery and self-inflicted guilt about weakness and failure were replaced by flashes of eyes and not just one set of eyes, but several.

There were the eyes of a little girl hurt and broken inside, needing his unwillingness to give up to get her through her crisis and because he didn't give up those eyes looked at him today with more awe than he believed any man was worthy of.

There were the eyes of a trusting little angel, excited over catching her first fish and then sharing her scariest secret with him, tormented eyes boring into his and showing him how much she needed him and he didn't fail her, couldn't fail her, staying by her side and allowing her to believe he could protect her from any boogeyman, past, present or future.

There were the eyes of two innocent toddlers who clung happily to him on the carousel days before their mother uprooted them, a later picture showing that the flame had gone out, that the sparkle in their eyes had disappeared, but had since returned, his unconditional love for them restoring their happiness and sense of security.

There were the big, wide eyes of a baby that only wanted to be loved for who he was, who reacted happily to his voice, who could be soothed by his comforting hand patting his back and who, like all the other children was depending on him to be the man that he always was, but never believed himself to be.

And then there was the most important set of eyes, the eyes of the woman that saved his life; that loved him unconditionally and allowed him to fail and to be weak as long as he could do that without obliterating himself with a bottle of scotch. The loving, faithful eyes of the woman who helped him understand that true weakness is trying to deny your failures, fear or pain by climbing inside a bottle, numbing it and trying to pretend it doesn't exist. The warm, passionate eyes that gazed back into his during their most intimate moments and trusted him to help her believe in people, real love and that true happiness was within her reach. Those eyes, the most beautiful he'd ever found himself captured in, were looking toward him desperately, frightened and pleading, needing him in that moment more than she ever had before. She needed him to not only be the doctor that could help her today, but the man she fell in love with, the man that would get her through the next few months, the man he'd always been and for the first time in his life actually believed in, not because he suddenly became full of himself, but because those children believed and because she believed.

It was a brief moment, so brief it wouldn't have been noticed by an observer, but it was a moment he would never forget, one that he would look back on and realize it was the turning point, because it was in that moment that he stopped being one step closer and finally walked through the door, closing it behind him and shedding the negative ideas and emotions that had kept him on the edge and doubting himself his entire adult life. His purpose, his reason to get out of bed every day was on the floor needing him, pleading with him through panicked eyes and trusting that he wouldn't let anything happen to her. The sorrow and pain of the past and the latest realizations haunting her present finally taking its toll on her and breaking her both emotionally and physically and in that moment when everything else flashed though his mind, his heart broke in two for her. His initial inbred instinct to drown the frightening, painful image in a bottle of liquor was quickly replaced by his sheer determination to protect her and by his love for her, a love he'd never felt for anyone or anything, and he made his way over to her quickly, picked her up and laid her on the bed.

She was fighting him, panicked, her breathing rapid. He spoke softly to her and tried to focus on getting an accurate pulse.

"Am I losing the baby?" She gasped in-between her struggles for a full breath.

"Kate, your pulse is too rapid, you need try to settle down and breathe for me." He said and reached for the oxygen behind the bed and put the mask over her face.

"The baby Jack, is it okay?" She pleaded with him, fighting the oxygen mask.

"Look at me Kate." He ordered sternly as he tried again to get the oxygen mask over her nose and mouth, doing his best to shut down emotionally and be her doctor instead of her husband.

Barbie and Madison appeared a few feet away.

"She's okay sweetheart, go back to the break room with Barbie." Jack instructed.

"Jack, what's happening, my mouth is numb, I can't breathe." Kate continued to fight him and the oxygen.

He placed the oxygen back over her nose and mouth, pushing her hands away and holding it there firmly, looking into her eyes and brushing her hair away from her forehead with his free hand, trying to calm and soothe her.

"Breathe baby, take nice, slow breaths. You're having an anxiety attack and it's not good for you or the baby. I'm not going to let anything happen to you, but you have to help me out here and focus on breathing." Jack told her.

She held firmly to the wrist that was attached to the hand holding the oxygen to her face, maintaining eye contact with him and starting to settle down, her chest no longer feeling like it had 700 pounds pressing against it and the feeling coming back to her lips.

Within 15 minutes she was breathing normally again, her pulse back down to a normal rate and he slowly pulled the oxygen mask away. He turned the source of the oxygen off and hung the mask back up behind the bed. She looked at him with what almost looked like shame and he kissed her forehead.

"Don't you dare." He ordered.

"What are you talking about?" She asked.

"Let me guess, you've somehow let Madison down again because your mind and your body ganged up on you and reacted to what you've been dealing with lately. It's bullshit Kate and you know it." Jack said, his tone harsh.

"Jack, do you think the baby is okay?" She asked, choosing to ignore the fact that he was scolding her.

"I think that if you don't slow down, settle down and find a way to stop beating yourself up over things you had no control over that the possibility of a second trimester miscarriage is very high. That's why as of today I'm flexing my husband and father-to-be muscles and am going to lay down a set of rules that you'll either follow or I'll find an OB/GYN to admit you into the hospital and force you to follow them." He told her in his most no-nonsense tone.

"I'm sorry Jack, I know I've been a real bitch lately." She said softly and sat up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed.

He placed his hands on either side of her hips, leaning in, their faces less than a foot apart.

"No you haven't and you don't need to apologize to me, you need to put the load on my back and let me carry it Kate. I want this baby as much as I've ever wanted anything and losing it would hurt and take some time to get past it, but god Kate, if I lost you I'd go crazy. Do you have any idea how much I love you and need you in my life?" He asked, his eyes sincere and full of emotion.

"I'm so tired Jack." She choked out and broke down, falling forward into his arms sobbing.

"Shh, I know you are and I know you're ripped apart inside over Madison. I wish I had the magic words to make it all okay, to make you believe that you did the best you could, but I don't." Jack told her.

"How am I ever going to get past this? How can I be a mother to any of our children when I've failed Madison on so many levels? I can't stand it Jack. I think about my sweet baby being so scared and confused and being spanked and mind-fucked and I feel like I can't breathe. I want to hit something. I want to hurt myself until I'm sure I've punished myself enough to make up for all of her pain." She cried, the part about hurting herself not going unnoticed by him.

"So maybe losing this baby would be enough punishment? Is that what you're thinking?" He asked, his tone calm and non-threatening.

"I don't deserve to have this baby Jack. I didn't take care of my first baby." She admitted.

He didn't respond at first, but instead continued to hold her, rocking her gently, trying to come up with an appropriate response.

"Do you want to get an abortion?" He asked and felt her tense up, his suggestion pissing her off as much as he hoped it would.

She pulled away from him, fire in her eyes and ready to attack.

"Would you go along with that?" She snapped.

"It's your body Kate and your guilt trip, it doesn't really matter what I want does it?" Jack asked.

"What the hell Jack? Is this your idea of being supportive?" Kate asked.

"Yes Kate this is me being supportive. I'm supporting the notion that you're such a fuck-up in the parenting department that you don't deserve to have another baby, that you don't deserve to have a doting husband showering you with love and attention while you're carrying his baby, that you don't deserve to experience the joy of the two of us watching this baby come into the world together. That's right isn't it? Isn't that how you feel?" Jack asked his tone still calm, so calm it was pissing her off even more.

"You're twisting my words Jack." She argued.

"Baby, I'm not twisting them, I'm just throwing them back at you. How do they sound? Is that really how you feel or are you just an emotional wreck and understandably so. Don't confuse grief and guilt with what you deserve or better yet what your heart truly desires. Cry for Madison and do everything you can to help her with what you can help her with today, but don't stop living Kate. She loves you and needs you to not destroy yourself because of what Michael did, but for both of you to get stronger and rise above what he did." Jack explained.

She kept her head down for a moment, letting his words sink in, letting all of it sink in and then she looked back up, making eye contact with him, the fire replaced with a soft calmness.

"You're wrong Jack." She said and offered the hint of a smile.

"About what?" He asked.

"You do have the magic words, you always do." Kate said and kissed him.

"What do you say Mrs. Shephard, are you ready to make our first Thanksgiving together the start of many chaotic, but always happy gatherings?" He asked as he pulled her toward him, letting her slide off bed slowly until her feet reached the floor.

"I can't wait and if you still want to go away this weekend, I think that is something that would be good for both of us." She told him.

"Think Barbie would mind taking on the extra child we just inherited for the weekend?" He asked with a grin, his hands resting on her lower back as he held her close to him.

"I don't think she'll mind, I haven't heard about a new boyfriend in the picture so I'm guessing she has no plans." Kate said.

"Actually he's going to spend the weekend with his family in Nebraska or Idaho or Connecticut or something, I wasn't really paying attention." Jack chuckled.

"There's quite a distance between all those states Jack, you suck at spreading gossip. She can come over early tomorrow and help me cook." Kate said.

"She could if you were going to be cooking, but since you're going to be relaxing with your feet up she'll have to help me and my mother, mostly my mother since I pretty much suck at cooking." Jack said.

"Jack, I'm fine, you can't……." She started to argue, but was cut off by him kissing her.

"Husband muscles babe. I just flexed one. You aren't fine, but you will be after I force you to completely relax for the next four days." He told her.

Thanksgiving day and the dinner went well and between Jack, his mother, Barbie and Elisha, the dinner got cooked and Kate stayed in a relaxed position as her doctor/husband ordered. The children managed to crawl all over her, shower her with lots of hugs and she and Hayden even managed to catch a nap together in the chair while waiting for dinner to be served.

Maddie enjoyed Tara's company, the girl remarkably patient with the bubbly, hyper seven-year-old and the seven-year-old was enjoying having someone closer to her age to do things with. Jack stood with his mother in the doorway to the formal living area that he hadn't managed to transform into a more useful room yet. Tara and Maddie were at the piano and Tara was teaching her the scales. When the girl began playing popular classical pieces and beautifully they both looked at each other.

"I'll never understand." Jack said.

"Understand what?" His mother asked.

"Why a child is blessed with gifts you or I can only dream of, yet is forced to overcome ridiculous obstacles just to survive. Is it supposed to be a trade off?" He asked.

"Perhaps it's just plain dumb luck or maybe there's a reason for all of it, we could carry the debate on into the wee hours of the night. I guess the only thing that matters is where she is now." Margo said.

"Yeah, living in a children's shelter, that's fair huh." Jack grumbled.

"Son, I know you've got this really big heart that wants to take care of everyone, but you can't." Margo warned.

"I know. I can't keep track of the head count now. Besides, I can't give her what she needs, hell I can barely give the kids I've got what they need." Jack said.

"Your kids are fine Jack, but you're wife is exhausted. Since we won't be going shopping tomorrow you should let me take this brood off your hands and the two of you go, get away on your weekend at the lake house a day early." Margo urged.

"I promised Maddie we'd go to the hockey game and the arcade tomorrow." Jack said.

"So I'll take her and Tara shopping for whatever little girls shop for these days, she'll be fine." Margo argued.

"You're going to take five kids shopping on the day after Thanksgiving? Those must be some really good anti-depressants." Jack laughed.

"They are, but no, Marie would stay with the three younger children while we go out and Barbie is taking the two older ones on Saturday. Go son. Take her away from this and enjoy some time alone. Last time I checked you two were still newlyweds." She teased.

"She's supposed to be resting mom." Jack replied finding himself just a little embarrassed, but enjoying this side of his mother and making a mental note to make sure she had a life-time supply of whatever she was taking.

"Sex is a great way to relax, your father and I used to check into hotel suites for the weekend just for the purpose of whittling away his stress and exhaustion." She confessed.

"I think we're entering "too much information" territory here mom." He complained.

"I know, but I haven't seen you blush like this since you were twelve and I caught you kissing Jennifer Dawson on the back porch swing. You're as cute now as you were then." She teased and kissed him on the cheek, leaving him standing in the doorway while she joined the two girls at the piano.

Jack carried the bags into the lake house, demanding that Kate go inside and relax, and let him get everything. They'd taken his mother up on her offer after Barbie and Elisha promised to help her out if necessary. They promised Tara that they'd be home Sunday before Mrs. Hooper was scheduled to pick her up and Maddie was okay with postponing their hockey game and arcade outing, finding the idea of shopping with her new grandma and friend much more appealing.

She watched him carry in the few groceries they'd bought and then the two bags Barbie had helped her pack for them. He was wearing jeans and a short-sleeved shirt with a long-sleeved thermal undershirt underneath. He looked positively rustic and delicious and if he turned her down for sex again today she'd have to resort to begging. She understood that her episode at the clinic had scared him, but if he thought she was going to go until May or June without sex he was crazy.

He put the groceries away, carried their bags to the bedroom and then tracked her down, finding her relaxing on the cushioned chaise lounge that was housed inside the enclosed portion of the back deck. He looked down at her and she smiled at him.

"The view of the lake is beautiful, come and relax with me." She coaxed and used her hand to pull herself up so he could stretch out on the chaise and she could stretch out on him.

She lay with her upper body draped over him, her head resting on his chest just below his chin, their lower halves entangled and sharing the cushion beneath them. She could feel his hand moving over back slowly, so soft and soothing it would put her to sleep if she let it. She moved up and kissed him, lightly at first and then they let it deepen, his mouth growing hungry and his hands becoming more aggressive and then he stopped and pulled out of the kiss.

"Kate, I really think it's best if you just relax." He said.

"Jack, I'm relaxed, I'm so relaxed I feel like I might slip into a coma. We are completely alone and can spend the next two days and nights completely naked if we want to and I want to, I want you. Am I not sexy to you anymore?" She asked, playing the "you don't find me attractive anymore" card right off the bat.

"Yeah, of course I don't, that's why my dick is so hard right now you could chop the firewood with it." He chuckled, trumping her card by playing the "give me a break you know better" card.

"Come on Jack, you know a weekend of sex would be good for all three of us, why are you holding back." Kate asked.

"All three of us?" He asked.

"Yeah, junior wants us to be together too." Kate replied arms folded over his upper chest, chin resting on them and looking right at him, so irresistible he knew there was no way he could keep turning her down.

"Don't want to disappoint junior now do we?" He said and winked at her, giving her the green light to start something he'd take his time finishing.

She snaked her way back up and kissed him again, his mouth so warm and moist, his kisses so full of emotion she felt like she could lie on the chaise and just kiss him for hours. She felt his hand slip up inside her sweater and pressed her body harder into his, feeling his hardening length through his jeans and she felt a quick rush of warm wetness between her legs. She pulled out of the kiss and looked at him.

"Take my pants off." She said softly.

"It's too chilly out here to be naked Kate, let's go inside." He told her, his mouth moving down to suck on the sweet spot just below her ear.

She ignored his request and slid down his body, unfastening the button on his jeans and pulling the zipper down. She reached in and rubbed her hand over the hard bulge that was trapped beneath the material of his underwear and then nuzzled her face and mouth into the opening in his jeans, gently nibbling on his hardened length through the material until she felt him sit up enough to grab hold of her and pull her back up until they were face to face again.

"I guess you're not cold." He said in a husky tone and swallowed her up in a wet, passionate kiss.

He made quick work of her jeans and panties, pushing them down far enough for her to work them off the rest of the way. He brought one of his warm hands down over her butt and deeper, his fingers slipping in-between her legs, feeling her heat and wetness and groaning into her mouth. He pushed two fingers into her opening and she whimpered.

"You like that or do you prefer this?" He asked and added a third finger, thrusting them in and out of her from behind slowly.

Her front was positioned perfectly over the bulge in his underwear and he could feel her grinding into him as he fucked her with his fingers.

"You want that bad don't you?" He taunted in a sexy tone as she continued to move against his cock.

"It's so hard Jack and it feels so good inside me when you're this excited." She told him and shoved her tongue deeper into his mouth so turned on she wanted to eat him up.

"You're close aren't you? Come for me baby and I promise I'll give you what you want." He whispered into her ear, feeling her clench around his fingers, her thighs squeezing him tightly on either side of his hips as the orgasm took over.

He continued to kiss her until she bottomed out and then stood, laying her back gently and letting her watch while he slowly removed every stitch of clothing he had on, smiling at the way she was looking at him. He moved forward, positioning himself between her legs and entering her with one quick thrust, holding it in position, while he pushed her sweater and bra up and away from her breasts, the need to have them in his mouth as pressing as her need to have him inside of her. He began licking and sucking on her nipples while moving in and out of her at steady pace. He felt her put both hands on his butt cheeks and hold him down, coming again and denying him the right to move until she'd felt every last tingling sensation of it.

Her walls stopped clamping around him and her panting stopped, but her hands continued to hold him still. He pulled his attention away from her breasts and kissed her gently, pulling back and smiling at her.

"Do you mind if I continue?" He asked sweetly.

"I do mind, I like having two handfuls of your ass." She teased and squeezed the meaty flesh.

He closed his mouth over hers again and she let go, pulling her legs back, the action making him sink in deeper. He groaned at the action and began thrusting in and out of her again, working hard to get her to come again, finally giving up the battle and filling her womb with his release. When he was done he opened his eyes and looked down at her, gazing up at him with hazy, sexually satisfied eyes.

"You're so beautiful that sometimes, when you're looking at me like you are right now, I feel like I can't breath." He said softly and kissed her.

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and neck and held him to her. She'd never grow tired of having his strong, warm body wrapped over hers, the safest, most secure place she'd ever known in her entire life. They lay together, connected at the center, kissing and holding one another, the rest of the world non-existent to them. He finally noticed that his backside was chilled and moved his hand down and over the outside of her thigh.

"You're as cold as I am, let's go inside and take a hot bath." He suggested.

He moved off of her, stood and helped her up. He finished removing her sweater and bra and tossed it into the pile with the rest of their clothes.

"Why'd you do that?" She giggled.

"Hey, it was your idea to spend the whole weekend naked, I'm just being a good husband and going along with it." He teased and took hold of her hand.

They walked into the house together, drew a hot bath and soaked in the water together, him leaning against the back of the tub and her positioned comfortably between his legs, leaning against his stomach and chest. After their bath, they dried one another off and decided to take a nap. They made love again before dosing off, snuggled together, his body spooned around hers from behind. The slept for a few hours, made love again and then prepared a meal together, him doing all the work and her sitting on the center island in a bathrobe supervising.

They ate dinner in their bathrobes and while he cleaned up the dishes she looked for something on television for them to watch. They lay together in their robes watching television, both falling asleep and then finding their way upstairs sometime in the middle of the night. She awoke curled up next to him, their naked bodies warm and soft against each other. She watched him sleep for a few minutes before his eyes fluttered open.

"Hey." He said sleepily.

"Hey yourself, how about you lay here and wake up while I make you breakfast." She said and started to get up, stopped by him grabbing her arm gently.

"What part of you rest do you not understand Kate?" He asked.

"Jack, this is getting silly, you won't even let me be on top when we're making love because I'm supposed to be relaxing." She complained.

"I'll make breakfast and since you're obviously getting antsy, we'll go for a walk. How's that sound?" He asked.

"Jaaaccck……………." She sighed heavily.

"Kate don't be difficult. I'm going to pamper you and wait on you hand and foot until I'm satisfied that you're over that little crisis you had. I can't eliminate the emotional stress, but I can take care of all the other unnecessary stress." He told her.

"You're going to spoil me, a girl could really get used to this you know." Kate warned.

"Good, I like spoiling you and you deserve to be spoiled." He said.

"What about you? You don't deserve to be spoiled?" She asked.

"If you ever manage to get me pregnant Kate, I promise to let you spoil me." He told her and then chuckled when she slapped at his chest.

"Fine, but I get to help with dinner tonight." She demanded.

"Okay. Kate, I'd really worry a lot less if you'd consider not going back to work." Jack said.

"Is that another husband muscle being flexed or do I get a choice?" She asked.

"Nah, demanding you stay home and raise babies would make me a primitive jerk. It's merely a request from your husband who is also a doctor and both of those guys feel like you need to eliminate the stress of that clinic from your life right now so will you think about it?" He asked.

"Jack, it was one little panic attack. Don't you think you're over-reacting just a little bit?" Kate asked.

"That wasn't a little panic attack Kate, that was one of the worst anxiety attacks I've ever witnessed, plus you were completely run down, exhausted, close to a break down in my professional opinion. I'm naturally more protective of you than a regular patient Kate, but trust me on this, I'm not over-reacting." Jack insisted.

"You're scaring me Jack." She admitted.

"Good, if that's what it takes to convince you that everybody has their limits and that you've reached yours then stay good and scared." He told her, determined not to give into her on this.

She lay quietly for a minutes taking in everything he'd just said to her, watching him and taking notice of the seriousness in his eyes. She finally leaned in and kissed him.

"So, are you going to just lay there or are you going to make me some breakfast?" She asked, seeing the relief flash through his eyes right before he kissed the tip of her nose and assured he'd be right back with a breakfast fit for a queen.

He brought her breakfast and they sat together in the bed and ate it. It wasn't the greatest breakfast she'd ever eaten, but the manner in which it was delivered was easily the kindest, most caring effort anyone had ever carried out on her behalf.

"So, do you want to go for that walk now?" He asked.

"No, we'd have to get dressed to go out and I like having you naked and all to myself. Besides, we both know you didn't really bring this can of whip cream up here for the pancakes or the strawberries." She accused with a mischievous grin.

"Kate, what kind of man serves his tired, pregnant wife breakfast in bed with an ulterior motive?" He asked biting back a grin.

"A hot, sexy, absolutely edible man, now take that robe off." She ordered as she picked up the can of whip cream and began shaking it.

"No, I brought that up for me to play with not you, so give it back." He told her and tried to take it away from her.

"Too bad buddy, I got it first, now lie down and let me play so I can get busy licking you in ways that will make you beg for more." She told him, laughing lightly and pushing him back onto the bed and straddling him.

He grabbed the whip cream from her and squirted it in-between her breasts, dropping the can, sitting up and burying his face between her breasts, licking the whip cream off of her and then raising his head so they were face to face, whip cream on the end of his nose. She swiped the whip cream off of his nose with her finger and stuck it in her mouth.

"Where are you going to lick Kate?" He asked in a breathy tone.

"Where you like it Jack and then……" She answered moving her mouth to his ear and whispering the words he liked to hear.

"I love you more than life itself, you know that right?" He said.

"I do. You're a good man Jack Shephard, a successful man because you love and are loved back. You know that right?" She replied.

"I do now, thanks to you." He said and pulled her in for a lengthy kiss before laying back and handing her the can of whip cream.

_**Yes, I promise that Chapter 33 will pick up right where this one left off…….they still have a whole day and night of being naked to get through. ; )**_


	33. Chapter 33

_**Thank you for your reviews, I'm glad you are enjoying the story. As promised, we are picking up right where we left off and I'm giving you one whole chapter of nothing but fluff and jex. Enjoy!**_

She sat above him, straddling him at the waist. She untied the robe and pushed it away from his body, exposing his chest to her. She lifted her hips and pushed the rest of the robe away from him. She pushed her own robe off, exposing her soft, silky body to him and then lowered her hips back down, her already moist crotch resting on his lower stomach, the feeling of her wetness rubbing over his treasure trail making both of them moan. She held the can of whip cream in her hand and looked down at him, squirting just a little bit of it onto the tip of her finger and then licking it off slowly.

"I could get used to having a man slave, but only if that's what you want. Is that what you want babe?" She asked in a sexy tone.

"Your wish is my command." He replied with a grin, always ready to do anything to please her sexually or otherwise.

"But what are your wishes Jack?" She asked.

"Making you come so hard you make that noise that sounds like it came from the depths of hell." He chuckled.

"That would be my wish too Jack, but I think we'll focus on the whip cream for now. I'll tell you where on your body I want you to squirt it and when I'm done licking you clean, you get to tell me where on my body you want it." She said.

"How come you get to go first?" He asked.

"Because it's my game and because my wish is your command baby." She told him, leaning forward and kissing him.

She kissed him long and hard and could feel his hands moving over her back and down, ready to penetrate her from behind and capture her under his spell before they had a chance to play her game. She scooted forward and pulled out of the kiss, smiling at him.

"Nice try Jack, but we're going to play and I want the whip cream in a line right down your spine that ends in two nice blobs on each one of your perfect, tight little ass cheeks." She told him making him laugh lightly.

"Kate, I'm not a contortionist. I can't squirt the whip cream on my own ass." He told her.

"Lucky for you I'm eager to help out, now finish taking that robe off and roll over." She ordered and moved off of him.

He did as she asked, standing and removing the robe and then laying back down on his stomach. He felt her apply the whip cream just as she'd described and then he felt her mouth moving slowly down the center of his back, sucking and licking, more of a turn-on than he would've imagined, his cock growing harder and harder as she moved down his spine and onto his ass and he understood the game now. Once she was finished with his backside she knew he'd be begging her to satisfy the screaming needs of his front and tell her exactly where he wanted her to put the whip cream and not the other way around.

She moved off of him and he rolled over, his erection stretching upward toward his navel. She smiled at him and let her hand glide slowly up his shaft before bending forward and placing her lips over the head briefly. She slithered forward allowing her body to move over his erection, allowing the hair that covered her pussy to rub over it, making his cock twitch and his hands reach to latch onto her hips. He licked the whip cream from her chin and lips and kissed her.

"I love it when you're so hard for me babe. Tell me where you want the whip cream, where you want me to lick and suck. Do you want me to start with your nipples, is that where you want it?" She taunted him.

"No, is that where you want to start?" He answered in a breathy tone.

"Maybe, but if you'd like something else I might go along with it. Is there something else you'd rather have me pay attention to Jack?" She continued on, purposely rubbing her pussy over him while she taunted him.

"Yeah, I'd like you to put down the can of whip cream, get on your back, spread your legs and let me fuck your brains out." He told her, making her suck in her breath, his tone and the desire that had turned his eyes so dark making her center drip with her need to have him inside her.

"How about if I just fuck your brains out instead?" She replied reaching between her legs and grabbing hold of him.

"You can try." He said with a sexy grin.

She tossed the whip cream onto the floor, positioned herself over his tip and then connected with him slowly, sitting up straight and cupping her hands over her breasts for him, riding him steadily, grinding forward and driving him deeper and deeper. He watched her, eyes closed and focused on what she was doing, her fingers pinching her nipples as she slid up and down his hard, throbbing shaft, her skin glowing with both pregnancy and the heat of the situation, so beautiful he could lay back and watch this show for hours if his balls weren't so tight and feeling like they might explode.

He moved his thumb to where they were connected and rubbed in soft, sensual circles, hearing her whimper and her breathing turn to short pants as she grew closer and closer finally stopping and with both hands on his chest and head dropped back allowed the orgasm to take over, rocking her body, her walls clamping down hard on him, making him hiss as he fought to hold his own release off, feeling her quivering around him and begin to cry out. He sat up and wrapped his arms around her, holding her quivering body close to his, so sweet and delicate and feeling like she might explode in his arms.

"You are so incredible baby, shh, just ride it out." He said softly into her ear, holding her tightly and kissing the side of her head as she slowly regained control of her body. She lay forward onto him, their bodies hot and slippery with sweat. She pulled her head back and looked at him with eyes that could convince him to give her anything and he smiled at her before gently placing his lips onto hers and sucking her bottom lip before intensifying the kiss while rolling her onto her back, staying inside her and then pulling back, looking into her eyes with so much love she felt a lump form in her throat.

"Are you okay, should we stop?" He asked.

"No, don't stop until you have to. God, you're like a drug Jack and the more I get the more I want." She told him, pulling his face down to hers and kissing him some more, hungrily and sloppily.

He shared her hunger, but quenched the desire to go hog wild out of control on her, instead he kept their pace slow, the crazy, biting, all consuming kiss mellowing out into a deep, slow passionate, tongue duel, both of them moaning, their breathing still rapid from pure excitement but the pace at which he was moving in and out of her slowed to deep, slow deliberate strokes that brought her to orgasm again, her back arching as her hips thrust up into him.

"Come with me Jack, pull out and let me watch." She begged as her body quivered around his again.

He pulled out and she wrapped her hand around him, gently pumping him, making sure he spilled every last drop onto her stomach, holding him gently while he softened and then finally letting go when he rolled to the side to catch his breath.

She rolled onto her side, their faces just inches apart. They watched one another while their breathing settled and then he reached up and pushed her hair behind her ear.

"Let's go take a shower and I'll wash your hair for you." He offered.

"Just a shower?" She asked.

"No, it will be a sexy, soapy experience that will hopefully lead to me holding you against the tiles and making love to you again, but I promise we'll be clean when we're done." He said with a grin.

"I think I like this whole naked weekend experience. I vote we make it a tradition to keep the marriage spiced up." Kate told him.

"Yeah instead of having a date night at least once a week, we'll make it naked night." He said and kissed her softly.

"Well, I guess we better not plan on dinner out on the town on naked night then." She giggled.

They showered, made love and showered some more, drying one another off and then putting fresh sheets on the bed together without bothering to dress, both completely into the naked theme at this point. They met in the center of the bed and snuggled up together under the blanket. She couldn't resist moving her hands over his firm body and down, finding his penis and wrapping her hand around him, surprised that he was hardening at her touch.

"Sorry, I just really like to play with it." She told him, biting her bottom lip.

"That's good because I really like it when you play with it." He told her and chuckled lightly.

Before he had a chance to object, not that he would've, she had pushed the blanket away from them and slithered down over his stomach and down, taking his cock into her mouth and taking her time licking and sucking and teasing and eventually drinking down every last drop of him. Her efforts didn't go unrewarded, as he too licked and sucked and teased his way over her entire body, planting his face between her legs and not coming up for air until she shook and quivered and shouted his name out loud.

They met in the center of the bed again, snuggled up and slept for hours, the sex relaxing them in ways no drug ever could. He awoke confused, his brain thick with the fog of an extended sleep. He lay still for a few minutes, fighting it and forcing it to clear, finally breaking through the fog enough to realize he was alone in the bed. He sat up, grabbed his cell phone from the table beside the bed and checked the time. It was after 4 PM. He'd been asleep for hours. He threw his legs over the side of the bed and looked around, thinking about grabbing a pair of jeans, but then remembering their deal. The house was a little chilly though so he did grab the robe, noticing that hers was gone, and threw it over his arms, loosely tying it in the front.

He walked down the stairs and could hear her in the game room. He walked into the room and stopped and watched. She was playing the pinball machine and was really getting into it, cussing at the little silver ball when it would betray her and slip past the rubber bumpers. She was and absolute breath of fresh air to him, everything she did making him smile and want to be with her. He moved in behind her and clamped his hands over hers, scaring her to death.

"Jack! Don't do that! Oh fuck!" She squealed and then cussed as he'd distracted her enough to let the ball get by her.

"Sorry, I'll help you keep the next one in play." He told her wrapping his body around hers and working the buttons with her hands.

They squirmed together in front of the pinball machine, battling the little silver balls, their bodies rubbing together and him growing more and more turned on with every near tilt of the machine. He pulled his hands away from hers, telling her to keep playing. She felt his hands sliding up her thighs, underneath her robe, pushing it up as they traveled up to their desired destination, his fingers slipping between her legs and touching her where she liked to be touched, making her lose her concentration and lose another ball in the process.

"Only one ball to go baby and it's game over." He teased as he pushed the robe up over her hips, exposing her butt to him.

He pulled the lever back and shot the final ball forward, his hands moving over her butt and thighs while she worked hard to focus on keeping the ball in play. She felt the material of his robe disappear and then felt him against her, his erection poking at her as his hands encouraged her legs to move just little further apart. She felt one then two fingers push inside of her from behind and sucked her breath in, nearly losing the ball in play.

"What's going to happen first, game over or Kate comes?" He teased.

"Have you ever made love to someone on top of a pinball machine?" She asked.

"No, have you?" He countered.

"Not until now. Game over. Kate wins." She said as she let the ball pass by the bumpers and turned around, forcing his fingers to slip out of her.

She took hold of his erection and worked her hand up and down and until he pulled her away, untying the robe, but leaving it on her, lifting her up and sitting her on the pin ball machine. He pulled her hips to the end of the machine wrapped her legs around his waist and entered her. He helped her lay back and relax before reaching down and starting a new game. Pulling the lever back and shooting the ball up, making all the lights and bells go off while he thrust in and out of her, not paying attention to where the ball was going, but just keeping the vibrations of the machine going underneath her.

He eventually stopped shooting the balls and focused all his attention on her leaning forward and taking each nipple into his mouth, sucking them hard and then pulling back, replacing his mouth with hands. He continued to pump into her while his hands massaged her breasts, his fingers pinching her nipples and her holding onto his biceps, begging him to go harder.

He grabbed onto the sides of the machine with his hands and she held onto his forearms and panted and moaned as he pounded into her, the long nap obviously recharging his batteries. He felt her getting close, felt her walls closing around him and when she finally exploded he pulled her up, holding her to his chest and released, his hips jerking forward once, twice and then a third and final time. He held tightly to her, hands moving over her back, settling both of them down and finally opening his eyes and glancing at the machine. He chuckled lightly and she pulled back to look at him.

"What's funny?" She asked.

"We tilted the machine." He said pointing at the lights flashing TILT near the scoreboard of the machine.

"You tilted more than the machine big guy. You're pretty amazing you know that?" She said and kissed him.

"Well, I've got great inspiration." He told her and returned the kiss.

"Thank you Jack." She said softly, her eyes melting into his.

"For what?" He said.

"For suggesting this, for getting me…..us away for a couple of days. I don't think we've really had the chance to just enjoy one another like this since we met have we?" She said.

"No, but I'm not complaining, I think the last few months of my life have been the happiest ever. Of course this is also good, very good, almost too good. Walking around knowing that you're naked under that robe is an aphrodisiac and makes me want you constantly. I trust you'll let me know if it's too much." He told her and kissed her again.

"I love you Jack and making love with you is so special. I hope that doesn't ever fade or become routine. To be wanted that much by someone is a feeling I can't even begin to describe, but can only hope to duplicate and project right back at you." She admitted, eyes watery with emotion as she continued to hold onto him, his penis still buried inside of her and their mouths coming together again for another wet, passionate kiss.

"I should feed you before this gets out of hand again." He laughed lightly and backed away enough to slip out of her.

He helped her slide off of the pinball machine and onto her feet. He closed the robe around her and tied it before retrieving his own from the floor and putting it back on.

They stood together in the kitchen preparing a meal. Kate watched him cut and chop the vegetables with the skill of a surgeon and when he was done she took the knife from him and kissed him for a long time.

"What was that for?" He asked.

"It was an "I'm happy for you" kiss." She said.

"Okay, I'm happy for you too." He chuckled not understanding what she was talking about.

"Your hand Jack, you stood there for 45 minutes slicing and dicing without a hint of shaking or fatigue in your hand. I think you're cured." She said.

"Yeah, it's been back to normal for about a week now." He admitted.

"What? Why didn't you say something Jack? That's a good thing that was worthy of a celebration." Kate scolded him.

"Because I don't know if it's a good thing or not Kate." He said softly.

"Jack, you're a surgeon and from what I've heard and took the time to read about, one of the best in the area, of course it's a good thing." She argued.

"Kate, I am a good surgeon and I love that I'm a good surgeon. I love it so much that it becomes an obsession and I don't want to go back to that, I have other things in my life now that I'd prefer to spend my time obsessing over." He told her.

"We love you too Jack, but I can tell that you are already getting antsy, that you miss the adrenaline rush of the hospital, that while you enjoy helping people at the clinic, it doesn't compare to having a patient's life in your hands." Kate said.

"Maybe, but I'll get past that. I will Kate." He insisted, seeing the doubt in her eyes.

"Jack, I think you need to approach this from a different angle. What you have is a gift and do any of us have the right to deny such a gift? Is there a reason why you are so good at what you do, so good that you were able to pull off an impossible surgery and make someone walk again when everything in medicine said she shouldn't?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, I handled that well didn't I?" He said sarcastically.

"I think you handled it like a human-being Jack. Of course you felt protective and overwhelmed and like it was a sign and of course you fell in love with her and she with you, but the failure of the relationship doesn't make what you accomplished any less magnificent and some day she will get her shit together and realize that Jack." Kate replied in an almost scolding manner.

"Kate can we please not ruin what's left of our weekend with this, I appreciate your support, but this is just something I have to work out on my own." He said.

"We're a family now Jack and you shouldn't be working anything out on your own, especially this, something that is so directly connected to your personal happiness." Kate continued to badger.

"What do you want from me Kate? Do you want to hear that I'm actually considering ignoring my wife and my children so I can go play miracle worker again? That if I do make this selfish choice and make it all about what I want that you'll be the one at home every night dealing with homework and colds and teething and school plays? Don't you get it Kate? I can't do both, I'm not capable of doing both. It's either one or the other and do you really think I can walk away from Madison right now and be happy with myself or that I can never be around to tuck my babies in and be satisfied? Trust me, it was easier when the hand was fucked up because then the decision was no longer mine to make." He complained, walking away from the meal they were preparing and over to the refrigerator.

He looked at the six pack of beer sitting on the shelf and realized he didn't want it, grabbing a bottle of water and walking over to the table to sit down. She walked over to him, refusing to give into his need to pull away from her, to make this something bad that he should beat himself up over, to talk with him and help him find a resolution that worked for everyone. She stood beside him and he pulled her into his lap.

"You know Jack, I think you're selling yourself short or maybe I'm making me and the kids more important to you then we really are." Kate said.

"Don't say that, you guys are everything to me." He said.

"I believe that too Jack and that's why I think you're being too hard on yourself. I think that if you decide to go back to the hospital now that you could limit yourself to a reasonable schedule, one that allows you to give your patients your full attention while also allowing you to give your family the attention it needs. So, maybe you won't be home every single evening for dinner and bedtime rituals, but that doesn't mean that you won't be home more times than you're not." She offered.

"You just don't know how I am Kate. I appreciate that you believe I'm capable of relaxing enough about my medical career to know when to say "enough" and go home to my family, but I don't think I am and I'm not sure if I want to risk it." He said sadly, the decision obviously weighing heavy not only on his mind, but his heart, completely torn between the two loves of his life.

"Okay Jack, I won't push you anymore, but just know that I'm not Sarah and that I don't need you fussing over me 24/7, that I really can handle having a husband that is as committed to his job as he is to his family and that I would definitely smack you back in line if you ever started to truly neglect us. I love you and I want you to be happy." She told him, kissing him on the cheek and then wrapping her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

"I am happy Kate, happier than I've ever been, which is why I don't want to screw this up. I think I could live without ever being a surgeon again, but I know I couldn't survive without you and the kids." He told her.

"You won't lose us Jack and I think that maybe you should just give this more time, stop thinking about it constantly and just wait." Kate suggested.

"Wait for what?" He asked.

"Wait for the answer to come to you instead of you forcing the issue. Wait for that moment when it's suddenly clear and there's no doubt one way or the other about what you are supposed to be doing with your life. Can you do that Jack?" She asked.

"How long should I wait?" He asked.

"As long as it takes Jack, it's only been a few weeks since the hospital put you on disability so why not try to relax, enjoy the day and let the future work itself out." She said.

"I will if you will." He said.

"If I will what?" She asked.

"If you will enjoy the day and the let the future work itself out, if you'll stop beating yourself up over Maddie, stop looking back and only focus on today and the two of you healing. Do we have a deal?" He asked.

"Promise me at least one evening a week of nothing but you and we've got a deal." She told him.

"You'll have more than one evening baby, making time for us will be a priority, even if that time is just spent cuddling and talking, we need the down time with so many kids demanding our attention." He told her.

"So, should we finish making dinner or just blow it off." She asked.

"Why would we blow it off?" He asked.

"I was thinking we could find a better use for this table and when we're done, there's always peanut butter and jelly." She told him and closed her mouth over his again, drawing him into another sensual make-out session that would end with him laying her back on the table and making love to her again.


	34. Chapter 34

She awoke to soft kisses on her shoulders and strong hands moving over her back and below. After finally eating something for dinner, they'd settled down to watch a movie in the game room. Forty-five minutes into the movie he was inside her again, hard and swollen and seemingly unable to find long lasting satisfaction, the number of times he'd taken in her the time they'd been at the lake house no longer countable, not to mention remarkable considering she'd had to beg him to make love to her initially.

He'd made her come for what felt like the hundredth time that weekend and then picked her up, staying inside her and carrying her up the stairs to their bed, to the bed they'd been all over and to the bed where neither could seem to get enough of the other. He laid her down and loved her for a long time, so long she was beginning to wonder if the well had finally gone dry and after coming again and feeling too exhausted to come again for at least a month she stopped him and asked him to let her get him over the edge. He pulled out and sat on the bed on his knees, while she sat up and took the throbbing appendage into her hands, the head so swollen and purple she couldn't believe he didn't erupt all over her as soon as she touched him.

She pushed him back onto his back and straddled his legs, holding his throbbing cock in her hand, pumping him slowly and then twisting, bringing her mouth down and swallowing him, letting him watch her head bob up and down, pulling back occasionally, making a smacking sound and letting him see the head of his cock sliding out of her mouth, replaced by the tip of her tongue teasing and tantalizing him, the semen starting to seep out slowly as he fought to control his release.

"Come on babe, just let it go.." Kate encouraged.

"Put it inside you as deep as you can stand it." He panted.

"How about I turn around and you bury yourself as deep as you want." Kate offered, moving onto her hands and knees, dropping her shoulders down to the mattress and giving him the full view.

He groaned and wasted no time going up to his knees and mounting her, sliding in so deep he was afraid he might hurt her, but she merely sunk lower into the mattress, pushing her hips up higher and driving him in deeper and moaning right along with him. He thrust into her a few times before finally letting go, sure that every last drop of semen was coming from some place deep within his throat instead of where science told him it came from, his lower region jerking uncontrollably with the powerful release, his mind and his body completely satisfied. He pulled out of her, wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her up and then back onto the mattress with him.

She smiled as she remembered how completely spent they both were, having had sex more times and in more ways than either thought imaginable, and how sleep had come easily to both of them even though they'd done little more than sleep and make love for nearly 36 hours. She looked into his eyes and he hers and they gently kissed before she nuzzled into the crook of his neck, taking in his scent and enjoying the feeling of his large hands over her bare back.

"We have to get up and get dressed baby." Jack told her.

"I know, but I'd rather stay here. Did we really say we'd be home so early?" Kate groaned.

"We did and you know Maddie will be pacing if we're even a minute late." Jack said.

"She does keep close tabs on us, militant little midget." Kate grumbled making him laugh.

"You're so cute when you're pouting, it's no wonder I have so much trouble resisting those same eyes and that same face on our seven year old." He said sweetly.

"I know, I'm being selfish, but having you all to myself and in this manner was so good I don't want it to end." Kate admitted.

"It was good, but if it helps ease the disappointment, I'm spent babe, I couldn't make love to you any time soon trust me." He told her.

"That was pretty intense last night Jack, were you hung up?" She teased.

"No, I wasn't hung up." He laughed.

"Then what was it?" She asked.

"When I was in college I watched some documentary on the porn industry and I remember these guys, the porn stars, all bragging about how they could pop on queue, you know come or not come at will so I've spent a lot of time working on that." Jack admitted making her laugh.

"Jack, are you serious?" She asked.

"Well yeah, I mean, I don't always kill myself trying to control it and sometimes I couldn't if I wanted to, but then sometimes, like last night, I can keep holding back and holding back until it feels like my eyes might pop out and it's great. Did you not enjoy it?" He asked.

"I always enjoy you Jack. You are so adorable. Most guys were watching porn in college, but not you, you were studying documentaries on how it's done. You have definitely taken being a control freak to a whole new level." Kate laughed.

"You're laughing, but if memory serves, my need for control made you come five times. What was it you were saying the last time, 'oh baby you make my pu…'mmmfff." He teased, her shutting him up by kissing him.

"You aren't allowed to bring up anything I say during the thralls of passion." She told him.

"Why not?" He asked and kissed her, letting it linger a little longer than their previous kisses.

"Because you'll make me self conscience and then you'll be stuck with a lover that just lays there and makes no noise at all." She warned.

"No thanks, been there, done that." He groaned and kissed her some more, his obvious desire awakened and poking at her.

"I thought you were spent?" Kate said.

"I lied." He chuckled, rolling her onto her back and kissing her deeply.

They made love one last time, showered and for the first time in two days, put some clothes on. They talked about the week ahead on their drive home. Maddie had two therapy sessions, Hayden and the twins had appointments with the pediatrician for flu shots and Kate had her first appointment with an OB/GYN.

"Maybe we could change the kids' appointment to the same time as yours. That way I could drop you off at the OB and take the kids for their shot and meet back up with you since the doctors are in the same building." Jack offered.

"Jack, two 2-year olds and a 7 month old is too much for one person to haul into a doctor's office, besides don't you want to come with me for the baby appointment?" She asked.

"If you want me to, but you getting a pelvic isn't exactly my idea of a good time." He said.

"Mine either, but I want you there for everything, even the icky stuff." She said the uneasiness in her tone not going unnoticed by him.

"Hey, you okay? Are you scared to go to the doctor Kate?" He asked.

"No, I'm afraid of what the doctor might say. I know it sounds crazy, but I have a bad feeling, like something is wrong." She admitted.

"What do you mean wrong? Do you feel bad? Are you cramping? Why didn't you say anything Kate? I've been pounding on you for two days and the whole time you…" He immediately began to come unglued, stopped by her putting her hand up to shush him.

"No Jack, nothing like that and you weren't pounding on me, our time together was wonderful and exciting and the most carefree fun you and I have been allowed to have so please don't cheapen it by calling it pounding." She told him.

"I'm sorry, but I don't understand Kate, what are you worried about?" He asked.

"I don't know Jack, it just feels like if I allow myself to be excited, if I dare consider being as happy as I want to be about this baby that the gods will come down and smack me back into reality and take it away or take you away or just take whatever they want, anything to remind me that I'm not supposed to take anything for granted." She explained as a tear rolled down her cheek.

He pulled the car over, unfastened his seat belt and then hers and then pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly, kissing her temple and talking softly into her ear.

"It's okay to be happy baby. Bad things happen to good people, but not because they got careless and took happiness for granted. You've had more than your fair share of bad so I understand your apprehensions. I can't promise you nothing bad is ever going to happen to us again, but I'm not going anywhere Kate and I am happy about the baby, about us, about the brood waiting at home for us and I admit that sometimes I get scared too and wonder when it's all going to come crashing down on us. I guess if that happens we'll just deal with it like we do everything else………together. Okay?" He said, speaking softly in a comforting tone.

"Okay, but will you do this baby with me, every step of the way?" She asked.

"Of course I will, I'll even gain weight, get sore nipples and have sympathy pains if you want." He told her, making her laugh lightly.

He pulled away from her, refastened himself in and pulled the car back onto the road. They were quiet for about 15 minutes and then she spoke again, admitting that the baby and their future wasn't the only thing on her mind.

"I'm sorry I'm being so weepy and whiney Jack. You could blame some of it on hormones, but not all of it. I'm dreading the sessions with Maddie. I'd rather just go back to the lake house and hide away there with you than hear how badly the man I left her with treated her and the last thing I want to do is relive all the fun I had with him. I guess I'm being selfish, but I just wish I could hide until it's over." Kate admitted

"I'm sure you do, I probably would too and feeling that way doesn't make you selfish, just honest." Jack said, patting her leg with his hand.

They arrived home just as the social worker from children's services was pulling into their driveway. Jack hoped that his mother had all the children home and presentable. They walked into the house, immediately greeted by the twins. Jack picked them both up, one in each arm, kissing them on the cheek and moving forward into the house.

Jack's mother and Elisha were in the living room with Hayden. Maddie and Tara weren't with them.

"Where are the girls?" Kate asked.

"They're in Maddie's bedroom." Margo answered.

The social services woman approached Jack's mother and they spoke quietly, privately for a few minutes. Jack cleared his throat and they turned to look at him.

"Thank you for taking Tara over the weekend, I'm sure she enjoyed it. Margo, we'll have to do a quick investigation, but I don't see any reason why we can't plan on placing her with you by the end of the week. I'll put all the necessary papers together tomorrow and I'm sure Tara will be thrilled to finally be in a home." The woman said.

"You're going to foster her mom?" Jack asked.

"Yes, I am. Do you think it's a bad idea?" She asked.

"No, I'm just surprised, but you've been full of surprises lately." He told her and smiled.

The rest of the day was fairly uneventful, a crying baby, cranky toddlers and a bored seven year old, but nothing out of the ordinary. Kate had taken Hayden into her bedroom to attempt to settle him down and had fallen asleep in the bed with him. Jack took the twins and Maddie to the park hoping the quiet in the house would let the baby sleep and wake up in a better mood. Madison seemed to enjoy her role as the big sister while at the park, choosing to play with them in the toddler area and never nagging Jack to do things with her that she knew the twins could not participate in. She held Andrew's hand and led him up the hill to Jack's car, while Jack carried Kayla. She helped Jack secure them into their car seats and then took her place in the front seat beside him.

"You're a pretty awesome kid, have I told you that lately?" Jack asked, brushing his hand lightly over her head and kissing her on the cheek.

"I'm lucky I have you and mommy and the babies. Some kids don't have nothing." Maddie told him a twinge of sadness and regret in her voice.

"You mean Tara?" He asked.

"Uh huh, she's all alone daddy. Why can't she live with us?" Maddie asked, her bottom lip starting to quiver.

"We have so many children already munchkin that it just wouldn't be fair to her or to you guys." Jack said.

"I would be good daddy." Maddie promised.

"Honey it's got nothing to do with you or how you do or don't behave. Your mom and me, we just don't have the time that Tara needs, but if it makes you feel better, I think grandma is going to let Tara live with her, do you think she'll like that?" Jack asked.

"She played on the piano with grandma for a long time daddy and she loved her house. I'm glad Tara won't be alone no more." Maddie said and smiled at him.

"I'm glad too, so what do you say, should we get these two monsters home and see if baby Hayden is feeling better?" Jack asked.

"When is mommy's new baby going to be here?" Maddie asked.

"Well, we aren't sure yet, but we think it will probably be here sometime in May. It's a lot of babies huh?" Jack said.

"It's a bunch of babies. Is it a boy baby or a girl baby?" She asked.

"We don't know, but they're probably going to take a picture of the inside of mommy's tummy pretty soon and we might be able to find out. Do you want to go with us when they take the picture?" Jack asked.

"Will it hurt her?" Maddie asked.

"No, it tickles. Would you rather have a baby sister or a baby brother?" Jack asked.

"You are the baby's daddy right?" Maddie asked.

"Yes, but I'm also Andrew, Kayla, Hayden and your daddy." Jack carefully answered the questions.

"But this is better right cuz you helped make the baby inside mommy's tummy didn't you?" Maddie asked.

The child seemed to be showing the basic knowledge that it takes a man and a woman to make a baby, but apparently had no knowledge of how they make the baby or at least she didn't appear to be loaded with sex questions for him, for which he was grateful. She did seem to be questioning her place in his heart though, that much he was sure of.

"Yes Maddie I helped make the baby, but that doesn't make him better or more special to me than you or the others. I love all my babies the same." He told her.

"I'm not a baby." She said.

"You're my baby girl and you will always be my baby girl even when you are 30 and having babies of your own. Got it?" He told her and tweaked her nose between his knuckles, making her giggle.

"I think a brother will be better, you already have a little girl and a big girl. That's enough." Maddie told him, making it clear that daddy having another little girl to fuss over wouldn't be an easy adjustment for her.

He smiled at her and brushed her wild locks back away from her eyes.

"I think a brother would be nice too." He said, seeing no need to give her anything new to fret over when the odds were 50/50 that she would get a brother.

The week started out with a bang, Hayden remained cranky, ran a fever and had severe digestive issues to accompany the crankiness. A shiny new tooth popped through his gums two days later and all of his symptoms disappeared. Madison and Kate spent two hours with the therapist on Tuesday. Jack noticed that both of them were very quiet, almost shell-shocked the entire evening, but he didn't push them to be anything more than what they were feeling and both awoke perky and ready for a new day the next morning.

On Wednesday Jack accompanied Kate on her first OB visit. He sat by her head and kept his nose out of her pelvic exam, although the doctor in him was curious enough to force him to suppress the urge to watch. When the exam was done he helped her sit up and leaned on the table, standing beside her.

"How far along did you think you might be Kate?" The doctor asked.

"I don't know, between 13 and 16 weeks." Kate said.

"I can't say anything for sure, but you feel a lot further along than that." The doctor said.

"I was on the pill so I can't be much further along." Kate said.

"Let's go ahead and schedule you for a sonogram next week. This was a natural conception right? No fertility drugs?" The doctor asked.

"Why do you ask?" Jack asked not liking the evasive, puzzled tone of the doctor.

"Dr. Shephard, surely you've noticed that your wife's body is a bit ahead of schedule if she's carrying a 13 to 16 week old fetus. My internal exam suggests the fetus is around 22 to 24 weeks, but you say that isn't possible, so you might want to prepare yourself for the possibility of more than one fetus." The doctor explained.

"Of course there would be more than one." Jack said and began laughing, completely disturbed and amused by the idea that there was more than one baby.

"Jack that's not funny, we can't keep up with the kids we've got." Kate said almost shrieking.

"Well baby, you did say you had a bad feeling and I guess I'm relieved that at least it's a good kind of bad." He told her and stopped laughing when she slapped him on the arm.

"Are you sure it's just not one really big baby?" Kate asked.

"I'm not sure of anything Kate other than the fact that size and position of your uterus doesn't coincide with a 13 to 16 week old fetus. Other than that, you and your developing fetus seem perfectly healthy. Let's get a sonogram and see what we've got." The doctor told her patting her on the arm and leaving the room.

"Jack, what are we going to do?" Kate asked.

"There's nothing to do Kate. Let's see what the sonogram shows and if there's more than one baby, then the first thing we need to do is find a bigger house, a really big house." Jack said still amused over the news.

"How can you be so calm and almost giddy Jack? Have you finally lost your mind?" Kate asked.

"No, I'm sorry, I know you must be a little freaked out and the physician in me is naturally worried about the dangers of a multiple birth. I'll be a bigger nag than normal in my quest to not let carrying more than one baby harm you, but Kate, it's hardly the end of the world. You and I and the children we have at home haven't exactly had an easy go of it, especially you and Madison so maybe it's our turn to have something good, something normal." Jack offered.

"But more than one infant on top of the brood we have? Jack, we're quickly becoming one of those freakishly large families you said you didn't want to become." Kate argued.

"It's not that large, the closeness of their ages is what makes it so overwhelming, but think of how much fun they'll have growing up together. Come on, let's get you dressed and I'll buy you lunch. It'll be okay Kate. How good are we? We not only got pregnant in record time, we got really, really pregnant." He said and winked at her.

"You are really happy about this aren't you?" Kate asked.

"You aren't?" Jack replied.

"I don't know what I am other than shocked. How come you aren't?" Kate asked.

He put his arms around her, his hand sliding over the exposed flesh on her back, his body slipping into the space between her legs, pulling her toward him and kissing her.

"I am shocked, but in case you have noticed Mrs. Shephard I am head over heels in love with you and the idea of you carrying my babies just makes me love you that much more. Just close your eyes and try to imagine the moment when we created the life or lives that are growing inside you. How can anything bad come from something that beautiful?" He spoke softly to her, mouth close to her ear, hands moving softly over her back.

"You say the sweetest things sometimes Jack Shephard." Kate said.

"You're the sweetest feeling I've ever known, you make it easy to be honest." He said and kissed her again.

The kiss went deeper than either had anticipated and when they both finally realized where they were and what they were contemplating they separated and laughed lightly.

"I better get dressed. We are so not having sex in here." Kate said.

"Yeah, that would be a little too creepy for me too. Want me to wait outside?" He asked.

"No, you're fine." She said and slid off the table.

They left the doctor's office, enjoyed a quiet lunch together and hauled the three younger children to the pediatrician for flu shots. They all got a check-up and Hayden got caught up on the shots he'd missed while in transition. None were happy with their parents for allowing them to get tortured with needles, but the twins found it easy to forget when the nurse let them pick out stickers to put on their shirts.

The rest of the week went smoothly. Kate had decided to make Jack worry less and resigned from her position at the clinic, realizing he was right and that her being able to focus all of her attention on Madison and staying healthy was in everyone's best interest. She and Maddie had their second therapy session on Friday and weren't home yet when Jack arrived home around 6:30 PM.

Elisha had already fed and bathed Hayden and the twins, leaving Jack with nothing to do but sit down and play with them. He hadn't said anything to her yet, but he was hoping that once they found a larger home he could convince her to live with them and help them out with the kids, especially if Kate was carrying more than one baby, but for now he simply paid her and told her to enjoy her weekend, walking her to the door and saying goodnight.

Kate and Madison arrived home about an hour later. Jack was in the living room with the kids, the twins were playing with blocks and Hayden was on a blanket on the floor, working hard at pushing himself up onto his hands and knees and then happily rocking himself back and forth. Madison approached Jack and stood in front of him.

"Hey cutie, did you have a good day?" Jack asked.

"Can I sit with you?" She asked in a soft, almost detached tone.

"Sure." He said.

She crawled into his lap, turning sideways and snuggling in as close to him as she could get, laying her head on the space just below his shoulder, her hand resting against his chest and eventually clutching a handful of his shirt. He looked up at Kate with questioning eyes.

"Rough day." Kate answered his eyes and then left the room.

Maddie stayed in Jack's lap, claiming she wasn't hungry and that she didn't want to play. She eventually fell asleep and with the twins and the baby in bed he decided it was time to put Madison in her bed. He carried her to her room and laid her on her bed, gently prying her hand away from his shirt. He pulled the blankets up to her chin, kissed her on the forehead and left the room.

Kate hadn't spoken much since they'd come home and he didn't force the issue, understanding that both of them were reliving some extremely painful events, needed their space and would hopefully come to him if they needed a shoulder to cry on. He joined her in their bed, meeting in the center and snuggling close.

"You don't have to, but if you ever need to talk about how difficult these days are I'm here." He offered.

"I know and I appreciate that you are here. I think I'd rather make love. Do you feel like making love Jack?" She asked.

He rolled her onto her back and kissed her deeply, pulling back and looking into her tired eyes.

"You never have to ask that." He said and began kissing her again, slowly pushing her clothes away while she did the same.

"You feel so good Jack, don't stop….don't ever stop." Kate panted, clutching onto his shoulders tightly as he moved within her, another orgasm building and her needing him to get her over the edge.

He was focused on getting her off just once more before he let himself go, their rhythm perfect, her wet pussy swallowing him deeper and deeper, so tight and slippery that he was close to losing his mind along with his load.

"Oh god! Oh god! Yes!" She panted, probably a bit too loud, but he didn't care she was completely relaxed and exploding around him, her walls clamping down on him and bringing him over the edge with her.

They lay in the center of the bed, him still inside her, their breathing not quite settled, their bodies hot and not ready to separate, holding one another, content and ready to let the sleep that would surely come overtake them and just as he was about to slip out of her and take his place beside her the screams came, followed by panicked pounding on their bedroom door.

"What the hell?" Jack mumbled, slipping out of her and off the bed, looking for his pants and hurriedly pulling them up and over his hips.

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" The screams continued on the other side of the door as small fists beat frantically on the door.

He found Kate's nightshirt and panties and tossed them to her, pulling his t-shirt over his head on his way to the door. He opened the door and Madison was standing right in front of him, eyes wide open, continuing to scream, her fists landing on him now, but not seeing him or feeling him.

"What's wrong with her Jack?" Kate asked as she came up beside him.

"I don't know, maybe a nightmare. I don't think she's awake. It's okay honey, you're okay." Jack said in a calm tone as he picked the little girl up and held onto her.

She stopped screaming and hitting and pulled back to look at him, her bottom lip quivering.

"Baby what's wrong?" Kate asked, gently rubbing her hand over the child's back.

"I'm sorry." She said.

"It's okay, come on honey, mommy will put you back to bed." Kate said.

Madison looked at Jack sadly and allowed him to hand her to Kate, her eyes watching him over Kate's shoulder as she carried the little girl to her bedroom, haunted eyes that didn't want to let go of him, but were afraid to hold on too tight. He was sure he'd never be able to erase the image from his mind.

Kate returned to their bedroom assuring him that she was okay, that it was just a nightmare. They barely had a chance to get comfortable before the bedroom door opened again and the small figure entered the room, approaching the bed on the side closest to Jack. He turned onto his side and was met with the same eyes that he watched move away a few minutes earlier.

"What's wrong munchkin?" He asked.

"Can I sleep with you?" She asked.

"I guess it would be okay for one night." Jack said pulling the blankets back so she could crawl in.

She crawled over him and they made a space for her in-between them. She moved in close to Jack and grabbed a handful of his shirt again. He put his arm up over the top of the pillows and she snuggled into next to him, still clutching his shirt and a slight hitch in her breathing as she continued to calm herself down. They both watched over her, concerned and saddened at the same time, finally allowing themselves to sleep once the child had drifted off to sleep.


	35. Chapter 35

**_Thank you for the reviews and the kind words. I've been so busy, but I finally managed to get the next chapter finished. Thanks again and thanks for your patience!_**

The familiar smell of urine took hold of his senses before the wet, coldness of his clothes. He opened his eyes and looked down at the little girl wrapped around his torso, one hand still clutching tightly to his shirt the other turned into a fist and thumb in her mouth. He'd never seen the child suck her thumb since he'd known her, nor had he known her to have bed wetting issues, but here she was this morning displaying issues that typically plague a child much younger than she was and he would've given anything at that moment to erase it all, to make everything in her world as sweet and innocent as life should be for a seven year old.

He gently moved away from her and off the bed. He grabbed some clean clothes and disappeared into the bathroom for a quick shower. When he returned he noticed that the child had snuggled her body into the space where he'd had been, as if still being able to feel the warm spot and catch a whiff of his familiar smell brought her comfort. As he looked at the broken little girl he realized that his decision to focus on his family for now was the right one; that he could go back to being a surgeon later, but for now he was needed at home.

He moved to the side of the bed where Kate lay sleeping and shook her gently. She finally opened her eyes, looking at him, confused and then suddenly panicked, bolting up quickly.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Shh, nothing. Madison needs you." Jack said.

Kate looked over at her sleeping daughter, noticing the thumb in her mouth and then back at Jack, sad and almost defeated.

"I don't think this therapy is helping her Jack, look at her." Kate said.

"Let's just get through the weekend and you can talk to her therapist on Monday and find out if this is normal." Jack suggested.

"Can you call your friend Sid and ask him Jack. Look at her. Bed wetting and sucking her thumb, she's never done that and what was that last night, I'm really worried about her Jack, she was like a zombie after therapy yesterday." Kate said.

"Tell you what, if she's still acting as strange today I'll try to call Sid, but for now why don't you and your daughter enjoy a nice long bubble bath and I'll get the baby and the twins up and make us all some breakfast." Jack offered.

"No offense babe, but your breakfasts leave a little something to be desired." Kate said.

"I know. That's why I'm planning on strapping them into their car seats and going for donuts and chocolate milk." Jack said with a grin.

Jack left the room to deal with the three younger children, leaving Kate to deal with Madison. She woke her up and did her best to assure the child there was nothing to be ashamed of that sometimes people sleep so deep they wet the bed. She ran a warm bubble bath for them and they sat in the tub together, face to face. Kate put some bubbles on the child's nose, holding her cheeks in her hands and then kissing the tip of her nose.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you little girl?" Kate asked.

"Why did you make a baby with Michael mommy?" Madison asked throwing Kate for a moment.

"Well, because we loved each other." She lied, not wanting to add the label of "mistake" to Madison's list of issues.

"No, you love my daddy and that's why you made a baby with him. You and daddy make love but he doesn't put things in your privates and hurt you." Maddie argued.

"Who told you about making love sweetheart?" Kate asked.

"Daddy said when I hear noises you guys aren't hurting each other you are making love. What is making love mommy? Is that how you get a baby?" Maddie asked the child bright enough to start putting the pieces of the puzzles together.

"Honey, making love is what two people who love each other do to express their love and yes, sometimes the result of that love is a baby." Kate answered.

"But Michael hurted you mommy and you still maked a baby." Madison said.

"It's confusing I know, but maybe if you ask me some questions I can answer them and it will help you understand things better." Kate offered.

"I want to get out now mommy." Madison said changing the subject immediately.

Kate didn't argue with her. She helped her out of the tub, wrapped a towel around her and sent her to her room to dress. In the meantime, Jack was arriving home with the donuts, milk and three small children, one who needed to be carried and two who thought they needed to be carried and were whining and fussing at him because he wouldn't carry them. By the time Kate made it to the kitchen area he had all three of them strapped into their highchairs and was making cereal for the baby. She moved in behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"He won't eat that cereal unless you mix some applesauce with it." Kate said.

"I don't blame him. I wouldn't eat this shit either." Jack groaned as he stirred some applesauce into it.

"You want me to feed him?" Kate asked.

"No, I'll do it. Where's Maddie?" Jack asked.

"She's getting dressed." Kate said.

Kate poured some milk into two cups, put the safety lids on them and handed them to the twins along with a few donut holes for each and watched them eagerly shove them into their mouths, sugary junk not a normal breakfast for them.

"I think we're going to regret feeding them sugar for breakfast." Kate laughed.

Jack turned around with the baby's cereal in his hand and was about to respond, but ran right into Madison instead, nearly knocking her over.

"I'm sorry munchkin, I didn't see you standing there." Jack apologized, rubbing a hand over the back of her head and then taking a seat in front of the baby's highchair.

Madison followed and then scooted into his lap.

"Are you going to help me feed him?" Jack chuckled lightly as he readjusted to make room for her and still be able to get to the baby.

"No, I just want to sit with you." She said softly.

"Okay, that's fine." Jack said and looked over at Kate.

"Do you want something to eat sweetie?" Kate asked.

She didn't answer, but instead moved in closer to Jack and let her head rest on his shoulder.

"Your mom asked you a question." Jack reminded her.

"I ain't hungry." She mumbled.

"You're not huh? Well Hayden, I guess you and I will have to eat Maddie's donuts with sprinkles." Jack teased.

"He can't eat donuts." Maddie argued perking up just a little.

"I bet if you put some of the frosting and sprinkles on your finger he'd gobble it up." Jack told her.

Madison scooted out of his lap, retrieved her donut, scooted back into his lap and put some of the frosting and sprinkles on her finger. She looked at Jack as if asking permission.

"Go ahead, just put it up to his mouth and he'll suck it right off." Jack told her.

Madison put her finger up to his mouth and giggled when the baby eagerly licked the sweet treat off of her finger and then kicked his feet and waved his hands happily.

"See, I told you he'd like it." Jack laughed lightly at the two of them.

Kate sat across the room watching them and hated herself for it, but couldn't control the jealousy that was coursing through her body at the moment. Her daughter wanted nothing to do with her and who could blame her, she had after all allowed a monster to abuse her for seven years. Jack glanced over at her and picked up on it immediately, seeing the tears start to form in her eyes just before she excused herself. He couldn't leave all the children unattended to go after her and decided that maybe it was best if he didn't, that maybe she needed to work it out on her own and would confide in him later.

He finished feeding the baby and managed to peel Madison off of him long enough to get the baby and the twins cleaned up and out of their highchairs, but she never left his side and he had to watch every step or he'd stumble over her. She helped him lead the twins into the living room and once he put the baby down on the floor to play she climbed right back into his lap.

Madison's clingy behavior continued on throughout the weekend, never letting Jack out of her sight and testing his patience at times by refusing to allow anyone but him do anything for her, resorting to almost infantile behavior at times, much of it with the intent of hurting her mother. He decided to get an expert's advice on how to handle it though, afraid to rock the boat, but knowing that being caught in the middle of the battle the child was waging against her mother wasn't something he could put up with for very long.

Kate and Jack met with Dr. Jane Allison bright and early Monday morning. They sat in her office explaining Madison's behavior over the weekend, explaining the child's sudden interest in baby's getting made and making love and the cold shoulder treatment she was giving to her mother. The doctor sat back in her chair, reading over her file and making a few notes, finally sitting forward, folding her hands in front of her, ready to offer an opinion.

"I'm sure that with three younger children in the home that this is going to be difficult to manage, but Madison has to have as much of your time as you can give her, especially you Jack. You make her feel safe and she counts on that, believes in that and feels like there isn't any monster that you can't protect her from. Don't discourage that. We've only had two full sessions, but in those two sessions I've been able to surmise that she has repressed a great deal of fear and anger. I want to start seeing her three times a week and without you Kate." Dr. Allison explained.

"Why?" Kate asked.

"I think she'll open up more if you aren't in the room. Her feelings where you are concerned keep her very guarded and confused." She explained.

"When I first met her she seemed like a perfectly happy and well adjusted little girl. How is it possible that she's as messed up as you claim she is?" Jack argued.

"She's not messed up Jack, she's troubled and you played a major role and bringing those troubles to the surface. For whatever reason she felt safe confiding in you, telling you things she couldn't tell anyone and in doing that it opened a Pandora's box of repressed fear and anger. We have to let her get it out now and you two have to be strong for her." The doctor explained.

"So, I'm supposed to continue to sit back and allow a seven year old to use me to take emotional jabs at her mother? I'm anything but a strict disciplinarian, but where do I draw the line with her?" Jack asked.

"You draw the line at the same place you draw the line with your other children. Do not allow her to behave any differently than you ever have in the past. Kate, I understand that this has to be very difficult for you, but you have to keep reassuring her and most importantly let her know that it's okay to be angry even if she's currently angry with you." Dr. Allison stressed.

"She blames me for what happened doesn't she?" Kate asked.

"Kate your daughter loves you very much, but she is confused. The questions about where babies come from, especially her wanting to know why you would make a baby with Michael, who hurt you, tells me she is mad at you for making a baby with Michael even though that baby was her. With your permission I would like to go ahead and explain reproduction to Madison during our sessions, help her to understand that a baby isn't always the result of two people who love each other, but that because you did love her you chose to have her and then stayed and fought for her for as long as you could." The doctor explained.

"If you really think it will help her be less confused, do whatever you need to do. To be perfectly honest, I don't know why I made a baby with Michael either, it certainly wasn't planned, but I didn't want to tell my little girl she was a mistake because she's not." Kate said her voice growing softer as she became emotional.

"Of course she's not, she was a surprise, a nice surprise, and I'll make sure she sees it that way. Try to imagine being a little girl coping with the idea that your father didn't love you, that there was no reason for it other than he was a monster that wasn't capable of loving anyone or anything. She's put up a good front by accepting Jack as daddy and relegating daddy to Michael, but she hasn't accepted that as an emotional fact yet, which brings me to the subject of you adopting her Jack." The doctor said.

"What about it?" Jack asked.

"I think you need to hold off on that until she's in a better place emotionally. Madison needs to emotionally bury her biological father before she can accept you as the father that she truly wants and needs. Once she has completely let go of Michael and made peace with it, the day she signs those papers will huge for her, a moment she'll always cherish." She explained.

They left the psychologist's office rattled, tired and fighting hard not to admit defeat and those emotions would surface and resurface as the months passed and the child tested and tried every bit of patience they had, pushing and pushing until they had no choice but to punish her and then deal with the anger that would erupt once they did.

Kate's pregnancy and Jack's career decision had taken a back seat to Madison's issues for the immediate future, but as time went on things began to fall into place. They had taken Madison with them for the sonogram, feeling both uneasy and happy when the technician showed them their twin sons, both appearing to be healthy and developing normally, Madison showing positive signs of acceptance of the babies during the procedure.

They decided to put off the adoption procedures for the twins and Hayden until after the new twins were born, hopeful that Madison would be far enough along in her therapy to include her adoption as well. She was progressing, showing less and less anger toward Kate and clinging less to Jack as she went along, sharing stories of her abuse with her mom and dad during innocent bonding moments when the three would be working a puzzle together or allowing her to stay up later than the other children and watch a movie with them.

They found a new home, a place large enough for all of them. Elisha had moved on, not wanting to become a permanent addition to their expanding family. Jack's mother had come down with the flu right after Christmas and ended up hospitalized with pneumonia a week later. They took Tara in while she was in the hospital and once she was released she was too weak to be alone so they'd moved her in with them. The house they were living in began to burst at the seams, but in Jack and Kate's mind nothing had ever felt more like home than all of them tripping over each other.

Jack convinced his mom to sell the family home and move in with them, the severe pneumonia having scarred one of her lungs so badly that climbing 20 stairs every night was no longer an option. He never imagined a day when he and his mother would share a home again and not spend their time verbally biting at one another, but here they were, all of them under the same roof, all be it a very large roof.

Madison and Tara shared a bedroom and Hayden and the twins shared a room, the new twins would occupy the nursery they were slowly putting together. Between Kate and Margo, all of the children managed to get taken care of, which allowed Jack the opportunity to begin easing back into his routine at the hospital, but he hadn't performed a surgery in months and hadn't allowed them to put him back into the surgical rotation, still unsure if he wanted to commit to the life of a surgeon again.

It was late April and life in the Shephard family had settled down and began to take on a sense of normalcy. Kate was about 33 weeks along and her doctor was hopeful that she was going to carry the twins to full term. She was still moving around fairly well and even driving. Madison had been out of therapy for almost a month and had stopped punishing her mother for Michael's crimes a long time ago even though Kate hadn't stopped punishing herself and probably never would.

Madison's 8th birthday was the next day and there was a large party planned. Kate had called Jack at the hospital with a list of things she needed him to pick up for her. Madison had dance class right after school and they wouldn't be home until late in the evening. Jack picked up everything on the list and he and his mother and Tara finished wrapping the presents and making sure everything was ready for the party the next day.

Everything was perfect, too perfect and in hindsight he would've agreed that he shouldn't have been the least bit surprised when the phone call came. His mother watched him, knowing something terrible had happened, waiting for him to hang up the phone and share it with her. He shoved his cell phone in his pocket and looked at his mother and Tara who were waiting anxiously.

"There was an accident. Some guy ran a red light and broadsided them. They're on their way to the hospital, my hospital, dad's hospital." Jack mumbled.

"Jack, I'm sorry. What can I do?" Margo asked.

"Stay with the kids. I'll call as soon as I know something." Jack said and left.

Margo recognized the look. He was already shutting down and preparing himself for the worst, detaching and finding his clinical mode. She called Barbie and had her come and stay with the kids, deciding that he would need someone to be with him if the unthinkable were to happen.

Jack arrived at the hospital emergency room just minutes after the ambulance. He followed the noise through the corridor and found Kate. She was awake and fighting them and a huge sense of relief flooded through him. He immediately pushed his way in and found her hand, holding it and using his free hand to brush the hair out of her face. She looked up at him and began sobbing.

"Shh baby, it's okay, you're going to be okay." Jack tried to soothe her.

"Maddie's hurt really bad Jack. Please go find out if she's okay." Kate pleaded and then winced, pulling her knees up and grabbing her belly.

"Her water broke in the ambulance Dr. Shephard, her OB is on his way in and they are preparing an O.R.." The ER doctor explained.

"It's too early Jack." Kate cried.

"It's not that early, it'll be okay. Are you hurt anywhere Kate?" Jack asked.

"No, I don't think so, just the cuts where the glass blew in all over me." Kate said.

"Listen to me baby, I know you're scared, but I'm going to be with you and these people are going to take good care of you. I'm going to go see what's going on with Madison, but I'll be there before the babies are born. I promise. Okay?" He said.

"I'm fine Jack, please just take care of Maddie, she needs you." Kate pleaded with him.

"I will, I promise. I love you." He said and kissed her gently.

"I love you too." She mumbled back the sedative they'd given her to settle her down starting to take affect.

"You let anything happen to them and I'll have all your jobs. Page me and let me know which O.R. to come to." Jack ordered.

"Okay Dr. Shephard and don't worry, we'll take care of them. Go and find your daughter." The surgical nurse that was prepping Kate told him.

Jack followed the sound of urgency down to the fourth and largest trauma unit. He entered the room and made his way to the top of the gurney, making sure he didn't interfere with the life-saving procedures that were taking place. He could barely recognize his little girl, her small face the only part of her visible through the equipment that had been used on scene to stabilize her neck and back. She was unconscious, a tube in her throat doing her breathing for her and they were preparing her for x-rays and scans, her little body broken from head to toe.

"Tell me." Jack said as if he were working the trauma.

"Dr. Shephard, you shouldn't be here, we've got this under control." The trauma doctor told him.

"I've got about 15 minutes before I have to be upstairs for the delivery of my sons, so let's just cut through the bullshit. Tell me." Jack ordered.

"I can't know for sure until we get some pictures, but I suspect her back is broken along with some ribs, her hip and the right ankle is so bad it's nearly severed. She may have some internal injuries as well." The doctor explained his tone nervous and regretful.

"What about her brain?" Jack asked.

"She's got a laceration on her forehead, but it looks like it was from flying glass, her body took the brunt of the impact. Dr. Shephard, she's very critical, we need to get her stabilized and get some pictures. Go be with your wife. There is nothing you can do here." He told him, regretting it as soon as the words came out of his mouth and Jack's eyes filled with rage.

"You get her stabilized and get me a full set of x-rays and scans and get Celeste Morrison in here. She's not going to lose her foot. There is plenty I can do here doctor and I will." Jack told him, teeth clenched, angry and determined.

"Dr. Shephard you can't, she's your daughter." He argued.

"Not yet she isn't. I'm going to go check on my wife, make sure my sons make it into this world safely and I will meet you in ICU. You don't do anything until I see the pictures. Are we clear?" Jack told him.

The doctor nodded. Jack leaned in and kissed Madison on the forehead and spoke softly into her ear. Nobody in the room could hear what he was saying and they all looked away and gave him some privacy when they saw one of his tears drop onto the child's hair. He ran his hand over his face and straightened up.

"I'll be waiting for you in ICU with Dr. Morrison." The trauma doctor told him.

"Take care of her until I get back and page me if she takes a turn for the worst. You have no other priority or patients until I get back, is that understood?" Jack told the trauma doctor, his threatening tone coming through loud and clear.

"Yes, Dr. Shephard, of course." The doctor answered realizing he should be completely offended by the way Jack was talking to him, but instead was respectful of the situation and amazed at how together Jack actually was.

"She's wearing a locket. Don't let anything happen to it and if she wakes up before I get back you open it up for her and tell her to feel it and tell her I'm on my way." Jack told him.

Jack could hear his name being called over the intercom and quickly sucked up his grief over Madison, deciding that he would tell Kate how bad things were after the babies were safely delivered. He made his way upstairs, changed into a pair of sterile scrubs and took his place beside her at the head of the table.

"We were about to start without you." The doctor told him.

"Jack, is she okay? Maddie, is she alive?" Kate asked.

"She's alive baby and I know you're worried, but you need to relax and look at me and let them get these babies out and then we'll talk. Okay?" Jack lied, knowing they were planning on knocking her out as soon as the babies were out so they could explore for internal damage that often occurs in accidents this severe.

He sat beside her and they didn't speak, both waiting anxiously to hear the sound of their sons crying. Jack was just about to stand and peek around the sheet that was blocking his view when he heard the first faint cry followed quickly by another.

"They're small, but they look good." The doctor said as he held one of them up for them to see.

The nurses wrapped both babies, brought them over to Jack and Kate so they could get a quick look at them and then put rushed away with them in case their were breathing issues.

"They're beautiful Kate. You're going to go to sleep now, they need to make sure nothing is broken inside." Jack told her.

"No Jack, I want to see Maddie." Kate said.

"You can't see her right now baby, she's hurt, she's hurt really bad. I'm going to take care of her I promise, but I need to know you're okay or I won't be able to focus on making her well." Jack pleaded with her.

"I'm okay Jack, just please don't let her die, please." Kate begged.

"I love you so much and I'm going to take care of all of you. Nite baby." Jack said softly as he watched the anesthesia render her unconscious.

Jack left the surgery suite and made his way up to pediatric ICU. His infant sons were just down the hall in the neo-natal unit. He entered the room and Celeste looked up at him. He could tell by the look on her face that the situation was as bad as it could get. The trauma doctor handed Jack an envelope full of x-rays and scans and he took them into a room down the hall to look them over. He heard the door open, turned and nodded at Celeste and then turned his attention back to the x-rays that were hanging on the wall. She took her place beside him and leaned on the table that was behind them.

"What are you doing Jack?" She asked.

"What's it look like I'm doing Dr. Morrison?" He snapped.

"Don't do this to yourself Jack." She said.

"Do what?" He asked in an irritated tone.

"Don't try to save your little girl because if you fail you will never recover from it." Celeste advised.

"Celeste, I've been questioning a lot of things lately and the biggest question of all has been whether or not I have the right to ignore what my father swore was a gift, that what I have in my hands can't be taught or learned. Do you think he was right Celeste?" Jack asked his voice soft and detached, the things that scared him to death just below the surface.

"I think you're a gifted surgeon Jack and your father was right, the thing that makes you special in an O.R. can't be taught or learned, but Jack if your father were here he'd tell you that you can't do this, that you shouldn't do this, that you could lose your license if you do this." Celeste urged.

"She's not a blood relative Celeste, I could get around the medical board. This is what I'm supposed to do isn't it? I'm supposed to use this gift to fix what's broken and make people well. It's like the gods have reached out and taken my little girl and they're telling me if I'm going to throw away the gift they gave me they're going to take away the most special gift I've ever known." Jack said sadly.

"That's not like you Jack, believing in fates and mythical gods." Celeste said.

"Well, that little girl made me believe in things I never thought I could. She put all of her faith in a man she barely knew. I can't describe what that's like Celeste, to have someone genuinely love you and believe in you based on what couldn't have been more than a gut instinct, on the magic and fairy tales that even children who have no reason to believe anymore still cling to. Do you really believe there is any way I can turn my back on that? I couldn't when I first met her and I certainly can't now." Jack explained.

"Jack, you have to know that the odds of her surviving her injuries are minimal. Are you mentally prepared to have your daughter die on your operating table?" Celeste asked.

"Better mine than a stranger's, are you going to assist me or not?" Jack asked.

"You know you can count on me to do everything I can Dr. Shephard." She said, patting him on the back and smiling at him.

"I know, why do you think I put this gift in your very capable hands." Jack said holding up his scarred, but still very talented hand.

The shared a quick, knowing, comforting smile and then both flew into action when they heard the announcement coming through the intercom, both running out the door, headed to where Madison was, to the room where the code blue was. The term echoed through Jack's ears while pictures of his sweet little girl laughing with him, looking at him with that trusting smile, shooting him that heart-breaking look when he would scold her ran through his mind as the realization that at the moment she had no visible signs of life and was waiting for him to bring her back.


	36. Chapter 36

He stood in his office staring out the window at the beautiful day that was slowly developing outside, waiting patiently for them to arrive, allowing his mind to go back and recall the events he didn't question, much less replay and attempt to dissect. It was safe to do that now and he believed it was time, time to process all of it, maybe even try to make sense of it and then put it away and continue on with the business of living.

He and Celeste had brought Madison back from the full arrest her broken little body had succumbed to and then they performed the first surgery. They had to repair what was torn and leaking inside in order to stabilize her and allow her body to gain enough strength to survive the hours of surgery she would need to repair all of her broken bones. So, in a four hour procedure they removed her ruptured spleen, removed the piece of the rib bone that had lacerated her liver and repaired the damage and then repaired the damage to the small bowel. With all the internal bleeding stopped, they closed her up and returned her to ICU heavily sedated and a machine doing her breathing for her, hoping she would gain enough strength to go under again within the next 24 to 36 hours,.

He remembered putting her odds of survival right around 10 percent even though he never verbally expressed that to anyone, especially Kate. With Madison stabilized and in need of time, he went two floors up to check on his wife. She was awake and antsy, having suffered no internal injuries and even though she was in a great deal of pain from the c-section she was demanding to see her daughter and being as difficult as possible. If the situation with Maddie hadn't been so grim hearing how difficult Kate was being from the nurses would've made him smile, but instead he simply nodded at them and told them he'd see what he could do settle her down.

The sight of her lying in the bed alone and helpless and crying for her child nearly tore down the tough exterior he was displaying for the benefit of everyone, especially himself. He didn't try to comfort her or try to tell her she had to stay put. He simply lifted her out of the bed, carried her to the elevator and took her to see her daughter, knowing that it might be the last time she'd see her alive, but choosing not to share that with her. Kate was weak and in a great deal of pain, but with his support she managed to stand beside Maddie's bed and talk to her for a few minutes, finding a part of her head that wasn't covered and kissing her before giving in to her body's weak state.

He carried her back up to her floor, but went past her room and straight to the nursery where their sons were, their overall health and size enabling them to transfer from the neo-natal unit just a couple of hours after they'd been delivered. He sat in a chair beside their incubators with her in his lap and they watched their boys for awhile, reaching in and touching them and deciding which one would be Dylan Christopher and which one would be Jacob Christian, both beautiful babies with thick dark hair, one weighing in at 4 pounds and one weighing in at just barely over 3 pounds. The smaller one made the most noise so they decided he had to be the one that would get Christian's name, finding a moment to laugh lightly about it before returning to their grim reality.

She'd agreed to let them give her some pain medicine if he would lay down with her and since there was nothing more he could do for Madison at the moment he made Kate and taking care of her his focus, lying with her in his arms and watching her emotionally exhausted brain finally shut down, knowing that the pain medicine would knock her out for hours. He lay with her, closing his eyes and trying to find sleep, knowing he needed to be fresh and alert for Madison. He had never been what he'd consider a religious person, always assuming there was something bigger than all of us out there, but never one to put anything on faith. However, as he fought for sleep he found himself praying or begging, he couldn't be sure, for steady hands, for just one more miracle, one more chance to get it right, promising not to question things or consider his gift a burden, but the gift that it was. The last thing he would remember before being awakened by the nurses was a feeling of peace just before his brain shut down and slept.

Less than 24 hours after first surgery he and Celeste were once again working feverishly over the small body on their table, so much damage that neither were sure why the child was still alive, but weren't going to question the why or how because he'd promised he wouldn't and when he ordered her in no uncertain terms not to question it she didn't flinch, much less argue, the sheer determination in his eyes making her realize that the Jack Shephard she'd know for so many years had changed and for the better if that were possible, relying on faith while he used his skills to slowly repair the damage.

Jack stood in front of the window of his office remembering the events, realizing that he was for the first time really feeling it as tears streamed down his face, tears he wasn't aware he had until now and his mind went back to the hours upon hours of repairing bone after bone, his breath catching and a moment of slight hesitation as he held the drill to his little girl's head, ready to install the cranial pins that would hold the halo device in place, a procedure he'd done so many times he could do it in his sleep, but for a moment, however brief, he was a father and he was about to drill into the skull of his child and he saw his hand shake. He closed his eyes and willed his emotions to shut down, found that place again, that place he had to be in, completely focused and unable to see anything but the part of the patient that needed his attention and he continued on, neither doctor willing to give up and nearly 15 hours later he sat in the surgeon's locker room, head in his hands, so exhausted he couldn't move or speak.

He was collecting himself, pulling all of himself back together and trying to find that guy that was a husband and father, having pushed him so far down in order to keep the surgeon front and center that he actually felt confused and a little sick, his final act that day as a surgeon was injecting his child with a drug that would put her in a coma so her body could heal and now he needed to explain all of it to Kate. He wanted to be free of his clinical demeanor before he saw her though. She needed her husband, not some doctor describing her daughter's condition in cold medical terms that left little hope of a recovery, much less a full recovery.

He wouldn't have to work for very long to find the husband and father though. He heard the door to the locker room open and saw her out of the corner of his eyes, his mother, slowly approaching him, her face tear-streaked, her body language showing the pain a mother feels for her child and he looked up at her, not wanting to know what was wrong, but knowing he had to know because the man that in the past would've turned away, would've run for the nearest liquor cabinet or bar didn't exist anymore.

He listened to her describe how Dylan had suddenly stopped breathing and despite all their efforts they couldn't bring him back, how nobody knew why, but were willing to do whatever needed to be done to find out if that's what he wanted and the last part, the part that immediately snapped him out of his doctor mode and allowed the husband to return, how Kate was in her room, holding her dead son and refusing to let anyone take him from her. They had brought the infant to her to give her a chance to say goodbye, but that had been over two hours ago.

He allowed his mother to hug him in an attempt to comfort him, even though his face remained stoic, unsure of why he couldn't find the tears for his son. He went to her and he sat with her and he eventually convinced her to let go of the baby and then he lay with her and held her while she cried for her daughter and for her dead son and he wanted to be angry and ask why but he'd promised he'd stop questioning things and even though he was too much of a scientist to believe it mattered, he was too much in love with the little girl two floors down to risk it, knowing that he had done all he could do for her and that she truly was in the hands of someone or something else.

They didn't have their infant son cut up in search of answers, deciding that for whatever reason Dylan wasn't supposed to be a part of this world and that was all they needed to know. They buried him next to Jack's father in a quiet, private, graveside service.

Madison's fight for life remained touch and go for nearly four days, needing to be resuscitated three times in that period, but then suddenly turning a corner and starting to heal and strengthen, waking from the medicine induced coma two weeks later in a great deal of pain. The pain was managed with heavy doses of pain killers that kept the child sedated and having no real concept of the time that was passing.

Two months after the accident most of Madison's injuries had healed completely and she was home, learning to walk again, her mind as sharp as ever. He would never forget the first day she was awake and lucid, looking up to him with all the seriousness and compassion a child that age could muster and telling him, "Daddy it's okay, Dylan is with grandpa."

She would later describe the silver haired man that had kept her close and made her feel safe, telling her that he was her grandpa and was there to take care of her and her baby brother, his final words to her as he held baby Dylan in his arms were that it was time for her to go back to her mom and dad. He wasn't sure what to make of it, perhaps a hallucination brought on by the powerful drugs they were giving her or something that just couldn't be explained and shouldn't be questioned. Madison had seen pictures of Christian, asking her grandma about the grandfather she never had a chance to know so dreaming of him while fighting for her life wouldn't be out of the question.

He had no idea that relaying the story to Kate would be the thing that helped her find some peace with losing Dylan, reminding Jack immediately that Madison didn't know Dylan had died, yet it was the first thing she communicated to him when she became alert enough to pull her thoughts together. He could've argued with her, suggested that Madison's subconscious retained conversations going on in the room while she was unconscious, but he couldn't find one single medical reason why Madison was alive, much less on her way to a full recovery so he simply hugged Kate and smiled as he watched Jacob latch onto her breast, never fully appreciating how beautiful a nursing mother was before his tiny son came into the world, desperately needing all the benefits his mother's milk would provide.

Jacob or "Jake" as they called him, had celebrated his first birthday the day before and today was Madison's ninth birthday. It had been a year since they'd been clobbered with tragedy and blessings all at once and while it could've torn them apart and understandably so, it didn't, it only strengthened what had already been a strong relationship and made their family closer, choosing to focus on the positives and not dwell too much on what could've been.

Jack wiped the tears from his face, feeling better for having shed them, but never wanting to appear regretful because even though his son had been taken away from him, he knew how blessed he and his family were. He should've been celebrating the birthday of two sons the day before, but it wasn't meant to be, however today he would be celebrating the birthday of the child that obviously was meant to be, the little girl that was meant to change his life forever and for the better and today they were going to celebrate by going into the judge's office and making it official.

It was the only thing the child wanted for her birthday and the only celebration she wanted. She wanted the only man she would ever consider a father, the man she called daddy with so much love and adoration it choked him up at times, to make it real and by doing it on her birthday she said it was like she was brand new again, their little girl and nobody else's.

He heard the door to his office open and turned around. She was as pretty as a princess, her dark curly hair combed and pulled back, a nice bow complimenting the green and yellow dress she wore, the dress making the green in her eyes shimmer and sparkle, a miniature version of the woman he loved more than his last breath. She was still small for her age, the accident and the recovery slowing down the growth process even more, but her small stature just made her that much more irresistible to him, still very much a little girl, in no hurry to grow up and them in no hurry for her to grow up, usually a tomboy that hated dresses, but dressing up for him on this special day.

He kneeled down and she walked toward him, a slight limp still hampering her right leg, the tights she wore covering the scars that hadn't faded. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he scooped her up, hugging her tightly and standing. She looked at him with concern.

"Why were you crying daddy?" She asked.

"Because I'm happy munchkin." He told her.

"Me too and I can write Shephard real good in cursive." She said proudly.

"You can huh? Can you teach me? My handwriting is really bad." He teased.

"Can we go to my school after we see the judge daddy?" She asked.

"Why?" He asked.

"I want to show you to my teacher and my friends and mommy maked cupcakes for my class for my birthday." She said.

"Made, your mommy made, and Madison I've been to your school before and met your teacher and your classmates." He argued.

"I know, but now we are both Shephards. Please daddy." She begged.

"Okay." He chuckled, remembering the day she'd proudly showed him off to Amy's parents and just like that day, not feeling worthy of the admiration, but not hating it either.

They made their appearance in the judge's chambers, the woman taking note of the importance of the event to the child and doing her best to stay professional, the urge to smile and laugh at the giggly bundle of excitement making it difficult, finally losing the battle when she told the family in front of her that they were officially a family and the little girl high-fived her.

"I'm sorry your honor, she's just very excited. Maddie we don't high-five judges." Jack told her.

"Sorry." Madison mumbled softly, her excitement meter immediately dropping to zero.

"In your case little miss, I am happy to make an exception. Good luck to you Madison Shephard." The judge said and held her hand up to high-five the child once more.

"Yes! I'm finally a real Shephard!" Madison squealed and jumped into Jack's lap, hugging him tightly and then moving to her mother's lap and repeating the procedure.

They escorted the excited little girl out of the court house and made a brief appearance at school, Madison showing Jack off like he was an item for show and tell and the kids not really understanding but excited to get the cupcakes.

The family had cake and ice cream and presents for her that evening and Jack and Kate were planning on taking Maddie, Tara and Amy to the lake house for the weekend. Madison had expressed the desire to spend a day at Disneyland with Tara and Amy, but Jack wasn't comfortable with the idea of her surgically repaired skeletal system being bounced around in roller coasters and tilta-whirls, not yet.

Tara had been a godsend during Maddie's recovery, managing to get the child to do things that Jack and Kate and Grandma couldn't, helping take care of her, helping her dress and fixing her hair and most importantly, keeping her company while she was confined to a chair or a bed. They had become very close and Tara, with the help of a therapist seemed to be moving past the sexual abuse. The piano became her private escape when the painful memories became too much and Margo had pulled some strings and got her accepted into a summer program at one of the private performing arts schools in the area. If she liked it, she could enroll in the fall.

The twins had shown no ill affects of being bounced from home to home and were growing and thriving and talking in complete sentences. Kayla was still a daddy's girl and there were major jealousy issues while Jack so preoccupied with Maddie, but a swift kick in the butt from Kate got his attention and he stopped obsessing so much over just one of his children and managed to make amends with his youngest daughter.

Andrew was a tornado trapped in a three year old's body, the boy never slowing down unless he was forced to, his endless supply of energy exhausting to his parents and often landing him in time out. He adored his mommy-Kate though and she always made sure that once she was done feeding Jake and cuddling with Hayden that she pulled Andrew into her lap, these being the few times he actually sat still, having dropped the Kate and adopting her as his mommy a long time ago.

Hayden was a big boy and quiet, content to sit and stack blocks or play with toy cars. He was a studier and a thinker and according to Margo a carbon copy of Jack, anal and a serious planner before the age of two. He looked a lot like Jack too and he enjoyed his moments with his dad, happy to sit in his lap while he read to him and it didn't matter what Jack was reading, the latest medical journal or a Dr. Seuss book, he just seemed to enjoy the sound of his voice and the security the moment of bonding brought.

Jake started out so small, but the steady diet of breast milk helped him stay healthy and grow, still a little smaller than most one year olds, but otherwise healthy and bright, beautiful eyes and a constant bright cheerful smile completed his adorable little face, a very happy and well-adjusted baby.

Kate had been weaning him from the breast for the last six weeks and Jack wasn't sure who was taking it harder, Jake or Kate, the intimate bonding not something she was eager to give up, but it was time and Jack was a most eager cheerleader for the cause, missing his own intimate bonding moments with her breasts and dodging the slap on the arm his admittance earned him.

With their family tucked away for the night they retired to the peace and quiet of their bedroom. The room where they could close the door and forget about the world and all of their responsibilities, the room where they laughed, cried, fought and loved and the room where five months ago they had made the conscious decision to not have anymore children, the brood they currently had more than they could handle most days, but mostly neither wanted to tempt the fates again, their baby boy a picture of happiness and health and Madison returned from the brink of death and for the first time in her life adjusted, relaxed, safe and being allowed to be a little girl.

Two very special gifts with apparent messages that neither would question, but be happy and satisfied that this was where they were supposed to stop, that if they were meant to be responsible for anymore children Dylan wouldn't have been taken from them. Perhaps some day another child that needed them might be dropped into their laps and they'd know never to question it or how to handle it, as Hayden was a complete joy to them, not to mention Kayla who was one hundred percent the apple of her father's eye regardless of the fact that she didn't share his DNA.

Neither would've believed that their voracious appetite for one another could improve or that the sex could improve, but once Jack had been given the all clear eight weeks after his vasectomy their time in the bedroom heated up to an explosive level. Knowing that they could make love ten times a day, every day if they wanted and never create a baby seemed to alleviate stress and fears that neither were aware existed.

He exited the bathroom stripped down to his boxers, took one look at the bed and smiled. He wasn't sure what she had cooked up for them, but the large piece of plastic covering the mattress, the baby oil, the silk scarves and her wearing the sexiest lingerie he'd ever seen her wear told him that he was glad he had the day off tomorrow because he would be too tired to deal with sick people.

"What's all this?" He asked.

"We're celebrating." Kate said.

"What are we celebrating?" He asked.

"Besides life you mean?" She asked, smiling at him as she approached him and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Yeah, besides that." He replied wrapping his arms around her lower back, pulling her closer and kissing her.

"Well there is Maddie's adoption to celebrate, but I thought we might celebrate the new position you're about to accept, but haven't told me about yet." She told him.

"How?" He asked.

"Jack, did you really think I could make it all the way to your office today without hearing about it from every nurse and doctor I passed along the way?" Kate said and laughed lightly.

"I was going to tell you this weekend. I thought we'd fly there, spend the weekend, see if we like it. My acceptance was contingent on my family accepting it as well." He told her.

"We go where you go Jack." Kate told him.

"It's a great opportunity Kate. Chief of Surgery in a hospital that is big enough to stay cutting edge, but small enough to keep from consuming all of my time. But it is Michigan and I hear it gets really, really cold there in the winter." Jack warned.

"Then I guess we'll just have to find new and inventive ways to keep warm." She told him and kissed him, their bodies pressed together and his responding immediately to her as he always did.

She worked her way down his body, taking his boxers with her, had him step out of them and led him to the bed. She had him lay on his back on the plastic while she tied his hands to the headboard with the scarves. She stood above him on the plastic and slowly stripped out of the lingerie, watching his cock twitch and grow through the slow tantalizing strip tease. She lowered herself onto his stomach, straddling him and allowing him to feel her wetness, eliciting the groan of approval she'd grown accustomed to. He looked at her and without realizing it, licked his lips, her plump breasts less than a foot away from his face.

"It's your lucky day Dr. Shephard, not only did you get a new daughter and a new job, but your wife stopped lactating and your son has agreed to let daddy have his turn again." Kate teased and moved forward placing one of her nipples to his mouth.

He didn't waste any time getting reacquainted and immediately began licking, sucking and gently biting the nipple perhaps a bit too eagerly at first, but then relaxed into a rhythm that satisfied both of them as she alternated the nipples to his mouth and watched his hands fight the restraints, the need to touch them nearly driving him crazy.

She pulled back and reached for the baby oil, starting with his upper chest, squirting a small amount onto him and rubbing it over his body, greasing him up for what would eventually be quite a ride on the slick plastic, that much he was sure of, his cock swelling and throbbing in anticipation of the event.

She looked at the throbbing appendage and smiled at him, squirting some baby oil into her palms and then rubbing them together, her eyes never leaving his and enjoying the hunger that his eyes displayed as he waited for her to rub the oil over his most sensitive area.

"You're pretty worked up Jack, I think maybe you should come so you'll last longer once I untie you. What do you think?" She teased and bent down, taking the first couple of inches into her mouth and gently rolling her tongue around him, humming "Mmmm" the entire time, the vibrations nearly putting him over the edge.

She pulled back and scooted further down his legs, taking his cock into her hands and rubbing the baby oil up and down his entire length, stopping long enough to dribble some of the baby oil onto his balls and then continuing on, gently squeezing and rubbing and then placing her slippery hands around his cock and moving up and down, stopping to lick away the precum and then eyeing his right hand while licking her lips.

She reached up and untied his right hand, turned it over so his palm was face up and squirted the baby oil into hand, rubbing it and until his palm and fingers were covered with the oily substance and then moving the hand to his cock, not having to verbalize what she wanted because he knew, watching each other masturbate to orgasm was a game they played often, except this time she was only watching him and not fingering herself.

He moved his hand skillfully over his swollen cock and when his release came she moved his hand away and helped him finish, slowly jerking on it until the last eruption ran down her hand and then she went up onto her knees and rubbed his come all over her dripping, wet pussy, making him fight to free his left hand so he could pull her hips to his mouth and make her scream.

She turned around so he would have a good view and pulled his hand to her center, moaning as he pushed a finger inside, followed by a second and then a third, fucking her from behind with his hand while she reached between her legs and rubbed her clit. It was so erotic he wished he could capture it on film so they could watch it together and she could see how fucking hot she was, instead he chose to verbalize how fucking hot she was and coaxed her into an explosive orgasm that had her walls locked around his fingers, him shoving them in as far as he could and holding them there while she panted and moaned through it.

When she finished, she dropped her shoulders and head down and let them rest on his thighs, letting her body come down from the high and regain its strength. He kept two of his fingers inside of her, and began moving them in and out again, wishing his cock was hard again so he push it inside her and fuck her until her body was covered with sweat and no longer able to come.

"You want me don't you?" He taunted as he continued to move his fingers in and out, while his balls and penis slowly recharged.

"I always want you. When you aren't home I find ways to imagine you are." She taunted back.

"Yeah, how do you do that?" He asked in a breathy tone, pulling his fingers out, sliding them forward through her wetness and then back, reinserting just one of them, slowly teasing her with it.

"I take a bath and I push my fingers inside, but I can't get as deep as you so I close my eyes and imagine you're cock moving inside me." She told him and he felt his cock twitch as a new erection began to develop.

"Is that what you were doing when you called me at work the other day and forced me to jerk off in my office?" He asked and inserted a second finger as her pussy was heating up again, hungry for something bigger and stronger.

"That was so hot Jack, I came twice during that phone call and the sex that night was incredible." She told him in-between her moans, the pleasure he was giving her all but paralyzing her in the position she lay in, head still resting on his thighs, eyes closed and working herself into another orgasm.

"Sex with you is always incredible. Untie me Kate. Now." He ordered in a husky, forceful tone that made her flood his hand with wetness.

She moved away from his eager hand and the blissful penetration it was providing, snaked up his body and untied his other hand. He quickly rolled her onto her and took control of the situation, his cock starting to stiffen again, another few minutes and he'd be ready to push it inside her as deep as she could stand it and make love to her until she was satisfied to the point of exhaustion.

He grabbed the baby oil and dribbled it in a straight line down her sternum, across her stomach and over her center before setting the bottle down and using his large, strong, warm hands to spread the baby oil over her, taking his time with her breasts, enjoying being able to have them in his hands again and making a mental note to kiss them at least once day from now on. He wanted to bury his face in her pussy and lick and suck and make her scream some more, but he wanted to fuck her more and she wanted it too, legs spread wide and bucking up into him.

"You want it bad don't you?" He said, pinning her arms to the bed and hovering over her, refusing to enter her just yet.

"Yes Jack I do. Please make love to me." She whimpered.

"We're going to make love all night long baby and you'll have to hang on tight because this is going to be a slippery ride, literally." He told her chuckling lightly at the last part as he felt his knees slip on the plastic.

He finally managed to maintain a firm position between her legs and pushed inside her, feeling his hands start to give away and afraid he might hurt her if his weight suddenly dropped onto her, pulling her up as he went up, his legs folded underneath him and her sitting in his lap his cock buried deep inside her. He laid them on their sides, face to face and they held tightly to one another as he pushed in and out of her, their oil covered bodies sliding all over the bed, making them both start laughing and stop their movements.

"I think this was a bad idea." She giggled and then apologized her laughing making her walls clench painfully around his swollen cock.

"No, it's been fun, but if you don't mind I'd rather finish this on the floor and then we can take a bath or a shower or both and see if we can find a place or position in that bathroom we haven't covered." He suggested with a grin.

"Won't all this oil stain the carpet?" Kate asked.

"Who cares, we're moving." He said making her laugh again and then pull away from him.

She slipped off the bed and he followed, grabbing the pillows and tossing them to the floor. She laid on her back and he wasted no time rejoining them, pushing back inside of her, holding one leg in his forearm and pushing it back further as he began making love to her again, finally letting go of the leg and focusing his attention on her breasts, sucking and licking, taking a nipple into his mouth and driving into her hard, feeling her orgasm building and then feeling her clench and go over the edge letting go of a scream that he muffled by swallowing her up in a deep, wet kiss, never slowing down, his hips moving at a steady pace, skin slapping against skin and her fingers digging deep into his back as another orgasm followed quickly, exhausting her.

He pulled out of her and looked at her, his eyes full of need and desire and she knew what would bring him relief. She went up onto her hands and knees, moving toward the padded bench at the foot of the bed and encouraging him to follow. She draped her body over the bench, holding tightly to the bed's end board and let out a loud groan as he plunged his dick back into her hard, taking her from behind, his entire body draped over hers.

"Oh god that feels so good Jack, this is the best." She moaned excitedly.

He briefly flashed back to that moment a couple of years ago when the first time he'd hovered over her from behind had terrified her and then he smiled, not a cocky, self-absorbed, I'm a sex god kind of smile, but a smile of happiness over the fact that she too had recovered from Michael's abuse, the idea that being fucked hard from behind was something she considered the best, making him happy for her as well as eager to oblige. He lowered his mouth to her ear and began moving in and out of her.

"You are the best Kate, the best wife, the best mother, the best friend I've ever had." He told her, shoving himself into her hard with each word while rubbing her clit with his thumb, making her come again and then coming hard himself with the final thrust the thrust in which he once again promised to love her forever.

It was a promise he would fulfill, taking all of them to Michigan, including his mother, a move that for all of them left behind everything that had ever hurt them in their lives. His mother, the mother he'd longed for his entire life came with them, both happy to forget about the failures on both their parts while he was growing up, just grateful that they finally found each other.

Kate and Madison had both moved past the abuse Michael had inflicted on them and while spanking would never be a part of their lives in a serious or playful way, love, acceptance and complete peace would be. Tara would continue her music studies and eventually be accepted into Julliard, proof that a strong resolve and a lot of love and support could help a person overcome anything.

Andrew, Kayla, Hayden and Jake grew up together as brothers and sister with the only parents any of them would ever know. Sarah had signed her children over to Kate and Brian had signed Kayla over to Jack. Jack never heard from Sarah after that day, but he learned through mutual friends that she and Brian had moved to Europe, a move that would hopefully keep her from ever resurfacing and forcing him to tell his children the truth about their arrival into this world.

Kate sat at the table watching them, tears in her eyes as they slowly moved across the dance floor.

"Please tell me your happy for me daddy." Madison pleaded as Jack held her close and moved her across the dance floor.

"I'll always be in your corner Munchkin, but don't expect me to be thrilled that my little girl got married at the ripe old age of 20." He told her.

"I'm too old for you to call me that you know." She reminded him.

"You'll always be my little munchkin and you're entirely too young to be having sex and I don't even want to think about it so just promise me that the two of you will wait to start a family." Jack pleaded with her.

"Daddy I'm 20 years old, I'm not exactly a virgin." She reminded him.

"Not wanted I wanted to hear Madison and not helping to endear what's-his-name to me. Please tell me you aren't already pregnant." He said.

"I'm not pregnant daddy, but I love him and I want to have his children some day. He's in medical school, I thought you'd be thrilled." She reminded him.

"I'm just thrilled that you're staying in school and I can see that you're happy sweetheart and that's all that matters to me. I'm grateful for this day and this moment and I'll learn to love what's-his-name eventually. You had to know that there was never going to be a man good enough for you in my eyes." Jack told her, kissing her on the cheek and making her smile.

"His name is Matt dad, and he's just like you, that's why I love him." Maddie told him.

"I hope he's not just like me, but that's very flattering, thanks." Jack told her.

"I love you so much daddy, you are and always will the most important man in my life. " She reminded him.

"I think I have been be replaced as the most important man in your life, but I'll learn to accept being second if he proves to be worthy of the title." He assured her with a wink.

"You are the reason that we are here having this moment, you and Dr. Morrison. I'll never forget that dad." She told him, the admiration she felt for him that he still didn't feel worthy of, showing in her eyes.

"We've had a lot of special moments and I cherish every one of them." He told her and carefully spun her around before pulling her back into his arms.

"Me too, there was my first fish, my first time on a boogie board, my first crush, my first heartbreak that you took harder than I did and even though it should've been mom, my first period." Maddie reminded him making him chuckle.

"Your mom was so disappointed and even mad at me, as if that was really something I wanted to be there for instead of her." Jack said.

"That's okay, Kayla gave mom her menstrual cycle bonding moment." Maddie teased and they both looked over at Kate and smiled.

"I love her as much as you do kiddo. You look and act just like her, so I can understand why what's-his-na……um, Matt wants to spend the rest of his life with you, but how about we don't talk about him and you just let me enjoy this moment with you." Jack told her, hugging her close and smiling as he felt her tighten her grip on him, a feeling he'd grown to love since that night on the porch swing at the lake house when she'd asked him if he might be able to love her some day and then hugged him with every bit of strength her tiny arms had.

While Kate sat with her new son-in-law and watched the traditional Father/Daughter dance her mind slowly drifted back to the day that the polished, overdressed surgeon working off his community service walked into her clinic and she quickly decided that the reason she still remembered the exact date and time that Jack Shephard had walked into her life was because it was the day that Kate's old, miserable life ended and the only life that mattered had begun.

THE END


End file.
